My response to Carl was the following. You can be happy and still have money problems. And I told the other client that he could be happy and still have his relationship problems.

Problems come and go. If we make our happiness or fulfillment dependent on the cycles of our lives, our emotions will go up and down like a yo-yo.

Rather than making our feelings of satisfaction and fulfillment contingent on getting rid of circumstances that bother us, make a decision to be happy in the moment. Yes you have to make this decision over and over again. It will take a conscious effort.

Dancing on the River, is a consciousness that is a reflection of a life decision to be happy in the moment that you make over and over again. Yes—you can be happy and your relationship has things that need to be worked out. Yes you can be happy and still have money concerns.

It’s not about being perfect but being human. We’re emotional beings. We’re irrational at times. We do the best we can under the circumstances.

There’s nothing you need to do. Most of us want to be happy. There’s nothing out there that will make you feel that way. It’s easier than you think. Try it. It starts with being grateful for your life.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

In the Q and A afterwards, many pointed out that this was a challenge for them because there was too much pain in their lives. They had been traumatized by events that they have never gotten over. And so often in their everyday living they saw too much suffering in the world.

That is the challenge that we all face. We all have been traumatized by life to various degrees and some of us are more sensitive to these events than others. Our physiology and nervous systems are unique, some more fragile than others.

So how do we find joy in the midst of a somewhat chaotic and sometimes unfair world? That is the challenge we all face. How can we see the light when we are surrounded by darkness. How can we experience joy when there is so much suffering?

In this blog, I want to give you a starting point and I’m not saying to forget the traumatic events of the past. We don’t ever get over them. But we can learn to accept and make peace with them. Many years ago I was privileged to meet a spiritual teacher from India who had taken a vow of silence for 39 years. When asked if he had learned how to be totally present with life, he answered, “NO.” Most of us present in that room were surprised. But he did say that he had learned to make peace with it.

That’s all we can do–make peace and accept all of life. We grieve for the pain in our lives and in the world, but at some point we have to go on with our lives. And what I mean by going on with our lives, is to allow ourselves to experience the joy and blessings that are so abundant when we allow ourselves to remain open to these experiences.

Often it is said that pain builds character. That is true and it also expands our capacity to experience joy. Joy and sorrow come from the same well. As we experience more, our hearts open and we embrace all of life.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Another big challenge that we face, at least those who I work with as their life coach, is the erroneous belief that when what is bothering us goes away, there will be smooth sailing.

You know that one. “Only if” this person wasn’t in my life, my life would be better. You could be in a bad relationship, or you could have an ongoing conflict with someone in the work place. You leave or they leave and you feel better for a little while until the next problem occurs.

The “only if syndrome” shows up in many different forms. I’m sure you know them, especially this one. If business picks up, the pressure will be off. It usually is for awhile and then you have new concerns. You have to fulfill the requirements of the increased business and then you worry about next year or the next slump. I can guarantee you one thing. If you tend to worry, there will always be something to worry about. As I have written in Dancing on the River, happiness is a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy in the moment over and over again. Once you make this decision, your life will become one of adventure rather than one of struggle.

Be grateful for all of the blessings in your life. Focus on what’s right, rather than on what is wrong.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

With that in mind, I began writing more often. Each day I would chronicle my insights and experiences that I thought would be interesting to share. But like a lot of good ideas, not all of them are carried out to completion.

It seems as if many of the people with whom I work as a life coach have the same challenge. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s one of your challenges too. As a result we stop short of really getting to know something. We don’t get to experience that depth of understanding.

We resist being in the moment. Our mind detracts us from whatever we are doing. “There is something else we could be doing” we think to ourselves. Or we might be thinking, “why am I here, I don’t want to do this.”

What you are experiencing in form or the other is what I call resistance. Overcoming resistance is one of the biggest challenge that we all face. It shows up in so many aspects of our lives. It’s only when we go deeper that we can experience those magical moments. Let me give you an example.

I was looking forward to going to yoga this morning but at the last minute thought about bagging it before I left the house. But i didn’t and went to class. It took a while before settling in and being present. I felt great after class. That was just one experience, but it is that thought process that occurs in almost everything we do.

During the class I had so many thoughts about just letting it go and not being there. It’s that duality that we all experience. We are physically present at a particular place..doing something…yet at the same time our mind is some other place. And with all of the latest technology, it makes the problem even greater. As soon as it’s feasible, one brings out their cell phones.

That’s what I’m working on–being totally present…I think that’s what charisma is all about. People who we perceive as charismatic have that ability to be present and to exhibit presence. Think of it in another way. What is presence? Being present.

It’s something you can work on and develop. In a subsequent blog we’ll talk about a few things that can help you develop this quality.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

What I have seen is that living with doubt is one of the biggest challenges we all face. Too often we let doubt stop us and prevent us from taking that next step in our life. We focus on what might go wrong and as a result stay stuck in our comfort zone.

No matter what we do, we are going to experience doubt to some extent. Many of us experience this as fear or anxiety. We don’t like it and will do anything to avoid it.

We have a strong desire to get to that place in our lives where the doubt is minimized or barely perceptible. But to eliminate all doubt before taking the next step will result in a life that is unexplored and unfulfilled. It leads to a life that is predictable and routine. Mediocrity becomes the norm.

Change your perspective and think of doubt in a different way. Doubt is a reminder that you are thoughtful and insightful. It creates an edge that is exciting which prepares you for the unexpected and unpredictable. In the long run it leads to a more fulfilling and successful life. It allows you to get in touch with your passion.

Be thankful for your doubt but don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Personal Development is like that. You have to be open to change. The more open you are the higher you can go. Eventually you’ll get near the top and what you see expands you.

When you reach the peak your view is unlimited. You look in every direction and your view is unobstructed. You consider things you’ve never thought were possible. You’re confidence is at an all time high. You experience a magic and excitement. You’re looking forward to what’s next.

But it doesn’t stay that way. You come back down and return to the starting point— well not exactly the starting point because you’ll never see things the way you did before you began the journey. You had a glimpse–a glimpse that keeps you going even in the darkest moments.

That glimpse lets you know what is possible and you gratefully accept the challenge. It also prepares you for the next challenge; a new mountain that you can’t even imagine at this time. It’s only when looking back you realize how far you’ve come.

I invite you to read my new book Dancing on the River. It’s a guide into unknown territory. After reading it, you’ll be more comfortable with “not knowing” what the future holds. You might even feel that the unknown is your friend.

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 22, 2010.

Let me tell you about what came up with let’s call her, Susie, one of my life coaching clients. Susie, a brilliant professional woman, was extremely frustrated in her job. She was used to having her life exactly the way she wanted and creating success in whatever she did. However she had reached the point in her life when she felt more and more that her job did not fully engage her. Not only that but she found herself working harder and making less. She often wondered why she was there and what her alternatives were.

Up until recently she had felt that she had created a great life and was proud of it; a great family, success in her career and enthusiasm for living. Because she now felt at a crossroads she began to feel like a victim of circumstances. After all she was affected by the macro economic conditions, she thought to herself.

That raises the bigger question for all of us as to who is really in control of our lives. Is it our thoughts? Is it our habits? Or are we controlled by forces that we are unaware of?

When our habits control our lives, we pretty much go unconscious and our choices seem limited. Becoming more conscious is beginning the process of discovering how our habits run our life.

Being optimistic is an act of faith that is a moment-to-moment choice that one makes over and over again. Our ultimate challenge is to be optimistic in the face of the many reasons not to be.

If you are questioning how you are doing, ask yourself how much you worry. Most of us worry more than we would like. This excessive worry drains us of our ability to enjoy life in the moment. We feel empty. There’s no place to hide. Almost every day there is a crisis somewhere in the world that fuels the fires of worry. Routinely there is the mention of an economic collapse or bank failure, which reminds us of how our own accounts or businesses are doing and adds to our stress.

On top of that the stress of everyday living drains us. It might be a toxic relationship, work situation or financial issue. We mistakenly believe that when the current crisis is resolved, there will be smooth sailing. Perhaps for a brief period of time there is, but there is always going to be a next thing to be concerned about. We can’t change that. That’s life. From our limited perspective we aren’t able to see the big picture. As a result we overreact even to the normal circumstances that occur in the course of everyday living. In the process our personal, spiritual and emotional accounts are drained.

Welcome to a new kind of bank, the inner B.A.N.K of Well-Being. It’s our internal barometer as to how we are feeling about “life.” When our account has a nice surplus, it’s easier to be optimistic and to feel that we can handle most challenges. Our job is to make daily deposits into this account.

Since we can’t change the external events that are going to occur, we have to focus on the things that we can change which are our internal states and our belief systems. We can replenish our accounts by depositing good energy into them in the form of positive thoughts, healthy food, exercise, a spiritual discipline, inspiration, and supportive friends. When you have a daily spiritual practice, everyday in some way you are making a deposit. Meditation and communing in nature have always had a healing affect on my being. I know that you have your own way of replenishing your account. The important thing is to commit to making the deposit in some way even when you don’t feel like it.
One of the biggest deposits you can make is to cultivate your VIP, your voice of inspiration and praise which I have previously written about. It takes work and dedication to cultivate this voice, but if you don’t make the choice to be proactive, your life will seem like one of limitation. Becoming conscious of your thoughts is not only a choice that determines how you experience your life, but it’s also a choice about becoming the person who actually lives that life. It’s a choice about which voice you choose to listen to; the voice of judgment and limitation or the voice of inspiration, which becomes your “guiding light.”

Now that we’ve explored the importance of making a commitment to replenishing our accounts, let’s explore what we can do to reduce the worry in our lives and to stop the drain on our accounts. With that in mind, I have included a 3-step process which is excerpted from my forthcoming book, Dancing on the River, that will help you reduce the worry in your life.

The Reduce Worry Process

Worry is an irrational emotion. F.E.A.R. is an acronym that reminds us of this truth; False Evidence Appearing Real. The first question to ask yourself is what is the worst that can happen?

After you have done that, then ask yourself, “How likely is it, that what you are worrying about will happen?” This inquiry forces you to detach from what you are feeling, even if just for a few seconds. It gets you out of the irrational mode, which is when you usually imagine the worst-case scenario. From this place of feeling calmer, explore the likelihood of the particular thing that you are worrying about actually occurring. Usually I come to the conclusion that there is little likelihood of the future circumstance occurring and even if it does, it’s not the end of the world. I’ll get through it.

The next inquiry, although counterintuitive because of our past conditioning, is quite powerful. Ask yourself what the result would be if everything went your way. Very few of us allow ourselves to consider this possibility. We have no way of knowing what is going to happen in the future, yet for some reason when we worry we think we do. In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010.In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life can become an exciting journey of discovery.

I’m excited to announce that Dancing on the River, will be available on Amazon beginning May 15th. Feel free to forward Letters on Life to those in your circle and please let me know what’s going on in your life.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

In the last blog I shared with you six insights that have the potential to change your life. Since I sent it out, I have been thinking about the power of curiosity which I briefly commented upon as one of the six insights. I thought I’d take the time to explore this concept in greater depth and give you a few examples of how I use it in my life.

If you remember I suggested that as you start your day that you wonder about what the highlight of your day might be. What this does is get you thinking about the potential for good in your life. You’re curious about might happen during the day.

You can make this a practice in almost everything that you do. I remember when I was a trial lawyer. There were plenty of moments when I faced a difficult situation with a lot at stake or when I was in the presence of someone who was just unpleasant.

And then one day a light bulb went one when I was in the middle of a deposition. I realized that I chose to be there in that this was the work that I chose for my career. And this situation would be coming up again and again as long as I was in this line of work. The circumstances weren’t going to change. So the only alternative was for me to change my attitude.

On this morning, the other attorney who I’ll just call Dennis was particularly rude and insulting. Rather than getting plugged into Dennis’s energy, I was curious about why he was the way that he was. I was sure that this was his MO–getting into arguments with most of the people in his life. I even felt sorry for him, and grateful that I wasn’t like him. I also realized that in each moment that I had a chose to be firm but not reactive.

Finally I suggested to Dennis that we take a break and talk off the record. I asked him what was going on with him–after all my client was just an innocent victim.

Dennis apologized and invited me to lunch. He told me how much he hated his job. To this day, we have maintained a relationship even after I transitioned into becoming a life coach.

It’s the same thing with worry. When you think about it…isn’t worry an irrational belief that the worst will happen? Rather than worrying, be curious as to how it’s all going to unfold. Not only that, be curious as to how your life could be if everything worked out better than you expected.

These are just a few ideas that we’ll explore further in the next blog.

JOURNEY ON

MARK