I don’t know about you but I’ve often wondered if what I was doing was making a difference in the world. With that in mind my focus was on what I did for a living. As most of you know, for many years I was a trial lawyer. In the early years, I had direction and a purpose. I wanted to save the world. I felt that what I did in the legal profession could pave the way for social change. And in many ways what I did and what many other lawyers accomplished did affect social policy.

Then my life changed and so did my law practice. I embarked upon a new phase and making money was the main focus. Then I questioned if what I was doing for a living, making money as a lawyer, was socially significant. It was difficult for me to justify that it was which caused me a great deal of despair.

That got me looking in a different direction. That got me into seeing that I was making a difference independent of what I did for a living. That was a big breakthrough and it is for many with whom I have had the privilege to work with as their life coach.

As I often say, you being the most authentic you, makes a difference in the world. At the time it might not seem like much, but the truth is that it’s impossible to really know. It’s impossible to know the impact you have on others. They might not even know.

Your contribution is an important part of the whole. In the big picture, who you are being and what you are doing is perfect.

The future is not some place we are going but one that we are creating together. The act of creation involves all of us. It is up to each of us to keep the light on and the flame lit so that we reignite the path for others to see.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

Sure you can come up with a lot of reasons not to do it. They’re no guarantees except this: If you don’t try it won’t happen.

Your concerns can serve you by making you better prepared but they won’t serve you if they stop you. Even after you make the decision to go for it you might have lingering doubts for quite some time. That goes with the territory as you explore the unknown. It’s also possible that the unknown can be your friend. What would your life be like if you welcomed the unknown future.

But what happens is that we stop and give up on what we really want and believe. But what happens is that you are cheating two people. Yourself for not living up to your highest ideals. And the other person because they don’t get the gifts of your uniqueness. Go ahead and let the world know who you are. Speak your truth———remember it’s your vision not someone else’s.

The challenges along the way make the end result more fulfilling. So whatever it is that you are on the verge of beginning, be bold and take that next step. Now is the only time to begin. With exploring the unknown comes the exhilaration that lets you know that you are totally alive.
Imagine this!!!

What if your life turns out better than you expected. What then?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

It’s that time of year. Every year in February we celebrate a day that glorifies the spirit of love. Unfortunately, the way we celebrate it has taken us away from the real essence of its spirit. Too much focus is on making the appropriate gesture and reinforces the fact that some of us might not be in a relationship. Instead of a celebration, it becomes a source of stress.

Collectively we are and have been in many different phases of the relationship cycle. Regardless of what phase we are in, we all have wounds that are preventing us from experiencing deeper levels of intimacy in our lives. Relationships demand trust and risk.

But what holds us back is the fear of again experiencing the pain that we have felt in past relationships. It hurts and we don’t want to experience it again.

So we adopt a strategy that protects us. Most likely we are not even aware of what we are doing. Let me share with you what I did for many years to avoid the possibility of experiencing that pain again.

My favorite approach was to select a partner who was emotionally unavailable. They were hopelessly self-centered, already in a relationship or afraid of intimacy because of the same wounds that I had experienced. Another approach was to select partners who I knew did not fit my picture of the person I wanted to be with. This allowed me to be in control of the relationship. By focusing on their flaws and imperfections I could keep them at a distance.

I kept trying to make these relationships work and played out the drama longer than I should have because I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was alone. Now I realize that feeling alone has nothing to do with whether you are in a relationship. There have been plenty of times when I have felt alone while in a relationship.

There is no doubt that relationships stretch us. We experience a myriad of emotions that we would not have experienced without the relationship, ranging from fear, anger and avoidance to fulfillment, confidence, and passion. We are forced to explore uncharted territory discovering new ways of saying and looking at things. We’re never totally prepared for what needs to be done or said, so quite often we avoid saying what’s on our mind.

Sooner or later what we have been withholding from our partner is reflected in our attitudes and conduct, often leading to feelings of separation and alienation, which defeats the purpose of being in relationship.

Sharing our most intimate feelings is not the easiest thing to do. For various reasons we have not had much practice. So we create a system, albeit not perfect, that works for us. We carefully measure how much we are willing to share about what’s really going on with us. Perhaps we experience more isolation and loneliness than we would like, but we keep our innermost feelings a secret.

So we go on to that next relationship thinking that there is a relationship out there that will eventually fulfill us and make us whole. This time it will be different we think to ourselves.

When I was in my early thirties, I had an enlightening conversation with my good friend Stephen Sawyer, “Stephen, do you think that each relationship gets better and that there is an ultimate relationship?

“Yes, and it’s with yourself,” he responded.

As we know not all relationships work out the way we would like them to. But we know more about ourselves for having been in the relationship.

With each relationship I discovered something new about myself. I was able to bring these new insights into my next relationship. Each relationship brought me closer to where I wanted to be. I experienced a new level of intimacy that affected every relationship that I had. Most importantly I experienced a greater knowing and love of myself. I enjoyed just being in my own presence. The ultimate relationship occurs when you learn to know and love yourself. Until this happens you won’t be able to love another person deeply.

As you keep evolving you become aware of a fundamental truth. You can’t change another person. You can only change yourself.

This version of the Serenity Prayer says it best:
God give me the serenity to accept the people I can’t change,
The courage to change the one I can
And the wisdom to know that it’s me.

So now we have shared some valuable time together. We know where to look and sometimes we don’t like what we see because we are own worse critics.

Sometimes there’s a quote or a poem that resonates with us and makes the biggest difference in our life. It puts everything in perspective. For me, more than anything it was this quote by Anais Nin that inspired me in my quest.
“And the day came when the risk to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk to blossom.”

As I expanded my capacity to risk I also increased my ability to trust. I embraced my fears, overcame my barriers to intimacy and became the love I was seeking.

Let’s celebrate this Valentine’s Day in a different way. Let’s celebrate this day as a day of inspiration; an inspiration to open ourselves more to love and loving, love of others and of course ourselves.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

On Saturday Jan 15th I was a guest on the Dr Anne Marie Evers show. We had a lively discussion about how to attract money. She is a big proponent of using affirmations to help create the life you want to live. In fact her book Affirmations: Your Passport to Happiness has been quite successful over the years. I am currently reading it.

I have used affirmations throughout the years first in working on finding my soulmate and then on attracting money. They have worked for me, but not everybody has reported the same success. Sometimes we give up too soon. We affirm the reality we want to attract into our lives and if we don’t notice a difference we move on. What I have found is that the reality that you are trying to create with the use of affirmations seems to have a mind of its own. It will happen, but not necessarily in your timeframe.

When using affirmations it is suggested that we make what we want to create as real as possible allowing ourselves to experience all of the emotions. As a side note I think about the emotion that is attached to worry. If we can take that same emotional intensity and attach it to what we want to create, we’ll be unstoppable.

As Napoleon Hill wrote in Think and Grow Rich, experience that emotion as if your life depended on it. Here’s something else for you to think about. When you allow yourself to fully experience emotionally what it is you are wanting to create, (acting as if) you notice that your emotional state changes. You feel more upbeat, happier and optimistic. Even if it doesn’t come about exactly the way you want it, at least you are going to feel better emotionally. If you get a chance, take a look at Dr Evers book. If you are not integrating affirmations into your life, don’t wait any longer to begin.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

So how are you doing? Are you still exercising and eating well? Whatever it is that you are working on, there comes that time when you face the moment of truth and falter much like in previous years.

Our momentum wanes and we lose our enthusiasm. We encounter resistance. Yes you know about that. We experience it to some degree in almost everything that we do. Usually the resistance stops us but it doesn’t have to once we make peace with it.

We still do what we set out to do and at the same time notice are resistance to it, especially our thought process around the particular activity. After all of the years that I have been meditating, I still have resistance from time to time to sit down and meditate. The resistance has many disguises. For example the the latest winter disguise is the sound of the heater. I have this ongoing chatter that the sound from the heater is in the way of my going deeper. And I know that at a different time of the year the tape will change and I’ll come up with something new.

So i’m suggesting a different approach. Think of the big picture in the form of an underlying theme. For example in the process of working with one of my life coaching clients, we discussed that for him his burning desire was to experience more personal freedom. His theme for this year is the “year of liberation.” For another life coaching client, it is the “year of transition.” What is it for you? When you think of a theme, you are really thinking about the kind of person you want to become.
So I guess what I’m really asking you, is what is your theme for this year? For me it’s the year of love and joy.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

It’s a New Year. Several thoughts keep floating in my mind. Should I write about goals or intentions? What about New Years resolutions? They’re in our consciousness this time of year. And what about those 10-20 pounds we were resolved to lose last year? I know that some of us plan to go to the gym three or four times a week. And some of us are resolved to make positive changes in our careers.

Let’s start this year with a different exploration. Rather than having a goal or intention let’s look at the big picture. This is the year of reaching out and connecting with our spiritual tribe of kindred souls; those that have the same yearnings and concerns that we do. In the process we experience a synchronicity that becomes a way of life rather than the unusual circumstance. On our journey we discover that there is no such thing as coincidence, but rather the discovery of a deeper purpose that unites us. It can become an exciting adventure if we allow it to be.

At certain times we reflect upon where we are now and where we are going. We also reflect upon how satisfied we are with our lives and what we are committed to changing. There is no better time than now to make this exploration.

In the process of spreading the word about my book Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes I have been asked on many radio shows what I think are the biggest challenges that we face.

This process has helped me crystallize many of the ideas and beliefs that I have been working on for years. Having clarity is just the first step. A bigger challenge is integrating these insights into our essential core so that they become a way of being. It’s powerful when we share our deepest truths with others. In the process we are affirming how we want to lead and live our lives.

But the integration does not happen all at once. It’s an ongoing process that keeps unfolding because we are essentially changing our approach to life and the way we think about ourselves. One of the benefits of doing the work that I do is that over time the same themes keep repeating themselves. Too many of us have forgotten how to play. We are too serious in our approach to life. I remember when I was a kid, I would casually walk over to a neighbor’s house. “Can Johnny come out and play?” I would ask Johnny’s mom. Too many of us feel that we don’t have enough time to get together with a friend.

This attitude contributes to the feeling that life is a struggle. With that mindset every challenge becomes another reason why we think we can’t be happy. We mistakenly believe that when the current crisis is resolved we can be happy again; perhaps not happy, but at least not as stressed. Our mantra becomes “only if my life were different.”

There is a more empowering mantra which is “happiness is a choice.” Most of you know that in my previous incarnation I was a trial lawyer; a profession with a great deal of uncertainty and loose ends. And that’s the way life is. There is and always will be uncertainty. Our challenge is to become happy even though we have those loose ends—to be happy even though there are things in our lives that we wish were different.

A few days ago I was reminded by a former client of something that I had said to him that made a difference in his life, especially in light of all of the uncertainty that he was currently experiencing.
“Learn to make friends with the unknown,” is what he reminded me that I had said to him.

We are affected by events and circumstances that we have no control over. Although I’m curious about the future and sometimes wish I knew how it’s all going to turn out, most of the time I’m enjoying each step on the journey. I’ve embraced the “great mystery.”

I’m frequently asked what I mean by Dancing on the River. Here’s what I say. “It’s a consciousness that is a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy in the moment that you make over and over again. That choice does not depend on the circumstances of your life.” Instead of waiting to be happy until what is bothering you is resolved choose to be happy now. You can honestly say that you’re happy and you still have a few loose ends. You might even wonder what your life would be like if what concerns you now turns out better than expected.

In many ways we are in the midst of a global renaissance. Every day there are more us reaching out touching souls all over the world. With the emergence of the internet we have the capability of becoming one global family. Please feel free to share this message with those in your circle.

JOURNEY ON AND CHOOSE HAPPINESS

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

It’s been quite a holiday season. Let’s take a few minutes to reflect on this year and see what we can learn that can help us move forward in 2011.

What were your wins and gains? Any breakthroughs? For me it was publishing Dancing on the River. And I liked how my coaching practice. was developing. But I want you to come up with some for yourself. Take some time for this.

What about disappointments or breakdowns. Looking back on this year what insights and lessons have you learned from them? What have you learned about yourself?

How can what you learned this year, help you achieve your goals for 2011. Take some time to think about your goals. Think about your relationships, your career, your finances and who you want to become. How committed are you to making these goals a reality?

According to the research having goals allows you to move forward in your life much quicker than if you didn’t have them. And when you write them down, the likelihood of achieving them is doubled. Take some time to write down your goals and see what you come up with. Put these goals in a safe place so that a year from now you can see how close you’ve come to achieving them. And in some cases even surpassed them.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

Last night at a holiday gathering, I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen in many years. As we were catching up, it was obvious that for her life seemed somewhat of a struggle. And there wasn’t going to be anything that I could say that was going to change her mind. She almost convinced me that I should change my perspective. When speaking about my book I’m frequently asked what advice do I have for those who are going through hard times.

We can’t ignore the fact that these are challenging times. There are many who are affected by the economy. Their problems are immediate. Others are affected by the every day imperfections of life; their careers, their relationships, their health and what isn’t working that captures their attention.

The bigger question is what enables some to keep smiling in the face of this adversity, while others are sapped of their joy and serenity.

The mind is fickle. There is always going to be something that captures our mind’s attention whether we want it to or not. It could be a headline, a story about someone we know or about what happened to us during our day. Quite often we don’t know what it is before it happens. To say it another way: Our mind has a mind of its own.

There is that thing—that circumstance in our life, which we believe prevents us from being happy. You know that thing. It more than bothers us—quite often we’re obsessed with it. We’ll wait it out we think to ourselves and things will get better. Eventually there will be a resolution to the problem or we’ll figure out a solution. Or maybe even the other person will change. And then we’ll be happy again—well maybe not happy, but at least we won’t be as stressed. It is this pattern that I see repeated over and over again.

Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. Although we might have a temporary reprieve from the recurring stress, it’s only a matter of time until the next thing occurs that bothers us. Let’s explore these tendencies by traveling back in time and discover what our history tells us.

Take a moment to reflect upon what you consider to be your biggest concern. Prior to this concern, what were you most concerned about. If you keep exploring this train of thought, you’ll notice that you can go on for quite a while. It works in the other direction also. When you travel into the future with the same frame of mind, you’ll only see a wall of worry.

So what am I getting at? Even though life is and always has been changing, the nature and source of our concerns doesn’t change much. There has been and always will be something that obsesses us. That’s the way life is. And on the path of awakening, we discover that we’re human, not machines that are suppose to be infallible. While finding solutions is important, the exploration needs to shift from trying to avoid these problems to seeing them as opportunities. We discover that even in the middle of the storm, we can experience that moment of stillness and clarity. We learn how to be and know what we have to do.

Not only are there external shifts in our thinking, there are internal shifts in our perception of reality. These shifts occur simultaneously. There is the external shift of how we see ourselves in the world. Most of us identity with what we do in the world and or from the circumstances of our life. Think about how you sign your name or what you say to describe yourself. Are there initials after your name? Is there a description of what you do or who you do it for? It takes a while to come to the realization that we are much more than the labels we use to describe ourselves and that we are much more than the circumstances we let define our lives.

If you have been a reader of my work for a while you know I was a trial lawyer for many years. My awareness of my true essence began when I started to meditate which was when I was in my twenties. I began to experience moments of peace and tranquility in the least likely of places. It could be in a courtroom. It could be in the midst of a stadium at a sporting event full of thousands of people.

As you cultivate a spiritual practice, you‘ll be able to shift your focus from the concerns of your daily life to the present moment, where you experience what I call “moments of grace.” These “moments of grace” are just the beginning. With consistent discipline, they become a sanctuary from the concerns of the world.

How you get to and discover this sanctuary is a unique experience for each of us that keeps evolving. Since I have written about this in other articles, I’ll only say a few things here. A word that I like to use this feeling is transcendence. We transcend our concept of ordinary reality. Our mind takes a holiday. Athletes experience it as being in the zone. Dancers and musicians become one with the rhythm. Runners feel it when the endorphins kick in. For many, including myself, writing has become a great way of tapping into this stillness. We can’t always get there. But when we do, it is a “moment of grace.”

I hope that I have planted a seed that you continue to cultivate. Hopefully by now you know that you will always have concerns. That’s life. But you can choose happiness. You can smile. You can laugh in the midst of it all.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

For many years I have been a spiritual seeker. It’s a passion, a vocation and way of life. It helps me feel inspired. I’m one of those people who is looking for the meaning of life. And after many years things are coming together. My book Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes was recently published. As part of my journey I have talked to many, read hundreds of books on the subject of personal development and have also been blessed to coach thousands as their life coach. You probably want to know what I’ve discovered. More on that later.

In the middle of all of this is my love of sports; particularly football and basketball especially when my teams are winning. So it’s a fun time of year for me. I love going to the games at my alma mater, Berkeley which has brought back fond memories of being on the campus. And I love to see the leaves change color. It reminds me of my youth when I played these sports myself.

Sports reminds me of what’s possible in life, especially when you have focus and commitment. It’s also an escape from the problems of the world and the concerns of my life. In some ways it simplifies life. If it doesn’t work out this year there is always the hope of next year. We can’t always win but in the process we learn something.

So what is it that I’ve learned? I’ve learned to let go of trying to figure it out. I’ve learned to become more comfortable with “not knowing.” I’ve learned that life is a great mystery. And that’s ok. It’s actually more than ok. It’s great. I’ve learned to dance on the river, rather than struggle in it. And you can too.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

There are those days. You’re wondering if you are making any progress. The circumstances in your life that have bothered you, still bother you. What concerns you, still concerns you.

You question. You read books. You read blogs. You listen to podcasts and still there is that voice…you know it…yes that voice.

It never seems to stop. In fact at times it casts a hypnotic spell over you. You are a prisoner. You can’t break out. And then you do.

During the last few months I have been a guest on many radio shows promoting my new book Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes. Their seems to be a voice out there that things are tough; more so than at other times. And while it’s true that many of us are hurting and many can’t find work, there has always been challenging times. That’s the way life is. There will always be challenges, some more difficult than others. We can’t avoid them. We can try, but sooner or later we’ll have to come face to face with them.

Our work is to develop the life skills necessary to navigate these challenges. They won’t go away. But we can experience those moments of grace; those moments when are minds stop churning and we’re able to experience a stillness when we a deep-rooted experience peace of mind. You’ve heard me talk and write about these moments many times. How do we get there? Is there a road map?

There is–and it starts with taking the first step, which is sitting still in the morning before you do anything else. Focus on your breath for at least five or ten minutes before you concern yourself with the concerns of the world. It’s one step at a time.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.