I wanted to share this writing on love and friendships which I did not write myself. I don’t know where it came from but it’s great. Think about each one for a few seconds.

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. This is true but not the ideal situation.

3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

4. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

5. Don’t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.

6. We learn from the relationships that don’t work out so when we meet the right one we’ll know it.

7. This is a good one. Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

8. From time to time you’ll get hurt. But don’t let that stop you from getting involved and loving again.

9. Sometimes you just have to let it go and it boomerangs back to you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In a life coaching session this morning, my client….let’s call him George was concerned with what he felt were misplaced cultural values in our society. In fact he focused on what was wrong. Even though he didn’t watch TV, he was still barraged with negative information. He noticed it in his business and in government.

George was not doing enough to get inspired. In a day we have close to a 100,000 thoughts. The positive ones need to be reinforced. If they’re not, the negative ones will run our lives and keep us down. But how can you do that? Here are a few ideas.

1. Be around positive people. Create a positive support system. Ask yourself…Do you feel better after being in that person’s presence?

2. Read inspirational type books. I would suggest you begin a daily reading program that can support you in thinking more positively. Thinking negatively is just a habit. A reading program can help you change that habit. I have a reading list on my website and there are many great books being published daily.

3. Minimize your contact with the media. Newspapers use headlines that sell. Sensationalism is in that category. As to TV…do you notice the number of commercials for antidepressants?

4. Notice when you begin to think negatively. The sooner you notice the sooner you can change it. Noticing is the first step.

Stay on the journey.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

There are common issues to both executive and life coaching. One of these occurred in a session yesterday. My client, let’s call her Betsy, was extremely frustrated in her job. She is a brilliant professional woman, who has a part time job that doesn’t totally engage her. And most of the people she works with are not on her level of expertise. She finds herself getting frustrated and often wondering why she’s there.

She is use to being in control…so she thinks. That raises the bigger question as to what being in control really means?

So who is in control of your life? Is it you or your habits? Or are you controlled by forces that you are unaware of? For your curiosity there is a self assessment test on my website that takes under three minutes to do.

When our habits control our lives, we can shirk from the responsibility of having to make decisions. And when that habits we pretty much go unconscious.

Be conscious. Be aware of how you get plugged in. Noticing is the first step in taking back your life. Notice when you get frustrated. Don’t try to figure it out…just notice

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

My journey of the last eight years has led to many conversations some of which have been inspiring and others a little disconcerting. There is a voice of concern and resignation that I have been repeatedly hearing that seems to be louder than the voice of hope. Many are concerned about the global and planetary challenges that we all face. At the heart of these challenges is an uncertain future. During an election year these concerns are exacerbated.
The huge media juggernaut bombards us with information most of which is negative. Within seconds we become aware of events and tragedies that have occurred somewhere in the world. It’s difficult to tune it out. This negativity, which is constantly reinforced, colors how we perceive our personal reality and the challenges that we experience in day-to-day living. We wonder how we can find fulfillment on a personal level when there is so much suffering and uncertainty in the world.
Lately I have been hearing the voice of those who are in the camp of the pessimists. They’ll rattle off the war, the economy, the environment and our dwindling resources as justifications for their feeling the way they do. When one tends to focus on what’s wrong and what isn’t working they will always find a litany of reasons to justify their perspective.
I am in the camp of the optimists. No matter what is happening in my life or in the world I believe that there will be a better day. In fact I don’t think we have a choice but to be optimistic. This is so even when there is so much suffering in the world.

I think back to the sixties. Not only did our country seem stuck in a senseless war, Vietnam, our country was hopelessly polarized. There seemed to be little hope. What made matters worse was that we were on a collision course in the bigger cold war with the Soviet Union. Numerous pundits and leading edge periodicals predicted a nuclear holocaust with the Soviet Union.

I remained optimistic. This is what I wrote in a poem back then.

“Should there be a day when the visionaries of peace stop loving, then the prophets of doom will have their day of gloom.”

I have come to the conclusion that feeling bad or hopeless doesn’t help things. Remaining optimistic does. When you are optimistic you have hope and are able to see possibilities that you couldn’t see before.

It’s been estimated by researchers that we have over sixty thousand thoughts in a day, some of which are positive and some negative. The question is which one you focus on. There’s a Native American Story, which I’ve told before, that reminds me of this point.

A grandfather is discussing with his grandson a tragedy that just occurred.
The grandfather says, “ I feel like I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One is an angry vengeful one and the other is a peaceful loving one.”
The grandson then asks,” Which one is going to win?”
The grandfather replies, “The one I feed.”

I recently viewed Al Gore’s latest talk on climate change which he presented at the TED Conference. I found another voice of optimism. While he layed out the disturbing environmental challenges before us and the crisis in democracy that we faced, he suggested that we reframe the challenge by seeing the challenge as one that motivates us to action. He urged one to reach inside of themselves to tap into a greatness that they never knew was possible. He went on to ask, “How many generations before us have had the opportunity to rise to a challenge that is worthy of our best efforts-a challenge that can pull from us more than we thought we could do?”

Imagine approaching your whole life in this way. What will the challenges be in the future that are worthy of your best efforts? Think of the challenges along the way that have helped you get to this point in your life; the challenges that have inspired you to surpass what you thought was possible.

I am sure you have experienced those moments when you have felt as if things weren’t happening fast enough-those moments when you doubted whether you were making a difference.

You might have even felt that things were hopeless or that you weren’t good enough. There’s that voice again. There’s always that voice-that voice of doubt- that limits what you think is possible in your life.

I know that voice well. Even when you are optimistic that voice creeps in and before you know it starts to take over. It’s powerful and has been reinforced by a lifetime of negative conditioning. Here’s what I do to try to become free of it. As soon as I notice that I am thinking negatively I catch myself by talking to that voice. In coaching we refer to that voice as our “gremlin.” I have even given my gremlin the name of Ralph. By talking to my gremlin I am able to break the seductive pattern that it has over me.

The sooner I am able to recognize Ralph, the sooner I can break the hypnotic spell that he has over me. I remind myself that this voice has nothing to do with what’s so. Once I break the spell I allow myself to think of other perspectives that empower me. In this way I reframe what I initially considered a problem into an opportunity.

I don’t think we can get enough inspiration in our life. We have to make a conscious effort to make this an integral part of our lives. When you are living an inspired life, its much easier to remain optimistic and to see the possibilities that surround you. You might even pick up the phone and call an old friend and engage in an inspiring conversation. Perhaps you’ll make time to read an inspiring book. And then there is that smile that goes a long way. Slow down, embrace the moment and take time to “smell the roses.”

Thank you for sharing Letters on Life with those in your circle. I love to hear from you. Let me know what’s going with you.

Journey On

Mark

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

When I’m on Kauai I usually go to a yoga class 4-5 times per week and I feel great. Upon returning to Marin I’m not as committed…my excuse being that there’s not a morning class that is at the right time.

I no longer have that excuse. There is an early morning class, M-W-F, that i have been going to. I’m feeling good. It’s certainly enough to keep my body out of pain and stiffness.

And there are others who don’t have a yoga practice, but go to the gym. They go just enough to get in the minimum amount of cardio and perhaps some stretching and or lifting.

We do the minimum to maintain. We justify it by reflecting upon articles by the American Heart Association that state that the minimal amount of exercise required for health is the same amount that we exercise.

When we have a health concern we give our body more attention. And then we go back to our maintenance program doing enough to get by.

Last night I didn’t feel like sleeping and my body felt like it wanted to be stretched. I gently eased into a few different yoga postures.

I had a thought. It feels good when we find our edge and go beyond. Learning about our body and its possibilities is a great to discover what our edge is. It’s the same edge that we experience in the rest of our lives. Where do we stop? What stops us?

Hopefully we experience a state that is beyond doing enough. That state is experienced when we want to practice yoga and go to the gym, not because we want to be out of pain, but because it feels good. Our body rather than being a source of stiffness and discomfort becomes a source of pleasure.

We want to get in good shape because it’s when we feel our best, rather than exercising to maintain our tone and keep the stiffness away.

What are you waiting for?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In a life coaching session this morning, my client said that he had a sense of forboding. After exploring what was behind this feeling it was discovered that he felt uncertain about almost everything in his life.

Even the most enjoyable aspects of his life seemed challenging. Lately I have across others who shared his same sentiment.

What has happened is that they have become focused on the future. When they project what they see happening in the world today into the future and into their own life they get discouraged. Living and worrying about the future makes it difficult to live and enjoy the now.

We know from our work together and the work we’ve done on our own that being in the now is the key to one’s living a fulfilling life.

So what can you do to be more in the moment? Some of these suggestions I am sure you already know. But it’s good to hear them again.

Meditation….a physical discipline….exercise. Any activity that engages you. If you have too much time on your hands, you’ll be thinking about other things…anything to engage your mind. Exercise is a biggie. You just got to work it in.

Come back to your spiritual practice and if you already are committed, then deepen your commitment.

From this perspective it’s more of a natural progression to be optimistic about the future.

As you change how you think about your life, your life changes. I don’t mean to be mystical. But that’s the way it works.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

There’s nothing like old friends. There’s a synchronicity. You know each other in a way that no one else does. You’ve shared experiences at a time in your life when your life was much different. When I read Jim’s email that he and his wife, Fern, would be in town, I was excited. Jim and I were young lawyers in Marin many years ago searching to find our way. Jim suggested that we meet at Green’s, the vegetarian restaurant, run by the SF Zen Center.

As Annie and I drove over the Golden Gate Bridge on the way to the restaurant I felt a sense of freedom as I noticed the cyclists and walkers enjoying themselves. I was reminded of some of the wilderness hikes that Jim and I went on many years ago when our lives were much simpler. I casually remarked to Annie that I couldn’t believe that I had never walked across the bridge. “Someday I am going to do that,” I declared.

Our plan was to have a leisurely lunch before returning to Marin. As we got up to leave, Jim asked me for a favor. He wanted to know if on our return to Marin we could drop them off at the Vista Point on the Marin side of the bridge so that they could walk back.

Not only did we drop them off, we walked most of the way with them before turning back and heading home.

My relationship with Jim has been cultivated over many years. And there have been many other special relationships cultivated over the course of time. But as we know, nothing seems to stay the same.

In our mobile society relationships are always changing. Jim hasn’t been the only friend who has moved away. Think about how many of us have moved away from the place where we grew up.

Then there are those relationships that for some reason just don’t work out. You play it out until it’s time to move on. In other relationships a common need or interest, which bound you at one time, is no longer enough. Then there is the inevitable, which is, that a few good friends will have passed on. As my good friend Sylvi just said to me, “Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

It’s a basic need that we want to feel connected to others. This is true whether it’s at home, in the work place or in our day-to-day experience of life. Although we want it, we don’t necessarily know how to create it in our life especially when we don’t have that history or story to share.

The good news is that we have an awareness and set of skills that we didn’t possess many years ago. Connecting is not a matter of time. It happens in an instant when you connect with your whole being rather than just your intellect. I am sure you have had the experience of meeting someone and it seemed as if you had always known them. That can occur more frequently.

Once you have an intention to create more conection in your life, a shift happens. The question then becomes, as it is with many people that I work with in coaching, is what can I do to create more connection in my life?

Connection begins with you. It’s connecting with your higher power. It’s discovering your authentic self. Meditation is the pathway that I have chosen to this connection.

Then by expressing gratitude for the connection that is already in your life, you see yourself in a new way; a way that acknowledges a deeper truth, which is that it’s your innate nature to be connected. As your day progresses think of yourself as a connected being wondering about who you will be connecting with next. You will be amazed as to what happens.

I’m not saying you’ll connect with everyone. But there is a myth about connection that needs to be dispelled. Connecting with someone doesn’t take any more time, but does requires you to be more mindful of the present moment. It’s being curious about the other person and suspending judgment as to who you think they are.

Connection is a path and like most paths, there are going to be obstacles and challenges. You need to become aware of what these are before you can overcome them. The biggest obstacle and challenge for many of us is that we have not learned to be “active listeners.” Think about our “normal” conversations. Quite often it’s just an exchange of information. Rather than being in the present, we think about how to respond to what is being said. Before we know it we are thinking about something that happened to us many years ago that was triggered by what was said in the conversation. No wonder we never get who the other person is.

Another challenge is that we are invested in having to be right. We always try to get in the last word. Tell the truth-does that tendency sound familiar? Being right and connecting don’t go together! No matter how much work we have done on ourselves, we still have a little bit of the “being right’ in us.

It’s a basic belief of mine that connection can be cultivated. Before I got into coaching I was a decent connector when I wanted to be, but I don’t think it was one of my strenghts. That changed during my first coaching relationship. Pat gave me a whole new way to look at connection that has been instrumental in my having the awareness that I do now. When having a conversation with a prospective client, think about connecting with that person first,” he would often say. “And if you make the connection, then it’s a win-win situation for both of you without anything else needing to be said.”

The ability to connect with others opens up a whole new world. It transcends stereotypes and judgments, which creates fertile ground for new dialogue. A dialogue not constrained by history, but open to common ground for a consciousness of cooperation and togethernress. It’s up to us to create the world we envision. Let us join as one. Please feel free to share this message with those in your circle. This was also published as part of my Letters on Life series.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Lately I’ve been in a movie mood. Some of them I’ve seen before. One in particular got me thinking. Last night I had the privilege of watching one of those rare films,a German film, Good By Lenin. Right around the time of the collapse of the Berlin Wall, the idealistic mother of a small family has a heart attack and is in a coma for 8 months. When she wakes up things are different… The Berlin Wall is down and East Germany is westernized.

When she comes home her family concerned that any excitement will be detrimental to her health, turns back the clock and pretends as if things are the way they were prior to the tearing down of the wall. Her son enrolls several people in this fabrication which had me cracking up.

But the moral question that it left me with is when is it ok to lie? And when do you say enough already? I loved the film but for a while got caught up in their drama and their fabrication. Here are a few things to think about. In the name of family love… Do you ever lie? How do you justify it? How do you get out of it? When was the last time you said or didn’t say what most people might call a lie? What about exaggeration? Is that lying? See the film if you get a chance.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I just got back from a ride on the mountain. It wasn’t planned. But when suggested that we ride our bikes to the coffee shop I couldn’t stop it was so beautiful. There was crispness in the air that really woke you up. And once I reached the mountain and the lakes I could bask in the warmth….sometimes just standing silently listening to the sounds of nature. it was a great way to start the morning.

What’s your favorite time of year? Mine is the season of NOW! Right now I am feeling spring…it’s in full bloom…It’s warmer, although not too warm. There are blossoms on the fruit trees although less and less being replaced by buds that will soon be fruit and a few remaining wild flowers. Yeah it’s that time of year. Getting up much earlier…days are longer. Yeah….can do things outdoors in the evenings…IT’S NOW TIME.

Motivation…excitement…adventure. It’s sure good to feel this way. How can I build on it? As I said it’s never too late to do what you really want. It’s never too late to think about what your vision is for your life and for your community. What is it that you don’t tell people you really want because you think they will think you are crazy? It’s time to put yourself out there. Now is the time. What do you really want, but because you don’t want to be disappointed, you put it on the back burner?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

If you are like me, you wonder about who your real friends are. Deep friendships take years to develop and nourish and often go through transitions but not always. And then there are those folks in your life, although not necessarily close friends, that you end up spending a great deal of time with.

Take a second and think about these folks. Who are they and why are you that involved with them. Are you just thrown together? Perhaps it’s a common cause that you both are committed to. Or perhaps its part of your job. I am sure there are many other reasons that you can think of. The more important question is, “With whom would you like to spend your time with and why aren’t you doing it?”

As we know our selves more, we have a better sense of what our true values and priorities are. And in the process align ourselves with like minded people.

There’s no question that’s it great to have old friends who have known us through many different stages of our life. But for various reasons, we don’t know how long these relationships will last. A close friend might pass on or you might have a falling out. And sometimes you just need to move on.

As we get older we don’t have the time or inclination to get to know someone, but we know ourselves better. It’s in that knowing that we attract to us like minded souls. As this occurs more often we have the natural ability to connect with others. Connection transcends history. Connection transcends your story.

It’s great when you meet another person and not a whole lot needs to be said. You feel like you are with kindred soul. It’s more than great. Ideally I would love to spend my life with all kindred souls….maybe at some level we are all kindred souls trying to find each other. But we need to first find ourselves. And if that’s the case what can we do to access this knowing?

I think what you hear about today is to be authentic…I use to call it “being real”…Only when we’re true to ourselves can we recognize that in another person. But our self is constantly evolving and as it expands we’re able to access much more of our true nature and when that happens our signal…vibe… attracts and connects with more kindred spirits. When that starts to become a priority in our life, our garden grows. Look what happens when you are not being your authentic self. You are cheating two people. Yourself for not being true to yourself and the other person because they will never get to know the real you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow ,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com