In a life coaching session with let’s call him Carl we discussed what the 3 biggest lessons that he has learned in his lifetime. Carl didn’t just come up with the answers in a heartbeat. It was a process that got him thinking about who he was at this time in his life and what is important to him.

1. Find your own path. That was a struggle for me. We are so influenced by our families and the latest trends or schemes to make money, we lose sight of what is important to us…it takes a life time of inner reflection to discover what our core values are….the late sage,.Joseph Campbell has this perspective in Dark Forest:

You enter the forest
At the darkest point;
Where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
It is someone else’s path.

If you follow someone else’s way,
You are not going to realize your full potential.

2. Don’t be so hard on yourself: we are so self-critical….we berate ourselves and talk to ourselves in a more critical way than we would talk to a friend. Along with this one, developing a sense of humor goes a long way. Laugh at yourself..tell a few jokes once in a while…don’t try to always be perfect.

3. Become a better listener than talker. This is also a tough one because it’s our tendency to always want to get in our two-cents worth. So often a conversation is like mental ping-pong. You respond to what the other person says; they respond to what you said and then it becomes a battle to see who gets in the last word. Sure you’ve exchanged a lot of information, but you never got to who each other is.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Yesterday I wrote that changing the questions you ask yourself, changes how you experience life. Rather than thinking, What Now, you think How can you Serve.

As you start your day I would suggest that you ask yourself one more thing. Use your curiosity to create a great day. Here’s how you do it. Ask yourself what the highlight of your day is going to be. I ask in this way. “I wonder what the highlight is going to be.” I don’t know. I’m curious. As I am writing this, I’m looking at what the rest of my day looks like. As I experience the day I’m curious if this is the moment.

As a life coach I have found that most people make it way too complicated. They go through their day experiencing the same thing they did the day before. They are on automatic pilot and at the end of the day they are tired and drained.

It’s the appreciation of the little things that makes your life extraordinary. The highlights are usually little things that you take for granted. There’s that smile that someone gives you. There’s that listening to what the other person has to say. There’s seeing a beautiful cloud formation or someone playing in the park. Or savoring the flavor of a food that you particularly like….or noticing how beautiful a flower is and what it smells like.

We go through our day overlooking these finer points. But this is what makes the difference in how we experience our lives. Before you know it you have an attitude of gratitude.

And here’s what is really cool…it doesn’t take any more time to notice the little things.It just takes more attention.

JOURNEY ON

MARK
Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

As we all know at some point in our life we start to feel boxed in by our life circumstances. Our choices seem limited by our beliefs around what is possible in our life. And when we are really honest with ourself we know that our beliefs are just beliefs and not truth.

It’s difficult for many of us to accept this truth, but if you accept it, you will have a new sense of freedom.

What is really disturbing is that these beliefs which limit what’s possible in our lives today are based upon the meaning and significance we gave events that happened when we were kids.

The meaning you have given these past events including characterizations about yourself, such as “you’re not lovable…You don’t deserve better,” are running your life today.

Freeing yourself from this past is the first step in experiencing more personal freedom in your life. Look back at your life and realize that every event and experience that has occurred has made you what you are today.

Take a look at some of your past experiences. Can you give this past experience a different meaning? I know you can but even if you can’t what about being open to the possibility that because of this event you are better for it. Sometimes forgiving yourself or someone else is also freeing. Stop hanging on and let it go. Let go of your attachments and your identification with what has happened. Be willing to give it new meaning.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

It works. It’s easy to find an hour to do anything. What this means is that you can complete major projects without altering your schedule. Just knowing this gets rid of a lot of stress. First estimate how long you think the particular project will take. Let’s say five hours. Then schedule it into your appointment book. Then it’s a matter of honoring what’s in your appointment book. It seems that when we write something down it has more significance…It makes it more real.

Here’s another way to look at it. Think about all the things you are “good at” or perhaps were “good at”. All of them required practice and commitment. Big projects are nothing more than a bunch of little ones. A movie is really hundreds of stills moving at an accelerated pace.

Part of living in this day and age is to slow down the pace. So the movie of your life is nothing more than just a series of moments. And as you become more focused on these moments rather than the future you’ll be less stressed out. You’ll enjoy what you’re doing more and less concerned what will happen down the road.

So slow it down and enjoy the moment. The one hour formula is a good start. As you are consistent with this practice your life will be dramatically different.
JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Almost everything that I have done in my life has been a stepping stone for something greater down the road, even thought I didn’t know it at the time. Perhaps you wonder if you embarked upon a wrong path. You might even think that you are wasting your time. What does that really mean? As I have said we learn from everything.

Perhaps when comparing the past to what we know now, we might think that we could have avoided some of the steps we took and some of the wrong turns. It might have been a bad relationship or a mistake in trusting a friend. It might have been selecting the wrong major in college or a dead-end job.

There have been times in my life when I have been most productive, and times when nothing seemed to get done. Both were necessary for my growth and evolution.

I don’t think we can waste time, even though I spent a year and a half in graduated school that I can’t figure out what it contributed to my life. But when I think back I realize that it kept me out of the draft. We have know way of knowing what our ultimate destiny is. Just about everything that I have done or experienced when looking back at it comes together like an invisible web. But it’s only in looking back with hindsight that the web begins to become visible.

Trust that it’s all unfolding as it should. Everyone you meet and every experience you have is all grist for the mill. You learn from it and it contributes to who you are today – even the so-called negative things.

We keep repeating the lessons of the past until we learn them and then we are ready to move on. It took many relationships to become clear as to what I wanted in a soul-mate. With each one, I learned more about myself. That’s the purpose of our life’s experiences. With each one, we learn more about ourselves and what is important to us.

It’s a lifelong journey of discovery. Enjoy the journey. Happiness is a choice that you make each moment. And remember to smile and laugh a little bit more than yesterday.

JOURNEY ON,
MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, JD, is an Executive and Life Coach who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years as well as a musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. To sign up, visit his website, http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I had the privilege to visit the site of a project that one of my life coaching clients,our good friend Les, an architect, was designing. It was a fabulous project with incredible views of the reservoir and the ocean. The hacienda style house was almost built. The finishing touches will be complete within the month.

I would describe it as simple elegance. It blended in perfectly with the lay of the land. Our possible view was maximized and as you walked around there was a organic feeling that gave you the feeling that you were home. This was a plum job…perhaps one the most idyllic jobs in the county. And Les was the architect…this wasn’t the only plum that was coming Les’s way.

Yet Les didn’t see himself in that light. Les downplays his accomplishments, so much so that he doesn’t see himself on the same level as some of the other architects who are his competitors.

I suggested to Les that he begin to see himself as a star (or any adjective that would empower him)…to realize that this is his time to shine and that the universe has recognized his greatness before he has.

That’s the way it is for many of us….we are our own worse critic…we would never talk to a friend the way we talk to ourself.

So that’s why I suggested to Les to see himself as a star…he doesn’t have to concern himself with thinking that he might be boastful. No one will ever think of him in those terms. For Les a little more ego can go a long way. For many others that’s not the case.

Like many of us, Les has arrived. It’s our time. Our star is shining bright. All we need to do is say to ourself…thankyou…thankyou and to enjoy the journey. And don’t forget to smile and laugh a little bit more than yesterday.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. 415.453.5016 http://www.inspirepossibility.com

There is a point in everyone’s life when you start to wonder if how you pictured your life is really going to happen. You look around at what you are doing and the choices you made and ask yourself what’s missing in this picture. Perhaps you took a wrong turn and had to start over. For quite some time, my relationships were like that. Each relationship, after the next, ended painfully. That picture for me was having a family, yet I kept attracting women, although fascinating, did not share the same picture that I had. What was the universe telling me? Or perhaps more significantly, what message was I giving the universe? I started to wonder if that was my truth.

I kept wondering and began to accept that that picture just might not be my picture but someone else’s. In fact I remember a conversation that I had with my mother in which we broached that very question.

That conversation was a turning point in my life. I let go and believed that it was all unfolding as it should. I still had the same dream, but was accepting that my destiny was to fully express who I was. That destiny might be with a life partner, or perhaps not. I continued on the path of awakening and honored my instincts which led me to Loveland, Colorado, where I met Annie. And the rest has unfolded in perfect order. That was a long time ago and it’s been an exciting journey of discovery since that day.

The dance is to continue to walk in freedom in the direction that you have chosen, yet be open to all of the gifts on the path. The journey you take is more important than getting there. Along the way choose happiness.

Smile and laugh a little bit more than yesterday and

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to find joy and meaning in the midst of change. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he
shares his message that we can make our life an exciting journey of discovery. He publishes the inspirational ezine, Letters on Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in the fall of 2009. http://www.inspirepossibility.com. 415.453.5016

I have been noticing that in our coaching sessions this week, whether they are pertaining to life coaching or business coaching, the focus is the same.

Most people that I work with seem to have increasing challenges as they are affected by the national mood. While they remain optimistic, it still effects them on some level.

And some also have personal challenges dealing with other stressors. It could be a difficult relationship or a significant illness of a loved one.

Some not only have the responsibilities of a wage earner and business owner, but also the responsibilities of a care giver.

They are stretched in many directions.

In our calls, I always ask them about their self-care. It’s so easy to get lost in all of the responsibilities that you have, that you forget about yourself. You forget to take time for what nurtures you.

In normal times you should have a proactive self-care program. When you have more challenges than usual then you should increase the amount of time that you take for yourself. You are always going to have challenges. You can’t get away from it. Perhaps what bothers you now won’t bother you in a few months, but there will always be something else that comes up that concerns you. So life won’t stop. But you can develop a plan that will help you find more joy and meaning in your life.

Perhaps you think that you’re too busy…that you don’t have time. What you’ll find is that when you take just 10-15 minutes in the morning before rushing out of the house, your day will go smoother. When you take time for a meal, you’ll experience a deep sense of relaxation the rest of the day. If you take the time to read an inspirational magazine or book before falling asleep you’ll sleep better. It’s taking the time for yourself. It not only becomes a habit, it becomes a way of life. You couldn’t imagine your life any other way. It’s a choice. Choose happiness.

Smile…laugh a little bit more than yesterday and journey on

Mark

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to find joy and meaning in the midst of change. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he
shares his message that we can make our life an exciting journey of discovery. He publishes the inspirational ezine, Letters on Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in the fall of 2009. http://www.inspirepossibility.com. 415.453.5016

You might have your own definition of success. Success is more than making money. Success is more than being recognized in a career. It’s about being happy. It’s about liking who you are. It’s about having loving relationships. But if you are successful in a career and don’t have time to share your success with loved ones, you are missing out on one of the joys of life. With your busy lifestyle, you wonder how you can find that balance.

1. How you start your day sets the tone for the day. If you start the day in a hurry it’s extremely difficult to slow down. What I have seen is that most people wake up in the morning–rush out of the house, trying to make an appointment or deadline. Underneath their concern that they won’t be able to get it all done, is an underlying anxiety. Perhaps you feel the same way. You sometimes wish you had a magic wand that could make things different.”

Although there is no magic wand there is a morning practice that if implemented can change your life. After you wake up and before you do anything else, take 10-15 minutes for reflection. Perhaps you already have a meditation practice. If you don’t, just sit still and pay attention to your breathing.

After ten minutes or so, begin to focus on what you are grateful for. Perhaps there might be only a few things that you can think of in the beginning, but once you make this part of your daily practice, you’ll realize how blessed you are. By focusing on what you are grateful for, you shift your focus from what’s wrong about your life to what’s right. It’s an amazing practice, which has the power to transform your life.

Then by wondering about what the highlight of your day might be, you create a positive expectation as the day progresses. Briefly scan what you have to do during the day with that focus in mind. Of course you’re always open to those pleasant surprises… those moments of grace that uplift your spirit. It might just be for a moment or two but you are totally present in that moment.

2. Learn how to recognize and know your VOJ. The VOJ is that voice of judgment that drives you nuts. You would give anything to silence it for a few minutes. The sooner that you can recognize your VOJ, the sooner you can become free of the hypnotic spell that can last a lifetime if you don’t do anything about it. Doubting and self-criticism become the norm. But the doing is a different type of doing. It’s just noticing when the VOJ raises its voice. Simply by recognizing it, you break the spell. I have found that giving this voice a name is most effective in breaking the spell. I call my VOJ, Ralph. This is a lifelong challenge so don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen overnight.

3. Self-Acceptance is the next secret. Let’s be honest with ourselves. There are certain things we can’t change about ourselves. We can’t change who are parents are. We can’t change our country of origin. We can’t change all of the injustices in the world. We can try. But we can change, although challenging, how we think about ourselves and our circumstances. And we can change, although challenging, how we think about our bodies. Even though we are our own worst critics, our work is to accept those things that we don’t like about ourselves. It’s the acceptances of these attitudes and beliefs that is so freeing.

4. Introduce positive self-talk (VIP) into the conversation. Now that you are more familiar with those voices and patterns that have been running your life, it’s time to listen to a new voice that needs to be nurtured and cultivated. It’s a voice if honored and respected can change how you think about yourself. I call this voice your VIP. It’s the voice of Inspiration and Praise that we don’t listen to or hear enough. That voice, that I call Buddy is my inner champion. When I think that I shouldn’t have felt the way I did about something that happened or that I shouldn’t have acted in a certain way, Buddy sends me a few words of encouragement. He says to me, “you’re doing great. You handled that well.”

It takes conscious effort and resolve to cultivate your VIP. As you learn to trust and listen to it, how you feel about your life will shift.
Our work is to create more points of light that inspire us and make us feel good

5. Make time for the Jollies. So here we are again with another new phrase. No I haven’t lost my mind.
We all have our share of challenges that concern us from time to time; some more challenging than others. Some of us feel overwhelmed by all that we are faced with.
Even though life might be like that for you, there are still a lot of things that have given you joy at one time or the other. They might be little things that you have forgotten about.
Lately I have made time for tennis. I forgot how much fun playing tennis is. The same thing for dancing. Going dancing is always a lot of fun especially as I get better. The Jollies is taking the time to do what gives you joy. So when I say make time for the jollies…I mean make time for what gives you “joy.”
Those things that you have to do or that you are concerned about, don’t go away. Even when your “to do” list has plenty of things on it and you still have loose ends in your life, still make time for the jollies whatever they are for you. In the beginning it might take effort, but it wlll have a profound effect on the quality of your life.

6. Smile and laugh a little bit more than yesterday. Most of us are too serious. I was certainly that way. Once you accept those things about yourself that you used to be embarrassed by, there is no question that you will be lighter.
And isn’t that what it’s all about–becoming lighter.

When I was younger I thought about becoming enlightened. Enlightenment was the carrot that kept me going on my spiritual quest. With family and career my focus shifted. Even though I stopped thinking about enlightenment it still popped up from time to time. So I have come up with my definition that works for me. It means to “lighten up.” When you do, you have less stress, better health and more fun. I’m not suggesting for you to go out there and perform standup comedy, but see what happens if you tell a joke once in a while. Becoming more playful is a worthy challenge and a gift to all who are in your presence.
JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational way. http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In a life coaching session this morning, two things came up which are food for thought. The first is about friends in your life. What is your definition of a friend? My Uncle Sam used to say to me that if you could fill up one hand with true friends in your life, you are lucky. What he was saying was that true friends are hard to come by.

The model that he lived by was that to have a true friend you had to have a history with that person. You knew that they were there for you no matter what. IF you were sick, or in trouble they were there.

How many of us can say that today? With many struggling to survive and their responsibilities to their own families, is it harder to find true friends? How many do you really have?

And I know that some of us have been disappointed when in a time of need that person that we thought was a friend was no where to be found. They emotionally disappeared.

On the flip side, when in a time of need when you needed it most, people showed up. They revealed themselves, their true character and were there for you. You were blessed by their grace.

With life changing as rapidly as it does today, it’s paramount for us to have the ability to connect with others in a heartbeat. It’s the ability to create that space for grace to show up in your life.

As we keep evolving and expanding who we are so that we can make those deeper connections, we make room for grace to be part of our lives. And it doesn’t need to take that lifetime. It’s that heart-to-heart connection that occurs in an instant.

I thought that one of my goals, which brings me to the second point, is to create more friends in the next year.

But then I started thinking about whether there was a better word than goal. Yes I think it would be great to create more connection in my life in this next year. That’s my intention. That’s what I wish for you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational way. http://www.inspirepossibility.com