Recently I’ve developed a new habit…In the morning I’ve been frequenting a new coffee shop to sip my tea and read the paper. There is a specialty paper that is only sold inside the Safeway.

I seldom shop at Safeway….usually buy organic at the farmers markets and the local health food store…but here I am early in the morning walking into Safeway…usually early in the morning things are a little slow as folks are just getting into the rhythm of the day.

Most checkers I have experienced not only at Safeway but at many markets are just putting in their time earning their paycheck.

But there is Maureen who I look forward to seeing in the morning who is high on life always smiling and laughing. Even though her checkout line is always the longest, I look forward to our brief conversation. She loves what she is doing and I am sure loves almost everything.

I couldn’t resist asking Maureen what her secret was. She told me that she feels blessed for everything that she has. It was a decision that she made many years ago. She’s grateful for her job, for her family and her health. She’s not concerned with what could have been or obsessed with what didn’t work out.

What a great way to start the morning….It doesn’t take anything extra. That big smile and enthusiasm is contagious.

Dancing on the River, which is the title of my new book, is a reflection of a life decision to be happy in the moment that you make over and over again.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

Although relationships are often unpredictable and confusing, we still try to make sense of them. So that’s what i’m doing here— sharing my perspective–so that the next time you reach that point of utter confusion you’ll have something to go on. In my book Dancing on the River there is a whole chapter on Love and Relationships.

But first a little history. There was that time when my focus was on finding the one. You know, Mr Right or Mrs Right. And then I met the one who I thought was the one, who was ready and willing and I started to freak out. I had been single for so long and so used to searching that I didn’t know what to do. Well I got over it and over 20 years has gone by.

Let me share with you 11 guiding principles to deeper intimacy:

1.Be respectful of your partner. You better think of your partner as someone who is pretty special and like who they are as a person.

2. Recognize each other’s strengths. Each of you has certain strengths and gifts. Utilize them to the benefit of the relationship.

3. Have you really made a full commitment? So many couples use every fight as a weapon to challenge the strength of the relationship. If you are really committed you cannot keep challenging the relationship.

4. Commitment to personal growth. Don’t think because you are in that “relationship” that you can stop working on yourself. For a while that was my thinking. When you stop growing you get boring and so does your partner and everything you are involved in. Growth is a lifelong process whether you are alone or with a partner.

5. You need to be flexible. Life evolves and things changes. As you change so does your partner and everything around you.

6. Develop a personal support system, independent of the relationship. Life is not a bowl of cherries, sometime you get a bad pit or a sour taste. In a long term relationship you will experience several challenges. It can be a financial setback, an illness, a loss of a loved one or a personal tragedy.

7. Have or develop a sense of humor, but not necessarily at the expense of your partner.

8. See relationships as a sacred path. In the process you’ll discover more about yourself than anything else you can do.

9. Learn how to deeply listen to each other, which means caring about what your partner longs for.

10. Create a safe vehicle or environment so that you can have authentic and honest discussions around potentially challenging subjects. Have you had a honest discussion regarding your finances? Do you have a financial plan that can work for both of you? Are you mutually responsible for the implementation of this plan?

11. Choose a partner who is capable of mutuality. Perhaps most important is whether your partner can make the commitment. Are they emotionally available?

What about you? Where do you shut down? Are there things in your life, that you refuse to look at? They’re usually are. And that’s our work.

So there it is.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

When I talked with Sally in our life coaching session this morning we continued to focus on personal and professional development. Sally took over a professional practice over three years ago. She had concerns whether she could pay all of her bills and expenses. She has done more than that. She now has a successful practice and continues to get new clients.

Yet she doesn’t think of herself as a successful professional because she still has doubts and insecurities. I let Sally know that I have coached some professionals who were at the top of their game and they also had doubts and insecurities.

In a metaphorical sense, Sally graduated. With any profession, there are increased duties and responsibilities. With that comes rights and priviliges. I suggested to Sally that it was her time to accept the new found abundance in her life and to be grateful for her success.

As a spiritual practice and discipline I suggested that she express gratitude for the success in her life. I am encouraged by her willingness to take this on. I know that will give her a new sense of grace and dignity. It will also give her a confidence that whatever comes up she will be able to navigate life’s changes.

Like many of us, Sally is the first to criticize herself. We wouldn’t talk to a friend the way we talk to ourselves. We’re so hard on ourselves. I encouraged her to talk to herself in a more positive way. She asked me, “Do you mean a mental HIGH-5? I said exactly. So give yourself a mental high-5. Tell yourself how proud you are of what you are doing in your life and how you are handling things.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

In a life coaching session, yesterday, with Sally the focus was on helping her overcome her conditioning regarding abundance. Sally was beginning to reach new pinnacles of success in her accounting business. Yet she still hung onto old belief systems that were preventing her from enjoying her new level of success. She was very reluctant to invest in new equipment for her business that was technologically superior even though her business had doubled in size.

Sally had been so focused on survival and whether should would make it, that she hadn’t taken time to objectively evaluate where she was with her professional development. I suggested that for a moment that she imagine that she had planted seeds. In the beginning we don’t know which ones will make it. Eventually, some plants emerge–then our new focus is to cultivate and to enjoy them.

That’s what professional development is about. The first phase is making it. The next phase is to enjoy your success. Sally was in her new phase. It was time to enjoy the beauty in her life and to allow more joy in her life. Her apprenticeship was over.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016