What I’ve noticed with, we’ll call him, Les in our life coaching sessions, is that Les knows it all. What i mean by that is that he knows all of the answers. He has enough knowledge for ten people but not wisdom.

You can’t obtain wisdom unless you make time for the inner work. Les has resistance to sitting down and taking time for reflection. He rather talk with others and ask them for the answers. But he keeps asking the same questions and doesn’t like what the answers are, so he asks the next person. As a result, he spends his time managing one crisis after another. This cycle never stop and it won’t unless Les sits down and gets to know himself.

He’ll blame his wife, the economy, or his genetics, among other things, for his predicament. Les is the exception. I’ve worked with many individuals who have transformed their lives. They realized that happiness is the result of a life decision to be happy in this moment that they make over and over again. They realize that there is a direct correlation with how they start day and the quality of their life. With that in mind they sit down and meditate before starting their day. I’ve seen it in my own life and with countless others.

There’s no one to blame. You are the answer.

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

When I received Carl’s call I was surprised. Surprised because at first I didn’t know who Carl was. Carl reminded me that we had spoken two years ago. He called me for what he thought was career coaching advice. He told me that he was unhappy in his job and that he didn’t feel respected, even though he was making a hefty salary. Carl was hoping that I could help him fine tune his resume and suggest what was next. When I suggested to him that wasn’t what I did and that he needed to look at his whole life, the conversation was over.

So that was the history of our relationship when I received Carl’s call last week. He reminded me of our conversation and said he was ready to begin life coaching with me and face the issues he was avoiding.

What I have seen as a life coach is that what Carl was doing was blaming other people for his problems. In his case, he was blaming his boss for his unhappiness. For many this is a life-long habit. I think of it as the “only if syndrome.” If only the circumstances of my life were different, I would be happy. If only the boss would leave the company, I could be happy. If only I met the one, I would be happy. If only and it goes on and on. There is no better time than now to be happy. But the real question is whether you are ready to let it in. After all, you would have to take responsibility for your happiness. You would have to stop complaining. Be grateful for your life. It’s the only you have.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

We live in a relational world. Successful relationships transform our families, schools, institutions, governments and the world we live in. In the process we’re able to experience more joy and happiness in our lives. Most of us would agree that there is ample opportunity for us to express more love in our lives. But we don’t always do it. Love is such a powerful emotion that we celebrate a special day, Valentines Day, that glorifies this spirit. Traditionally, it has been a time to demonstrate our love for another. On this day, in some way, we acknowledge our beloved.

But how do we do this? And what if we don’t have that special person in our life? Collectively we are and have been in different phases of the relationship cycle. While some of us are not currently in a relationship, some are in a new relationship, and others in long-term relationships. On this day, no matter what phase of the cycle we are in, we feel an expectation to make and receive the appropriate acknowledgment.

What would our lives be like if we transformed the significance of this day? Instead of feelings of expectation or judgment, we celebrate it as an inspiration; an inspiration to open ourselves more to love and loving, love of others and of course, ourselves.
Rather than looking for love in another person, we become the love we are seeking. When we come from love, we experience it in whomever we meet.

One thing is certain; when you feel good inside, you see the good in others. It is also true that when you feel loving, you see others as loving. Unfortunately too many of us are looking to find love outside of ourselves–it’s an inside job that has its own language. The ultimate relationship is with yourself.

The language of love is the most powerful language on the planet. When I was single, I used the words I love you sparingly because I didn’t want to mislead my partner into thinking that I felt differently than I did. What I didn’t realize at the time was that those words would always be difficult for me to express. Even when I tell my wife, Annie, that I love her, those words still seem charged, as they do when I say those words to my children.
So what I do, like many of you, is use variations of those words. When signing a letter it is natural for me to sign it with love as opposed to I love you. I’ve noticed that some friends use the phrase love ya, while others, occasionally end the conversation with I love you. When they do, I usually pause and reply, I love you, too. I am sure that we all hear our share of I love you too. When referring to a movie or a book, I might say, I loved it.

In the English language, some of our deepest feelings can’t be expressed in words. We can look to the Greeks for wisdom in this regard.
Two friends touch each other’s souls but are not lovers. The Greeks refer to this love between friends as Philos.

The special love that we share for our family is different than any other love we experience. The Greeks refer to this love of family as Storge.
Spiritual love, or the love that is God is referred to as Agape.

The physical love, when lovers embrace, is referred to as Eros.

The language of love is an acknowledgment of a person’s essence and their inner beauty. If we are not comfortable with the more accepted language of love, it is important to create our own language; a language that acknowledges others, their greatness, their gifts and their blessings. By becoming more comfortable with this language, we open the doors to deeper intimacy. Perhaps you have your own language and way of expressing it. Perhaps it’s with your eyes or your smile. After 9/11, I vowed to express my love and gratitude to my family and others, as much as possible. I keep finding new ways in which to do that.

Take a few minutes out of your busy day as you think about the following:

1. To whom and in what ways can you express more love?
2. Who would you have to become to have a great relationship?
3. What would you really like to tell your partner?
4. How difficult is it for you to say, “I’m sorry”?
5. How can you nurture yourself more?
6. With this one, just look in the mirror at yourself, smile and say, “I love you.”

Most of this blog is adapted from my forth-coming book, Dancing on the River, which will be released on May 1st.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

We live in an increasingly changing world. Navigating life’s changes has become an art form. We don’t know where to turn. What seemed to work at one time, no longer works. So when I received the invitation I was excited. It was a long time coming. My good friend and fellow blogger,Warren Strudwick, http://the peacemeal project.wordpress.com, launched this new movement that people can participate in all over the world. As he wrote on his blog: “The first official Peacemeal was held at my house on December 13, about one month ago. I had invited about 25 friends who I have known from various times of my life. Twenty -two people joined me to celebrate peace on what turned out to be a pleasant Thursday evening. It was a wonderful experience.

For a few moments, we all were able to leave behind our day-to-day lives and routines, convening in a very congenial and intimate atmosphere to address our mutual need for a peace existence.

We started at about 6:30, gathering first to talk and mingle and generally to get to know each other. It was interesting to see people from varied backgrounds interacting on first encounter in such an intimate way. We then convened in my living room to discuss (as a group and individually) what peace meant to each of us. Each person was given space, as we went around the room to speak. Most us spoke directly from the heart, and this eclectic group of people proved, altogether, very special.

Each person communicated a thirst to express their inner thoughts about the role of peace and love in their lives. It would almost be a cliché to say that the energy in the room was so almost overwhelmingly positive through this open and very honest communication. The desire for peace, especially inner peace hovered in the magnetic stillness of the room.

By the time we sat to eat our meal, it was clear the most of us wanted the same happiness and inner peace in our lives. It made me think that even as we go about our daily lives oblivious, it is clear that nearly everyone is seeking some sort or peaceful existence. And if given an opportunity, people want to express and share that desire. It is a human condition. And as we share our desire, it becomes more evident that we all want to live peacefully.

This is our world. We will make it in our image. Peace. Morsel by morsel.”

Join in the movement. Have your own dinner. To find out more about peacemeal go to their blog, http://thepeacemealproject.wordpress.com

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

In a life coaching session with let’s call him Carl we discussed what the 3 biggest lessons that he has learned in his lifetime. Carl didn’t just come up with the answers in a heartbeat. It was a process that got him thinking about who he was at this time in his life and what is important to him.

1. Find your own path. That was a struggle for me. We are so influenced by our families and the latest trends or schemes to make money, we lose sight of what is important to us…it takes a life time of inner reflection to discover what our core values are….the late sage,.Joseph Campbell has this perspective in Dark Forest:

You enter the forest
At the darkest point;
Where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
It is someone else’s path.

If you follow someone else’s way,
You are not going to realize your full potential.

2. Don’t be so hard on yourself: we are so self-critical….we berate ourselves and talk to ourselves in a more critical way than we would talk to a friend. Along with this one, developing a sense of humor goes a long way. Laugh at yourself..tell a few jokes once in a while…don’t try to always be perfect.

3. Become a better listener than talker. This is also a tough one because it’s our tendency to always want to get in our two-cents worth. So often a conversation is like mental ping-pong. You respond to what the other person says; they respond to what you said and then it becomes a battle to see who gets in the last word. Sure you’ve exchanged a lot of information, but you never got to who each other is.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

In a life coaching session, yesterday, with Sally the focus was on helping her overcome her conditioning regarding abundance. Sally was beginning to reach new pinnacles of success in her accounting business. Yet she still hung onto old belief systems that were preventing her from enjoying her new level of success. She was very reluctant to invest in new equipment for her business that was technologically superior even though her business had doubled in size.

Sally had been so focused on survival and whether should would make it, that she hadn’t taken time to objectively evaluate where she was with her professional development. I suggested that for a moment that she imagine that she had planted seeds. In the beginning we don’t know which ones will make it. Eventually, some plants emerge–then our new focus is to cultivate and to enjoy them.

That’s what professional development is about. The first phase is making it. The next phase is to enjoy your success. Sally was in her new phase. It was time to enjoy the beauty in her life and to allow more joy in her life. Her apprenticeship was over.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

If that is the case and I think it is, our focus should be on developing attitudes we can integrate into our belief systems that help us develop an attitude that it’s all going to be ok. Almost everyone that I have worked with as their life coach has suffered needlessly because of their fear that it’s all going to fall apart. Charles Swindell wrote many years ago that it isn’t the fact or circumstances that determine how we feel about our lives, but it is our attitudes.

You’re probably wondering…”yes that’s great, but how do I change my attitude.” I want to let you know that you can change your attitude but it takes work and is a process that keeps evolving.

It begins with your making a fundamental shift as to how you start your day. If you start the day in a hurry and feel anxious, you’ll be anxious all day long.

This is the approach that I encourage others to adopt. Take time to meditate before leaving your house or turning on your computer. Then focus on what you are grateful for. You are more abundant than you realize. You have many inner resources that you take for granted; to give you a few ideas…think about your intelligence, your ability to connect with others including animals and nature…your humor and resilience. If you make this a habit, you’ll be surprised how many inner resources that you do have.

Then take time to be curious about the highlight of your day. Look for the good in every person you meet. As your day progresses, you’re more excited about each new person you meet. It might be at the coffee shop, the bank or at the gas station. There is a light in each of us, but if our eyes are closed we won’t see it. It’s amazing how people respond when you take the time to smile.

Being curious is an antidote to being judgmental. When something happens, rather than judging it as good or bad, or positive or negative, be curious as to how it’s all going to unfold.

By being curious, you won’t be so caught up in giving every event in your life more significance than it deserves.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

in a life coaching session yesterday, i discussed with let’s call him Carl, the importance of having a dream that is independent from what you do in the world. For Carl and many others, the stress and demands from meeting our financial and personal obligations takes most of our energy. We don’t have much left over.

To have a dream that demands more of us and doesn’t help us meet our bottom line, at times seems unrealistic. But that’s exactly what we need to do. Otherwise we are subject to the ups and downs of the external world; our relationships, health, and finances. Carl and many others that I work with as their life coach would like to see peace in the world. Carl is in the process of starting a community of people who focus on inner peace in themselves and in the world.

But he has found much resistance in trying to bring people together. I remember at one time in my life I was faced with the same dilemma. I wrote back then, “Should the visionairies of peace stop loving, then the prophets of doom, will have their day of gloom.” Whatever our dream, we need to keep it alive. Noone else will do it for us. Sometimes just having the dream is enough. As Martin Luther King said, “I might not get to the mountaintop with you,” but he had the dream for others to believe in. Keep the dream alive. There might not be much agreement, right now.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

If only they would be more reasonable. You probably have said this over a hundred times. Maybe you have said this version. “If only they were easier to deal with.” That’s what we discussed on a call today.

After exploring numerous approaches to make the situation better nothing seemed to change. The other person stayed in their unreasonable mode…or at least that’s the way you saw it.

Perhaps it’s a situation with a past spouse regarding the welfare of your children or it could be with a coworker. The other person in your mind seems to be unreasonable; perhaps even pathologically so. You’ve tried everything. You are frustrated. You want them to change.

I’ve been there countless times. They won’t change unless you change first. Be the example. Don’t go to their level. This is such a common situation. Your challenge….don’t get plugged into their stuff. Since they won’t change, your only choice is to change how you react to them. And over time the dynamic will be different.

Most important is not to take what’s happening personally. When I was a trial lawyer, there were many times when I had to step back from the fray and be the observer. Actually noticing myself interacting with the other attorney. Over time I realized that I had a choice not to get plugged in.

Ask yourself how you want to feel after the interaction. You can be assertive without losing your cool. But there is a fine line that once you cross, your blood pressure starts to rise and you are in the middle of a confrontation. Visualize yourself in control as the interaction in progresses. What I mean control is to be in control of your emotions. That is a choice.

JOURNEY ON

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

I had a discussion today with someone who saw my work space and made some suggestions as to what I could do to make it more energetically inviting. I agreed with most of her suggestions but was not willing to make all of the suggestions that she recommended. She took this personally….as a sign of disrespect. A feeling of tension ensued.

For a moment it looked like the relationship was over. Relationships need room to breathe. Disagreements often are hurtful, but also an opportunity to get to know the other person on a deeper level. But if you take disagreement personally as a sign of disrespect, then you are shutting off the opportunity for intimacy.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

It’s a great feeling when you can go beyond conflict to the other side. When you don’t it’s limiting.

Learning to not take things personally is an opportunity for you have deeper connection in your life. Take a quick scan of your life…are there situations in your life where you notice where you are blocked? You take something personally and the connection is lost.