At a talk I gave recently, I was asked what I consider to be the biggest challenge that we personally face in our lives. It didn’t take me long to respond. Most of us are imprisoned by our negative thoughts, which affect our ability to enjoy life in the moment and to be optimistic about the future.

Being optimistic is an act of faith that is a moment-to-moment choice that one makes over and over again. Our ultimate challenge is to be optimistic in the face of the many reasons not to be.

If you are questioning how you are doing, ask yourself how much you worry. Most of us worry more than we would like. This excessive worry drains us of our ability to enjoy life in the moment. We feel empty. There’s no place to hide. Almost every day there is a crisis somewhere in the world that fuels the fires of worry. Routinely there is the mention of an economic collapse or bank failure, which reminds us of how our own accounts or businesses are doing and adds to our stress.

On top of that the stress of everyday living drains us. It might be a toxic relationship, work situation or financial issue. We mistakenly believe that when the current crisis is resolved, there will be smooth sailing. Perhaps for a brief period of time there is, but there is always going to be a next thing to be concerned about. We can’t change that. That’s life. From our limited perspective we aren’t able to see the big picture. As a result we overreact even to the normal circumstances that occur in the course of everyday living. In the process our personal, spiritual and emotional accounts are drained.

Welcome to a new kind of bank, the inner B.A.N.K of Well-Being. It’s our internal barometer as to how we are feeling about “life.” When our account has a nice surplus, it’s easier to be optimistic and to feel that we can handle most challenges. Our job is to make daily deposits into this account.

Since we can’t change the external events that are going to occur, we have to focus on the things that we can change which are our internal states and our belief systems. We can replenish our accounts by depositing good energy into them in the form of positive thoughts, healthy food, exercise, a spiritual discipline, inspiration, and supportive friends. When you have a daily spiritual practice, everyday in some way you are making a deposit. Meditation and communing in nature have always had a healing affect on my being. I know that you have your own way of replenishing your account. The important thing is to commit to making the deposit in some way even when you don’t feel like it.
One of the biggest deposits you can make is to cultivate your VIP, your voice of inspiration and praise which I have previously written about. It takes work and dedication to cultivate this voice, but if you don’t make the choice to be proactive, your life will seem like one of limitation. Becoming conscious of your thoughts is not only a choice that determines how you experience your life, but it’s also a choice about becoming the person who actually lives that life. It’s a choice about which voice you choose to listen to; the voice of judgment and limitation or the voice of inspiration, which becomes your “guiding light.”

Now that we’ve explored the importance of making a commitment to replenishing our accounts, let’s explore what we can do to reduce the worry in our lives and to stop the drain on our accounts. With that in mind, I have included a 3-step process which is excerpted from my forthcoming book, Dancing on the River, that will help you reduce the worry in your life.

The Reduce Worry Process

Worry is an irrational emotion. F.E.A.R. is an acronym that reminds us of this truth; False Evidence Appearing Real. The first question to ask yourself is what is the worst that can happen?

After you have done that, then ask yourself, “How likely is it, that what you are worrying about will happen?” This inquiry forces you to detach from what you are feeling, even if just for a few seconds. It gets you out of the irrational mode, which is when you usually imagine the worst-case scenario. From this place of feeling calmer, explore the likelihood of the particular thing that you are worrying about actually occurring. Usually I come to the conclusion that there is little likelihood of the future circumstance occurring and even if it does, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll get through it.

The next inquiry, although counterintuitive because of our past conditioning, is quite powerful. Ask yourself what the result would be if everything went your way. Very few of us allow ourselves to consider this possibility. We have no way of knowing what is going to happen in the future, yet for some reason when we worry we think we do. In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010.In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

I’m excited to announce that Dancing on the River, will be available on Amazon beginning May 15th. Feel free to forward Letters on Life to those in your circle and please let me know what’s going on in your life.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 15, 2010.

I was talking with my friend Jeannie about what we get to do as life coaches. We get to share what we think about and what we feel is most important in our lives with others. And that’s what I try to do in my blogs and in my newsletters. My thoughts keep evolving.

In the last blog I shared with you six insights that have the potential to change your life. Since I sent it out, I have been thinking about the power of curiosity which I briefly commented upon as one of the six insights. I thought I’d take the time to explore this concept in greater depth and give you a few examples of how I use it in my life.

If you remember I suggested that as you start your day that you wonder about what the highlight of your day might be. What this does is get you thinking about the potential for good in your life. You’re curious about might happen during the day.

You can make this a practice in almost everything that you do. I remember when I was a trial lawyer. There were plenty of moments when I faced a difficult situation with a lot at stake or when I was in the presence of someone who was just unpleasant.

And then one day a light bulb went one when I was in the middle of a deposition. I realized that I chose to be there in that this was the work that I chose for my career. And this situation would be coming up again and again as long as I was in this line of work. The circumstances weren’t going to change. So the only alternative was for me to change my attitude.

On this morning, the other attorney who I’ll just call Dennis was particularly rude and insulting. Rather than getting plugged into Dennis’s energy, I was curious about why he was the way that he was. I was sure that this was his MO–getting into arguments with most of the people in his life. I even felt sorry for him, and grateful that I wasn’t like him. I also realized that in each moment that I had a chose to be firm but not reactive.

Finally I suggested to Dennis that we take a break and talk off the record. I asked him what was going on with him–after all my client was just an innocent victim.

Dennis apologized and invited me to lunch. He told me how much he hated his job. To this day, we have maintained a relationship even after I transitioned into becoming a life coach.

It’s the same thing with worry. When you think about it…isn’t worry an irrational belief that the worst will happen? Rather than worrying, be curious as to how it’s all going to unfold. Not only that, be curious as to how your life could be if everything worked out better than you expected.

These are just a few ideas that we’ll explore further in the next blog.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com

Wherever we are in life’s evolutionary cycle, we eventually come to the same realization. The outward journey of seeking success is only temporarily fulfilling. Finding joy and meaning is an inner journey. On this journey we cultivate an empowering attitude, which is a reflection of a life decision that we make to be happy and to enjoy life in this moment. We have discovered that our enjoyment and appreciation of life is not dependent on what might happen in the future. It takes a while to come to this realization, but once you do, you have the potential to awaken to a rich inner life that is more fulfilling than you can imagine.

It is my hope that by integrating the following six insights and practices into your life, you will know what it means to be Dancing on the River.

1.How you start your day sets the tone for the day. If you start the day in a hurry it will be extremely difficult to slow down. Most of us rush out of the house in the morning trying to make an appointment or deadline. Underneath the concern that we won’t be able to get it all done is an underlying anxiety that won’t go away.
You sometimes wish you had a magic wand that could make things better. Although there is no magic wand, there is a morning practice that can minimize much of that anxiety. After you wake up and before you do anything else, take 10-15 minutes for reflection. Perhaps you already have a meditation practice. If you don’t, just sit still in a quiet place and pay attention to your breath.
After meditation begin to focus on what you are grateful for. Perhaps there are only a few things that you can think of in the beginning, but once you make this a daily practice, you realize how blessed you are. By focusing on what you are grateful for, your focus shifts to what’s right in your life, rather than on what’s wrong. It’s an amazing practice, which has the power to transform your life.

2. Develop the practice of Curiosity. I didn’t realize how powerful of a concept this could be until I integrated it into my life. Here’s what I suggest to get you going. In the morning, after expressing gratitude, reflect upon your day wondering about what the highlight of your day might be. By being curious as to what that is, you’ll create a positive expectation as the day progresses. No matter what is happening in your life, rather than worrying about the outcome, be curious as to how it is all going to unfold. By being curious, you’re also open to those pleasant surprises—those moments of grace that uplift your spirit.

3. Learn how to recognize and know your VOJ. The VOJ is that voice of judgment that drives you nuts. You know it. We all do. You would give anything to silence it even if just for a few minutes. The sooner that you can recognize your VOJ, the sooner you can become free of the hypnotic spell that can last a lifetime if you don’t do anything about it. But the doing is a different type of doing. It’s just noticing. I have found that giving this voice a name has been effective in breaking the spell that it has over me. I call my VOJ, Ralph. This is a lifelong challenge so don’t be discouraged if you don’t notice anything immediately.

4. Self-Acceptance is the next practice. Let’s be honest with ourselves. There are certain things we can’t change about ourselves. We can’t change who are parents are. We can’t change our country of origin. We can’t change all of the injustices in the world, although we might try. But we do have the potential to change how we think about ourselves and how we think about the circumstances of our lives. Even though, we are our own worst critics at times, our work is to accept those things that we don’t like about ourselves—that dark side often referred to as our “shadow.” Once you accept those things about yourself that you don’t like or are embarrassed by, you will feel lighter and freer. 
And isn’t that what it’s all about–becoming lighter.

5. Introduce positive self-talk into the conversation. Now that you are more familiar with those voices and patterns that have been running your life, it’s time to listen to a new voice that needs to be nurtured and cultivated. It’s a voice if honored and respected can change how you think about yourself. I call this voice your VIP. It’s the voice of Inspiration and Praise that we don’t listen to, or hear enough. That voice has become my inner champion. When I think that I shouldn’t have felt the way I did about something that happened, or that I shouldn’t have acted in a certain way, my VIP sends me a few words of encouragement, by saying to me, “you’re doing great. You handled that well.”

It takes conscious effort and resolve to cultivate your VIP. As you learn to trust and listen to it, how you feel about your life shifts.

6. Make time for the Jollies. So here we are again with another new phrase. No I haven’t lost my mind. 
We all have faced our share of challenges that at times seems overwhelming. Even so, there are many things that have given us joy at one time or the other. They might be little things that we have forgotten about.
The Jollies is taking the time to do what gives you joy. So when I say make time for the jollies–I mean make time for what gives you “joy,”
 even if you still have loose ends in your life and your “to do” list is full. It took me a while to figure this out, but there will always be “loose ends” and uncertainty. If you always wait for the perfect time to begin something new, you will never begin. The only perfect time is now.

So there you have it—There’s only one thing left to do. Enjoy the journey and make it an exciting adventure. of discovery. This blog has been adapted from my forthcoming book, Dancing on the River, which will be released on May 1st.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com

When I spoke with Carl, a new life coaching client this morning, we focused on what the three biggest life lessons of his life have been up to this point in time. Just for a second imagine that you are giving a talk to a group…you could be a motivational speaker, a teacher, or talking with a group of friends who are longing to know what your pearls of wisdom are. I’m sure you’ll have your unique twist as to what they are. Back to Carl.

His first pearl was to take everything in stride. Don’t let your emotions run your life. Too often we overreact to events in our lives, especially if they are negative. We start to wonder if these sequence of events will ever end. We start to imagine the worst case scenarios occurring.

2. Then Carl said the following in his own voice. Happiness is an inside job. There’s nothing out there that will give you lasting happiness. Sure it might make you happy for a while, but it won’t last. Happiness is also a decision that you make in the moment over and over again. It’s a choice that is not dependent on future events or circumstances that might happen or not happen.

3. Nobody can do it for you. Ultimately you know yourself better than anyone else does. You have to decide. You might have to go against the grain and go out on a limb. But that’s what is needed at times.

Keep thinking about what’s true for you. Most likely it will change from time to time.

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

In a life coaching session, yesterday, with Sally the focus was on helping her overcome her conditioning regarding abundance. Sally was beginning to reach new pinnacles of success in her accounting business. Yet she still hung onto old belief systems that were preventing her from enjoying her new level of success. She was very reluctant to invest in new equipment for her business that was technologically superior even though her business had doubled in size.

Sally had been so focused on survival and whether should would make it, that she hadn’t taken time to objectively evaluate where she was with her professional development. I suggested that for a moment that she imagine that she had planted seeds. In the beginning we don’t know which ones will make it. Eventually, some plants emerge–then our new focus is to cultivate and to enjoy them.

That’s what professional development is about. The first phase is making it. The next phase is to enjoy your success. Sally was in her new phase. It was time to enjoy the beauty in her life and to allow more joy in her life. Her apprenticeship was over.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

in a life coaching session yesterday, i discussed with let’s call him Carl, the importance of having a dream that is independent from what you do in the world. For Carl and many others, the stress and demands from meeting our financial and personal obligations takes most of our energy. We don’t have much left over.

To have a dream that demands more of us and doesn’t help us meet our bottom line, at times seems unrealistic. But that’s exactly what we need to do. Otherwise we are subject to the ups and downs of the external world; our relationships, health, and finances. Carl and many others that I work with as their life coach would like to see peace in the world. Carl is in the process of starting a community of people who focus on inner peace in themselves and in the world.

But he has found much resistance in trying to bring people together. I remember at one time in my life I was faced with the same dilemma. I wrote back then, “Should the visionairies of peace stop loving, then the prophets of doom, will have their day of gloom.” Whatever our dream, we need to keep it alive. Noone else will do it for us. Sometimes just having the dream is enough. As Martin Luther King said, “I might not get to the mountaintop with you,” but he had the dream for others to believe in. Keep the dream alive. There might not be much agreement, right now.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It’s a time to come together, to reach out and to be with others. It’s a time to think about what we’re grateful for. And when we do, we experience the present moment. Think about what we had to do to get here. Some of us traveled many miles and toiled many hours preparing food. Others warmed our houses and created an inviting space for others to come together.

So when we give thanks for our life we no longer think about the future-or have regrets about the past. It’s a day when we live in the present-with its perfection. Giving thanks really is an acknowledgement of the present moment.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

If only they would be more reasonable. You probably have said this over a hundred times. Maybe you have said this version. “If only they were easier to deal with.” That’s what we discussed on a call today.

After exploring numerous approaches to make the situation better nothing seemed to change. The other person stayed in their unreasonable mode…or at least that’s the way you saw it.

Perhaps it’s a situation with a past spouse regarding the welfare of your children or it could be with a coworker. The other person in your mind seems to be unreasonable; perhaps even pathologically so. You’ve tried everything. You are frustrated. You want them to change.

I’ve been there countless times. They won’t change unless you change first. Be the example. Don’t go to their level. This is such a common situation. Your challenge….don’t get plugged into their stuff. Since they won’t change, your only choice is to change how you react to them. And over time the dynamic will be different.

Most important is not to take what’s happening personally. When I was a trial lawyer, there were many times when I had to step back from the fray and be the observer. Actually noticing myself interacting with the other attorney. Over time I realized that I had a choice not to get plugged in.

Ask yourself how you want to feel after the interaction. You can be assertive without losing your cool. But there is a fine line that once you cross, your blood pressure starts to rise and you are in the middle of a confrontation. Visualize yourself in control as the interaction in progresses. What I mean control is to be in control of your emotions. That is a choice.

JOURNEY ON

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

As we all know at some point in our life we start to feel boxed in by our life circumstances. Our choices seem limited by our beliefs around what is possible in our life. And when we are really honest with ourself we know that our beliefs are just beliefs and not truth.

It’s difficult for many of us to accept this truth, but if you accept it, you will have a new sense of freedom.

What is really disturbing is that these beliefs which limit what’s possible in our lives today are based upon the meaning and significance we gave events that happened when we were kids.

The meaning you have given these past events including characterizations about yourself, such as “you’re not lovable…You don’t deserve better,” are running your life today.

Freeing yourself from this past is the first step in experiencing more personal freedom in your life. Look back at your life and realize that every event and experience that has occurred has made you what you are today.

Take a look at some of your past experiences. Can you give this past experience a different meaning? I know you can but even if you can’t what about being open to the possibility that because of this event you are better for it. Sometimes forgiving yourself or someone else is also freeing. Stop hanging on and let it go. Let go of your attachments and your identification with what has happened. Be willing to give it new meaning.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Today I was thinking about conflict and the many emotions associated with it. First there is the disagreement. Your view is not in alignment with the other persons. You don’t like it. Your body tightens and your breathing becomes shallow.

Then there is the venting phase which involves making the other person wrong. You feel hurt and have a need to be vindicated. In your mind you make the other person wrong a thousand times and gather support for your viewpoint. You process it with other people until finally they don’t want to hear it anymore.

And then there is the letting go. You no longer have the need to talk about it. You become quiet and let it go. You become detached from the outcome. And as you become quieter, the conflict goes away.

Today I felt at peace with a current business conflict I was having. As I found the peace within myself, the conflict didn’t bother me any more. And then I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen in many years. I no longer was carrying the baggage of the prior conflict. I could be totally in the present and maintained my inner peace and enjoyed the day.

Journey On

Mark

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016