IT’S NEVER TOO LATE: Do you sometimes wonder what your life would have been like if you only kept at it? It could be any one of several things. It could be further developing a creative talent, or moving forward on a career opportunity. What would have happened if you followed through on that path?

In my case, I often wonder how my life would have turned out If I kept at the Clarinet or Saxophone? Could I have had a professional career? Although I wonder at times what it would have been like, I’m glad I made the decisions that I did. I’m sure you wonder at times. No matter where we are in our lives, we come to those crossroads and make a decision to follow a path as far as we can to see where it goes.

But if we change paths too often, we’ll never know what it is to have a sense of mastery which is rewarding in itself. It gives us a glimpse of an awareness that pervades our entire life.

Perhaps you’ve had a sense of it at times. It’s not too late to recreate that feeling, but it takes discipline and commitment. That’s what it took for me to finish writing Dancing on the River. I was out of the habit of writing and forgot why I wrote in the first place. I forgot how whole it made me feel.

I forced myself to sit down and write until it became a new habit. You might wonder how long it it takes to develop a new habit. According to experts, it takes at least 30 days of repeating the same habit or thought until it becomes a new pattern. Many of us never get there because we are impatient and don’t give it a chance. Sometimes we think that it’s too late and we can’t go back.

While it’s true that we can’t go back, it’s never too late to try what we use to do in a new way–a way that’s more impactful, more revealing and more exciting.

What are your beliefs that limit your ability to give it another whirl? What is in the way of your committing? Take the first step and then from there go on to the next one.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 22, 2010.

At a talk I gave recently, I was asked what I consider to be the biggest challenge that we personally face in our lives. It didn’t take me long to respond. Most of us are imprisoned by our negative thoughts, which affect our ability to enjoy life in the moment and to be optimistic about the future.

Being optimistic is an act of faith that is a moment-to-moment choice that one makes over and over again. Our ultimate challenge is to be optimistic in the face of the many reasons not to be.

If you are questioning how you are doing, ask yourself how much you worry. Most of us worry more than we would like. This excessive worry drains us of our ability to enjoy life in the moment. We feel empty. There’s no place to hide. Almost every day there is a crisis somewhere in the world that fuels the fires of worry. Routinely there is the mention of an economic collapse or bank failure, which reminds us of how our own accounts or businesses are doing and adds to our stress.

On top of that the stress of everyday living drains us. It might be a toxic relationship, work situation or financial issue. We mistakenly believe that when the current crisis is resolved, there will be smooth sailing. Perhaps for a brief period of time there is, but there is always going to be a next thing to be concerned about. We can’t change that. That’s life. From our limited perspective we aren’t able to see the big picture. As a result we overreact even to the normal circumstances that occur in the course of everyday living. In the process our personal, spiritual and emotional accounts are drained.

Welcome to a new kind of bank, the inner B.A.N.K of Well-Being. It’s our internal barometer as to how we are feeling about “life.” When our account has a nice surplus, it’s easier to be optimistic and to feel that we can handle most challenges. Our job is to make daily deposits into this account.

Since we can’t change the external events that are going to occur, we have to focus on the things that we can change which are our internal states and our belief systems. We can replenish our accounts by depositing good energy into them in the form of positive thoughts, healthy food, exercise, a spiritual discipline, inspiration, and supportive friends. When you have a daily spiritual practice, everyday in some way you are making a deposit. Meditation and communing in nature have always had a healing affect on my being. I know that you have your own way of replenishing your account. The important thing is to commit to making the deposit in some way even when you don’t feel like it.
One of the biggest deposits you can make is to cultivate your VIP, your voice of inspiration and praise which I have previously written about. It takes work and dedication to cultivate this voice, but if you don’t make the choice to be proactive, your life will seem like one of limitation. Becoming conscious of your thoughts is not only a choice that determines how you experience your life, but it’s also a choice about becoming the person who actually lives that life. It’s a choice about which voice you choose to listen to; the voice of judgment and limitation or the voice of inspiration, which becomes your “guiding light.”

Now that we’ve explored the importance of making a commitment to replenishing our accounts, let’s explore what we can do to reduce the worry in our lives and to stop the drain on our accounts. With that in mind, I have included a 3-step process which is excerpted from my forthcoming book, Dancing on the River, that will help you reduce the worry in your life.

The Reduce Worry Process

Worry is an irrational emotion. F.E.A.R. is an acronym that reminds us of this truth; False Evidence Appearing Real. The first question to ask yourself is what is the worst that can happen?

After you have done that, then ask yourself, “How likely is it, that what you are worrying about will happen?” This inquiry forces you to detach from what you are feeling, even if just for a few seconds. It gets you out of the irrational mode, which is when you usually imagine the worst-case scenario. From this place of feeling calmer, explore the likelihood of the particular thing that you are worrying about actually occurring. Usually I come to the conclusion that there is little likelihood of the future circumstance occurring and even if it does, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll get through it.

The next inquiry, although counterintuitive because of our past conditioning, is quite powerful. Ask yourself what the result would be if everything went your way. Very few of us allow ourselves to consider this possibility. We have no way of knowing what is going to happen in the future, yet for some reason when we worry we think we do. In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010.In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

I’m excited to announce that Dancing on the River, will be available on Amazon beginning May 15th. Feel free to forward Letters on Life to those in your circle and please let me know what’s going on in your life.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 15, 2010.

As I wrote in the last blog, curiosity is one of the most powerful resources that you can use to change your attitude about life.

Let me give you a few examples from my own life and from those close to me. Here we go.

My son graduated from college and grad school, only to be greeted by a labor market that as we all know is currently restricted. At times he gets discouraged. I suggested to him, rather than being discouraged, to be curious as to the work environment in which he will be involved in during the next few years and to be curious about the nature of the industry. Also to be curious as to whom he will meet during this period. In the process he can look forward to this period in his life with much anticipation and curiosity. Who knows you can meet some lifelong friends or lifelong partners.

For example: I remember my brother’s first job—it took him a while to get it—he had gone on many interviews prior to landing it. Fortunately he didn’t get these other jobs because a whole chain of events occurred at the next job that changed the course of his life. It was there that he met his wife and mother of his three children. Life has a way of surprising us that quite often we can’t anticipate.

A spur of a moment trip to Colorado many years ago, led to my meeting my wife. Had I not taken that trip, I wouldn’t have met her. And the number of things that had to fall in place were numerous for me to end up there. You never know how it’s going to unfold. Stay in the game.

As we stay open to possibilities, synchronicity becomes the norm rather than the infrequent occurrence.

Journey On

Mark

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010.

I was talking with my friend Jeannie about what we get to do as life coaches. We get to share what we think about and what we feel is most important in our lives with others. And that’s what I try to do in my blogs and in my newsletters. My thoughts keep evolving.

In the last blog I shared with you six insights that have the potential to change your life. Since I sent it out, I have been thinking about the power of curiosity which I briefly commented upon as one of the six insights. I thought I’d take the time to explore this concept in greater depth and give you a few examples of how I use it in my life.

If you remember I suggested that as you start your day that you wonder about what the highlight of your day might be. What this does is get you thinking about the potential for good in your life. You’re curious about might happen during the day.

You can make this a practice in almost everything that you do. I remember when I was a trial lawyer. There were plenty of moments when I faced a difficult situation with a lot at stake or when I was in the presence of someone who was just unpleasant.

And then one day a light bulb went one when I was in the middle of a deposition. I realized that I chose to be there in that this was the work that I chose for my career. And this situation would be coming up again and again as long as I was in this line of work. The circumstances weren’t going to change. So the only alternative was for me to change my attitude.

On this morning, the other attorney who I’ll just call Dennis was particularly rude and insulting. Rather than getting plugged into Dennis’s energy, I was curious about why he was the way that he was. I was sure that this was his MO–getting into arguments with most of the people in his life. I even felt sorry for him, and grateful that I wasn’t like him. I also realized that in each moment that I had a chose to be firm but not reactive.

Finally I suggested to Dennis that we take a break and talk off the record. I asked him what was going on with him–after all my client was just an innocent victim.

Dennis apologized and invited me to lunch. He told me how much he hated his job. To this day, we have maintained a relationship even after I transitioned into becoming a life coach.

It’s the same thing with worry. When you think about it…isn’t worry an irrational belief that the worst will happen? Rather than worrying, be curious as to how it’s all going to unfold. Not only that, be curious as to how your life could be if everything worked out better than you expected.

These are just a few ideas that we’ll explore further in the next blog.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com

Wherever we are in life’s evolutionary cycle, we eventually come to the same realization. The outward journey of seeking success is only temporarily fulfilling. Finding joy and meaning is an inner journey. On this journey we cultivate an empowering attitude, which is a reflection of a life decision that we make to be happy and to enjoy life in this moment. We have discovered that our enjoyment and appreciation of life is not dependent on what might happen in the future. It takes a while to come to this realization, but once you do, you have the potential to awaken to a rich inner life that is more fulfilling than you can imagine.

It is my hope that by integrating the following six insights and practices into your life, you will know what it means to be Dancing on the River.

1.How you start your day sets the tone for the day. If you start the day in a hurry it will be extremely difficult to slow down. Most of us rush out of the house in the morning trying to make an appointment or deadline. Underneath the concern that we won’t be able to get it all done is an underlying anxiety that won’t go away.
You sometimes wish you had a magic wand that could make things better. Although there is no magic wand, there is a morning practice that can minimize much of that anxiety. After you wake up and before you do anything else, take 10-15 minutes for reflection. Perhaps you already have a meditation practice. If you don’t, just sit still in a quiet place and pay attention to your breath.
After meditation begin to focus on what you are grateful for. Perhaps there are only a few things that you can think of in the beginning, but once you make this a daily practice, you realize how blessed you are. By focusing on what you are grateful for, your focus shifts to what’s right in your life, rather than on what’s wrong. It’s an amazing practice, which has the power to transform your life.

2. Develop the practice of Curiosity. I didn’t realize how powerful of a concept this could be until I integrated it into my life. Here’s what I suggest to get you going. In the morning, after expressing gratitude, reflect upon your day wondering about what the highlight of your day might be. By being curious as to what that is, you’ll create a positive expectation as the day progresses. No matter what is happening in your life, rather than worrying about the outcome, be curious as to how it is all going to unfold. By being curious, you’re also open to those pleasant surprises—those moments of grace that uplift your spirit.

3. Learn how to recognize and know your VOJ. The VOJ is that voice of judgment that drives you nuts. You know it. We all do. You would give anything to silence it even if just for a few minutes. The sooner that you can recognize your VOJ, the sooner you can become free of the hypnotic spell that can last a lifetime if you don’t do anything about it. But the doing is a different type of doing. It’s just noticing. I have found that giving this voice a name has been effective in breaking the spell that it has over me. I call my VOJ, Ralph. This is a lifelong challenge so don’t be discouraged if you don’t notice anything immediately.

4. Self-Acceptance is the next practice. Let’s be honest with ourselves. There are certain things we can’t change about ourselves. We can’t change who are parents are. We can’t change our country of origin. We can’t change all of the injustices in the world, although we might try. But we do have the potential to change how we think about ourselves and how we think about the circumstances of our lives. Even though, we are our own worst critics at times, our work is to accept those things that we don’t like about ourselves—that dark side often referred to as our “shadow.” Once you accept those things about yourself that you don’t like or are embarrassed by, you will feel lighter and freer. 
And isn’t that what it’s all about–becoming lighter.

5. Introduce positive self-talk into the conversation. Now that you are more familiar with those voices and patterns that have been running your life, it’s time to listen to a new voice that needs to be nurtured and cultivated. It’s a voice if honored and respected can change how you think about yourself. I call this voice your VIP. It’s the voice of Inspiration and Praise that we don’t listen to, or hear enough. That voice has become my inner champion. When I think that I shouldn’t have felt the way I did about something that happened, or that I shouldn’t have acted in a certain way, my VIP sends me a few words of encouragement, by saying to me, “you’re doing great. You handled that well.”

It takes conscious effort and resolve to cultivate your VIP. As you learn to trust and listen to it, how you feel about your life shifts.

6. Make time for the Jollies. So here we are again with another new phrase. No I haven’t lost my mind. 
We all have faced our share of challenges that at times seems overwhelming. Even so, there are many things that have given us joy at one time or the other. They might be little things that we have forgotten about.
The Jollies is taking the time to do what gives you joy. So when I say make time for the jollies–I mean make time for what gives you “joy,”
 even if you still have loose ends in your life and your “to do” list is full. It took me a while to figure this out, but there will always be “loose ends” and uncertainty. If you always wait for the perfect time to begin something new, you will never begin. The only perfect time is now.

So there you have it—There’s only one thing left to do. Enjoy the journey and make it an exciting adventure. of discovery. This blog has been adapted from my forthcoming book, Dancing on the River, which will be released on May 1st.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com

When I received Carl’s call I was surprised. Surprised because at first I didn’t know who Carl was. Carl reminded me that we had spoken two years ago. He called me for what he thought was career coaching advice. He told me that he was unhappy in his job and that he didn’t feel respected, even though he was making a hefty salary. Carl was hoping that I could help him fine tune his resume and suggest what was next. When I suggested to him that wasn’t what I did and that he needed to look at his whole life, the conversation was over.

So that was the history of our relationship when I received Carl’s call last week. He reminded me of our conversation and said he was ready to begin life coaching with me and face the issues he was avoiding.

What I have seen as a life coach is that what Carl was doing was blaming other people for his problems. In his case, he was blaming his boss for his unhappiness. For many this is a life-long habit. I think of it as the “only if syndrome.” If only the circumstances of my life were different, I would be happy. If only the boss would leave the company, I could be happy. If only I met the one, I would be happy. If only and it goes on and on. There is no better time than now to be happy. But the real question is whether you are ready to let it in. After all, you would have to take responsibility for your happiness. You would have to stop complaining. Be grateful for your life. It’s the only you have.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

If you are reading this post, you are like most people. Let me tell you about Les. When Les discussed the issue of money with me in our life coaching session yesterday, he expressed his concern. He was worried about he would run out of money. The truth was that Les was secure for a few years. However Les had other concerns. Because he didn’t have a relationship with that special one, he would feel melancholy. He had no problem meeting women, but always found something that wasn’t quite right. We’ve all been there.

But Les like many of us lived his life with false assumptions. He believed that when his money concerns were resolved and he found the one that he could take a breath and relax. Les was right about one thing, slowing down and taking a deep breath goes along way toward giving you more peace of mind. But Les’s assumptions about how his life would be different if a few of his debts were handled, were just that…assumptions, not truth.

Life was suffering from what I call the “Only if syndrome.” If the circumstances of his life were different, then he believed that could begin to enjoy life again. The only problem with this syndrome is that he will always be living in the future….thinking that an unknown future, which never comes, will be better than his experience of what’s happening in this moment. The truth is that Les has always had concerns about money.

We are all like Les to a certain extent. There are aspect to our life that are unsettling that we believe if resolved would change how we feel…the problem is that with this mindset we are delaying our happiness. We have to commit to a path that gives us more peace of mind and enables us to live in the now. If you have been a reader of this blog, you know how strongly I feel about the benefits of a meditation and gratitude practice.

Take the time to explore what is involved in beginning a practice. For more info, feel free to contact me.

Journey On

Mark
Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

I had an interesting conversation with let’s call him Les in our life coaching session yesterday. Les related that his aunt commented that his generation didn’t know how to party. Of course she came from a different vintage, and her idea of partying was different than Les’s.

What she meant was the ability to let go and to be free. However her sense of being free was more of a momentary feeling, often induced by alcohol…away from the workplace in a social gathering.

So Les and I engaged in a conversation as to what it means to party. In some ways our definitions were similar to his aunts, in that we also wanted to let go and to feel freer. Whereas hers was a momentary feeling, Les and most of the people that I work with as their life coach, want something that is deeper and more meaningful….they are looking for an inner freedom that allows them to truly be authentic.

Knowing what your values are is the first step in achieving that feeling. As you discover your core values and live your life in harmony with them, you’ll experience a freedom in the way you relate to the world. You no longer have to have an excuse to be different than who you are during most of your waking hours. When you live an authentic life, you experience the freedom to be yourself. From that freedom, what you do and say is a reflection of that inner state.

When you have that sense of freedom, you welcome and are grateful for the challenges that are in your life. You’re comfortable with not knowing what’s next. You have the confidence that whatever comes up you can navigate life’s changes.

I call that sense of freedom Dancing on the River.

Journey On

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016