Sometimes telling a story is the best way to say it. There was that moment. My heart was wide open. I felt inspired. Take a second and imagine that this story is about you.

“You’re on the way to the airport. You get on the plane with a book that you’ve been planning to read for quite some time. As you open your book, you glance at the person next to you. A few minutes later you are asked a question and you reluctantly answer. You lower your book a bit to be polite and after a few minutes you find yourself putting your book down and engaging in a conversation, although with a lack of enthusiasm. And then the person next to you, let’s call him John, makes an observation about you that’s quite perceptive and sensitive. You start to become curious about who John is and in the course of the conversation, he tells you of an experience he has only shared with a few people. You let John know that you have had a similar experience. By now you’re totally engaged and listening to every word he says. You notice every nuance in the inflection of his voice and the way he moves. Time seems to stand still and the next thing you know the plane lands. You say goodbye to the kindred soul you have just met.”

You now know what’s possible. We all would love to have these experiences more often. You feel heard and everything seems possible. It is communication at its highest level and is a lost art. When you integrate four fundamental truths of communication into your life, you can have these experiences more often.
The first truth is to know that what we all want on a deeper level is the ability to connect with another, to touch each other’s soul. Unfortunately, too many of our conversations are just an exchange of ideas and information and we very rarely penetrate the surface. Most of our focus is on how we are going to respond to what is being said instead of listening. When we know that what the other person really wants is connection, there is common ground to build upon. With this foundation, we can build relationships that deepen and empower those involved.
The second truth is to know that listening involves much more than just listening to the words. It is tuning into the energy beyond the words. It is understanding the needs and feelings of the other person. It is about being totally engaged and at the same time being in the rhythm of life. Yes, it takes a lot of energy but you will be energized by what you get back. Imagine living in a world where you are truly listening and fully engaged.
The third truth is to know that you must take responsibility for the quality of your communication. Because we all have long standing attitudes and beliefs we sometimes find ourselves trying to convince the other person of our viewpoints. Being right then becomes the goal of the interaction rather than communication and the next thing you know you are in a full-fledged argument. Just think of what happens when you discuss politics or religion. Is being right more important than experiencing one of those magical moments?
The fourth truth is that communication is a process and an art. Being a masterful communicator doesn’t happen over night but it starts with the intention to experience more connection in your busy life. Just like other art forms, i.e. dancing or music, there is a natural ebb and flow in the learning cycle. As your commitment deepens to this process you notice that you are experiencing frequent glimpses of the magic that is possible in your life. The ultimate communication occurs when you are able to touch each other’s soul and share who you are. This new found magic then becomes the gateway to a more fulfilling life.
At our core, we all have the same human needs and desires. We want to know that we matter and that our life has meaning and purpose. We have the need to love and to be loved. When we accept that we all have the same human needs and desires, we know that we are part of one human family. By working together as one, what is possible in our lives, communities, and the world expands. That’s when we know that we are all kindred souls.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

For the last eight years I have had the luxury to think about the human process. As a life coach that’s what I do. I get to listen to others share their challenges and to share in their triumphs. We’re all on this journey together. From this work together I have had the opportunity to become clear on some of the bigger challenges that we all face. It seems that no matter what we do or what we think about, there is doubt to some degree. We can’t wait for that perfect time when there seems to be nothing in the way. If we did we wouldn’t do anything. Living with doubt is a concept that can be empowering because it keeps us on our toes. Too often we let doubt stop us and prevent us from taking that next step in our life.

Doubt can drive you nuts at times and cause you much anxiety, but over time it doesn’t throw you off course as much. Perhaps you’ll get to that place in your life when the doubt is minimized or barely perceptible. But to eliminate all doubt before taking the next step will result in a life that is unexplored and unfulfilled.

Think about your life and how you let doubt stop you in the past. What would have been different if you went for it? What’s preventing you from going for it now? Having doubt also indicates that you are thoughtful and insightful. It prepares you for the unexpected and unpredictable. In the long run it is what makes you more successful and fulfilled.

Be thankful for your doubt but don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

What keeps us from being fully present with life is our resistance…resistance in the form of thoughts that our minds dwell on. It’s the resistance that inhibits us from experiencing personal freedom. I’ve had a yoga practice for many years. Quite often what happens in class is a reflection of my whole life.

When I feel like I don’t want to be there, (in class) I feel that way in the rest of my life. No matter what I’m doing, I’m thinking about something else.

This time around and it’s been many years, I have very little resistance. I’m there. There’s nothing else to do. I get more into it. I’m more aware and notice subtle things that I never noticed previously. It feels good. Yet it’s not like there is a dramatic moment…just being in the moment. The mind slows down for a while.

I’ve slowed down. After I leave class, I’m more peaceful and able to live in present time. It takes commitment…it doesn’t happen overnight..but I am focused. This time around it’s been five weeks. I just do it. It’s part of me.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

One thing that happens as a life coach is that you become curious about people. You become curious about their challenges as usually what they are up against is similar to your challenges.

This morning we met a couple at the coffee shop who felt that their time on Kauai, after seven years, was over. The reason they felt this way was that they weren’t meeting people who matched their ability to connect. In their mind the conversations seemed to be somewhat superficial.

I told them that I used to feel that way but over time I was able to get to that deeper level of connection. I find more and more people that I can connect with So what’s happened? Did I change or did the people change?

There is no question that I have become a connector. I have worked on it. I take the time to make the connection. Actually it doesn’t take much longer to make the connection. It’s perhaps slowing down a bit.

We have the ability to transcend what’s on the surface and find common ground with almost anyone. It takes commitment but is rewarding.

What most of us want is the ability to connect with others. That’s the good news. And sometimes they just don’t know how to do it. They are so excited about what they are into that they either want to share it with you or convert you. Either way they are not listening. Active listening is the key to connection. If someone feels a certain way, be curious as to what its like to feel that way. Put yourself in their shoes.

For the next week focus on being a better connector.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

The other night I was reminded of why I love Kauai. We were having dinner with our good friends, Anthony and Heather enjoying every minute of our meal together. We were on the deck with the mountains in the background taking it all in. And then we saw it; an incredible rainbow with vibrant colors. And then we saw the second part of the rainbow. There it was a double rainbow that we saw right from our house.

I thought about the magic that exists that we are unaware of, or not open to. Thats our challenge. To stay open; not let circumstances get us down so we aren’t able to see the beauty that surrounds us. To stay open so that we can enjoy what we are doing at this moment.

Look for the magic. I always ask myself, ” I wonder what the highlight of my day will be?”
Why not do that with wondering about the magic? What was the most magical moment that I felt yesterday? Asking these types of questions, definitely changes your vibration.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

When I was in law school, playing handball was a way of breaking up the day. This continued for a number of years even after law school. If I had a busy day in court, I would go the gym afterwards and play a few games. It was fun, engaging and a release from whatever stresses I was feeling. While I was there, I thought of nothing else but the game. The court was an enclosed room approximately 15×40’ in size with no ventilation. Every wall was in play. There weren’t many of us that had the stamina to play the game. I was pretty good at it, but when I played Bud Dillon, I met my match.

He could move as quick as I could and had the endurance to stay strong throughout the entire match. When I think of Bud I am reminded of his attitude. He was always enthusiastic and optimistic and had a twinkle in his eye and zest for living. What really amazed me about Bud was that he was 62. I didn’t just play handball with Bud. In a way Bud was one of my first mentors.

I think back to the person I was when I played handball with Bud. I had a lot of concerns. Could I do it? Would I pass the bar? Would I be successful in my career as a trial lawyer? Would I meet that special person? Many years have passed since those days. I look back on what I’ve learned.

It wasn’t exactly what Bud said, but he modeled the importance of attitude. It didn’t depend on the circumstances of his life. It didn’t depend on whether we were at war, or who was President. Nor did it depend on the economy. In each moment we get to choose our attitude. No one personifies this message better than Victor Frankl. In Man’s Search for Meaning, he shares his story of how he found meaning under the most horrendous conditions in a concentration camp. He never knew if he would live another day. Everything was taken away from him but the last of the human freedoms, which is the ability to choose one’s attitude under any circumstances. Frankl, who became a well-known therapist, should be a model for all of us.

That’s our challenge; to get up when we’re knocked down. To remain hopeful in the middle of the storm. As Bud and Frankl modeled, regardless of how severe the storm, we choose our attitude. What goes a long way is a good smile and a hearty laugh.

Bud would say to me that you have the potential to learn from everything that you do and from everyone you meet. That’s certainly been my experience. On many occasions after a hard fought game we would sit in the coffee shop and talk. He would tell me about his newest idea or the latest book that he was reading. It was Bud who suggested Man’s Search for Meaning, and it was Bud who got me interested in metaphysics.

I have found that as the years have gone by, I have experienced more changes than I ever thought I would. It’s the changes and learning new things that keeps me excited. It’s also going deeper into the daily practices that I have been committed to. With that comes a curiosity about what each day will bring. There is a simple practice that just takes a minute, which I have previously written about, that has changed how I look at each day. In the morning, I ask myself, “I wonder what the highlight of my day will be?” By asking myself this question I approach the day with curiosity and wonderment. By doing this, I create a positive expectation of how I want my day to be.

Bud was an example of keeping fit. He also let me know that age is just a number. How you feel about that number is another story. We give that number too much meaning. Taking care of your body is essential to enjoying and living a fully conscious life.

Too many of us are so wrapped up in our careers and other responsibilities that we don’t pay attention to our bodies. It’s only when we have something go wrong that we start to give it attention. Think of your body as a source of pleasure that needs to be nurtured. Self-care has to be a continuous practice. Thinking about self-care as a spiritual practice, is a great way to reframe how you relate to your body. Eating consciously is a choice we make. Bud would always talk to me about diet and supplements. As we age our bodies become more sensitive. We need to pay more attention as to what we put into our bodies.

Creating sanctuary should be an important part of your life. Sanctuary can mean many things. I think of sanctuary as a consciousness, in which I am able to separate myself from my concerns in the rest of my life. I feel renewed. It is a sacred moment. Make the space for sanctuary in your life. Make it a way of life.

Meditation and yoga have been a life-long sanctuary for me. Even when I was a busy trial lawyer, I made time to meditate and practice yoga before going to court. Not only did I feel better, I was more present. I have been a serious practitioner of yoga for 12 years. With each year, instead of thinking about aches and pains, I think about how much more flexible I am. And that pertains to how I see my entire life. I’m excited about tomorrow. There are many other ways to create sanctuary in your life. The dance classes that Annie and I go to each week have become a sanctuary. Playing music and writing also provide sanctuary and many magical moments.

Getting away gives you a new perspective and opportunity to see your life from a different vantage point. Kauai has been that place for me. It not only benefits me, but also my family and all those who come into my sphere.

You can’t do it alone and why would you want to. When we think back we realize that we have been blessed by many mentors and teachers, although we didn’t recognize them as such at the time. It was like that with Bud. When I would worry about my law practice, Bud would always say, “Don’t worry, things will take care of themselves.” Another thing Bud would always say was, “Appreciate the little things, appreciate the moment.”

I think of the all of the struggles and moments of joy that have led to this moment. As we age consciously, we have the wisdom of experience. We have perspective. We have learned from our mistakes and finally get it right. We accept that “this” is our life and are grateful for it. We have an extraordinary capacity to experience greater joy and love in our life. We make our life way too complicated. It’s the smile or warm greeting from our pet. It’s the connection with a kindred soul. It’s the taking the time to watch a sunset or walk in the woods. This is what real freedom is.

JOURNEY ON

MARK
JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Whatever I call it, Life Coaching, Business Coaching, Executive Coaching, the challenges of my clients are the same. They are tired of the struggle. At the heart of most struggles is the ability to connect with others. When there’s connection in your life, even the most mundane task can be fulfilling.

So many people I run into have told me that is what they want; more connection, but they don’t have people in their life who they can connect with.

Here’s what I tell them. Make it your intention to connect with others not just those who you know and like. If you go to the bank call the teller by their first name. If you bring your clothes to the cleaner connect with the person behind the counter.

What I find fun is calling people with name tags by their name. Just this one little thing can make a big difference.

The checker at the grocery store is a good place to start. Let’s put it this way. If you want more connection in your life, be interested in the other person. Make it genuine. I remember when I was an attorney I was pretty good at engaging the other person. But it wasn’t from the heart like it is now.

It was where I started. Eventually that became a genuine interest and curiosity and is one of my strengths. I look forward to it. When I go the health store…it’s not just to buy something that I need but an entire experience.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

For the last eight years I have had the luxury to think about the human process as an executive and life coach. In this time frame I have had the opportunity to become clear on some of the bigger challenges that we all face. Living with doubt is a concept that can be empowering. Too often we let doubt stop us and prevent us from taking that next step in our life.

No matter what you do, you are going to have some doubt to some extent. Hopefully you get to that place in your life where the doubt is minimized or barely perceptible. But to eliminate all doubt before taking the next step will result in a life that is unexplored and unfulfilled.

Having doubt also indicates that you are thoughtful and insightful. It prepares you for the unexpected and unpredictable. In the long run it is what makes you more successful and fulfilled.

Be thankful for your doubt but don’t let it stop you.

I don’t know if this is encouraging but let me share with you what I have learned from doing the work that I do. In the beginning I ask people to assess how they see their lives. What surprises me is most people’s sense of confidence is lower than how they show up in the world.

This is what I mean. When Richard began coaching, I saw him as a winner and incredibly self-confident. That’s how he shows up in the world. And by all external standards he is. But he doesn’t see himself that way. It has been my experience that most all of us are like Richard.

So don’t be so hard on yourself. And if you have a little doubt who cares. Do it anyway.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

You notice someone in a room and they seem totally confident..totally together. Whether I call it executive coaching or life coaching what is always the same is that these folks who you think might have it together struggle with their internal process. They struggle with how they are being perceived. As I get to know them and their vulnerabilities through coaching, I realize how much courage they exhibit in putting themselves out there.

Now imagine you meet someone for the first time let’s say at a party. What goes through your mind? What don’t you want them to know about you? So we go through life with our little secret…the same one that most people experience. We wonder if we are good enough? If we can do the job? Whether they’ll like us?

What’s good to know is that we’re not alone so it’s important not to let that uneasy feeling prevent us from full engaging with life. 99% of the time the only one who knows that we might feel uncomfortable is ourselves.

Don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I wanted to share this writing on love and friendships which I did not write myself. I don’t know where it came from but it’s great. Think about each one for a few seconds.

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. This is true but not the ideal situation.

3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

4. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

5. Don’t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.

6. We learn from the relationships that don’t work out so when we meet the right one we’ll know it.

7. This is a good one. Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

8. From time to time you’ll get hurt. But don’t let that stop you from getting involved and loving again.

9. Sometimes you just have to let it go and it boomerangs back to you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com