My response to Carl was the following. You can be happy and still have money problems. And I told the other client that he could be happy and still have his relationship problems.

Problems come and go. If we make our happiness or fulfillment dependent on the cycles of our lives, our emotions will go up and down like a yo-yo.

Rather than making our feelings of satisfaction and fulfillment contingent on getting rid of circumstances that bother us, make a decision to be happy in the moment. Yes you have to make this decision over and over again. It will take a conscious effort.

Dancing on the River, is a consciousness that is a reflection of a life decision to be happy in the moment that you make over and over again. Yes—you can be happy and your relationship has things that need to be worked out. Yes you can be happy and still have money concerns.

It’s not about being perfect but being human. We’re emotional beings. We’re irrational at times. We do the best we can under the circumstances.

There’s nothing you need to do. Most of us want to be happy. There’s nothing out there that will make you feel that way. It’s easier than you think. Try it. It starts with being grateful for your life.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Another big challenge that we face, at least those who I work with as their life coach, is the erroneous belief that when what is bothering us goes away, there will be smooth sailing.

You know that one. “Only if” this person wasn’t in my life, my life would be better. You could be in a bad relationship, or you could have an ongoing conflict with someone in the work place. You leave or they leave and you feel better for a little while until the next problem occurs.

The “only if syndrome” shows up in many different forms. I’m sure you know them, especially this one. If business picks up, the pressure will be off. It usually is for awhile and then you have new concerns. You have to fulfill the requirements of the increased business and then you worry about next year or the next slump. I can guarantee you one thing. If you tend to worry, there will always be something to worry about. As I have written in Dancing on the River, happiness is a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy in the moment over and over again. Once you make this decision, your life will become one of adventure rather than one of struggle.

Be grateful for all of the blessings in your life. Focus on what’s right, rather than on what is wrong.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

I seldom shop at Safeway….usually buy organic at the farmers markets and the local health food store…but here I am early in the morning walking into Safeway…usually early in the morning things are a little slow as folks are just getting into the rhythm of the day.

Most checkers I have experienced not only at Safeway but at many markets are just putting in their time earning their paycheck.

But there is Maureen who I look forward to seeing in the morning who is high on life always smiling and laughing. Even though her checkout line is always the longest, I look forward to our brief conversation. She loves what she is doing and I am sure loves almost everything.

I couldn’t resist asking Maureen what her secret was. She told me that she feels blessed for everything that she has. It was a decision that she made many years ago. She’s grateful for her job, for her family and her health. She’s not concerned with what could have been or obsessed with what didn’t work out.

What a great way to start the morning….It doesn’t take anything extra. That big smile and enthusiasm is contagious.

Dancing on the River, which is the title of my new book, is a reflection of a life decision to be happy in the moment that you make over and over again.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON

MARK

I always loved the title, Dancing on the River, which my good friend Alan Harris sourced, but it was only after writing the last chapter that I realized that I had to rewrite the introduction and put in words what it means to be dancing on the river of your life. That final process was transformational. If you have been reading Letters on Life for some time, you might already know the river story. But since our lives are constantly evolving, it has new meaning.

When you stand in the river for the second time, is it the same river in which you had stood earlier? ANCIENT PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION

Let me share with you some excerpts from the introduction:

A few years ago, I wrote an article about a river-rafting trip on the Green River in Colorado, where I had a near-death experience. As I was propelled through the rapids, behind the raft, I wasn’t sure if I would survive the swifter currents of the river. It wasn’t until many years later that I realized the significance of what happened on that trip. I was thirteen at the time.

As I relived this experience, during the writing of this book, I gleaned eight lessons and insights from the river experience, and the river of my life that have guided me on my life journey. They form the foundation for this book. I truly discovered what it means to be Dancing on the River. It’s an attitude about how you approach life. It’s a belief system that you cultivate. It’s a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy and to enjoy life in this moment. Your enjoyment and appreciation of life is not dependent on what might happen in the future. I haven’t always felt this way. It’s taken me a while to get here. Some days I feel it more than others. Some days I forget.

Dancing on the River is the journey of how I have gotten to this place in my life. It’s been a process of discovering what beliefs and attitudes were holding me back from moving forward. It’s been a process of discovering spiritual practices and mental disciplines that have supported me in integrating more empowering beliefs and attitudes into my way of thinking. It’s been the awakening to a rich inner life that has fulfilled me on many levels. It’s been the willingness to face adversity and to be courageous when I needed to be. It’s about a leap of faith. It’s also a story about others and how they have changed their perception of life. Underlying all of this is the commitment to developing the life skills and belief systems necessary to face life’s challenges.

We are affected by events and circumstances that we have no control over. There are no explanations for many of the things that happen. We struggle with trying to make sense of it. More than ever, the world we live in is changing at an accelerating rate. Navigating these changes, both personally and globally, has become an art form and is the greatest challenge that we all face. It can feel overwhelming at times and can drain us emotionally. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

It is my sincere hope that after you read this book you will feel empowered to embrace life’s changes rather than avoiding or reacting to them. Like most rivers, our lives are constantly changing. It’s just that we are more aware of it now. So jump in—you’re going to get wet anyway. These challenges are there to nurture and accelerate your life’s unfolding. Avoiding the challenge just delays what you ultimately have to learn.

Most of us have experienced those moments when we are not sure what to do or which way to turn. While trying to figure it out, you can dance on the river, even though you are not sure where the river is taking you. You’re not alone on your quest. It is my hope that Dancing on the River becomes your guide and provides you with the tools and inspiration that will help you on your journey.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

With that in mind, I began writing more often. Each day I would chronicle my insights and experiences that I thought would be interesting to share. But like a lot of good ideas, not all of them are carried out to completion.

It seems as if many of the people with whom I work as a life coach have the same challenge. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s one of your challenges too. As a result we stop short of really getting to know something. We don’t get to experience that depth of understanding.

We resist being in the moment. Our mind detracts us from whatever we are doing. “There is something else we could be doing” we think to ourselves. Or we might be thinking, “why am I here, I don’t want to do this.”

What you are experiencing in form or the other is what I call resistance. Overcoming resistance is one of the biggest challenge that we all face. It shows up in so many aspects of our lives. It’s only when we go deeper that we can experience those magical moments. Let me give you an example.

I was looking forward to going to yoga this morning but at the last minute thought about bagging it before I left the house. But i didn’t and went to class. It took a while before settling in and being present. I felt great after class. That was just one experience, but it is that thought process that occurs in almost everything we do.

During the class I had so many thoughts about just letting it go and not being there. It’s that duality that we all experience. We are physically present at a particular place..doing something…yet at the same time our mind is some other place. And with all of the latest technology, it makes the problem even greater. As soon as it’s feasible, one brings out their cell phones.

That’s what I’m working on–being totally present…I think that’s what charisma is all about. People who we perceive as charismatic have that ability to be present and to exhibit presence. Think of it in another way. What is presence? Being present.

It’s something you can work on and develop. In a subsequent blog we’ll talk about a few things that can help you develop this quality.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

What I have seen is that living with doubt is one of the biggest challenges we all face. Too often we let doubt stop us and prevent us from taking that next step in our life. We focus on what might go wrong and as a result stay stuck in our comfort zone.

No matter what we do, we are going to experience doubt to some extent. Many of us experience this as fear or anxiety. We don’t like it and will do anything to avoid it.

We have a strong desire to get to that place in our lives where the doubt is minimized or barely perceptible. But to eliminate all doubt before taking the next step will result in a life that is unexplored and unfulfilled. It leads to a life that is predictable and routine. Mediocrity becomes the norm.

Change your perspective and think of doubt in a different way. Doubt is a reminder that you are thoughtful and insightful. It creates an edge that is exciting which prepares you for the unexpected and unpredictable. In the long run it leads to a more fulfilling and successful life. It allows you to get in touch with your passion.

Be thankful for your doubt but don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Personal Development is like that. You have to be open to change. The more open you are the higher you can go. Eventually you’ll get near the top and what you see expands you.

When you reach the peak your view is unlimited. You look in every direction and your view is unobstructed. You consider things you’ve never thought were possible. You’re confidence is at an all time high. You experience a magic and excitement. You’re looking forward to what’s next.

But it doesn’t stay that way. You come back down and return to the starting point— well not exactly the starting point because you’ll never see things the way you did before you began the journey. You had a glimpse–a glimpse that keeps you going even in the darkest moments.

That glimpse lets you know what is possible and you gratefully accept the challenge. It also prepares you for the next challenge; a new mountain that you can’t even imagine at this time. It’s only when looking back you realize how far you’ve come.

I invite you to read my new book Dancing on the River. It’s a guide into unknown territory. After reading it, you’ll be more comfortable with “not knowing” what the future holds. You might even feel that the unknown is your friend.

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 22, 2010.

In my case, I often wonder how my life would have turned out If I kept at the Clarinet or Saxophone? Could I have had a professional career? Although I wonder at times what it would have been like, I’m glad I made the decisions that I did. I’m sure you wonder at times. No matter where we are in our lives, we come to those crossroads and make a decision to follow a path as far as we can to see where it goes.

But if we change paths too often, we’ll never know what it is to have a sense of mastery which is rewarding in itself. It gives us a glimpse of an awareness that pervades our entire life.

Perhaps you’ve had a sense of it at times. It’s not too late to recreate that feeling, but it takes discipline and commitment. That’s what it took for me to finish writing Dancing on the River. I was out of the habit of writing and forgot why I wrote in the first place. I forgot how whole it made me feel.

I forced myself to sit down and write until it became a new habit. You might wonder how long it it takes to develop a new habit. According to experts, it takes at least 30 days of repeating the same habit or thought until it becomes a new pattern. Many of us never get there because we are impatient and don’t give it a chance. Sometimes we think that it’s too late and we can’t go back.

While it’s true that we can’t go back, it’s never too late to try what we use to do in a new way–a way that’s more impactful, more revealing and more exciting.

What are your beliefs that limit your ability to give it another whirl? What is in the way of your committing? Take the first step and then from there go on to the next one.

JOURNEY ON

Being optimistic is an act of faith that is a moment-to-moment choice that one makes over and over again. Our ultimate challenge is to be optimistic in the face of the many reasons not to be.

If you are questioning how you are doing, ask yourself how much you worry. Most of us worry more than we would like. This excessive worry drains us of our ability to enjoy life in the moment. We feel empty. There’s no place to hide. Almost every day there is a crisis somewhere in the world that fuels the fires of worry. Routinely there is the mention of an economic collapse or bank failure, which reminds us of how our own accounts or businesses are doing and adds to our stress.

On top of that the stress of everyday living drains us. It might be a toxic relationship, work situation or financial issue. We mistakenly believe that when the current crisis is resolved, there will be smooth sailing. Perhaps for a brief period of time there is, but there is always going to be a next thing to be concerned about. We can’t change that. That’s life. From our limited perspective we aren’t able to see the big picture. As a result we overreact even to the normal circumstances that occur in the course of everyday living. In the process our personal, spiritual and emotional accounts are drained.

Welcome to a new kind of bank, the inner B.A.N.K of Well-Being. It’s our internal barometer as to how we are feeling about “life.” When our account has a nice surplus, it’s easier to be optimistic and to feel that we can handle most challenges. Our job is to make daily deposits into this account.

Since we can’t change the external events that are going to occur, we have to focus on the things that we can change which are our internal states and our belief systems. We can replenish our accounts by depositing good energy into them in the form of positive thoughts, healthy food, exercise, a spiritual discipline, inspiration, and supportive friends. When you have a daily spiritual practice, everyday in some way you are making a deposit. Meditation and communing in nature have always had a healing affect on my being. I know that you have your own way of replenishing your account. The important thing is to commit to making the deposit in some way even when you don’t feel like it.
One of the biggest deposits you can make is to cultivate your VIP, your voice of inspiration and praise which I have previously written about. It takes work and dedication to cultivate this voice, but if you don’t make the choice to be proactive, your life will seem like one of limitation. Becoming conscious of your thoughts is not only a choice that determines how you experience your life, but it’s also a choice about becoming the person who actually lives that life. It’s a choice about which voice you choose to listen to; the voice of judgment and limitation or the voice of inspiration, which becomes your “guiding light.”

Now that we’ve explored the importance of making a commitment to replenishing our accounts, let’s explore what we can do to reduce the worry in our lives and to stop the drain on our accounts. With that in mind, I have included a 3-step process which is excerpted from my forthcoming book, Dancing on the River, that will help you reduce the worry in your life.

The Reduce Worry Process

Worry is an irrational emotion. F.E.A.R. is an acronym that reminds us of this truth; False Evidence Appearing Real. The first question to ask yourself is what is the worst that can happen?

After you have done that, then ask yourself, “How likely is it, that what you are worrying about will happen?” This inquiry forces you to detach from what you are feeling, even if just for a few seconds. It gets you out of the irrational mode, which is when you usually imagine the worst-case scenario. From this place of feeling calmer, explore the likelihood of the particular thing that you are worrying about actually occurring. Usually I come to the conclusion that there is little likelihood of the future circumstance occurring and even if it does, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll get through it.

The next inquiry, although counterintuitive because of our past conditioning, is quite powerful. Ask yourself what the result would be if everything went your way. Very few of us allow ourselves to consider this possibility. We have no way of knowing what is going to happen in the future, yet for some reason when we worry we think we do. In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010.In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

I’m excited to announce that Dancing on the River, will be available on Amazon beginning May 15th. Feel free to forward Letters on Life to those in your circle and please let me know what’s going on in your life.

JOURNEY ON

MARK