At some point in our lives we ask ourselves if we are living the life we really want. Very few of us can honestly say, “Yes” to that question. Most of us, if not all of us, settle for what we have. We make up a story with many variations that explains why our life is the way it is.

But there comes a time when we must courageously face the discontent and disappointment of our life “not being” what we want it to be. At that moment you have begun shifting to the Positive Side of Change. Let go of the need for anything to be different. Your life, even with its disappointment at times, has gotten you to this point. You have learned from all that has occurred  up to now.

You’ve created it.  Accept where you are. Be grateful for all of the gifts in your life and your creation.

From where you are standing now, have a vision of the life that you want to move toward. Move forward toward that goal and vision, but honor yourself for getting to the place where you are standing now. You have already developed the resources to get you there. Those same resources will help move you in the direction that you want to go. From now on stay focused on where you want to go rather than on your disappointments.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

We all have been faced with having to do certain things that we resented having to do. In the big picture why we felt that way is not that significant. We still have to do it and eventually will do it. Quite often when we don’t like to do something we put it on the back burner hoping that it will go away. But it doesn’t. Eventually we do it and have wasted enormous energy thinking about why we shouldn’t have to perform the task at hand.

Quite often when we finally finish our task we feel good afterwards.  There is the satisfaction that we get from a job well done.

Make a subtle shift. You always feel empowered when you are ‘at chose’ in the matter. Instead of saying or thinking, “I have to do this.”  Say to yourself or think, “Wow, I get to do this.”  Why not make what is next for you enjoyable. When you have that edge of excitement you can transform the simplest of tasks into a privilege.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

I’ve been a life coach for twelve years now.  I’ve noticed how many of us stop ourselves because we focus on the wrong things. Yes, we all have  been disappointed by life; things haven’t worked out the way we wanted them to, but at some point we have to let it go.

We need to look forward and do what is necessary.  It might be a conversation that we need to have or a decision that we need to make, both of which we avoid doing.  When we finally face the situation at hand, quite often it works out better than we had anticipated. There are numerous conversations that I have avoided having, yet when I finally had the conversation it was quite empowering for both of us.

Start paying attention to what’s possible in every situation.  You already have thought about what might go wrong. You’ll always be able to find something. Don’t keep your attention there. Think about where you want to go and what you want to create.

See what’s possible in every situation. Focus on that and you’ll surprise yourself.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Most of us have, at times, wished that life was a little easier. Yes we do “struggle” at times, probably more than is necessary.  It’s one thing to work hard, but when we caught up in the hysteria of not succeeding that hard work turns into struggle which can be draining and stress- invoking. The struggle is not in the ‘doing part’, but in the mental  conversation that we have with ourselves about the doing of the actual project.  Quite often the thinking about doing something consumes more energy than the actual doing.

Let’s change the concept of ‘struggle’ to ‘hard work.’   With hard work you know that in the end you will succeed if you apply yourself.  The time, energy and preparation that went into the successful completion of the project gives you a great feeling fulfillment.

If everything was just handed to us, free of difficulty and effort, then we wouldn’t have the same level of fulfillment.

The difficulties are there to challenge us to dig deeper and transcend our current level of expertise.  Every challenge provides us with many opportunities for us to be the best “us” we can be.

Recently I was the keynote speaker at an important conference. I took on the preparation for my talk as a challenge.  The enormity of the event motivated me to prepare more thoroughly than I normally would have, so that when I took the stage I was confident and didn’t have to think about what I was going to say. I felt great afterwards.  Without the challenge I wouldn’t have had the same result. The challenge is there to support you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

As an executive-life coach, I work with individuals on both personal and professional concerns. So often they’re intertwined. So it was with Carl who is an architect. He had been negotiating with a client over an extended amount of time. Carl did not look forward to further conversations with his client who had become unreasonable and somewhat hostile. After every meeting or conversation, Carl felt drained.

I suggested to Carl that the solution starts with himself. Although he takes good care of himself, we agreed there was room for improvement. I suggested to Carl that he begin meditating again on a regular basis so that he wouldn’t be as reactive and lose his center. The next conversation went much smoother, although they didn’t reach an agreement.

A week later they met again at the jobsite. I suggested to Carl that he wonder about what the highlight of the meeting might be. We agreed that there was going to be a highlight. It might be something different than he expected. Carl was looking for the good in the meeting. It was the best meeting they had. Although they did not reach final resolution, they moved close to reaching an agreement. Even if they don’t reach an agreement, and Carl is prepared to walk away, he had a positive experience and a good time. And after the meeting he felt empowered.

Keep it up Carl. You can integrate the suggestions I made to Carl into your life.  Meditate and wonder about what the highlight of your day might be. These simple suggestions can change your experience of life.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

When you truly listen you experience the present moment, free of judgments.  When something happens in our life, we make up a big story as to what it means based upon our limited perspective.  Don’t go there. The meaning we give it is based upon our past experience.  None of us have a crystal ball into the future. Life can turn out much better than we expected. Be open to that possibility.

Truly listening involves being in the present moment. Learning to truly listen is one of the most important skills you can learn. It has the potential to transform your life.

Listening is an art form that very few of us have mastered.  So often, in our conversations, when someone says something to us, rather than listen, we think about how to reply.

I have found a good practice is to not only listen, but to let the other person know your understanding of their communication. That lets the other person know that they are being heard.  And that’s what we all want.  We want to know that we matter. Listening involves experiencing the essence of the other person and what is behind the words.

See what happens.

Journey On

Mark

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

In a life coaching session yesterday with one of my clients we discussed negative thinking. What exactly is negative thinking and what can we do about it.  The simple answer is that negative thinking is and has been a life-long habit.

So what can you do to change this habit?  Start your day differently. Notice what you do in the morning. How you start your day sets the tone for the day!  Choose to start it differently. What’s on your phone or online can wait until later in the day.

Here’s what I suggest. Sit for a few minutes in silence and then slowly focus on what you are grateful for. What that does is shift your focus from what isn’t working and what you don’t like about your life, to what is working and what you do like about your life. This practice goes a long way toward breaking the habit of negative thinking. If you don’t break the habit it can become hypnotic. And you know how it works. Before you know it you begin imagining the worse case scenario. There’s one more thing you can do to break this habit.

After you have focused on what you are grateful for, wonder about the highlight of your day. Many of my life coaching clients have reported to me that over time there expectations have changed and that they expect good things to occur. As your day progresses you’re wondering what the best possible outcome can be. This thinking can become an empowering habit, one that empowers you.

Consistent positive thinking, not only changes your outlook on life, but it also empowers you to see opportunities that previously you would not have looked at.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Getting on the Positive Side of Change is an ongoing process. Wishing that things will change won’t get you on the other side of the problem.  Unless you  deal with the situation,  it won’t magically go away.  You need to take some form of action rather than  avoiding the difficult situation.  Putting it on the back burner, doesn’t relieve the stress the situation causes you. Because  at a certain level you are living the situation every day. Quite often it’s a conversation you need to have with someone. At other times it might be a business decision. There is always something we avoid doing.

I have found that when I have taken action and been proactive, I usually feel better afterwards. Usually those situations that I have been avoiding are much easier to deal with than i had anticipated. And quite often I have been energized by the engagement. I know with conversations that I have been avoiding it’s usually that way. The conflict or unease that I had with someone becomes a springboard for better connection.

Whatever it is take a step forward toward resolving the situation. Quit wasting time and energy thinking about it and do something. Even putting a date on your calendar to take action is better than doing nothing.

One thing I know for certain is that when you don’t deal with the problem you still worry about it and on some level it fuels an underlying anxiety that doesn’t need any more stimulus.

Now is the time to confront what you are avoiding. Begin now.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Have you thought about how fear keeps controlling you?  No matter what you are doing or thinking about doing, you can imagine  a scenario that seems much worse than it actually is.  Our imagination is powerful. There is an acronym that illustrates this point. FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. So what happens. These worse case scenarios not only cause us enormous anxiety, they keep us from participating with life.  We stay on the sidelines and watch the river of life pass by without us.

As Mark Twain once said:

“Twenty years from now

You’ll have more regrets from the things you didn’t do, than the ones you did

So throw off the bowlines

Sail away from the safe harbor

And catch the trade winds in you sail

Explore…Dream…Discover.

So what is it that you’ve dreamed about doing. I’m sure there are at lease a few things. What if you wrote down on a piece of paper what it is and make a promise to yourself. What if you promised that whatever it is for you, you begin it within the next year. What then? Imagine whatever it is to turn out better than you anticipated.

Begin the journey now.

Journey On

Mark

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Most of us would love to be able to flip a switch and change the circumstances in our lives. We would start with the difficult people…those people who are unreasonable and sometimes just unpleasant. In your mind, they are the source of your upset. Whatever we want to do, they want to do the opposite. You know who they are. They might be a family member. Family members, are masters when it comes to pushing our buttons. They might be someone with whom you are intimate. Or they might be in the workplace; a coworker, a person in authority or someone with whom you come in contact during your day. Wow——quite a list.

I have found that through the years in my executive coaching practice that interpersonal conflict is a big concern. We can  eliminate some of them by changing our circumstances. But it’s difficult to eliminate  family members and in the workplace, we are reluctant to give up all we have worked hard to achieve.

Let’s take the stand that these difficult people and difficult situations are there to help us grow. When I begin working with a client as their executive coach, what they discover is that person, with whom they have difficulty, is symptomatic of a life time of communication issues.  Over time what was once a weakness becomes a strength. In the process not only do they learn how to turn this conflict into an opportunity, they also learn about themselves. They learn how to be assertive and, yet at the same time, respectful. They learn what their triggers are and create a system to respond, rather than react to these triggers. They learn to stand up for themselves.

They find that when they become better communicators, everyone with whom they come in contact is positively affected. Here’s how David Phipps, one of my first coaching clients, described his experience with this work: “The most profound change I have noticed from working with you has been in my communication. For the first time, I am able to be more myself, open, honest and real with everyone-my life partner, my friends, with those I manage, and those who manage me. They, too, have noticed and applauded this transformation.”

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.