There’s nothing like old friends. There’s a synchronicity. You know each other in a way that no one else does. You’ve shared experiences at a time in your life when your life was much different. When I read Jim’s email that he and his wife, Fern, would be in town, I was excited. Jim and I were young lawyers in Marin many years ago searching to find our way. Jim suggested that we meet at Green’s, the vegetarian restaurant, run by the SF Zen Center.

As Annie and I drove over the Golden Gate Bridge on the way to the restaurant I felt a sense of freedom as I noticed the cyclists and walkers enjoying themselves. I was reminded of some of the wilderness hikes that Jim and I went on many years ago when our lives were much simpler. I casually remarked to Annie that I couldn’t believe that I had never walked across the bridge. “Someday I am going to do that,” I declared.

Our plan was to have a leisurely lunch before returning to Marin. As we got up to leave, Jim asked me for a favor. He wanted to know if on our return to Marin we could drop them off at the Vista Point on the Marin side of the bridge so that they could walk back.

Not only did we drop them off, we walked most of the way with them before turning back and heading home.

My relationship with Jim has been cultivated over many years. And there have been many other special relationships cultivated over the course of time. But as we know, nothing seems to stay the same.

In our mobile society relationships are always changing. Jim hasn’t been the only friend who has moved away. Think about how many of us have moved away from the place where we grew up.

Then there are those relationships that for some reason just don’t work out. You play it out until it’s time to move on. In other relationships a common need or interest, which bound you at one time, is no longer enough. Then there is the inevitable, which is, that a few good friends will have passed on. As my good friend Sylvi just said to me, “Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

It’s a basic need that we want to feel connected to others. This is true whether it’s at home, in the work place or in our day-to-day experience of life. Although we want it, we don’t necessarily know how to create it in our life especially when we don’t have that history or story to share.

The good news is that we have an awareness and set of skills that we didn’t possess many years ago. Connecting is not a matter of time. It happens in an instant when you connect with your whole being rather than just your intellect. I am sure you have had the experience of meeting someone and it seemed as if you had always known them. That can occur more frequently.

Once you have an intention to create more conection in your life, a shift happens. The question then becomes, as it is with many people that I work with in coaching, is what can I do to create more connection in my life?

Connection begins with you. It’s connecting with your higher power. It’s discovering your authentic self. Meditation is the pathway that I have chosen to this connection.

Then by expressing gratitude for the connection that is already in your life, you see yourself in a new way; a way that acknowledges a deeper truth, which is that it’s your innate nature to be connected. As your day progresses think of yourself as a connected being wondering about who you will be connecting with next. You will be amazed as to what happens.

I’m not saying you’ll connect with everyone. But there is a myth about connection that needs to be dispelled. Connecting with someone doesn’t take any more time, but does requires you to be more mindful of the present moment. It’s being curious about the other person and suspending judgment as to who you think they are.

Connection is a path and like most paths, there are going to be obstacles and challenges. You need to become aware of what these are before you can overcome them. The biggest obstacle and challenge for many of us is that we have not learned to be “active listeners.” Think about our “normal” conversations. Quite often it’s just an exchange of information. Rather than being in the present, we think about how to respond to what is being said. Before we know it we are thinking about something that happened to us many years ago that was triggered by what was said in the conversation. No wonder we never get who the other person is.

Another challenge is that we are invested in having to be right. We always try to get in the last word. Tell the truth-does that tendency sound familiar? Being right and connecting don’t go together! No matter how much work we have done on ourselves, we still have a little bit of the “being right’ in us.

It’s a basic belief of mine that connection can be cultivated. Before I got into coaching I was a decent connector when I wanted to be, but I don’t think it was one of my strenghts. That changed during my first coaching relationship. Pat gave me a whole new way to look at connection that has been instrumental in my having the awareness that I do now. When having a conversation with a prospective client, think about connecting with that person first,” he would often say. “And if you make the connection, then it’s a win-win situation for both of you without anything else needing to be said.”

The ability to connect with others opens up a whole new world. It transcends stereotypes and judgments, which creates fertile ground for new dialogue. A dialogue not constrained by history, but open to common ground for a consciousness of cooperation and togethernress. It’s up to us to create the world we envision. Let us join as one. Please feel free to share this message with those in your circle. This was also published as part of my Letters on Life series.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Lately I’ve been in a movie mood. Some of them I’ve seen before. One in particular got me thinking. Last night I had the privilege of watching one of those rare films,a German film, Good By Lenin. Right around the time of the collapse of the Berlin Wall, the idealistic mother of a small family has a heart attack and is in a coma for 8 months. When she wakes up things are different… The Berlin Wall is down and East Germany is westernized.

When she comes home her family concerned that any excitement will be detrimental to her health, turns back the clock and pretends as if things are the way they were prior to the tearing down of the wall. Her son enrolls several people in this fabrication which had me cracking up.

But the moral question that it left me with is when is it ok to lie? And when do you say enough already? I loved the film but for a while got caught up in their drama and their fabrication. Here are a few things to think about. In the name of family love… Do you ever lie? How do you justify it? How do you get out of it? When was the last time you said or didn’t say what most people might call a lie? What about exaggeration? Is that lying? See the film if you get a chance.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I just got back from a ride on the mountain. It wasn’t planned. But when suggested that we ride our bikes to the coffee shop I couldn’t stop it was so beautiful. There was crispness in the air that really woke you up. And once I reached the mountain and the lakes I could bask in the warmth….sometimes just standing silently listening to the sounds of nature. it was a great way to start the morning.

What’s your favorite time of year? Mine is the season of NOW! Right now I am feeling spring…it’s in full bloom…It’s warmer, although not too warm. There are blossoms on the fruit trees although less and less being replaced by buds that will soon be fruit and a few remaining wild flowers. Yeah it’s that time of year. Getting up much earlier…days are longer. Yeah….can do things outdoors in the evenings…IT’S NOW TIME.

Motivation…excitement…adventure. It’s sure good to feel this way. How can I build on it? As I said it’s never too late to do what you really want. It’s never too late to think about what your vision is for your life and for your community. What is it that you don’t tell people you really want because you think they will think you are crazy? It’s time to put yourself out there. Now is the time. What do you really want, but because you don’t want to be disappointed, you put it on the back burner?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

If you are like me, you wonder about who your real friends are. Deep friendships take years to develop and nourish and often go through transitions but not always. And then there are those folks in your life, although not necessarily close friends, that you end up spending a great deal of time with.

Take a second and think about these folks. Who are they and why are you that involved with them. Are you just thrown together? Perhaps it’s a common cause that you both are committed to. Or perhaps its part of your job. I am sure there are many other reasons that you can think of. The more important question is, “With whom would you like to spend your time with and why aren’t you doing it?”

As we know our selves more, we have a better sense of what our true values and priorities are. And in the process align ourselves with like minded people.

There’s no question that’s it great to have old friends who have known us through many different stages of our life. But for various reasons, we don’t know how long these relationships will last. A close friend might pass on or you might have a falling out. And sometimes you just need to move on.

As we get older we don’t have the time or inclination to get to know someone, but we know ourselves better. It’s in that knowing that we attract to us like minded souls. As this occurs more often we have the natural ability to connect with others. Connection transcends history. Connection transcends your story.

It’s great when you meet another person and not a whole lot needs to be said. You feel like you are with kindred soul. It’s more than great. Ideally I would love to spend my life with all kindred souls….maybe at some level we are all kindred souls trying to find each other. But we need to first find ourselves. And if that’s the case what can we do to access this knowing?

I think what you hear about today is to be authentic…I use to call it “being real”…Only when we’re true to ourselves can we recognize that in another person. But our self is constantly evolving and as it expands we’re able to access much more of our true nature and when that happens our signal…vibe… attracts and connects with more kindred spirits. When that starts to become a priority in our life, our garden grows. Look what happens when you are not being your authentic self. You are cheating two people. Yourself for not being true to yourself and the other person because they will never get to know the real you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow ,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I can’t believe the number of times that I thought about changing the message on my answering machine. I had the same message for two years….just saying that makes me feel like a dinasaur….stuck..resistant to change…and I’m not. I have thought about changing my message on at least 100 occasions. It’s amazing the amount of time that went to just thinking about it and the number of people who had suggested it. And what’s also amazing are the spectrum of emotions that i felt and the reasons I came up with not doing anything.

Finally the decision was made for me. I switched telephone providers so I had to come up with a new message. It was painless. It seemed so easy and now I am thinking about making this change at least at the beginning of every month.

Just think about other areas of your life in which you are reluctant to change. We can be stubborn sometimes, can’t we? But our resistance to change is what holds us back from having a successful and fulfilling life. Life is full of changes…just think of the seasons of the year. We either create the change in our life or we react to it. I know what I want to do and I am sure your preference would be to create the change you want.

Sometimes we just have to say we are going to do it. Having someone hold us accountable is a big help. Having goals also propels us in the direction that we want to go. More about that next time.

What is one change that you can make today? Who is going to hold you accountable?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow ,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

We were on our way to the city to meet Jim and Fern who we haven’t seen in many years. They were in town for a conference. Our plan was to meet them for lunch, at Green’s, the vegetarian restaurant run by the Zen Center, located in Ft.Mason, the historical landmark.

I needed to be back in Marin for a series of coaching calls beginning at 3PM. This would give us plenty of time to visit, have a leisurely lunch and catch up and maybe wander around the Fort.

It was an incredibly beautiful day. As we were driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, I noticed all of the people and bicyclists making their way over the bridge. I couldn’t believe I had never done that myself. So I said to Annie, “Someday lets walk or ride our bikes across the bridge.

It was great to see them. I had known Jim for over 30 years. As we were finishing our leisurely lunch it was time to get outside. As we were getting ready to leave, Jim said that he had a favor to ask me. “Could you drop us off at Vista Point, so that we could walk back over the bridge?”

I said,”Sounds great, we’ll do that with you.”

We got in our car, drove over the bridge and parked at Vista Point, and took in the awe-inspiring views.

Our plan was to walk back with them to the North Tower. We began our walk until it was time to say “good-bye” and turn around.

As we were saying our “good-bye’s”, they mentioned that they were thinking of going dancing that evening. They said that they had been hearing a lot about West-Coast Swing, but didn’t know much about it.

Both Annie and I simultaneously replied, “We have been working on this dance for over a year now.”

And then they asked, “What’s it like?”

We took that as an invitation. “Watch, we’ll show you,” we replied.

And before you knew it we were dancing at the foot of the North Tower on the bridge.

As we got back in our car and drove back to our house, I kept smiling as I was thinking, Was this the Law of Attraction working or just being in the flow?

I’m not really sure and I don’t even know if it matters, but either way we had a great day.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

I’ll just call her Betty. I’ve been Betty’s life coach for some time now. She’s an incredibly dynamic woman who is struggling to develop a business that doesn’t allow her to bring out who she really is. It’s working one-on-one as a health care consultant.

Betty needs a bigger game. What gets her excited is being in front of groups. She is a born leader and has made a difference in almost everything she does. Now that her kids have left the house she is ready for the next step.

However Betty is looking for validation through the success of her consulting business which is slow.

When I asked her why its so important to be successful in her consulting business, she replied that it would make her feel needed and wanted and validated.

I asked Betty if there were other ways that she could feel needed and wanted.

When she saw herself in front of the room at a big charity event introducing the guest speaker she got excited. When she saw herself influencing decision makers she got excited especially when it was connected to a cause she was championing.

Betty now knows what she has to do and is excited about going in that direction. In a few months Betty is introducing a major celebrity for at an event for a well-known clinic. When she thinks about it, she smiles and gets excited. She gets to express who she really is.

You can too find that passion for living when you play a bigger game. Step out and dance.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

I love to read an inspiring book or watch a movie. A few days ago I wrote about 3 Cups of Tea. Now I have another one. This time it’s a movie which is August Rush. I watched it Friday evening. I loved the ending. It’s about a boy who is given up for adoption who hears music inside him. He believes that the music will lead him to his parents. He follows the music until the final scene which left me with a wonderful feeling inside. And so I watched it the next nite with Annie. There’s a lot of great music in the film and some touching scenes. Don’t want to tell you too much. You’ll have to rent it.

It reminded me to listen to my calling. August Rush listened to the music and he followed it. We all have an inner voice that is telling us something, but quite often we don’t listen.

And quite often we can’t hear that voice amidst all of the chatter and clutter. We have to be still before we can hear the voice and then it’s up to us to listen. Once we hear the voice we need to have a map and direction. It might take years but at least we know we are going in the right direction.

I think most us want to know that we have a deeper purpose. Finding that purpose is what much of our search is about. For me becoming a life coach was a step in that direction. Inspiring others to believe in themselves is what motivates me. It’s taken me a while to get there with a lot of twists and turns along the way.

Once you have a glimpse of what it is, allow it to expand. One step leads to the next and before you know it, you are fulfilling your life purpose. It doesn’t mean that life is now a walk in the beach, but certainly you fell that the challenge is worth the effort.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

In a life coaching call with (we will call him) Bill, Bill expressed his frustration with an employee. This wasn’t the only source of his frustration. There were a few other people who Bill found difficult.

Although this isn’t the only source of one’s frustration, most often our frustration occurs in the course of a relationship when our needs are not met. This can be in the workplace, at home, or in an intimate relationship.

We had an expectation and we feel someone let us down. That is the common denominator. How do we usually respond when our needs aren’t met? We feel frustrated as Bill did and either stuff it, or react to it.

In other situations it might be the accumulation of things that come up that drive us nuts. One event by itself probably would not tip us over the edge. But if we are already on edge because of the accumulation of the events, it doesn’t take much to reach our tipping point. We then react by feeling angry and frustrated.

This situation occurs in my work over and over again. So what can we do?

My answer probably will seem familiar to you. You need to make yourself stronger so that you are not so reactive. When I ask clients what there morning is like, usually they tell me that they are harried as they leave the house.

How you start your morning sets the tone for the day. It’s a matter of preparing yourself for what might come up during the day. Taking time for meditation before you rush out of your house is the best thing you can do. Taking breaks during the day is another great habit to get into.

You might think that you don’t have enough time if you add this to your schedule. It actually works the other way. You’ll have more time. You’ll be better organized and less stressed so when that situation comes up that Bill experienced, you’re calmer and better able to respond. You’ll be more efficient and get things done in less time.

JOURNEY ON

TIME

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

One thing that I like about being a life coach is that I get reminded almost every day of what I’m working on. Yesterday I went to breakfast with my wife Annie and the restaurant owner (let’s call her Susan) who is a reader of my newsletter, Letters on Life, asked me where I get my ideas. Quite often it’s in the coaching calls that I have. What I have found is that what I’m feeling and challenged by is what most people are also challenged by.

Perhaps the biggest challenge for most people is that they have the illusion that they don’t have enough time. I say illusion because they do. We do what we have to do and have time to do what we really want. If we don’t do it, it’s because we don’t make it a priority.

We don’t make it a priority because we get caught up in the challenges of the day and feel like we don’t have anything left over. Whatever you are struggling with there is a common denominator. Let’s say you feel stressed at work because of the personalities involved and the deadlines. That’s the most common scenario.

Whatever you do or have to say, it still comes down to your reaction or response to the event. To feel stressed is a habit. Something happens and you give it a negative meaning because it’s a conditioned response.

It’s the meaning we give something, not the event itself that causes us our stress.
You have a choice as to how you respond. That choice is made over and over again until it becomes a different kind of habit-one that supports you, rather than one that lessons you. Just knowing that you have a choice as to how you react is a big step.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com.