In our life coaching session yesterday, Fred was ambivalent about beginning a new phase in his relationship. He was planning to live with his partner of four years.

Fred loved his partner and believed that the relationship was right for him. Yet he had those old tapes about his past failed relationships. Not only did they not work out but according to Fred he gave away his power. He was concerned that he would again give away his power.

I gave Fred a different perspective. I reminded him that he is a much different person than the person that I met a few years ago. Although he recognized this too, he had a difficult time accepting that he was a much more evolved person. But deep down he knows that he is a totally different person.

How Fred shows up in the world and the impact he makes are also different. He is a much more dynamic and powerful person than the one I met a while back. Hearing the feedback from me helps his accept this new place in his life. In fact with almost everyone that I work with, their perception of how people perceive them, is different than how people actually do perceive them. Most, if not all, do not see themselves as magnificent as others do.

I have also discussed with Fred a different paradigm. All the work that he has done on himself has prepared him for this moment. He is about to enter into an empowering partnership that will get better and better. He won’t give away his power nor will his partner let him give it away.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibiity.com

This month I thought I would blog about what most people are working on in our life coaching and executive coaching sessions.

We’re always working on ourselves and the relationships that we are in. Let’s just call her Suzanne. Her partner of three years is much different than she is. He is worldly, successful in business and a workaholic. She is a mother, seeker of the truth and says she wants more intimacy than she is experiencing.

She has been wanting her partner to be more available both physically and emotionally and working on changing him for these last three years.

In our coaching sessions, we have discussed why this hasn’t worked. We have looked at whether Suzanne really wants the intimacy that she says that she does. After all her previous relationship was very emotional and suffocating. This one is the opposite.

We know from our work with the Law of Attraction that we attract to us what our dominant beliefs and desires our. We’re like an energy transmitter. If we think of this as a perfect universe, then it is not surprising that Suzanne chose this relationship at this time in her life. It gives her the freedom she didn’t have in the last relationship since in this relationship her partner isn’t very demanding. If she wants more intimacy then when the time is right she’ll choose it.

The next time you notice that you are trying to change your partner take a second to notice what you are doing. Why do we have this tendency? Quite often it’s because we don’t want to look at our own stuff. More on this next time.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

One thing that happens as a life coach is that you become curious about people. You become curious about their challenges as usually what they are up against is similar to your challenges.

This morning we met a couple at the coffee shop who felt that their time on Kauai, after seven years, was over. The reason they felt this way was that they weren’t meeting people who matched their ability to connect. In their mind the conversations seemed to be somewhat superficial.

I told them that I used to feel that way but over time I was able to get to that deeper level of connection. I find more and more people that I can connect with So what’s happened? Did I change or did the people change?

There is no question that I have become a connector. I have worked on it. I take the time to make the connection. Actually it doesn’t take much longer to make the connection. It’s perhaps slowing down a bit.

We have the ability to transcend what’s on the surface and find common ground with almost anyone. It takes commitment but is rewarding.

What most of us want is the ability to connect with others. That’s the good news. And sometimes they just don’t know how to do it. They are so excited about what they are into that they either want to share it with you or convert you. Either way they are not listening. Active listening is the key to connection. If someone feels a certain way, be curious as to what its like to feel that way. Put yourself in their shoes.

For the next week focus on being a better connector.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Lately I have been riding my Mountain Bike. Yesterday I rode from my house to Phoenix Lake. On the right side of the lake is a trail called Lower Shaver which takes you up to Five Corners. On the Far edge of the lake you have a choice to continue on Lower Shaver or to turn left and climb Fish Grade or Eldridge. Fish Grade for me has always been out of the question since its so steep. So my choice really was Eldridge or to continue straight.

I wanted more of a challenge so I decided on Eldridge…The slope on Eldridge is slightly elevated for the first 100 yards and then there is a 50 yard stretch in which the slope is greatly elevated. That 50 yard strectch is a challenge; on some occasions I have had to stop and walk my bike or once I get to the top I rest. I wanted to break this pattern. And for the minute or two before having to make the decision I debated as to which trail to take. I chose Eldridge and tried something different.

Once I started the steep 50 yard stretch instead of wondering if I could make it to the top I just focused on the step or two immediataely in front of me. I didn’t look at to see how far I had to go. For me the choice was simple. By breaking it down into small segmentss I didn’t notice any slope. It was only when I looked at the top that I noticed the steepness. As I pedaled focusing on what was immediately in front of me I reached the top and continued on my way. I wasn’t tired or winded and it was as if I was riding on a level trail.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In a life-coaching session recently I noticed that my client was using the word “overwhelm’ frequently. This was the first time that we had talked. I was curious as to what she meant when she used this word.

We all have an idea of what it means. And because we do the word has tremendous power.

By probing somewhat, we established that she used the word overwhelm interchangeably for what she described as a heightened level of anxiety.

I also asked her to describe her physical body sensations. After doing so she realized that she could describe these same bodily sensations in other ways. While overwhelm was certainly one possibility so was “excitement.” So was “curiousity.”

We agreed that for the next week she wouldn’t use the word “overwhelm.” There are certainly more empowering words that she could use. Once she begins to make them a part of her regular vocabularly, then a myriad of possibilities begins to show up.

To change the way you see life and to change your attitude change your language. Be curious as to the words you use that disempower you. Then begin to replace them with words and phrases that empower you.

What are some of the words that you use that seem to disempower you? What are some better choices?

Journey On

Mark

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

It was one of those days….I needed to get a copy of my birth certificate….so I made the trek to the city…got there early and had to wait in line ….not too long. I asked the guy in front of me if I could look at his paper ane he said no. That hasn’t happened for a long time. And then he continued to almost secretly read it….

I got it within a half hour and now I needed to go to DMV to get a new license plate. Again I didn’t have to wait too long….by 9:45 I was done and time to reward myself. Breakfast at the Half Day,my favorite place…..Now I’m home .. checked my email….and catching up on my writing.

NOW to the bank and post office. The post office is its own world. There never seems to be enough people working. Anyway my errands are done. Time to reward myself. Later on I plan to take a bike ride up on the mountain. No coaching today….taking a break. I’m into this writing thing…..

I’m listening to a compilation of Instrumental Inspirations and I can feel a rhythm to my thinking and my typing. I can feel my body moving to the chord changes and the rhythm. The melodies have a way of taking over my spirit. Yea! As I allow the music to envelop me I have access to a whole new range of sensations and feelings. That’s what music does at times is help us tune into forgotten aspects of our being. This CD is all new and so far I like all of it. That’s about it for now.

Journey On

Mark
THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

There’s nothing like old friends. There’s a synchronicity. You know each other in a way that no one else does. You’ve shared experiences at a time in your life when your life was much different. When I read Jim’s email that he and his wife, Fern, would be in town, I was excited. Jim and I were young lawyers in Marin many years ago searching to find our way. Jim suggested that we meet at Green’s, the vegetarian restaurant, run by the SF Zen Center.

As Annie and I drove over the Golden Gate Bridge on the way to the restaurant I felt a sense of freedom as I noticed the cyclists and walkers enjoying themselves. I was reminded of some of the wilderness hikes that Jim and I went on many years ago when our lives were much simpler. I casually remarked to Annie that I couldn’t believe that I had never walked across the bridge. “Someday I am going to do that,” I declared.

Our plan was to have a leisurely lunch before returning to Marin. As we got up to leave, Jim asked me for a favor. He wanted to know if on our return to Marin we could drop them off at the Vista Point on the Marin side of the bridge so that they could walk back.

Not only did we drop them off, we walked most of the way with them before turning back and heading home.

My relationship with Jim has been cultivated over many years. And there have been many other special relationships cultivated over the course of time. But as we know, nothing seems to stay the same.

In our mobile society relationships are always changing. Jim hasn’t been the only friend who has moved away. Think about how many of us have moved away from the place where we grew up.

Then there are those relationships that for some reason just don’t work out. You play it out until it’s time to move on. In other relationships a common need or interest, which bound you at one time, is no longer enough. Then there is the inevitable, which is, that a few good friends will have passed on. As my good friend Sylvi just said to me, “Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

It’s a basic need that we want to feel connected to others. This is true whether it’s at home, in the work place or in our day-to-day experience of life. Although we want it, we don’t necessarily know how to create it in our life especially when we don’t have that history or story to share.

The good news is that we have an awareness and set of skills that we didn’t possess many years ago. Connecting is not a matter of time. It happens in an instant when you connect with your whole being rather than just your intellect. I am sure you have had the experience of meeting someone and it seemed as if you had always known them. That can occur more frequently.

Once you have an intention to create more conection in your life, a shift happens. The question then becomes, as it is with many people that I work with in coaching, is what can I do to create more connection in my life?

Connection begins with you. It’s connecting with your higher power. It’s discovering your authentic self. Meditation is the pathway that I have chosen to this connection.

Then by expressing gratitude for the connection that is already in your life, you see yourself in a new way; a way that acknowledges a deeper truth, which is that it’s your innate nature to be connected. As your day progresses think of yourself as a connected being wondering about who you will be connecting with next. You will be amazed as to what happens.

I’m not saying you’ll connect with everyone. But there is a myth about connection that needs to be dispelled. Connecting with someone doesn’t take any more time, but does requires you to be more mindful of the present moment. It’s being curious about the other person and suspending judgment as to who you think they are.

Connection is a path and like most paths, there are going to be obstacles and challenges. You need to become aware of what these are before you can overcome them. The biggest obstacle and challenge for many of us is that we have not learned to be “active listeners.” Think about our “normal” conversations. Quite often it’s just an exchange of information. Rather than being in the present, we think about how to respond to what is being said. Before we know it we are thinking about something that happened to us many years ago that was triggered by what was said in the conversation. No wonder we never get who the other person is.

Another challenge is that we are invested in having to be right. We always try to get in the last word. Tell the truth-does that tendency sound familiar? Being right and connecting don’t go together! No matter how much work we have done on ourselves, we still have a little bit of the “being right’ in us.

It’s a basic belief of mine that connection can be cultivated. Before I got into coaching I was a decent connector when I wanted to be, but I don’t think it was one of my strenghts. That changed during my first coaching relationship. Pat gave me a whole new way to look at connection that has been instrumental in my having the awareness that I do now. When having a conversation with a prospective client, think about connecting with that person first,” he would often say. “And if you make the connection, then it’s a win-win situation for both of you without anything else needing to be said.”

The ability to connect with others opens up a whole new world. It transcends stereotypes and judgments, which creates fertile ground for new dialogue. A dialogue not constrained by history, but open to common ground for a consciousness of cooperation and togethernress. It’s up to us to create the world we envision. Let us join as one. Please feel free to share this message with those in your circle. This was also published as part of my Letters on Life series.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

For some years now, I start my day with a ritual. After meditating and focusing on all of the blessings in my life, I start wondering about what the highlight of the day might be.

What I mean by highlight can be a conversation, a walk in nature or a feeling that I have. It might a feeling I get watching a movie or reading a book. I certainly felt that way watching a few movies recently. I already shared with in a previous blog, August Rush. If you haven’t already seen Across the Universe, it’s another great one.

When you come from a true place of wonderment, you don’t know when you will experience these moments, but you are open to feeling it when it occurs.

It might even be that there are two or three moments that in their own way elevate how you feel. Once that occurs you feel a flow in your life. It’s contagious. You come to expect it.

That’s the way it’s been lately. I already told you about the Golden Gate experience. And Sunday was another one of those moments. Not only did I connect with a new friend, I also found a new music partner. It was great sharing common ground about the creative process with someone new. It was a great day which has become the norm rather than the exception.

Wondering about the highlight of the day, helps you create a positive expectation as to your experience of life. It’s a great practice and takes just an open mind and a little curiosity. Experiment with it for a few weeks and see if you notice a difference. I bet you will.

Keep me posted.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow ,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

I just watched, Click, a film with Adam Sandler, which had an interesting premise. What if we had a universal remote that could speed up our life so that if we really wanted something we could get it much sooner, just by clicking on the fast forward button.

That’s what Adam Sandler did. He was up for partner in an architectural firm, but it would be a year from the present. So he used fast forward to the day he would be named partner. And from there he fast forwarded some more to the day he was Architect of the Year. But by this time he was an old man and suffered from debilitating health problems.

In the film you see all that he missed…his kids growing up…his wife falling in love with someone else. It makes you think. Are we living too much in the future or are we taking extra steps to avoid experiencing what’s happening right in front of us? Usually it’s a combination of the two. We do anything to avoid pain. We keep busy, take mind altering substances. Caffeine speeds us up and alcohol slows us down. And of course there are many other substances.

So the question is what are you not willing to look at? Perhaps a little truth searching would be helpful. I remember when I used to struggle with relationships. I was in a rocky relationship that I described as “off and on.” The truth was that it was usually off and dragged on for two years. I didn’t want to look at the truth because I didn’t want to say that I was alone. So I put up with the pain to avoid looking at something much deeper.

Then one day I realized that I was alone. Having a relationship didn’t change that. Once I realized that I was alone, I began experiencing solitude which brought me a sense of inner peace.

Don’t be afraid to look at the truth. As they say the truth sets you free.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

I love to read an inspiring book or watch a movie. A few days ago I wrote about 3 Cups of Tea. Now I have another one. This time it’s a movie which is August Rush. I watched it Friday evening. I loved the ending. It’s about a boy who is given up for adoption who hears music inside him. He believes that the music will lead him to his parents. He follows the music until the final scene which left me with a wonderful feeling inside. And so I watched it the next nite with Annie. There’s a lot of great music in the film and some touching scenes. Don’t want to tell you too much. You’ll have to rent it.

It reminded me to listen to my calling. August Rush listened to the music and he followed it. We all have an inner voice that is telling us something, but quite often we don’t listen.

And quite often we can’t hear that voice amidst all of the chatter and clutter. We have to be still before we can hear the voice and then it’s up to us to listen. Once we hear the voice we need to have a map and direction. It might take years but at least we know we are going in the right direction.

I think most us want to know that we have a deeper purpose. Finding that purpose is what much of our search is about. For me becoming a life coach was a step in that direction. Inspiring others to believe in themselves is what motivates me. It’s taken me a while to get there with a lot of twists and turns along the way.

Once you have a glimpse of what it is, allow it to expand. One step leads to the next and before you know it, you are fulfilling your life purpose. It doesn’t mean that life is now a walk in the beach, but certainly you fell that the challenge is worth the effort.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.