When Carl first contacted me for life coaching, he had a list of what he called problems. Although Carl referred to these situations in his life as problems, what was really true was that Carl’s experience of life was different than what he wanted it to be.

We discussed his concerns about his relationship, his finances and his career which just about covers it. Depending on the last email or phone conversation, Carl’s emotions shifted much like a ping pong match ball.

I suggested that he make a small change in the morning. Rather than rolling out of bed and having a cup of coffee, I told him to just sit for five minutes. Not too much to ask——not too much to integrate into the morning.

In essence it was just a small shift in how he started his morning. Think about it. There are 1440 minutes in a day. Just change what you do in the first five minutes. That was just the beginning. It was suggested that he increase this time one minute per week in silence before he did anything else until he reached 20 minutes.

Carl noticed that he was calmer and that when he faced a so-called problem he was able to see possibilities that previously he was unable to see.

Over time, Carl noticed that not only was he less frustrated, he began to look at what was possible. And then I asked him to think about what his life would be like if what concerned him turned out better than he expected.

Perhaps you are familiar with the expression, “A journey of a 1000 miles begins with the first step.” Those steps might seem small, but they make a big difference in what’s possible in your life. And those small steps are much easier to implement.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

You will not be able to expand what is possible in your life
until you transform your relationship to resistance.

A constant theme in our work together has been that there is no better time than now to take the next step in our lives. But quite often, for various reasons, we resist taking that step. We think about other things we could be doing, or about why what we are doing now isn’t such a good idea. Before we know it, we’ve lost our focus. In our daily lives, we experience resistance to some degree., although we might not recognize it as such. To a certain extent, we resist being fully present with life. The gateway to transforming our lives is not giving into this resistance. That’s our work. It’s a challenge worthy of our best efforts.

Researchers have reported that the average person has approximately 60,000 thoughts in a day, some of which are about why they don’t want to be doing what they are doing in the present moment. These constant thoughts get in the way of our being fully present. Although we can minimize this tendency to a certain extent and for brief periods of time, we can’t turn off our minds.

Resistance shows up in almost everything we do. A big one for me is going to the gym. It was at the gym a few years ago that I noticed a quote that spoke to me and I think will speak to you. It’s message can be a guide to overcome resistance. As you read excerpts from this quote think of the workout as a metaphor for life. The form of the workout doesn’t matter.

“WHAT IS A WORKOUT?

A workout is 25 percent perspiration and 75 percent
determination. Stated another way, it is one part physical
exertion and three parts self discipline.
A workout makes you better today than you were
yesterday. It strengthens the body, relaxes the mind and
toughens the spirit. It prepares you to meet life’s challenges.
A workout is a key that helps unlock the door to opportunity
and success. Hidden within each of us is an extraordinary force. Physical and mental fitness are the triggers that can release it. A workout is a form of rebirth. When you finish a workout you do not simply feel better, you feel better about yourself.”

After the workout I always feel better and am glad that I completed it. Resistance is pervasive. We might resist having a conversation about a conflict that we have with another person. Quite often we never have that conversation and go on with our lives, sitting on unresolved feelings that get exacerbated throughout the years. By having that conversation, we begin the healing process. Sometimes we might resist beginning something new. Rather than venturing into new territory we live with the status quo.

Many of us will do almost anything to avoid life’s unpleasant emotions. Doing nothing doesn’t protect us from the uncertain river of life. There always will be something that concerns us. That’s the nature of the mind—that’s the nature of life. We can’t avoid fear and anxiety. They are natural emotions that are a component of living. Until we change our relationship to resistance by not letting our fear and anxiety stop us, we’ll watch the river of life flow by without us. And the feeling of being separated from the flow of life can even be more stressful.

Embrace your humanity by welcoming all of your fears and emotions. The mystic and poet Rumi, in the Guest House, so eloquently expressed it in this way.

“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.”

We can use our imagination to help us transform our relationship
to resistance. However many of us use our imagination to explain the significance of the resistance that we do have in our lives.

It could be a relationship, an appointment or a project that we are working on. Because we have resistance we make up a story why and what it means. It goes something like this.

“I really didn’t want to do it. That’s why I didn’t follow through.” While there might be a part of us that isn’t fully committed, quite often it’s nothing more than the usual resistance that we experience in everyday living. As a consequence, we easily give up on what really matters to us. As Rumi would suggest, “Welcome the resistance. It’s part of being human.”

Don’t let it stop you. Like clouds, our emotions and feelings are changing and moving constantly. If we give in to every transitory feeling that we experience in the moment we’ll never get anything done. When you have resistance, just notice it. And then continue on your journey. It will be there again.

I still struggle with resistance. I have meditated since the seventies and still there are mornings when I don’t feel like sitting. But I do it anyway and feel better afterwards.

Let’s come back to our original question. What are you most resisting?

Commitment, discipline and keeping your word to yourself are the antidotes to resistance. If you give in to your resistance you are missing a great opportunity—an opportunity to grow and evolve and become the person you have always wanted to be.

The challenge is not to give up on your dreams and visions of the future. It’s having the courage to keep your heart open as you envision a more peaceful world.

You know I love to hear from you. Let me know what is going on in your life and what you are most resisting.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

You wake up in the morning and say to yourself, “This time I’m going to do it.” The “It” can be various things. It might be meditation, yoga or taking a walk. Yes all before you start work whatever that might be. Yes it takes discipline, determination and perseverence because there will be times when you don’t follow through. Yet you know that tomorrow is another day.

I’ve been consistent with meditation and yoga in the morning throughout the years. I feel better when I start my day in this way. I don’t just feel better internally but I feel better about myself. I know that I am putting myself in a position to enjoy the day more. I am putting myself in a position to be more productive and more receptive.

I am being true to myself. I am curious about how the day is going to unfold. Rather than worrying needlessly about how the day might unfold, I wonder about what the highlight of my day might be. It’s a great practice. I’m doing that now. I think about what I know I have scheduled. What might the highlight be? Perhaps that highlight might be something that is totally unexpected at this present moment. But I am open to whatever that might be.

I’m ready to smile because it makes me feel good.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

It’s a matter of perspective. But we forget because our minds are cluttered with the pressing concerns of the moment. In that moment we struggle to see a way out. From this limited perspective, whenever we project into the future, all we can see is more of the same. It’s discouraging. And it’s difficult to get excited about our life.

Until we change our perspective, what we think is possible will stay the same. It’s like climbing a mountain. Near the bottom of the mountain, we can’t see what we’ll be able to see as we climb higher.

Near the top of the mountain, our view is expanded, and we’re able to see possibilities that we never saw before. We have a better sense of how everything is interconnected. We’re able to see how one trail connects with another.

We’re able to see how we can make a difference. From this higher view, we’re able to see what’s possible. We’re more optimistic as to what we are capable of. From this higher view, we see a way to make it happen. It seems pretty clear. It’s not as difficult as we thought.

The good news is that we don’t need to travel anywhere to access the higher view. All we need to do is to be still and to look inside——to go deeper until we’re able to see how everything in our life has led us to this moment.

It’s liberating. There is never going to be a better time than now to begin looking.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

To varying degrees, most of us think about what tomorrow might bring. We wonder whether we’ll have enough to get by, if we’ll have good health and there are a myriad of other things that we concern ourselves with. We think about what type of world the younger generation will inherit. These are all legitimate concerns.

It’s when we become obsessed with tomorrow that we lose focus as to what’s in front of us right now. We get distracted from recognizing the opportunities that are presented to us today. Not only do we worry unnecessarily, we lose our effectiveness.

The best oportunity that we have is to enjoy every moment just the way it is now, not wishing that it was different. It is from this place that we begin to build the future.

“The future is not some place that we are going, but one that we are creating together, which changes both the maker and the destination.” John Schaar

Creating this future involves our being the best we can be; more present, more giving, more supportive and more optimistic.

Know that like many things, becoming more present, is a lifelong journey. It’s a skill set that can be developed over time.

Now is the time. Worrying about the future doesn’t make anything better; it just leads to ineffectiveness.

Most of us think security comes with certainty. The only problem with that thinking is that life is constantly changing and we have to learn to find joy and peace in the midst of this uncertainty. Then we will be secure in ourself and with whatever happens.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

So you think it’s a little thing that needs to be fixed. What you see is actually minor, but it’s what’s beneath the surface that is causing the problem. What you thought might take a few minutes to repair might take a few days. In life when we don’t look deeper we overlook the real work that needs to be done.

Thankfully we noticed what we did and began to address the real issue. Now we can begin to repair and in some cases heal the underlying cause of the condition.

That’s why it’s prudent to have annual health checkups. Hopefully by being open to independent analysis we have a greater likelihood of discovering the root cause of any problem in its initial stages and take care of it before it becomes more significant.

I know that sometimes we don’t want to go there. We are afraid of what we might find out. I always feel relieved afterwards. Now I have a plan to get me going in the right direction. It’s also an affirmation that I’m on the right path.

Relationships are like that. When we sense that we are not connecting, it’s time to look at why. It’s also important to share your concern. In every relationship there is a conversation that can begin the healing process. But we have to take responsibility for having that conversation.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

When we get caught up in the day-to-day dramas of our life, we lose perspective. We forget what we are capable of. We forget all that we have done that has gotten us here to this moment in our life. We forget how resourceful we have been. Take some time to think about how powerful you are. Take some time to think about the courageous decisions you have made.

Think about those times when you took a stand. You wouldn’t accept the status quo. Yes there have been many challenges along the way. They were necessary even though you resisted them. You knew that’s what you had to do so that you could move forward in your life.

Take some time to pat yourself on the back. You’ve done well. At times it hasn’t been easy but here you are. Be grateful for the challenges that life has presented you. They motivated and stimulated you so that you wouldn’t become complacent.

Trust that life’s challenges are there to move you forward. You still have much to do. And you’re capable of doing of it.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

Do you ever think about what maturity means? I’m sure most of us have at times, but I want to give you a new way to think about it. By no means do I want to negate what you already believe. Maturity is that moment in our lives when we step up and take responsibility for our well-being and our happiness.

With this new sense of responsibility comes a new-found freedom. We no longer blame others or our circumstances for our dissatisfaction with life. We notice what occurs but we don’t judge it.

Imagine what that would be like. This is it. We are responsible for what we are experiencing in this moment. It’s liberating. We don’t need to look further. We don’t need to make someone wrong. It’s no ones fault. We are free from the blame game.

With this new sense of maturity we have a new sense of confidence. A confidence that our moment-to-moment happiness is a choice and is not dependent on something occurring in the future.

So what that means is that we have to constantly make that choice. By doing so we are demonstrating our confidence in ourself and our faith in our capabilities. Actually we are doing much more. We are reinforcing this new sense of freedom.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

When you feel you have a purpose for being here, then you gladly do things you wouldn’t have considered previously. The uncertainty doesn’t concern you as much because you come back to what your real work is. For some the difficulty is discovering the nature of that real work. Quite often we look in the wrong direction. We’re looking far into the future, rather than what is in front of us.

There will be bumps on the road and disappointment at times. We might feel discouraged but then we remember what we are about.

We know from much experience that complaining doesn’t get us anywhere. In fact at times we even get tired of hearing ourself complain. We also know that complaining is an excuse for not making changes.

What needs to change is our focus. When we remind ourselves of who we are and what type of person we are, then we’ll discover who we really are. You can become the “real you.”

Make an inquiry into what that person stands for. Ask what matters to him or her. Live by those values. Make them your priority.

See that person living life and interacting on a day to day basis. Choose to be that person. Live it. Live it now.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

Having a goal and achieving it does not always result in feeling fulfilled. It’s nice and you do feel good for a while, but soon you’re looking for the next challenge. Quite often it’s fun. You did it, you made it happen. You just didn’t sit on the sidelines hoping that somehow what you wanted would be handed to you. Even if it was handed to you, it wouldn’t be uniquely you.

We all contribute in our own special way. Our gift to humanity is our uniqueness.

Occasionally we wonder what our life purpose is for being on the planet at this time. In some way we are here to help and support others. In can be in a myriad of different ways. I like to make it fun.

Whenever I’m in a grocery store I take it upon myself to make sure that the cashier is smiling as they are ringing up my food. Quite often we take them for granted and overlook the role that they play in our lives. They are the last ones to touch our food before we take it home.

There are other people in our life who we also tend to overlook. I know we were discussing what our life purpose is, but you can’t go wrong with helping people put a smile on their face.

Think about who those people are.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.