Recently I was a radio guest on Lois Berman’s show (Loisontheline). I was posed a question. What do you say to someone who is positive, works with affirmations and doesn’t get the result they were looking for.

In my life coaching practice I’m also asked that same question. There is a popular notion, made more popular by the movie the Secret and other authors, that if you visualize what you want, it will manifest. But it doesn’t always work that way. I believe in using affirmations and being positive. And i am positive most of the time.

But when you primarily focus on the desired result you overlook all of the good that is in front of you.  When you are positive, each day can be an adventure and fulfilling at the same time. Being positive shifts your attitude so that you are looking for the good rather than focusing on what’s wrong. And when you are positive you become more attractive to others regardless of the situation.

Here’s what you can do that will help you to be more positive every day. In the morning after taking time for reflection, think about your day and what might be the highlight of that day. As your day progresses you are in a state of wonderment. You think to yourself, “I wonder if this is the highlight.” In essence you make a decision before your day even begins that there will be a highlight. Your inquiry is what that highlight is. It’s a great practice. At the end of the day, you might have two or three great choices.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Please join me for the Journey On radio show. I am cohosting the show with my good friend Ralph Marston who publishes the Daily Motivator.  Http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeyon

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

There is a tremendous power that we all have access to and affects us daily. You know it and for many of us runs our life. You might be wondering what that power is. It’s worry. Think about it. Worry affects us every day, but what is it. It’s our imagination, imagining worse case scenarios. There is an acronym that reminds me of this truth. F.E.A.R.—False Evidence Appearing Real. Our imagination used in this manner can paralyze us and make us miserable and ineffective.

But there is a better way. Our imagination can be used to imagine best case scenarios. Even if those best case scenarios don’t happen, we’ll feel better and excited about possibilities in our lives that at one time we didn’t know existed. We will also get on the positive side of change.

When I was in my twenties I was struggling to graduate from law school and to pass the bar. All I could see was the day to day struggle and what was ahead; looking for a job.

And then my girl friend at the time, Kallie, asked me a question. “How do you want your life to be in fine years?” So I’m asking you the same question. Imagine your life five years from now, the way you want it to be.

Develop a daily practice. After taking time for inner reflection and silence, imagine that life and express gratitude for having it. Make this practice a daily habit for 30 days and then see what happens. It’s a small investment of thought and time, that can change your life, both in the way you feel and in what you manifest.

Let me know how it goes.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Please join me for the Journey On radio show. I am cohosting the show with my good friend Ralph Marston who publishes the Daily Motivator.  Http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeyon

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

I’ve been a life coach for twelve years now.  I’ve noticed how many of us stop ourselves because we focus on the wrong things. Yes, we all have  been disappointed by life; things haven’t worked out the way we wanted them to, but at some point we have to let it go.

We need to look forward and do what is necessary.  It might be a conversation that we need to have or a decision that we need to make, both of which we avoid doing.  When we finally face the situation at hand, quite often it works out better than we had anticipated. There are numerous conversations that I have avoided having, yet when I finally had the conversation it was quite empowering for both of us.

Start paying attention to what’s possible in every situation.  You already have thought about what might go wrong. You’ll always be able to find something. Don’t keep your attention there. Think about where you want to go and what you want to create.

See what’s possible in every situation. Focus on that and you’ll surprise yourself.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Most of us have, at times, wished that life was a little easier. Yes we do “struggle” at times, probably more than is necessary.  It’s one thing to work hard, but when we caught up in the hysteria of not succeeding that hard work turns into struggle which can be draining and stress- invoking. The struggle is not in the ‘doing part’, but in the mental  conversation that we have with ourselves about the doing of the actual project.  Quite often the thinking about doing something consumes more energy than the actual doing.

Let’s change the concept of ‘struggle’ to ‘hard work.’   With hard work you know that in the end you will succeed if you apply yourself.  The time, energy and preparation that went into the successful completion of the project gives you a great feeling fulfillment.

If everything was just handed to us, free of difficulty and effort, then we wouldn’t have the same level of fulfillment.

The difficulties are there to challenge us to dig deeper and transcend our current level of expertise.  Every challenge provides us with many opportunities for us to be the best “us” we can be.

Recently I was the keynote speaker at an important conference. I took on the preparation for my talk as a challenge.  The enormity of the event motivated me to prepare more thoroughly than I normally would have, so that when I took the stage I was confident and didn’t have to think about what I was going to say. I felt great afterwards.  Without the challenge I wouldn’t have had the same result. The challenge is there to support you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

When you truly listen you experience the present moment, free of judgments.  When something happens in our life, we make up a big story as to what it means based upon our limited perspective.  Don’t go there. The meaning we give it is based upon our past experience.  None of us have a crystal ball into the future. Life can turn out much better than we expected. Be open to that possibility.

Truly listening involves being in the present moment. Learning to truly listen is one of the most important skills you can learn. It has the potential to transform your life.

Listening is an art form that very few of us have mastered.  So often, in our conversations, when someone says something to us, rather than listen, we think about how to reply.

I have found a good practice is to not only listen, but to let the other person know your understanding of their communication. That lets the other person know that they are being heard.  And that’s what we all want.  We want to know that we matter. Listening involves experiencing the essence of the other person and what is behind the words.

See what happens.

Journey On

Mark

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Most of us would love to be able to flip a switch and change the circumstances in our lives. We would start with the difficult people…those people who are unreasonable and sometimes just unpleasant. In your mind, they are the source of your upset. Whatever we want to do, they want to do the opposite. You know who they are. They might be a family member. Family members, are masters when it comes to pushing our buttons. They might be someone with whom you are intimate. Or they might be in the workplace; a coworker, a person in authority or someone with whom you come in contact during your day. Wow——quite a list.

I have found that through the years in my executive coaching practice that interpersonal conflict is a big concern. We can  eliminate some of them by changing our circumstances. But it’s difficult to eliminate  family members and in the workplace, we are reluctant to give up all we have worked hard to achieve.

Let’s take the stand that these difficult people and difficult situations are there to help us grow. When I begin working with a client as their executive coach, what they discover is that person, with whom they have difficulty, is symptomatic of a life time of communication issues.  Over time what was once a weakness becomes a strength. In the process not only do they learn how to turn this conflict into an opportunity, they also learn about themselves. They learn how to be assertive and, yet at the same time, respectful. They learn what their triggers are and create a system to respond, rather than react to these triggers. They learn to stand up for themselves.

They find that when they become better communicators, everyone with whom they come in contact is positively affected. Here’s how David Phipps, one of my first coaching clients, described his experience with this work: “The most profound change I have noticed from working with you has been in my communication. For the first time, I am able to be more myself, open, honest and real with everyone-my life partner, my friends, with those I manage, and those who manage me. They, too, have noticed and applauded this transformation.”

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

In yesterday’s blog we discussed what you can do to reduce worry in your life. It’s a daily practice. In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life becomes less of a struggle and more of an exciting journey of discovery.  Since we know what it’s like to dance on the river of life, we welcome what’s next.

Eventually there is a turning point, when most of our thougths are on what’s right, rather than on what’s wrong.  But until that time occurs, we continue to place too much emphasis on our imperfections and what might go wrong.  No matter what we are doing, there are always two voices.

The first voice is the one that is noticeable or heard by someone else.  The other voice is our internal dialogue, the Voice of Judgment, which is only heard by us.  You probably have heard this voice numerous times and wish that it would stop.  You think to yourself, “If you only knew what was really going on with me you wouldn’t like me.”  A variation of that voice that I am sure you know is, ” I’m not good enough.”

We all have our share of wounds and scars.  We can’t avoid them.  We feel flawed like there is something wrong with us.  All we see are our imperfections.  Yet with all of our imperfections we are still able to create beauty and good in the world.  Within every imperfection there is a gift.  As we dance on the river of life and live on the positive of change, we discover the essence of that gift.

Since I’ve been an executive-life coach, what has become increasingly noticeable is that we are all complex individuals with many paradoxes and competing passions. You are in good company.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

I’ve found from my years as an executive-life coach, worry is one of the biggest challenges that most of us face. In previous blogs you were introduced to the benefits of a daily gratitude practice.  I’ve found that expressing gratitude on a daily basis helps me to overome my tendeny to worry.  I know this tendency places me in good company.  When I feel myself worrying excessively there are three questions I ask myself.

The first is, “What is the worst that can happen?” Remember  worry is an irrational emotion.  There is an acronym that reminds mo of this truth : F.E. A. R.: False Evidence Apppearing Real.

I then ask myself, ” How likely is it that what I’m worrying about will happen?” This question gets me out of the irrational mode.  When you are in the irrational mode you usually imagine the worst-case scenario.  This inquiry forces me to detach from what I’m feeling, even if just for a few seconds.  Once I’m feeling calmer, I’m ready to explore the likelihood of the particular thing I’m worrying about actually occurring.  Usually I come to the conclusion that there is little likelihood of it happening.

The next inquiry I have found quite powerful.  Ask yourself what the result would be if everything went your way. Very few of us consider this possibility.  When you allow yourself to fully explore and imagine the possibilities of everything working out in your favor, with the same intensity of emotion that you have when you worry, before you know it, your’re out of your funk and excited again. More often than not I am pleasantly surprised.

We have no way of knowing what is going to happen in the future, yet for some reason when we worry we think we do.  In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life beomes less of a struggle and more of an exciting journey of discovery.  Since we know what it’s like to dance on the river, we welcome what’s next.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s 

You were introduced to the concept of cultivating your inner GPS. In previous blogs we discussed two of the principles, Meditation and Gratitude. As we discussed by focusing on what we are grateful for, we begin to shift our focus on what is working in our life. Over time, we notice that we are generally happy and appreciative of all of the blessings in our life.

But there is one trap that we have to learn to recognize so that we can avoid it. That trap is our tendency to compare ourselves to others. If you have read this blog before you know that I was a trial lawyer for many years. I was in a profession that ranked you by your wins and losses, how much money you made and who your clients were. The problem was that no matter how well your were doing in your career, there was always someone who was doing better.  Comparing yourself to others, which many of us do, makes you miserable.  And there’s no ways of knowing what’s really going on with the person with whom you are making the comparison. For all you know, he or she might be wishing they were in your shoes.

I got over it.  I created my own diefinition of success.   Here’s what I came up with: It’s more than making money.  It’s more than being recognized by your peers in a career. It’s about liking who you are.  It’s about being happy. It’s about having loving relationships. If you are successful in a career and don’t have time to share your success with loved ones, you are missing out on one of the joys of life. As I continued to focus on the iiner work, my expanded view of success and what’s possible became integrated into my belief system.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s 

Getting on the Positive Side of Change is a lifelong journey. At times it’s a struggle, but it doesn’t have to be that way. As discussed in the first blog on this series there are eight tools and practices when integrated into your life create a shift so that your attitude toward change has shifted. No longer do you fear change, but you embrace it as an opportunity, as an adventure and as possibility.

We discussed in the last blog the importance of meditation. My practice has extended over forty years. It’s the one constant in my life. No one can take that away from me. lt’s not like a job or a relationship or a world event, each of which is unpredictable.

Meditation is the first thing I do in the morning. Not only am I calmer, I have greater clarity. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist at Harvard and other researchers, have found that the biological age of long-term meditators was consistently less than their chronological age. I could go on and on about the benefits of meditation, but suffice it to say that when I don’t meditate in the morning I feel like something is missing.

Let’s look at the next practice to help us get on the positive side of change, which is the practice of gratitude. In this blog I want to leave you with one thought and we will pick it up in the next blog.

“In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.” Albert Clarke

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.