Whatever I call it, Life Coaching, Business Coaching, Executive Coaching, the challenges of my clients are the same. They are tired of the struggle. At the heart of most struggles is the ability to connect with others. When there’s connection in your life, even the most mundane task can be fulfilling.

So many people I run into have told me that is what they want; more connection, but they don’t have people in their life who they can connect with.

Here’s what I tell them. Make it your intention to connect with others not just those who you know and like. If you go to the bank call the teller by their first name. If you bring your clothes to the cleaner connect with the person behind the counter.

What I find fun is calling people with name tags by their name. Just this one little thing can make a big difference.

The checker at the grocery store is a good place to start. Let’s put it this way. If you want more connection in your life, be interested in the other person. Make it genuine. I remember when I was an attorney I was pretty good at engaging the other person. But it wasn’t from the heart like it is now.

It was where I started. Eventually that became a genuine interest and curiosity and is one of my strengths. I look forward to it. When I go the health store…it’s not just to buy something that I need but an entire experience.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

For the last eight years I have had the luxury to think about the human process as an executive and life coach. In this time frame I have had the opportunity to become clear on some of the bigger challenges that we all face. Living with doubt is a concept that can be empowering. Too often we let doubt stop us and prevent us from taking that next step in our life.

No matter what you do, you are going to have some doubt to some extent. Hopefully you get to that place in your life where the doubt is minimized or barely perceptible. But to eliminate all doubt before taking the next step will result in a life that is unexplored and unfulfilled.

Having doubt also indicates that you are thoughtful and insightful. It prepares you for the unexpected and unpredictable. In the long run it is what makes you more successful and fulfilled.

Be thankful for your doubt but don’t let it stop you.

I don’t know if this is encouraging but let me share with you what I have learned from doing the work that I do. In the beginning I ask people to assess how they see their lives. What surprises me is most people’s sense of confidence is lower than how they show up in the world.

This is what I mean. When Richard began coaching, I saw him as a winner and incredibly self-confident. That’s how he shows up in the world. And by all external standards he is. But he doesn’t see himself that way. It has been my experience that most all of us are like Richard.

So don’t be so hard on yourself. And if you have a little doubt who cares. Do it anyway.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

You notice someone in a room and they seem totally confident..totally together. Whether I call it executive coaching or life coaching what is always the same is that these folks who you think might have it together struggle with their internal process. They struggle with how they are being perceived. As I get to know them and their vulnerabilities through coaching, I realize how much courage they exhibit in putting themselves out there.

Now imagine you meet someone for the first time let’s say at a party. What goes through your mind? What don’t you want them to know about you? So we go through life with our little secret…the same one that most people experience. We wonder if we are good enough? If we can do the job? Whether they’ll like us?

What’s good to know is that we’re not alone so it’s important not to let that uneasy feeling prevent us from full engaging with life. 99% of the time the only one who knows that we might feel uncomfortable is ourselves.

Don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I wanted to share this writing on love and friendships which I did not write myself. I don’t know where it came from but it’s great. Think about each one for a few seconds.

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. This is true but not the ideal situation.

3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

4. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

5. Don’t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.

6. We learn from the relationships that don’t work out so when we meet the right one we’ll know it.

7. This is a good one. Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

8. From time to time you’ll get hurt. But don’t let that stop you from getting involved and loving again.

9. Sometimes you just have to let it go and it boomerangs back to you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

We seem to get a lot smarter as we get older. That’s what my kids tell me. We’ve made our share of mistakes and hopefully we’ve learned from them. We wouldn’t be who we are today without them. That includes the disappointments, heartbreaks, and the good times that we’ve enjoyed. They’re all part of the human experience.

When we find that our present circumstances are not as we would like them to be, it’s usually because our beliefs about the possibilities in our life seem limited by these past experiences. Our identification with these limiting beliefs, are the filters through which we see the world. If you want to see life differently you need to change your filter.

That’s the challenge. What made the biggest difference for me was meditation. Through regular practice I was able to separate who I was in the world of form from who I was as a spiritual being. Inner peace didn’t depend on what was going on in my life.

Meditation isn’t the only practice that enables you to transcend thought and reach these deeper levels of being. What all of these practices have in common is that through them you are able to experience a stillness in the gap between thoughts.

This is easier said than done. What makes this particularly challenging is that it’s difficult to still the mind. We’re always thinking about the past or the future. Time becomes an obsession and an illusion. There are two myths that need to be dispelled. The first is that we don’t have enough time and the second is that something or someone in the future will make our experience of life better. With this mindset you’ll never to be able to enjoy the present moment.

Let’s talk about the myth of not having enough time. How you begin your day sets the tone for the rest of the day. If you race out of the house in a hurry you’ll be playing catch up. You’ll feel that you don’t have enough time to get it all done. Think about some of the conversations that you have. “I don’t have time to get together with you. “I’ve been overwhelmed at work–I’m too tired.” Do any of these seem familiar? You think this will change sometime in the future, but it doesn’t unless you change this pattern, which is not so easy.

Imagine what your life would be like if you couldn’t use as an excuse, “I don’t have enough time?” You would have to become clear as to what your priorities are. You would then have to take responsibility whether you really want to do something. It might be uncomfortable at first. It would involve saying “No” which most people feel uncomfortable saying. You might be saying “No” to a relationship you really don’t want or a “dead-end career.” It would involve leaving the familiar to enter the world of the unknown. It is in this world of the unknown where real opportunity and adventure is found.

Lets talk about the second myth. “When this happens real life will begin.” You know that one. It’s an illusion that our minds have created. My son, Josh, is graduating from college this month. I am reminded of how anxious I was to get out of high school, get away from home and begin college.

I believed college would be the answer to my problems. For a brief period of time it was but soon my focus soon shifted to the future, which was getting into law school. And of course once in law school my new focus was graduating and passing the bar so “real life” could begin. And what I called “real life” began. I was out of school, making my own money and involved in an intense love affair.
But after a while financial realities set in and I began to struggle. I believed that when business picked up and I met “the one,” I could enjoy life again. I was repeating the familiar pattern of making an unknown future better than the present moment. For many of us this is a never ending pattern.
It was for me until I had an experience which changed that.
I’ve always been a firm believer in synchronicity–those chance encounters that change your life–those remarkable meetings. When I was a young lawyer a
friend told me of a magical swimming hole along a river in Humboldt County. Off I went with my guitar, my dog and sleeping bag and drove North arriving at the river just as the sun was setting. In the morning I awoke at the crack of dawn in search of the swimming hole. I knew that if I hiked upstream I would get there. I continued on my way until a camper offered me some food and coffee. Although I found myself getting hungry and a little bit tired, I said, “No thanks” to the kind invitation— “I want to get to the swimming hole.” After another twenty yards I turned around and said, “That coffee sounds good.” It was what the camper said in the next few moments that has perhaps made the greatest impact in my life.
“Hey, the journey you take is probably more important than your destination. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the journey.” I enjoyed my breakfast, enjoyed the rest of the hike and of course the swimming hole was fabulous.
Since that meeting I have taken his advice to heart. It has affected every aspect of my life. Imagine your life from this new perspective. Instead of waiting for that ideal relationship to happen you enjoy life exactly as it is. Instead of feeling despair about finding meaning and purpose you’re enjoying the inquiry. Instead of waiting for that big opportunity you are enjoying exactly what you’re doing. Instead of waiting for something to change you are enjoying what is.
Life will be what you say it is. When you say to yourself that life is an adventure, it becomes an adventure. You focus on the possibility rather than the struggle. This is the way it is when you’re living an inspired life.
Keep the circle expanding by forwarding Letters on Life to those in your circle. I love to hear from you and enjoy receiving your many responses and feedback.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In a life coaching session this morning, my client….let’s call him George was concerned with what he felt were misplaced cultural values in our society. In fact he focused on what was wrong. Even though he didn’t watch TV, he was still barraged with negative information. He noticed it in his business and in government.

George was not doing enough to get inspired. In a day we have close to a 100,000 thoughts. The positive ones need to be reinforced. If they’re not, the negative ones will run our lives and keep us down. But how can you do that? Here are a few ideas.

1. Be around positive people. Create a positive support system. Ask yourself…Do you feel better after being in that person’s presence?

2. Read inspirational type books. I would suggest you begin a daily reading program that can support you in thinking more positively. Thinking negatively is just a habit. A reading program can help you change that habit. I have a reading list on my website and there are many great books being published daily.

3. Minimize your contact with the media. Newspapers use headlines that sell. Sensationalism is in that category. As to TV…do you notice the number of commercials for antidepressants?

4. Notice when you begin to think negatively. The sooner you notice the sooner you can change it. Noticing is the first step.

Stay on the journey.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Lately I have been riding my Mountain Bike. Yesterday I rode from my house to Phoenix Lake. On the right side of the lake is a trail called Lower Shaver which takes you up to Five Corners. On the Far edge of the lake you have a choice to continue on Lower Shaver or to turn left and climb Fish Grade or Eldridge. Fish Grade for me has always been out of the question since its so steep. So my choice really was Eldridge or to continue straight.

I wanted more of a challenge so I decided on Eldridge…The slope on Eldridge is slightly elevated for the first 100 yards and then there is a 50 yard stretch in which the slope is greatly elevated. That 50 yard strectch is a challenge; on some occasions I have had to stop and walk my bike or once I get to the top I rest. I wanted to break this pattern. And for the minute or two before having to make the decision I debated as to which trail to take. I chose Eldridge and tried something different.

Once I started the steep 50 yard stretch instead of wondering if I could make it to the top I just focused on the step or two immediataely in front of me. I didn’t look at to see how far I had to go. For me the choice was simple. By breaking it down into small segmentss I didn’t notice any slope. It was only when I looked at the top that I noticed the steepness. As I pedaled focusing on what was immediately in front of me I reached the top and continued on my way. I wasn’t tired or winded and it was as if I was riding on a level trail.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

There are common issues to both executive and life coaching. One of these occurred in a session yesterday. My client, let’s call her Betsy, was extremely frustrated in her job. She is a brilliant professional woman, who has a part time job that doesn’t totally engage her. And most of the people she works with are not on her level of expertise. She finds herself getting frustrated and often wondering why she’s there.

She is use to being in control…so she thinks. That raises the bigger question as to what being in control really means?

So who is in control of your life? Is it you or your habits? Or are you controlled by forces that you are unaware of? For your curiosity there is a self assessment test on my website that takes under three minutes to do.

When our habits control our lives, we can shirk from the responsibility of having to make decisions. And when that habits we pretty much go unconscious.

Be conscious. Be aware of how you get plugged in. Noticing is the first step in taking back your life. Notice when you get frustrated. Don’t try to figure it out…just notice

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

We teach what we need to learn, so it is said. That’s what I get to do whether it’s in a life coaching or executive coaching session. Teach and learn….what’s been up for some of my clients is how to handle a difficult person…someone who we might refer to as toxic.

Regardless of how many times we have been there, from time to time we find ourselves in situations we would rather not be in. So thats what my client, let’s call him Fred was faced with.

Fred a professional was faced with an extremely unhappy client. Not necessarily because of Fred’s performance but because he saw life as somewhat futile. He didn’t see much hope for the future. Everything seemed bleak.

What to do? Reasoning with these type of people is futile. No matter how reasonable you are they are not going to change their perspective at that moment. You can bend over backwards and it still won’t make a difference.

Here’s what I suggest. Don’t take it personally and don’t try to be a savior. Realize that in the moment they can’t think clearly. Fred did all he could not to get plugged in. I suggested to him that he write a letter when he saw things from a different perspective….when he was calm and not threatened. I have tremendous success with this approach. Then the other person can read it in his own private moment when he doesn’t feel pressured. Make sure that in the letter you let him know that you totally understand his position.

Make sure you have solid boundaries and know what’s true for you. For example when I was an attorney, a client who had hired me wanted me to evaluate his case in a different way. His way of doing this was to challenge me by saying that I didn’t seem confident. I told him my truth. I was extremely confident as a person, but not confident as to his case.

So take the time to send a letter the next time one of these situations comes up. It’s also important because it helps you clarify exactly what was said and what happened.

Journey On

Mark

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

My very first newsletter was written seven years ago. I wrote about Attitude and how important it is. In fact it’s more than important it’s everything. I think we agree on this principle but what’s more confusing is what we can do to change our attitude. I didn’t address this back then. So I’ve had many years to come up with a program that will help you change your moods. Let’s say for example that you’re in a bad mood and don’t feel like doing anything. How do you get out of your funk? Here are some ideas that help me from time to time.

#1. When you notice that you have a lousy attitude, cop to it. You can’t change it unless you are aware of it.

#2. Ask yourself what’s going on! Is there something that you are afraid of or are not looking forward to. Be honest-why are you bummed out.

#3. Change your perspective by reframing what’s going on. Usually I find that empowering questions goes a long way. Let’s say it’s an event that I don’t want to go to. I might ask myself the following question: I wonder who I’m going to meet or I wonder what the highlight of the evening will be. There is a good discussion of this on my website in the article…. Start your Day on your Terms.

#4. After you have exhausted the mental stuff, then woodshed. Look at the tools you can use. For example exercise. When I get in one of those moods I’m not exercising. When you are exercising it’s difficult to remain in a funk. For example dancing. If I’m in a funk and I go dancing, I’m not going to think about what’s bothering me.

#5.What about your diet? Usually sugar and caffeine are the culprits. Too much meat will suppress your energy.

#6. Extra credit. When I was in law school, I went to a workshop on fasting given by a nurse. Ever since I have made fasting part of my program. At least once per year I’ll fast and adopt the Stanley Burroughs master cleanse. This definitely changes my mood and gets me feeling great. The first few days are a struggle but as you progress you will feel great. It’s never failed. If you’ve never fasted before, make sure you get appropriate support.

#7. Music is a great mood changer. Almost instantly it gets me going…it’s hard to be down when you’re tapping your foot and singing.

#8. Take a walk on the beach or in nature. And if you have time, take a trip. These are just a few of the things that have worked for me in the past. Hopefully I keep learning.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com