Archive for the ‘connection’ Category

Make a choice not to lose your cool.

Monday, October 19th, 2009

If only they would be more reasonable. You probably have said this over a hundred times. Maybe you have said this version. “If only they were easier to deal with.” That’s what we discussed on a call today.

After exploring numerous approaches to make the situation better nothing seemed to change. The other person stayed in their unreasonable mode…or at least that’s the way you saw it.

Perhaps it’s a situation with a past spouse regarding the welfare of your children or it could be with a coworker. The other person in your mind seems to be unreasonable; perhaps even pathologically so. You’ve tried everything. You are frustrated. You want them to change.

I’ve been there countless times. They won’t change unless you change first. Be the example. Don’t go to their level. This is such a common situation. Your challenge….don’t get plugged into their stuff. Since they won’t change, your only choice is to change how you react to them. And over time the dynamic will be different.

Most important is not to take what’s happening personally. When I was a trial lawyer, there were many times when I had to step back from the fray and be the observer. Actually noticing myself interacting with the other attorney. Over time I realized that I had a choice not to get plugged in.

Ask yourself how you want to feel after the interaction. You can be assertive without losing your cool. But there is a fine line that once you cross, your blood pressure starts to rise and you are in the middle of a confrontation. Visualize yourself in control as the interaction in progresses. What I mean control is to be in control of your emotions. That is a choice.

JOURNEY ON

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Give the Relationship some Breathing Room

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

I had a discussion today with someone who saw my work space and made some suggestions as to what I could do to make it more energetically inviting. I agreed with most of her suggestions but was not willing to make all of the suggestions that she recommended. She took this personally….as a sign of disrespect. A feeling of tension ensued.

For a moment it looked like the relationship was over. Relationships need room to breathe. Disagreements often are hurtful, but also an opportunity to get to know the other person on a deeper level. But if you take disagreement personally as a sign of disrespect, then you are shutting off the opportunity for intimacy.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

It’s a great feeling when you can go beyond conflict to the other side. When you don’t it’s limiting.

Learning to not take things personally is an opportunity for you have deeper connection in your life. Take a quick scan of your life…are there situations in your life where you notice where you are blocked? You take something personally and the connection is lost.

Ask yourself, How can you Serve?

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

In a life coaching session this morning with let’s call her Sally, a professional and mother, we discussed her tendency to react negatively when clients called her. Sally isn’t the only one. Many clients I work with often have a feeling of dread that comes and go more than they like. When that phone rings they think to themselves, “What now?”

Sally and other clients and I am sure many of you reading this blog tend to overreact to everyday events. It’s like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I reminded Sally that she is in a service profession. Service professionals are there to serve others. However with the demands of running it as a business, they forget why they are in the business in the first place. They want to make a difference.

I suggested to Sally that whenever she gets a phone call during the day that she ask herself, “How can I serve this client?” And to be grateful for the call. Without that call and the call from others she wouldn’t be able to stay in business.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Change the meaning about what happened

Friday, August 28th, 2009

As we all know at some point in our life we start to feel boxed in by our life circumstances. Our choices seem limited by our beliefs around what is possible in our life. And when we are really honest with ourself we know that our beliefs are just beliefs and not truth.

It’s difficult for many of us to accept this truth, but if you accept it, you will have a new sense of freedom.

What is really disturbing is that these beliefs which limit what’s possible in our lives today are based upon the meaning and significance we gave events that happened when we were kids.

The meaning you have given these past events including characterizations about yourself, such as “you’re not lovable…You don’t deserve better,” are running your life today.

Freeing yourself from this past is the first step in experiencing more personal freedom in your life. Look back at your life and realize that every event and experience that has occurred has made you what you are today.

Take a look at some of your past experiences. Can you give this past experience a different meaning? I know you can but even if you can’t what about being open to the possibility that because of this event you are better for it. Sometimes forgiving yourself or someone else is also freeing. Stop hanging on and let it go. Let go of your attachments and your identification with what has happened. Be willing to give it new meaning.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

You never Know what the Future Holds

Friday, August 14th, 2009

In a life coaching session this morning with let’s call him Carl, we discussed Carl’s excessive worry about his life and its inherent challenges. These concerns covered the whole gambit and challenges; relationships, financial and health. From time to time Carl begins to freak out about what he has to do in the next few weeks. And Carl’s concern with money weighs heavily on him.

These concerns have bothered Carl for quite some time. Carl believes like many of those who I work with that when his circumstances change, he won’t worry as much.

I have encouraged Carl to meditate and exercise regularly. However his concerns get in the way of his having a committed program.

Carl is concerned with what might happen in the future which is unknown. We have no way of knowing what might happen. It could be totally different than what we think.

When these circumstances are resolved there will be a new set of circumstances to replace them. That’s the way it alway is. Here’s why I say that.

Carl’s concern is not really about his current set of circumstances but about how he relates to the future which is unknown. It’s always going to be that way. And the future never arrives because it’s always out in the distance.

Carl like many of us needs to change how he relates to the unknown…to uncertainty. I always say make the unknown your friend.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

How is saying,NO, stopping you from living the life u want?

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

KEEP YOUR WORD: Today I MADE myself go to the gym…What good is a gym if you don’t go? It felt good. I didn’t give into my saying to myself, “That’s good enough, I went there a few days ago.” Lately that self talk has been limiting and preventing me from taking the next step. Now I am motivated to change my workout frequency. I do mountain bike and I do get exercise that way….but I know I need to do that ab work. The ab work that most of us hate. And we hate noticing that’s what we need to do. And the abs are the only thing.

I have always said that one’s personal power is directly related to their ability to keep their agreements to themselves. As you become impeccable with your word to yourself your ability to achieve a level of mastery over your thoughts is achieved.

The theory being that you will become capable of shifting your thoughts from dwelling on the negative to the positive. Yes the preparation for this starts with saying, “Yes” to the gym” and doing that abwork. It starts with following through which becomes a positive pattern when you consistently keep your word. The hope is that with time and commitment you develop the ability to keep transcending what is possible in your life.

When is saying “no” stopping you? What is it preventing you from experiencing and accomplishing?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

THE SECRET TO OVERCOMING PROCRASTINATION

Monday, June 29th, 2009

It works. It’s easy to find an hour to do anything. What this means is that you can complete major projects without altering your schedule. Just knowing this gets rid of a lot of stress. First estimate how long you think the particular project will take. Let’s say five hours. Then schedule it into your appointment book. Then it’s a matter of honoring what’s in your appointment book. It seems that when we write something down it has more significance…It makes it more real.

Here’s another way to look at it. Think about all the things you are “good at” or perhaps were “good at”. All of them required practice and commitment. Big projects are nothing more than a bunch of little ones. A movie is really hundreds of stills moving at an accelerated pace.

Part of living in this day and age is to slow down the pace. So the movie of your life is nothing more than just a series of moments. And as you become more focused on these moments rather than the future you’ll be less stressed out. You’ll enjoy what you’re doing more and less concerned what will happen down the road.

So slow it down and enjoy the moment. The one hour formula is a good start. As you are consistent with this practice your life will be dramatically different.

Mark Susnow’s life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

BE WILLING TO TAKE THE FIRST STEP

Friday, June 26th, 2009

Right now I am thinking of all that I have to do. Sometimes the thinking about it prevents me from actually doing it. Sound familiar? For example until I sat down and started writing this blog I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. I wasn’t sure where I was going. Now that I am actually doing it I see a direction. I have been doing this for a while, so I have learned to trust the process.

And that’s the way with many things in life. Until you actually begin the journey you won’t know where the path that leads you to the magic garden will be. Don’t wait for the whole path to be revealed to you, it never is. As you become more present to what’s in front of you and all around you, you will be better able to recognize the opportunities that are presented to you.

Sometimes it’s a matter of creating your own path. Be the innovator and be willing to think out of the box. Being a master thinker and creator is a great asset. But you also have to take action. So here’s your part.

Perhaps there’s something you really want to happen in your life, a life dream, and you are not sure how to make it happen. After you have identified what that is, what are three things you can take to help you realize your dream?

When will you take them? Who is going to hold you accountable for going forward?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow’s life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Why I meditate!

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

Many of us are familiar with the word “meditation”; some have experienced meditation in a class or workshop or church gathering. For me, that initial experience was sufficiently profound so that I was open to the opportunity to learn more.

I started becoming aware of meditation in the late 60’s and in the early 70’s. I was an attorney and musician at the time. This was a revolutionary and exciting era when many of our traditional values and beliefs were challenged. Even such basic institutions as family, religion and politics were reexamined.

The youth of the 60s and early 70s were open, albeit sometimes naïve, in looking at everyday
life in new ways. Few icons of Western culture escaped our scrutiny. We were accepting of
different cultures and political systems and increasingly receptive to Eastern philosophies and
cultures.

At the time, I encountered others who’d discuss meditation or were themselves meditators. In 1971 my life began falling apart. By December of that year, I decided to begin meditating. It was perhaps the most significant decision I’ve ever made.

Once I began meditating I started to feel hopeful about the future. I experienced new levels of consciousness and awareness and noticed moments of inner joy regardless of what was going on in my life. I soon developed a burning desire to understand what I was experiencing and read as much as I could about the spiritual and health benefits of meditation.

I was particularly interested in the health benefits of meditation. There’s a great body of literature that claims that long-term meditators have lower blood pressure and cholesterol readings; breathing slows, stress hormone levels fall and there is generally an increased sense of well being– and usually meditators seemed younger. On a practical level it made sense to me. And those occasional moments of tranquility were wonderful when they occurred but they were always unpredictable. The promise down the road intrigued me.

My challenge was to make the commitment. Once I did I made the time for my practice so that it could develop.

This required a leap of faith, but I soon noticed several important benefits. Through regular meditation practice, I was calmer and took less time to make decisions. I needed less sleep and had more energy.

It was interesting to me that I always seemed to have plenty of time to meditate and to do what I wanted. I now have an active practice as a life coach but even as an attorney, I always had plenty of time to enjoy my family, practice yoga, play music and meditate.

Many would be practitioners get hung up on the form or technique, thinking that there is one way that guarantees enlightenment. Whether to have a mantra, or to listen to the breath or to watch one’s thoughts becomes more important than actually meditating. The focus then becomes a search rather than a journey. Remember it’s the practice not the technique that makes a difference in your life.

The technique or form of meditation is a means to take us from the external to inner states of being. I like to use the metaphor of a huge lake with an island in the center. The shores of the lake represent the outer world and the island represents the deepest parts of our being where we connect with the infinite intelligence of the universe.

The concept of NAMASTE is a way of saying that the deepest part of my being is connected to the deepest most sacred part of yours. It’s another way of describing what is possible through meditation.

In the early years, my commitment to a daily practice and belief in the ultimate benefits of meditation kept me going. That is not the case now. Over time, my relationship to my practice transformed and I no longer require an external reason to meditate. I no longer meditate because I made a commitment.

When I meditate consistently, I feel happier, more content and more connected to everyone and everything in my universe. There are fewer bad days. I don’t need as much sleep; I am more enthusiastic about each day and have a deeper experience of inner peace. When I don’t meditate, I feel like something is missing. I look forward to getting up in the morning to meditate. It sets the tone for the rest of the day. I look back over the last thirty years and think of all the changes that have occurred in the world and in my personal life. I have no control over these changes and there will be many more to come. But to an extent, I can control my reaction to these changes and events.

The one constant in my life has been my meditation practice– and no one can take that away from me. It is not like a job or a relationship or a world event that is unpredictable. Choosing to meditate is totally within my domain.

At this point in my life it is the communion with the spirit nature of my being that gives my life real meaning. For me, that is the result of the meditation. I don’t even question it. If I miss a session once in a while I don’t make a big deal of it because I know I will return to it the following day. And on that day, I may smile for no reason or even lose my ability to worry.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow’s life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Why Smiling Makes you Feel Good!

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

Smiles, frowns, and grimaces were once seen simply as expressions of feelings. However, researchers now see the face as a body organ of it’s own. Increasingly, scientists are realizing that facial expressions precede feelings and play a role in generating them.

The “Facial Feedback” theory proposes that if you ask a person to smile, she soon begins to experience the pleasant feeling associated with that expression. How? When you breathe through your nose, you exert pressure on the veins in your face. When you bring air through your nose, you bring air into your nasal passages, which cools the veins and the blood flowing through them. And when you use the “smile muscles” at the corners of your mouth, you change the direction of the blood flow inside your face in such a way that it causes the temperature of the blood to drop. This cooler blood enters the region of the brain known as the hypothalamus and causes the release of chemicals that can suppress pain and help a person to feel better.

Cooling the blood may promote the release of endorphins, which, decreases pain and gives you a lift. In short, smiling instructs our brains to feel good.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Throughout his life, Mark has always made a practice of taking a leap of faith whenever he heard the call for something more. His life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016