You notice someone in a room and they seem totally confident..totally together. Whether I call it executive coaching or life coaching what is always the same is that these folks who you think might have it together struggle with their internal process. They struggle with how they are being perceived. As I get to know them and their vulnerabilities through coaching, I realize how much courage they exhibit in putting themselves out there.

Now imagine you meet someone for the first time let’s say at a party. What goes through your mind? What don’t you want them to know about you? So we go through life with our little secret…the same one that most people experience. We wonder if we are good enough? If we can do the job? Whether they’ll like us?

What’s good to know is that we’re not alone so it’s important not to let that uneasy feeling prevent us from full engaging with life. 99% of the time the only one who knows that we might feel uncomfortable is ourselves.

Don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

“I don’t like my job, I need to find something different, my client said in yesterday’s life coaching session. Whether it’s in an executive coaching or life coaching session I find that in many ways the people I work with are facing the same challenge. They are dissatisfied with what they are doing.

In their minds there are a myriad of reasons for feeling this way. It might be because of a conflict within the organization, or it might be because they feel unappreciated. Regardless, job dissatisfaction is high.

Even those who are running their own businesses experience conflict within the organization. They have an additional challenge which is growing their business and getting new business. Whatever your situation you have to change your thinking.

Their is never going to be a business without its share of challenges. Wishing it was different isn’t going to change anything.

Here is what I find is helpful. Know that your career is going to have its share of ups and downs. If you are employed you have more power than you realize. You have the power to make a change. You are not tied down to the business or enterprise. When you get plugged in thinking that this is your only option and it’s forever things really seem dreary.

Be glad you have a job and know it isn’t forever. Ask yourself if you really think you’ll be there in two years. There’s no magic number. It could even be one year or five years.

Once you break it down to a finite period of time, then it doesn’t seem hopeless. And after all, you are working to pay your bills and get ahead a little bit. If it turns out that you are also getting satisfaction and fulfillment then that’s a double win.

Once you know that it’s just for a finite period of time, you can take your power back. It’s important to have a life outside of work. If works your only game, then you have no other way of validating yourself. For example….let’s say that you love to go dancing and dance classes empower you. You become excited. But it costs money to take the classes. The job is a means to an end. When we try to make the job the whole thing-the end result- we set ourselves up for disappointment.

If you are running a business then you are faced with a different set of challenges. That’s always been my path.Yes you do think about ways to grow your business and at times it’s challenging, but you have the potential to have more freedom. That’s been my reality. By always having my own business I get to come and go as I want. But I know many business owners who feel trapped and feel they can’t leave. It’s making a decision as to what’s possible. And it might just be more than you realize.

So it’s up to you. Feel grateful for what you have now. It changes and prepares you for the next step.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In a life coaching session this morning, my client said that he had a sense of forboding. After exploring what was behind this feeling it was discovered that he felt uncertain about almost everything in his life.

Even the most enjoyable aspects of his life seemed challenging. Lately I have across others who shared his same sentiment.

What has happened is that they have become focused on the future. When they project what they see happening in the world today into the future and into their own life they get discouraged. Living and worrying about the future makes it difficult to live and enjoy the now.

We know from our work together and the work we’ve done on our own that being in the now is the key to one’s living a fulfilling life.

So what can you do to be more in the moment? Some of these suggestions I am sure you already know. But it’s good to hear them again.

Meditation….a physical discipline….exercise. Any activity that engages you. If you have too much time on your hands, you’ll be thinking about other things…anything to engage your mind. Exercise is a biggie. You just got to work it in.

Come back to your spiritual practice and if you already are committed, then deepen your commitment.

From this perspective it’s more of a natural progression to be optimistic about the future.

As you change how you think about your life, your life changes. I don’t mean to be mystical. But that’s the way it works.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

There’s nothing like old friends. There’s a synchronicity. You know each other in a way that no one else does. You’ve shared experiences at a time in your life when your life was much different. When I read Jim’s email that he and his wife, Fern, would be in town, I was excited. Jim and I were young lawyers in Marin many years ago searching to find our way. Jim suggested that we meet at Green’s, the vegetarian restaurant, run by the SF Zen Center.

As Annie and I drove over the Golden Gate Bridge on the way to the restaurant I felt a sense of freedom as I noticed the cyclists and walkers enjoying themselves. I was reminded of some of the wilderness hikes that Jim and I went on many years ago when our lives were much simpler. I casually remarked to Annie that I couldn’t believe that I had never walked across the bridge. “Someday I am going to do that,” I declared.

Our plan was to have a leisurely lunch before returning to Marin. As we got up to leave, Jim asked me for a favor. He wanted to know if on our return to Marin we could drop them off at the Vista Point on the Marin side of the bridge so that they could walk back.

Not only did we drop them off, we walked most of the way with them before turning back and heading home.

My relationship with Jim has been cultivated over many years. And there have been many other special relationships cultivated over the course of time. But as we know, nothing seems to stay the same.

In our mobile society relationships are always changing. Jim hasn’t been the only friend who has moved away. Think about how many of us have moved away from the place where we grew up.

Then there are those relationships that for some reason just don’t work out. You play it out until it’s time to move on. In other relationships a common need or interest, which bound you at one time, is no longer enough. Then there is the inevitable, which is, that a few good friends will have passed on. As my good friend Sylvi just said to me, “Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

It’s a basic need that we want to feel connected to others. This is true whether it’s at home, in the work place or in our day-to-day experience of life. Although we want it, we don’t necessarily know how to create it in our life especially when we don’t have that history or story to share.

The good news is that we have an awareness and set of skills that we didn’t possess many years ago. Connecting is not a matter of time. It happens in an instant when you connect with your whole being rather than just your intellect. I am sure you have had the experience of meeting someone and it seemed as if you had always known them. That can occur more frequently.

Once you have an intention to create more conection in your life, a shift happens. The question then becomes, as it is with many people that I work with in coaching, is what can I do to create more connection in my life?

Connection begins with you. It’s connecting with your higher power. It’s discovering your authentic self. Meditation is the pathway that I have chosen to this connection.

Then by expressing gratitude for the connection that is already in your life, you see yourself in a new way; a way that acknowledges a deeper truth, which is that it’s your innate nature to be connected. As your day progresses think of yourself as a connected being wondering about who you will be connecting with next. You will be amazed as to what happens.

I’m not saying you’ll connect with everyone. But there is a myth about connection that needs to be dispelled. Connecting with someone doesn’t take any more time, but does requires you to be more mindful of the present moment. It’s being curious about the other person and suspending judgment as to who you think they are.

Connection is a path and like most paths, there are going to be obstacles and challenges. You need to become aware of what these are before you can overcome them. The biggest obstacle and challenge for many of us is that we have not learned to be “active listeners.” Think about our “normal” conversations. Quite often it’s just an exchange of information. Rather than being in the present, we think about how to respond to what is being said. Before we know it we are thinking about something that happened to us many years ago that was triggered by what was said in the conversation. No wonder we never get who the other person is.

Another challenge is that we are invested in having to be right. We always try to get in the last word. Tell the truth-does that tendency sound familiar? Being right and connecting don’t go together! No matter how much work we have done on ourselves, we still have a little bit of the “being right’ in us.

It’s a basic belief of mine that connection can be cultivated. Before I got into coaching I was a decent connector when I wanted to be, but I don’t think it was one of my strenghts. That changed during my first coaching relationship. Pat gave me a whole new way to look at connection that has been instrumental in my having the awareness that I do now. When having a conversation with a prospective client, think about connecting with that person first,” he would often say. “And if you make the connection, then it’s a win-win situation for both of you without anything else needing to be said.”

The ability to connect with others opens up a whole new world. It transcends stereotypes and judgments, which creates fertile ground for new dialogue. A dialogue not constrained by history, but open to common ground for a consciousness of cooperation and togethernress. It’s up to us to create the world we envision. Let us join as one. Please feel free to share this message with those in your circle. This was also published as part of my Letters on Life series.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Lately I’ve been in a movie mood. Some of them I’ve seen before. One in particular got me thinking. Last night I had the privilege of watching one of those rare films,a German film, Good By Lenin. Right around the time of the collapse of the Berlin Wall, the idealistic mother of a small family has a heart attack and is in a coma for 8 months. When she wakes up things are different… The Berlin Wall is down and East Germany is westernized.

When she comes home her family concerned that any excitement will be detrimental to her health, turns back the clock and pretends as if things are the way they were prior to the tearing down of the wall. Her son enrolls several people in this fabrication which had me cracking up.

But the moral question that it left me with is when is it ok to lie? And when do you say enough already? I loved the film but for a while got caught up in their drama and their fabrication. Here are a few things to think about. In the name of family love… Do you ever lie? How do you justify it? How do you get out of it? When was the last time you said or didn’t say what most people might call a lie? What about exaggeration? Is that lying? See the film if you get a chance.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I just got back from a ride on the mountain. It wasn’t planned. But when suggested that we ride our bikes to the coffee shop I couldn’t stop it was so beautiful. There was crispness in the air that really woke you up. And once I reached the mountain and the lakes I could bask in the warmth….sometimes just standing silently listening to the sounds of nature. it was a great way to start the morning.

What’s your favorite time of year? Mine is the season of NOW! Right now I am feeling spring…it’s in full bloom…It’s warmer, although not too warm. There are blossoms on the fruit trees although less and less being replaced by buds that will soon be fruit and a few remaining wild flowers. Yeah it’s that time of year. Getting up much earlier…days are longer. Yeah….can do things outdoors in the evenings…IT’S NOW TIME.

Motivation…excitement…adventure. It’s sure good to feel this way. How can I build on it? As I said it’s never too late to do what you really want. It’s never too late to think about what your vision is for your life and for your community. What is it that you don’t tell people you really want because you think they will think you are crazy? It’s time to put yourself out there. Now is the time. What do you really want, but because you don’t want to be disappointed, you put it on the back burner?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

If you are like me, you wonder about who your real friends are. Deep friendships take years to develop and nourish and often go through transitions but not always. And then there are those folks in your life, although not necessarily close friends, that you end up spending a great deal of time with.

Take a second and think about these folks. Who are they and why are you that involved with them. Are you just thrown together? Perhaps it’s a common cause that you both are committed to. Or perhaps its part of your job. I am sure there are many other reasons that you can think of. The more important question is, “With whom would you like to spend your time with and why aren’t you doing it?”

As we know our selves more, we have a better sense of what our true values and priorities are. And in the process align ourselves with like minded people.

There’s no question that’s it great to have old friends who have known us through many different stages of our life. But for various reasons, we don’t know how long these relationships will last. A close friend might pass on or you might have a falling out. And sometimes you just need to move on.

As we get older we don’t have the time or inclination to get to know someone, but we know ourselves better. It’s in that knowing that we attract to us like minded souls. As this occurs more often we have the natural ability to connect with others. Connection transcends history. Connection transcends your story.

It’s great when you meet another person and not a whole lot needs to be said. You feel like you are with kindred soul. It’s more than great. Ideally I would love to spend my life with all kindred souls….maybe at some level we are all kindred souls trying to find each other. But we need to first find ourselves. And if that’s the case what can we do to access this knowing?

I think what you hear about today is to be authentic…I use to call it “being real”…Only when we’re true to ourselves can we recognize that in another person. But our self is constantly evolving and as it expands we’re able to access much more of our true nature and when that happens our signal…vibe… attracts and connects with more kindred spirits. When that starts to become a priority in our life, our garden grows. Look what happens when you are not being your authentic self. You are cheating two people. Yourself for not being true to yourself and the other person because they will never get to know the real you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow ,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Since I have been a student and teacher of personal development, which has been my whole life, I keep coming back to one thought that influences everything. No matter what is going on in your life, how you view it is determined by the meaning that you give it. For example, one person might see the ending of a relationship as a devastating blow. For another, the ending of a relationship might be seen as a ticket to freedom and an opportunity for a better life.

In the workplace a job ending could be considered a big loss for one person and or for another an opportunity to find something better. Whether something is a disappointment or an opportunity is your attitude toward it. And what distinguishes a problem from an opportunity the attitude you bring to the situation, rather than the event itself.

Lately there have been many articles and books written about the Law of Attraction, which essentially is that we attract to us what our dominant beliefs are. So if we believe that it’s going to be a good day, it most likely will. By the way that’s where the highlight of the day comes in that I wrote about in the last blog.

Let’s go one step further and agree that the Law of Attraction works. So if our dominant beliefs determine our experience of life, what happens when our beliefs are negative on?. What happens if we doubt whether we can make it or it will work out?

I’m not saying the goal is to remove all doubt. We’re always going to have a degree of doubt and that’s probably healthy. It gives us an edge, which in many situations motivates us to be at our best.

With all of the negativity out there, it is challenging to remain positive. Yet there is no question that we tend to be a little bit more negative that we need to. So if our beliefs are so crucial, how can we change them?

Our beliefs are directly linked to our attitudes. If we have a positive attitude we’ll believe we can do almost anything. So the question then becomes, if Attitude determines everything, how do you change it? For example, you might be in a bad mood and don’t feel like doing anything; or you might be worrying excessively? How do you get out of your funk? Here are some practices that have helped me from time to time. First the obvious ones.

1- I always look at my diet. Usually caffeine is the culprit. Then I’ll add some fresh squeezed juices and make sure I’m eating plenty of fruits and vegetables. And it goes without saying that you want to minimize red meat and chicken.

2-At least once a year and usually two or three times, I’ll cleanse my system. I follow the recommendations of the Stanley Burroughs Master Cleanse for approximatelyy five-eight days. I just finished my spring cleanse and feel great. Believe it or not the first time I heard about cleansing was when I was in Law School and I have been cleansing ever since.

3-Another inquiry I make is to look at my activity level. Usually when I get in one of those moods I’m not exercising. I have found from working with many different people that getting enough exercise is perhaps their biggest challenge. I guarantee if you exercise regularly you won’t stay in a funk. It’s impossible to stay down when your heart rate is in your target zone.

4-Of course I make sure that I make time for the morning program, which I wrote about in the March issue of Letters on Life. Wondering about the highlight of the day is a great inquiry. It creates a positive expectation. You can ask this question in almost any type of situation. Let’s say it’s an event that you don’t want to go to. You might ask yourself the following question: “I wonder who I’m going to meet and what the highlight of the evening will be.

5- Music is a great mood changer. Almost instantly it gets me going…it’s hard to be down when you’re dancing. i remember when I was a trial lawyer. I compiled a group of songs that inspired me before beginning a trial. The music from “Rocky” was one of those pieces.

These are just a few of the things that have worked for me in the past. Hopefully I keep learning.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow ,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

We were on our way to the city to meet Jim and Fern who we haven’t seen in many years. They were in town for a conference. Our plan was to meet them for lunch, at Green’s, the vegetarian restaurant run by the Zen Center, located in Ft.Mason, the historical landmark.

I needed to be back in Marin for a series of coaching calls beginning at 3PM. This would give us plenty of time to visit, have a leisurely lunch and catch up and maybe wander around the Fort.

It was an incredibly beautiful day. As we were driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, I noticed all of the people and bicyclists making their way over the bridge. I couldn’t believe I had never done that myself. So I said to Annie, “Someday lets walk or ride our bikes across the bridge.

It was great to see them. I had known Jim for over 30 years. As we were finishing our leisurely lunch it was time to get outside. As we were getting ready to leave, Jim said that he had a favor to ask me. “Could you drop us off at Vista Point, so that we could walk back over the bridge?”

I said,”Sounds great, we’ll do that with you.”

We got in our car, drove over the bridge and parked at Vista Point, and took in the awe-inspiring views.

Our plan was to walk back with them to the North Tower. We began our walk until it was time to say “good-bye” and turn around.

As we were saying our “good-bye’s”, they mentioned that they were thinking of going dancing that evening. They said that they had been hearing a lot about West-Coast Swing, but didn’t know much about it.

Both Annie and I simultaneously replied, “We have been working on this dance for over a year now.”

And then they asked, “What’s it like?”

We took that as an invitation. “Watch, we’ll show you,” we replied.

And before you knew it we were dancing at the foot of the North Tower on the bridge.

As we got back in our car and drove back to our house, I kept smiling as I was thinking, Was this the Law of Attraction working or just being in the flow?

I’m not really sure and I don’t even know if it matters, but either way we had a great day.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

I’ll just call her Betty. I’ve been Betty’s life coach for some time now. She’s an incredibly dynamic woman who is struggling to develop a business that doesn’t allow her to bring out who she really is. It’s working one-on-one as a health care consultant.

Betty needs a bigger game. What gets her excited is being in front of groups. She is a born leader and has made a difference in almost everything she does. Now that her kids have left the house she is ready for the next step.

However Betty is looking for validation through the success of her consulting business which is slow.

When I asked her why its so important to be successful in her consulting business, she replied that it would make her feel needed and wanted and validated.

I asked Betty if there were other ways that she could feel needed and wanted.

When she saw herself in front of the room at a big charity event introducing the guest speaker she got excited. When she saw herself influencing decision makers she got excited especially when it was connected to a cause she was championing.

Betty now knows what she has to do and is excited about going in that direction. In a few months Betty is introducing a major celebrity for at an event for a well-known clinic. When she thinks about it, she smiles and gets excited. She gets to express who she really is.

You can too find that passion for living when you play a bigger game. Step out and dance.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.