When we are passionate our energy level is at its highest. We’re excited.  Our energy level can also me at an intense level when we are expressing anger. When we are expressing anger, we are usually reacting to a particular event or circumstance.  Our expression of anger is the conduct that we have adopted, consciously or unconsciously, to express our frustration.

We only express our anger when we are no longer connected to our center. When we are not connected to our center, we are no longer connected to our personal power. It’s like turning on the light  switch when the power is turned off—nothing happens.

We won’t get the desired result that we would like and our sense of frustration gets greater. To “Get on the Positive Side of Change,”  we need to stand back and observe and diagnose the problem. There is usually a solution, but when we have lost our center and sense of perspective,  we aren’t able to see it. Once we regain our sense of perspective we can take positive action in a calm and positive way.  In the process we are responsive, rather than reactive.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

What’s the difference between a problem and a challenge?  Perhaps you have wondered about this distinction. One day i made a decision to think of  what I called “problems,”  challenges. It was a great decision but at first it didn’t quite seem natural. After a while I became more comfortable with that distinction. Whenever I was facing what I had previously considered a problem, I began calling it a challenge. It took a while but I began noticing that my attitude changed. It didn’t seem so daunting. I even began to took forward to the challenges ahead. I have pretty much eliminated the word “problem” from my vocabulary. If I’m concerned about a circumstance in my  life, I wonder what it’s going to take to make it work for me.

With some new perspective I began seeing the opportunity in each new challenge. Complaining about it doesn’t help the situation.

Because I saw the possible opportunity I was more motivated to design a strategy and to implement it. Quite often it would take longer than I had anticipated, but I stayed with it. Because I had a clear purpose why I was involved in the particular endeavor, I was able to stay focused in the midst of the uncertainty that I would experience from time to time.

At some point you begin to experience  a tremendous sense of fulfillment for not only staying true to your purpose, but for a job well done.

Each of us has our own unique way of handling the challenge.  Have an honorable intention and move forward with that in mind. Yes we will still have those twists and turns as life continues to unfold,  but we also have an opportunity to experience joy and love as we experience the journey.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

We all have been faced with having to do certain things that we resented having to do. In the big picture why we felt that way is not that significant. We still have to do it and eventually will do it. Quite often when we don’t like to do something we put it on the back burner hoping that it will go away. But it doesn’t. Eventually we do it and have wasted enormous energy thinking about why we shouldn’t have to perform the task at hand.

Quite often when we finally finish our task we feel good afterwards.  There is the satisfaction that we get from a job well done.

Make a subtle shift. You always feel empowered when you are ‘at chose’ in the matter. Instead of saying or thinking, “I have to do this.”  Say to yourself or think, “Wow, I get to do this.”  Why not make what is next for you enjoyable. When you have that edge of excitement you can transform the simplest of tasks into a privilege.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

I’ve found from my years as an executive-life coach, worry is one of the biggest challenges that most of us face. In previous blogs you were introduced to the benefits of a daily gratitude practice.  I’ve found that expressing gratitude on a daily basis helps me to overome my tendeny to worry.  I know this tendency places me in good company.  When I feel myself worrying excessively there are three questions I ask myself.

The first is, “What is the worst that can happen?” Remember  worry is an irrational emotion.  There is an acronym that reminds mo of this truth : F.E. A. R.: False Evidence Apppearing Real.

I then ask myself, ” How likely is it that what I’m worrying about will happen?” This question gets me out of the irrational mode.  When you are in the irrational mode you usually imagine the worst-case scenario.  This inquiry forces me to detach from what I’m feeling, even if just for a few seconds.  Once I’m feeling calmer, I’m ready to explore the likelihood of the particular thing I’m worrying about actually occurring.  Usually I come to the conclusion that there is little likelihood of it happening.

The next inquiry I have found quite powerful.  Ask yourself what the result would be if everything went your way. Very few of us consider this possibility.  When you allow yourself to fully explore and imagine the possibilities of everything working out in your favor, with the same intensity of emotion that you have when you worry, before you know it, your’re out of your funk and excited again. More often than not I am pleasantly surprised.

We have no way of knowing what is going to happen in the future, yet for some reason when we worry we think we do.  In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life beomes less of a struggle and more of an exciting journey of discovery.  Since we know what it’s like to dance on the river, we welcome what’s next.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s 

You were introduced to the concept of cultivating your inner GPS. In previous blogs we discussed two of the principles, Meditation and Gratitude. As we discussed by focusing on what we are grateful for, we begin to shift our focus on what is working in our life. Over time, we notice that we are generally happy and appreciative of all of the blessings in our life.

But there is one trap that we have to learn to recognize so that we can avoid it. That trap is our tendency to compare ourselves to others. If you have read this blog before you know that I was a trial lawyer for many years. I was in a profession that ranked you by your wins and losses, how much money you made and who your clients were. The problem was that no matter how well your were doing in your career, there was always someone who was doing better.  Comparing yourself to others, which many of us do, makes you miserable.  And there’s no ways of knowing what’s really going on with the person with whom you are making the comparison. For all you know, he or she might be wishing they were in your shoes.

I got over it.  I created my own diefinition of success.   Here’s what I came up with: It’s more than making money.  It’s more than being recognized by your peers in a career. It’s about liking who you are.  It’s about being happy. It’s about having loving relationships. If you are successful in a career and don’t have time to share your success with loved ones, you are missing out on one of the joys of life. As I continued to focus on the iiner work, my expanded view of success and what’s possible became integrated into my belief system.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s 

The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

William James

We look to relationships to satisfy this craving. It’s our natural state to be loving. Unfortunately with the busyness of our lives we forget what that natural state is. There is nothing better than a great relationship. You feel that you belong. You feel empowered. You feel an incredible aliveness. But ultimately we have to learn to have a great relationship with ourselves. When we do, it enriches everyone with whom we meet.

We live in a relational world. At a fundamental level what we all want is to deeply connect with others, but we’re not sure how to do that.  Successful relationships transform our families, schools, institutions, governments and the world we live in.

When you connect with your heart, body and soul, connection occurs in an instant.  Connection begins with you, by your awakening to your true nature as a spiritual being having a physical experience. It’s “a knowing” that you are connected to a power greater than you.  Connection is a path and like most paths, there will be challenges along the way.

The good news is that connection can be cultivated. Before I embarked upon my coaching path I was a decent connector when I wanted to be, but I didn’t consider it one of my strengths. This has changed over the years.

My first coach gave me a new way to look at connection, which has been instrumental in my cultivating the awareness that I have now. From that moment on, I became increasingly aware of how much I liked to connect with others.

The ability to connect with others opens up a whole new world. Connection transcends stereotypes and judgments,creating fertile ground for a new dialogue, a dialogue not constrained by history, but open to common ground for a consciousness of possibility. By connecting, you make the ultimate gift to yourself and to others. It is when we give of ourselves that we receive the ultimate joy.

Our bigger challenge is to receive from others. Many of us find it difficult to be supported and to let others do thingsfor us. This might seem like somewhat of a paradox, but whenwe give to others we remain in control. It’s only in the act ofreceiving that we give up control and allow ourselves to bevulnerable. It is in that moment when we feel the most connected to others. By receiving the gift from another, we are making the ultimate gift to them. Until we allow ourselves to receive this gift, we won’t be able to experience the depth and intimacy that we are seeking.

Let me share with you a few strategies that I have found effective in cultivating more connection in my life. After meditation, I express gratitude for the gift of connection that I have with others. Perhaps in the beginning of this practice I didn’t feel or believe it totally. But over time I’ve noticed that my ability to connect has become a strength. I’m certainly more aware of the connections that I do have.

Being curious is invaluable. In some ways, I’ve transformed being curious into a fun game. Whenever I go to a gathering, I’m curious with whom I’ll connect. With so many of us asking the same questions, I’m curious about what I might learn when I connect with them. In the last few years I’ve expanded upon this practice. Before I left for a recent trip for Kauai, I wondered about with whom I would have the best connection. This set the tone and kept me curious during the whole trip. The synchronicity was amazing.  We reach a time in our life, when those remarkable meetings seem to occur more often.  Synchronicity then becomes the norm, rather than the infrequent occurrence.

Each time that I experience one of those chance encounters that provides a missing piece to the puzzle, there is a thought that deeply resonates within me. It makes greater sense to me now than it ever did.  As we continue to evolve, we attract to us our tribe of kindred souls.

We are the source of the connection that we crave, which is fueled by our ability to come from the deep place of love within. Unfortunately too many of us are looking to find love outside of ourselves—it’s an inside job that has its own language.

The language of love is the most powerful language on the planet. In the English language, some of our deepest feelings can’tbe expressed in words. We can look to the Greeks for wisdom.

Two friends touch each other’s souls but are not lovers.The Greeks refer to this love between friends as Philos.

The special love that we share for our family is differentthan any other love we experience. The Greeks refer to this love of family as Storge.

Spiritual love, or the love that is God is referred to as Agape.

The physical love, when lovers embrace, is referred to as Eros.

The language of love is an acknowledgment of a person’sessence and their inner beauty. If we are not comfortable withthe more accepted language of love, it is important to createour own language; a language that acknowledges others, theirgreatness, their gifts and their blessings. By becoming morecomfortable with this language, we open the doors to deeperintimacy.  We begin the process of fulfilling the deepest craving that James refers to. Perhaps you have your own language and way ofexpressing it.  Perhaps it’s with your eyes or your smile.  Let’s be open to finding new ways in which to do that.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Getting on the Positive Side of Change is a lifelong journey. At times it’s a struggle, but it doesn’t have to be that way. As discussed in the first blog on this series there are eight tools and practices when integrated into your life create a shift so that your attitude toward change has shifted. No longer do you fear change, but you embrace it as an opportunity, as an adventure and as possibility.

We discussed in the last blog the importance of meditation. My practice has extended over forty years. It’s the one constant in my life. No one can take that away from me. lt’s not like a job or a relationship or a world event, each of which is unpredictable.

Meditation is the first thing I do in the morning. Not only am I calmer, I have greater clarity. Herbert Benson, a cardiologist at Harvard and other researchers, have found that the biological age of long-term meditators was consistently less than their chronological age. I could go on and on about the benefits of meditation, but suffice it to say that when I don’t meditate in the morning I feel like something is missing.

Let’s look at the next practice to help us get on the positive side of change, which is the practice of gratitude. In this blog I want to leave you with one thought and we will pick it up in the next blog.

“In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.” Albert Clarke

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

There are many different ways in which we can make a gift. We can contribute to various non-profits that are aligned with our philosophical bents such as environmental or spiritual organizations. We can make gifts to family members or friends. Quite often we don’t know what to give especially when it’s expected of us.

We hope that when the gift is received that it is appreciated. In some cases we do have an expectation that the gift will not only be appreciated but reciprocated. When our giving isn’t acknowledged in the manner that we expected we hold back the next time. Our giving was conditional on mutuality. That is the manner of giving that we are most familiar with.

Our giving was conditional and what did we really gain by making it conditional. Let’s take it a step further. What if our natural state of being is to be generous in spirit.

We rejoice in giving because it makes someone happy. And in doing so we are really making a gift to ourself.

Perhaps the most meaningful gift is to be generous in spirit. But how can we do that when we live in a competetive world when results are quite often valued more highly than relationships.

You can start by greeting everyone you meet with a big warm smile. It takes effort initially but soon it becomes a habit.

You are the gift. Be the best you, you can be.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

You probably know this already and have heard it on many occasions. that worry doesn’t get the job done. Yet many of us, let our worries get in the way of our experiencing life fully.

Courage is one of the key components in getting on the positive of change. Facing our fears and moving forward is an act of courage. When living life From this perspective, everyday becomes an opportunity for us to be courageous.

When thinking about the possibility of making changes in our lives, we focus on the obstacles and what can go wrong and as a result stay stuck in our comfort zones.

When we live life from this limited perspective, we won’t reach our full potential. Our work is to be the very best we can be and, from this place, live life fully.

It might be taking the first step in a new relationship. It might be initiating a new business relationship. It might be beginning something new. What all of these endeavors have in common is that in some way, we are sharing ourselves. Our work is to express ourselves fully.

There will always be challenges in our lives, but what’s most important is whether our challenges and problems have us or we have the challenges. If they have us, we won’t do anything but worry and complain.

Embrace the challenge, move forward and live courageously.

Celebrate and enjoy the journey.

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

In a life coaching session yesterday, Carl, who many of you know by now, complained about a new problem that he had. He tried to convince me that this time it was different. Carl was so obsessed with this concern that was all the thought about.

We will always have challenges in our life. They’re to remind us that we need to look deeper at what’s really going on. So much of the problem is in our imagination. Usually when we have a challenge our mind envisions the worse case scenario which usually includes an image of our life spirally downhill. We say to ourselves, “What if this happens?” And it goes on whether it’s a financial challenge, a relationship challenge or a health challenge.

Here’s a suggestion. After you catch yourself trending in this spiral, take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What is the likelihood of that happening?”

Usually you conclude that it is not very high. Yes there might be an outcome that you’re not excited about, but it’s not going to be the doomsday scenario that you envisioned.

Here’s the final step to transform how you think about your problem and to get on the positive side of change. Play the “what if” game, but use your imagination and imagine the outcome exceeding your expectations. Ask yourself, “what if what concerns me turns out better than expected?” Ah——what then. Allow yourself to go there and to be in that exploration.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.