When I spoke with Carl, a new life coaching client this morning, we focused on what the three biggest life lessons of his life have been up to this point in time. Just for a second imagine that you are giving a talk to a group…you could be a motivational speaker, a teacher, or talking with a group of friends who are longing to know what your pearls of wisdom are. I’m sure you’ll have your unique twist as to what they are. Back to Carl.

His first pearl was to take everything in stride. Don’t let your emotions run your life. Too often we overreact to events in our lives, especially if they are negative. We start to wonder if these sequence of events will ever end. We start to imagine the worst case scenarios occurring.

2. Then Carl said the following in his own voice. Happiness is an inside job. There’s nothing out there that will give you lasting happiness. Sure it might make you happy for a while, but it won’t last. Happiness is also a decision that you make in the moment over and over again. It’s a choice that is not dependent on future events or circumstances that might happen or not happen.

3. Nobody can do it for you. Ultimately you know yourself better than anyone else does. You have to decide. You might have to go against the grain and go out on a limb. But that’s what is needed at times.

Keep thinking about what’s true for you. Most likely it will change from time to time.

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

What I’ve noticed with, we’ll call him, Les in our life coaching sessions, is that Les knows it all. What i mean by that is that he knows all of the answers. He has enough knowledge for ten people but not wisdom.

You can’t obtain wisdom unless you make time for the inner work. Les has resistance to sitting down and taking time for reflection. He rather talk with others and ask them for the answers. But he keeps asking the same questions and doesn’t like what the answers are, so he asks the next person. As a result, he spends his time managing one crisis after another. This cycle never stop and it won’t unless Les sits down and gets to know himself.

He’ll blame his wife, the economy, or his genetics, among other things, for his predicament. Les is the exception. I’ve worked with many individuals who have transformed their lives. They realized that happiness is the result of a life decision to be happy in this moment that they make over and over again. They realize that there is a direct correlation with how they start day and the quality of their life. With that in mind they sit down and meditate before starting their day. I’ve seen it in my own life and with countless others.

There’s no one to blame. You are the answer.

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

A familiar theme that keeps coming up with my life coaching clients is that no matter how successful they are in the world, they are not excited about their life. Not only that, but things are not the way they were. Things have changed, but they have not kept up with the new paradigm. There’s a whole set of new rules and they are unfamiliar with them. They are stuck in their comfort zones and have been complacent. What I mean by complacent is that even though things are not the way they would like them to be, they aren’t willing to take the steps to make the necessary changes.

Navigating life’s changes both personally and globally has become an art form. You have to develop life skills, not just career skills. You have to cultivate an inner life separate from what you do in the world. Living from the center is a practice that you develop over time. If you have been following me, you know about the morning program that I suggest to begin your day. After meditating, express gratitude for your life exactly the way it is and then wonder about the highlight of the day.

Try this for 30 days and see what happens. I know i am just touching upon this briefly here and will go into more detail in a future blog. You’ll find out that being happy is a reflection of a life decision that you make; to be happy in this moment of time.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

When I received Carl’s call I was surprised. Surprised because at first I didn’t know who Carl was. Carl reminded me that we had spoken two years ago. He called me for what he thought was career coaching advice. He told me that he was unhappy in his job and that he didn’t feel respected, even though he was making a hefty salary. Carl was hoping that I could help him fine tune his resume and suggest what was next. When I suggested to him that wasn’t what I did and that he needed to look at his whole life, the conversation was over.

So that was the history of our relationship when I received Carl’s call last week. He reminded me of our conversation and said he was ready to begin life coaching with me and face the issues he was avoiding.

What I have seen as a life coach is that what Carl was doing was blaming other people for his problems. In his case, he was blaming his boss for his unhappiness. For many this is a life-long habit. I think of it as the “only if syndrome.” If only the circumstances of my life were different, I would be happy. If only the boss would leave the company, I could be happy. If only I met the one, I would be happy. If only and it goes on and on. There is no better time than now to be happy. But the real question is whether you are ready to let it in. After all, you would have to take responsibility for your happiness. You would have to stop complaining. Be grateful for your life. It’s the only you have.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

We live in a relational world. Successful relationships transform our families, schools, institutions, governments and the world we live in. In the process we’re able to experience more joy and happiness in our lives. Most of us would agree that there is ample opportunity for us to express more love in our lives. But we don’t always do it. Love is such a powerful emotion that we celebrate a special day, Valentines Day, that glorifies this spirit. Traditionally, it has been a time to demonstrate our love for another. On this day, in some way, we acknowledge our beloved.

But how do we do this? And what if we don’t have that special person in our life? Collectively we are and have been in different phases of the relationship cycle. While some of us are not currently in a relationship, some are in a new relationship, and others in long-term relationships. On this day, no matter what phase of the cycle we are in, we feel an expectation to make and receive the appropriate acknowledgment.

What would our lives be like if we transformed the significance of this day? Instead of feelings of expectation or judgment, we celebrate it as an inspiration; an inspiration to open ourselves more to love and loving, love of others and of course, ourselves.
Rather than looking for love in another person, we become the love we are seeking. When we come from love, we experience it in whomever we meet.

One thing is certain; when you feel good inside, you see the good in others. It is also true that when you feel loving, you see others as loving. Unfortunately too many of us are looking to find love outside of ourselves–it’s an inside job that has its own language. The ultimate relationship is with yourself.

The language of love is the most powerful language on the planet. When I was single, I used the words I love you sparingly because I didn’t want to mislead my partner into thinking that I felt differently than I did. What I didn’t realize at the time was that those words would always be difficult for me to express. Even when I tell my wife, Annie, that I love her, those words still seem charged, as they do when I say those words to my children.
So what I do, like many of you, is use variations of those words. When signing a letter it is natural for me to sign it with love as opposed to I love you. I’ve noticed that some friends use the phrase love ya, while others, occasionally end the conversation with I love you. When they do, I usually pause and reply, I love you, too. I am sure that we all hear our share of I love you too. When referring to a movie or a book, I might say, I loved it.

In the English language, some of our deepest feelings can’t be expressed in words. We can look to the Greeks for wisdom in this regard.
Two friends touch each other’s souls but are not lovers. The Greeks refer to this love between friends as Philos.

The special love that we share for our family is different than any other love we experience. The Greeks refer to this love of family as Storge.
Spiritual love, or the love that is God is referred to as Agape.

The physical love, when lovers embrace, is referred to as Eros.

The language of love is an acknowledgment of a person’s essence and their inner beauty. If we are not comfortable with the more accepted language of love, it is important to create our own language; a language that acknowledges others, their greatness, their gifts and their blessings. By becoming more comfortable with this language, we open the doors to deeper intimacy. Perhaps you have your own language and way of expressing it. Perhaps it’s with your eyes or your smile. After 9/11, I vowed to express my love and gratitude to my family and others, as much as possible. I keep finding new ways in which to do that.

Take a few minutes out of your busy day as you think about the following:

1. To whom and in what ways can you express more love?
2. Who would you have to become to have a great relationship?
3. What would you really like to tell your partner?
4. How difficult is it for you to say, “I’m sorry”?
5. How can you nurture yourself more?
6. With this one, just look in the mirror at yourself, smile and say, “I love you.”

Most of this blog is adapted from my forth-coming book, Dancing on the River, which will be released on May 1st.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

If you are reading this post, you are like most people. Let me tell you about Les. When Les discussed the issue of money with me in our life coaching session yesterday, he expressed his concern. He was worried about he would run out of money. The truth was that Les was secure for a few years. However Les had other concerns. Because he didn’t have a relationship with that special one, he would feel melancholy. He had no problem meeting women, but always found something that wasn’t quite right. We’ve all been there.

But Les like many of us lived his life with false assumptions. He believed that when his money concerns were resolved and he found the one that he could take a breath and relax. Les was right about one thing, slowing down and taking a deep breath goes along way toward giving you more peace of mind. But Les’s assumptions about how his life would be different if a few of his debts were handled, were just that…assumptions, not truth.

Life was suffering from what I call the “Only if syndrome.” If the circumstances of his life were different, then he believed that could begin to enjoy life again. The only problem with this syndrome is that he will always be living in the future….thinking that an unknown future, which never comes, will be better than his experience of what’s happening in this moment. The truth is that Les has always had concerns about money.

We are all like Les to a certain extent. There are aspect to our life that are unsettling that we believe if resolved would change how we feel…the problem is that with this mindset we are delaying our happiness. We have to commit to a path that gives us more peace of mind and enables us to live in the now. If you have been a reader of this blog, you know how strongly I feel about the benefits of a meditation and gratitude practice.

Take the time to explore what is involved in beginning a practice. For more info, feel free to contact me.

Journey On

Mark
Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

I had an interesting conversation with let’s call him Les in our life coaching session yesterday. Les related that his aunt commented that his generation didn’t know how to party. Of course she came from a different vintage, and her idea of partying was different than Les’s.

What she meant was the ability to let go and to be free. However her sense of being free was more of a momentary feeling, often induced by alcohol…away from the workplace in a social gathering.

So Les and I engaged in a conversation as to what it means to party. In some ways our definitions were similar to his aunts, in that we also wanted to let go and to feel freer. Whereas hers was a momentary feeling, Les and most of the people that I work with as their life coach, want something that is deeper and more meaningful….they are looking for an inner freedom that allows them to truly be authentic.

Knowing what your values are is the first step in achieving that feeling. As you discover your core values and live your life in harmony with them, you’ll experience a freedom in the way you relate to the world. You no longer have to have an excuse to be different than who you are during most of your waking hours. When you live an authentic life, you experience the freedom to be yourself. From that freedom, what you do and say is a reflection of that inner state.

When you have that sense of freedom, you welcome and are grateful for the challenges that are in your life. You’re comfortable with not knowing what’s next. You have the confidence that whatever comes up you can navigate life’s changes.

I call that sense of freedom Dancing on the River.

Journey On

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released May 1, 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016