I was having breakfast with an old friend this morning. We’ve been friends for many years and have seen each other evolve through many stages in our lives. He knew me when I was single and a trial lawyer. He was with me when I made the decision to transition from being a trial lawyer to becoming a life coach.

It’s been nine years since I left the law practice. In the eight years that I have been a life coach I have worked with over a thousand people in different ways. Many were stuck in their lives or were looking to answer a particular challenge. Many who I work with are very successful. If you met them, you would think that they didn’t have a problem in the world. They seemed self-confident and reassured and charismatic.

What I have found is that no matter how self-assured and self-confident one might seem when you meet them, on the inner level they experience the same doubts and insecurities that you do which is usually a version of, “Am I good enough?”

In our work together, we change that mindset so that the unknown rather than scare you, excites you. And you stop worrying about what people might think of you.

In fact, I think that all worry is based upon a false belief about what we think might happen in the future. And we know that the future is unknown. We have a choice that we make over and over again about how we hold this future.

I know what my choice is. Even if it doesn’t work out the way I hoped, it’s never as bad as I thought. Whatever happens I have more tools to work with. And I’m not as stressed, out so that when things go my way, I can enjoy the moment. I have learned to make friends with the unknown. That our work…having faith that it’s all unfolding for our greater good.

Mark Susnow’s life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

I ran into, let’s call him Peter, at the coffee shop this morning. Peter is not a close friend or life coaching client, but an acquaintance and reader of my newsletter, Letters on Life. He let me know that he was beginning therapy for an underlying anxiety disorder that he has experienced since childhood.

This condition manifests physically as an increased heart rate. Peter is a great intellect and has a powerful mind. He has an answer for everything and most things he can figure out. So he figured that therapy is the answer. It will be to a certain degree.

One thing that Peter has not explored is a more holistic approach to look at what can he do to transcend this tendency to be anxious.

I didn’t try to dissuade Peter from therapy, but I suggested that he also meditate. Thru daily meditation, he could start to develop a stillness that transcends thought. That’s what meditation does. It’s not concerned with why you feel a certain way, or what caused you to get this way.

It takes you to that place beyond thought where the mind is still; where you are able to let go and let it be.

I don’t know if Peter will actually meditate. But I do know that the people who I work with in my life coaching practice who meditate regularly have an inner confidence that they didn’t experience prior to meditating. But you have to sit down and do it. You’ll have excuses why you aren’t doing it; but it’s going beyond your resistance where the real opportunity for transformation occurs.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow’s life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Smiles, frowns, and grimaces were once seen simply as expressions of feelings. However, researchers now see the face as a body organ of it’s own. Increasingly, scientists are realizing that facial expressions precede feelings and play a role in generating them.

The “Facial Feedback” theory proposes that if you ask a person to smile, she soon begins to experience the pleasant feeling associated with that expression. How? When you breathe through your nose, you exert pressure on the veins in your face. When you bring air through your nose, you bring air into your nasal passages, which cools the veins and the blood flowing through them. And when you use the “smile muscles” at the corners of your mouth, you change the direction of the blood flow inside your face in such a way that it causes the temperature of the blood to drop. This cooler blood enters the region of the brain known as the hypothalamus and causes the release of chemicals that can suppress pain and help a person to feel better.

Cooling the blood may promote the release of endorphins, which, decreases pain and gives you a lift. In short, smiling instructs our brains to feel good.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Whether as a life coach or when speaking to groups, I am often asked whether we can create more presence in our life. We certainly can. Since charisma and presence is a form of energy, the question is how do you go about creating energy– And then there’s the question of what type of energy.

If you look at charisma or presence as magnetism then charisma can be used in a good or bad way depending on the intention of the person…There are some people that are just plain charismatic no matter what they do…But let’s talk about what we can do to create it in our lives…To me charisma is a matter of creating more presence. So how do you do that?

1.Increase your energy by exercising and breathing fully….
2.Have a discipline like meditation, yoga or Tai Chi that creates prana or chi.
3.Be aware of the phrasing and cadence of your words.
4.Eat lots of fruits and vegetables in that they contain a lot of water which is what our body needs.
5.Be aware of your environment.
6.Notice how you move or dance.
7.Be a little unpredictable.
8.Find something that you are passionate about…that will transfer to other areas of your life.
9.Develop a connection with a higher power.
10. Become impeccable-keep your agreements not only to other people, but to yourself. Most of us are pretty good when it comes to keeping agreements with other people. The challenge is to to keep them with ourselves….to eat healthier, to exercise, to practice self-care.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

In a life coaching session the other day I was working with let’s call him Les. You know him. He is the collective consciousness for most all of us. His concerns are our concerns. Les is obsessed about an unknown future. We all know that life is unpredictable. Now his story and the details of it might be different than yours, but the essence of it is the same. Les’s business is struggling because of the economy. It’s not directly affecting him but it’s his concern that down the road it will. So he thinks about what might happen in the future, rather than what’s happening in the moment. In fact he more than thinks about it, he obsesses.

I’ve seen this pattern repeat itself with many of my clients. The constant decision making, and the concerns about the future, rob them of the joy of the present moment.

I reminded Les to focus on his self care. And if you have been following me for a while, you know that for me it’s meditation. It’s creating that time in your day, when you experience those moments of peace. And after a while you begin to experience it throughout most of the day.

Make it a priority. It is your life. And how you experience your life is a reflection of your inner state.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

I remember a story about a Swiss shepherd boy who is kidnapped by a roving band of gypsies. All he remembers is the sound of the church bells as he is wisked away. His whole life is a search for that sound that rings true.

Quite often he follows the ring that he hears only to find that it is a false sound. As he fine tunes his listening, he is better able to discern whether the sound he hears is a true sound. After he knows when he first hears it whether it’s worth pursuing.

And then one day, he hears the sound that he follows. As he continues on his journey, he knows that the sound rings true and he finds his way home.

You too can can find the truth that sets you free. Be honest with yourself. Know what your truth is. Know what your purpose is. Make sure that the sound rings true.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Discipline has come easy to me. I have found that discipline has actually given me a sense of freedom. I am sure you have been in the presence of musicians who seem like they have been playing together. I have had that experience observing other musicians as well as playing with them. Quite often, someone might say to me, “How long have you been playing together?” Actually it was the first time. Why were we able to create that magic? It was the discipline practicing the scales for hours that gave us the freedom when we played our instruments. It was also working on our sound. Dancers have the same experience. All of the hours of not just learning the routines and sequences, but the hours of preparing the body to be open and flexible so that in a performance there is a grace and elegance.

And preparing for a presentation is the same way. Preparation and becoming familiar with the material goes a long way toward giving you a freedom in your delivery. The better you know the material, the more you can get into the presentation and have a certain fluidity in your delivery.

Although many people think of discipline as a form of repetition and confining, that’s what gives you that sense of freedom. Yet some people still have resistance to the concept of discipline. I have many good friends who are like that.

This is where you might want to think in terms of impeccability. Impeccability is a consciousness which not only encompasses discipline but much more. It’s a statement about who you are. It’s a state that you can grow into.

Imagine giving your word to yourself to exercise, to eat well or practice your art form. Keeping your word to yourself is powerful and takes a high level of commitment and will. But still we let down and justify it by thinking that we are not perfect and it’s ok to cut ourselves a little slack. Nothing wrong with that approach.

But imagine if you think in terms of impeccability when you don’t keep your word to yourself. Would you feel different? Would you stay on purpose? You know you would. For a moment think about how you can make that shift in your life. And how would it make a difference in your life?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

In the last blog we talked about developing a self-care program. I also asked you to think about what it means to be impeccable.

Lets start with being disciplined, which in my mind, is the key to beginning a self-care program. Developing discipline is a necessary step on the road to impeccability. Many years ago, while in law school, I attended a lecture given by a nurse on the benefits of fasting. I was inspired. For over thirty years I have cleansed at least twice a year for at least 5-8 days at a stretch. It’s been quite an experience and I always look forward to it. I always feel better for the experience.

But to make it happen requires a great deal of self-discipline. It’s saying no to your habits. It’s saying no to what you unconsciously put into your body. It’s becoming more conscious. It’s allowing yourself to experience life in a new way. Over time, it’s no longer a matter of discipline, but a matter of choice.

You feel so good that you don’t want to go backwards. You keep going. And that’s the way it has been for me with meditation. With regular practice, I feel much better than when I don’t meditate. It becomes a way of life. I couldn’t imagine my life without it. All of self-care is that way. First make a conscious choice as to what you want to integrate into your life. And commit for 30 days. Then reevaluate. See what happens. It looks like I didn’t get to impeccability. Oh well. I’ll do it in the next blog.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

We all have a unique way of communicating our story, a way that reflects our life experiences. The photographer uses a camera, the artist a brush, and the musician a melody or rhythm. As the years go by there is more to tell as we experience more of life. As we keep evolving we look through a different filter, paint with a different color, sing a different song or feel a different rhythm.
When you have children, June is the time for graduations. It was six years ago that my son, Josh, graduated from high school and then a few years later my daughter, Makaela, graduated. This year it is my youngest, Savanna’s turn. Graduations are symbolic of the transitions in life. In some ways we are always transitioning from one phase to another, each with its challenges and opportunities.
I think back as I eagerly await the graduation ritual. There’s always a field in the midst of a picturesque setting with mountains in the background. And then it begins. I look toward the stage. I listen with one ear to what the various speakers have to say while my mind races in overdrive. I think about how rapidly my children have changed and how I have had to let go of some of my expectations in order to stay connected to them. There’s more work to do. It was at Josh’s graduation that this message hit home. During the principle’s talk to the students and their families, she made reference to Spencer Johnson’s classic parable about change, “Who Moved My Cheese.”
It is a paradox of life that while our children change rapidly, we as adults try to put the brakes on the speed of change. We like to think to some degree we are in control of our life by holding on to what we’re used too.

“No,” Hem quickly responded. “I like it here. It’s comfortable. It’s what I know. Besides it’s dangerous out there.”
Johnson, Spencer “Who Moved My Cheese?”

Just like Hem, we have artfully crafted a comfort zone, although familiar, keeps us boxed in. That’s the way it was for me. During many periods of my life, I became attached to the way things were, resisting the changes that were necessary for me to grow. It could be a career or a relationship. I finally took that Leap of Faith and left the comfort of my law practice, ten years ago, to begin the journey that I am on now.
By making this change, I have created the breathing room that has allowed me to grow into the person I am today. Although this path has been unpredictable at times, I have learned how to navigate life’s changes. In the process of becoming an expanded person, we develop a deeper sense of who were are and a deeper sense of self. Some of these changes we intentionally create, such as my career change, while others just happen. Change is a constant process. What is challenging for some of us to accept, is that as our bodies change (just take a look at some of your old pictures) your physiology and chemistry also changes. By the time you’ve reached the wisdom years, you’ve been through many cycles. Even though these changes were not necessarily what you were expecting you have learned how to navigate these deeper waters. Although I’ve felt my share of fear and pain during some of these transitions, I’ve learned how to let go and trust that I will land on my feet. And I usually do. The letting go offers me a new experience of life…in which I experience all it, the pains, the sorrows, and the joys that gives me a newfound vitality and excitement. A life in which everyday is new, although not necessarily fun. I know I’m alive and have a deeper sense of myself. I smile and laugh again.
Perhaps Anais Nin says it best. “Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it.”
I recognize that there is a natural rhythm of life, much like the rhythm of the seasons that is constantly changing. At times we experience a stillness and at other times a quickening. There are moments when your heart feels full and then at other times you feel contracted. And then there are those moments when for no reason at all, you experience a deep sense of joy and fulfillment. Of course the other side of that is also true, when for no apparent reason, you feel a profound sadness.
When you flow with this natural rhythm and encompass it all, rather than trying to resist the aspects that you don’t want to experience, you experience an effortless quality in your life. You instinctively know what to do and life just seems to work. Life is easy…more fun…more meaningful…and less of a struggle. You are excited about getting up in the morning and feel like you have a purpose.
You probably want to know what you can do, so that you can flow with this natural rhythm. Honor the transitions. They are the catalyst for you to be with yourself Be grateful for them. Know that when you are feeling pain, that like the wind, even though it still hurts, it won’t last forever. When the winds change, and they always do, the clouds of despair lift and you experience a deeper sense of joy and meaning in the midst of this change. It could happen in a heartbeat.
Look forward to this change as opportunity, as adventure, as possibility. Accept and love those feelings and qualities about yourself that you so often try to avoid. As you look inward and take time for reflection through meditation and prayer you experience a deeper sense of inner peace. As you become more accepting of the fully integrated you, you become more accepting of your humanity. It is the acceptance of your humanity that you know we are all connected.
Let me know what is changing in your life. I love receiving your many responses and feedback. Thank you and keep them coming. Feel free to pass this letter on to the friends in your circle and let them know about the advantages of being on the journey.

Journey On

Mark

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

The greater macro consciousness is going to effect all of us to some degree. i sense that there is more optimism out there than just a few months ago. People are feeling that the worst is over. But in the process of change on more of a global level, we lose sight of what gives us happiness. Happiness is a choice that one makes over and over again. And making that choice is an expression of personal freedom.

I have often thought about the nature of personal freedom. Although there are many definitions and explanations of what personal freedom means what resonates the loudest is that personal freedom is freedom from negative thinking. It’s a worthy challenge that we all have been working on to varying degrees of success. If you are questioning how you are doing, ask yourself how much you worry.

Intellectually we know that we have a choice as to how we see our lives. We know that it’s not the event or circumstance that causes us pain but the meaning we give that event. And as I said all of us are affected to some degree by events and circumstances unless we are isolated in some cave and shut off from the world. The good news is that by cultivating a shift in consciousness we can transform how we feel and think about life.

Let me share with you what I mean. Since we can’t determine what is in the news, our only choice is to change our perspective as to how we view these events. With all of the news about banks failing or about to fail, let me introduce you to a different type of bank-it’s an inner bank that I call the B.A.N.K of Well-Being. It’s our internal barometer as to how we are feeling about “life.” When our account has a nice surplus we are optimistic and believe that we can handle most challenges. Our job is to be mindful of how easily our account can fluctuate.

Your account easily gets drained when there is a run of negative news and you focus on what might go wrong. No matter what’s going on in your life, there is always going to be something that can negatively affect you. Just think about how easily you get plugged in when you read the paper or watch the news. Yet wanting to tune into the news, whether it’s the paper, TV or the Internet, can become an addiction.

There are many situations that have the potential to drain your account. It might be a toxic relationship or work situation. No matter what you do, the stresses of everyday living have the potential to drain your account. No matter how careful and strategic you are, you can’t be perfect. Trying to be perfect further drains your account. When stress drains you, you don’t have the energy or fortitude to handle the normal circumstances of your life. You overreact and aren’t able to see the big picture. In essence your personal, spiritual and emotional accounts have gotten drained.

You need to replenish your account by depositing good energy in the form of positive thoughts, healthy food, exercise, a spiritual discipline, inspiration, and supportive friends. Meditation and communing in nature have always had a healing affect on my being. My attitude about life dramatically changed once I began meditating many years ago. Everyday in some way I am making a deposit. I know that you have your own way of replenishing your account.
The BANK (Beyond Negative Thinking) of Well Being is a reminder to me that I have a choice. It’s a choice about being conscious that I make over and over again.

Becoming conscious is not only a choice about how you want to live your life, but it’s also a choice about being that person who actually lives that life. It’s a choice about which voice you choose to listen to; the voice of judgment sometimes referred as your “gremlin” or the voice of inspiration, which becomes your “guiding light.”

To help you make a quantum shift from becoming that person to being that person, think about what you can do to replenish your account? Imagine being that person whose account is brimming over.

We all have many good intentions that never get acted upon. They remain in our mind as another good idea. There is no better time than now to change that. What is one action that you are willing to take now? Who is going to hold you accountable to take that action?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016