“In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.” Albert Clarke

When I went into the coffee shop this morning, the manager offered me an eggnog latte. This gesture reminded that the holidays are around the corner. Thanksgiving is a time to rejoice and to be thankful for all of the blessings in our life.

Focusing on what I am thankful for, on a daily basis, has been significant in changing my experience of life. Because the media fuels the fires of worry, it has been a big challenge. Bad news sells. Even though on any given day there are more positive things that happen to us than negative things, it doesn’t seem that way. We become slaves to the latest alarm on global warming or dire report on the economy. With a 24/7 media, events, people, and things anywhere in the world, often having nothing to do with us personally, have the power to control how we feel.

In the process of writing this article, I made a discovery. There is a website http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org that focuses on good news, yet very few people know about it. Just for fun, I went to the website and looked at some of the articles for the day I began writing this article.
30 Top Surgeons Give 200 Kids a Better Life
Recycling Heroes include Parks, Schools, Stadiums and Corporations
Uruguay Becomes First Nation to Provide a Laptop for every child
Corvette Brings Tons of Toys to Atlantic City
Honest Filipino Worker Returns $320,000 found in cash
Target, CVS Encourage Recyclable Shopping Bags with Cash Rewards
The Green Lining in Economic Bust is Land Preservation

Gratitude is an inside job—it’s a consciousness from which everything flows. Grateful people see life as a blessing, as a gift. Being grateful includes being thankful and appreciating life. It’s a choice that we make over and over again. Choosing to be grateful becomes a life affirming habit.

I was reminded of this most recently. The synchronicity was amazing. I had just finished writing the first draft of the chapter on Gratitude that is going to be in my book. In the mornings, next to the coffee shop that I frequent, I occasionally purchase a periodical at the local Safeway. For the last few years I have always look forward to seeing Amy, one of the checkers, who always seems so upbeat. I asked her what her secret was. She told me that she practiced gratitude. It was a decision that she made years ago that became a life-affirming habit.

Developing a Gratitude Practice

It’s one thing to believe in the benefits of a gratitude practice, but it’s another thing to embody it. Some days I feel it more than others. My practice has evolved over time. At the end of my meditation when my mind is still, I express gratitude for the health of myself and my family, and the love that is in my life. I then express gratitude for the qualities and attributes that I like about myself. Think of these qualities and attributes as your inner resources. You might not have a sense of what those qualities are for you. I began with just a few qualities that I liked about myself and kept adding to the ever-expanding list. Just to give you a few ideas, I express gratitude for my smile, my curiosity, my ability to connect with others, and my faith. I could go on and on and you can too once you begin this practice. Our tendency is to overlook these qualities. At first I was a little self-conscious, but I got over it, once I noticed how much better I felt about myself.

I noticed that I didn’t worry as much. Let’s face it, most of us worry more than we would like. By expressing gratitude we shift our focus from what might happen in the future to the present moment. It is in the stillness of “the now” when we feel connected to an eternal presence and peacefulness.

Not only is there value from a spiritual perspective, there is also value metaphysically. It is a metaphysical principle that what you focus on expands. Like attracts like. When you express gratitude for what you have, rather than focusing on what you don’t have, you energetically attract to you more abundance. For example, rather than thinking that you are not loved, focus on the love that is in your life. Think how magnetic those who feel love are. You want to be around them. Rather than thinking that you don’t have enough, be grateful for what you have now.

For many years, in spiritual and religious circles, we were taught that expressing gratitude was a righteous thing to do. It was one of the qualities of being a thoughtful and caring person. Recently, Dr. Robert Emmons, PH.D., UC Davis, and other gratitude researchers and social psychologists, documented that grateful people experience higher levels of positive emotions, such as happiness, vitality and optimism.
Rollin McCrary and his colleagues at the HeartMath Institute, in Boulder Creek, California, found that consciously experiencing appreciation is beneficial in controlling stress and hypertension.

The Four Keys to Developing your Gratitude Practice.

1. Express gratitude daily for all of the blessings in your life. Your challenges are also blessings. Be grateful for the challenges and struggles in your life. With every adversity, there is a tremendous opportunity for growth. Our soul’s evolution is accelerated whenever there is a crisis in our lives. We become more our authentic selves. In the process we discard any baggage in the form of false assumptions that are weighing us down. None of us like to experience pain. We’ll do almost anything to avoid it, but know this. The greater your capacity to face and experience your pain, the greater your capacity to experience joy and happiness and the greater your capacity to love and to be loved.

2.Write a gratitude letter to a special friend letting them know how much you appreciate them and how grateful you are that they are in your life. Just writing this letter is quite moving and if that’s all you do that’s fine. I went one step further. I wrote a letter to one of my dearest friends and called him and read it to him.

3. Keep a gratitude journal everyday for 30 days. Even though you express gratitude daily for all of your blessings, write them down in your journal. In the process of writing them down, not only will think about them more, you will be reminded of other qualities and attributes you are grateful for.

4. Create your gratitude honor role. Think about five people in your life, perhaps teachers, parents or mentors, who have helped you become who you are today and who have made you feel special and appreciated. This is an incredibly powerful process that has the power to transform your feeling of inner joy and sense of well-being. As you think about each person, write in your journal how grateful you are for their presence in your life.

Feel free to share Letters on Life with those in your circle. Let me know what you discover. I love receiving your many responses and feedback and if you have other stories or suggestions to share for future articles, let me know about them.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Last year I made a point to reach out and contact friends that I hadn’t been in contact with for quite some time. It was a very rewarding experience…so I have been suggesting this to my coaching clients.

In the first feedback that I received, two calls were made and messages left on voice mail…within a few hours the calls were enthusiastically returned. And that was similar to my own experience….And then I received more feedback…just as in the first experience, these calls were also enthusiastically returned.

Believe it or not the holidays are coming up in three weeks. Sometimes during the holidays we wonder what to give another. Some of us struggle with this. Giving of ourselves is the greatest gift we can make. Most people are craving connection, but are so wound up in their life that they won’t make time for it unless they are hit over the head. Others are too shy to reach out and make the connection. They are waiting for your call.

To create more connection in your life, don’t wait for someone else to take the first step. It starts with you. Reach out and contact at least two people whom you haven’t been in touch with for at least the last few years. I know you will be pleasantly surprised and just might want to make this a regular ritual.

JOURNEY ON

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

If only they would be more reasonable. You probably have said this over a hundred times. Maybe you have said this version. “If only they were easier to deal with.” That’s what we discussed on a call today.

After exploring numerous approaches to make the situation better nothing seemed to change. The other person stayed in their unreasonable mode…or at least that’s the way you saw it.

Perhaps it’s a situation with a past spouse regarding the welfare of your children or it could be with a coworker. The other person in your mind seems to be unreasonable; perhaps even pathologically so. You’ve tried everything. You are frustrated. You want them to change.

I’ve been there countless times. They won’t change unless you change first. Be the example. Don’t go to their level. This is such a common situation. Your challenge….don’t get plugged into their stuff. Since they won’t change, your only choice is to change how you react to them. And over time the dynamic will be different.

Most important is not to take what’s happening personally. When I was a trial lawyer, there were many times when I had to step back from the fray and be the observer. Actually noticing myself interacting with the other attorney. Over time I realized that I had a choice not to get plugged in.

Ask yourself how you want to feel after the interaction. You can be assertive without losing your cool. But there is a fine line that once you cross, your blood pressure starts to rise and you are in the middle of a confrontation. Visualize yourself in control as the interaction in progresses. What I mean control is to be in control of your emotions. That is a choice.

JOURNEY ON

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

I had a discussion today with someone who saw my work space and made some suggestions as to what I could do to make it more energetically inviting. I agreed with most of her suggestions but was not willing to make all of the suggestions that she recommended. She took this personally….as a sign of disrespect. A feeling of tension ensued.

For a moment it looked like the relationship was over. Relationships need room to breathe. Disagreements often are hurtful, but also an opportunity to get to know the other person on a deeper level. But if you take disagreement personally as a sign of disrespect, then you are shutting off the opportunity for intimacy.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

It’s a great feeling when you can go beyond conflict to the other side. When you don’t it’s limiting.

Learning to not take things personally is an opportunity for you have deeper connection in your life. Take a quick scan of your life…are there situations in your life where you notice where you are blocked? You take something personally and the connection is lost.

In a life coaching session this morning with let’s call her Sally, a professional and mother, we discussed her tendency to react negatively when clients called her. Sally isn’t the only one. Many clients I work with often have a feeling of dread that comes and go more than they like. When that phone rings they think to themselves, “What now?”

Sally and other clients and I am sure many of you reading this blog tend to overreact to everyday events. It’s like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I reminded Sally that she is in a service profession. Service professionals are there to serve others. However with the demands of running it as a business, they forget why they are in the business in the first place. They want to make a difference.

I suggested to Sally that whenever she gets a phone call during the day that she ask herself, “How can I serve this client?” And to be grateful for the call. Without that call and the call from others she wouldn’t be able to stay in business.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

As we all know at some point in our life we start to feel boxed in by our life circumstances. Our choices seem limited by our beliefs around what is possible in our life. And when we are really honest with ourself we know that our beliefs are just beliefs and not truth.

It’s difficult for many of us to accept this truth, but if you accept it, you will have a new sense of freedom.

What is really disturbing is that these beliefs which limit what’s possible in our lives today are based upon the meaning and significance we gave events that happened when we were kids.

The meaning you have given these past events including characterizations about yourself, such as “you’re not lovable…You don’t deserve better,” are running your life today.

Freeing yourself from this past is the first step in experiencing more personal freedom in your life. Look back at your life and realize that every event and experience that has occurred has made you what you are today.

Take a look at some of your past experiences. Can you give this past experience a different meaning? I know you can but even if you can’t what about being open to the possibility that because of this event you are better for it. Sometimes forgiving yourself or someone else is also freeing. Stop hanging on and let it go. Let go of your attachments and your identification with what has happened. Be willing to give it new meaning.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

In a life coaching session this morning with let’s call him Carl, we discussed Carl’s excessive worry about his life and its inherent challenges. These concerns covered the whole gambit and challenges; relationships, financial and health. From time to time Carl begins to freak out about what he has to do in the next few weeks. And Carl’s concern with money weighs heavily on him.

These concerns have bothered Carl for quite some time. Carl believes like many of those who I work with that when his circumstances change, he won’t worry as much.

I have encouraged Carl to meditate and exercise regularly. However his concerns get in the way of his having a committed program.

Carl is concerned with what might happen in the future which is unknown. We have no way of knowing what might happen. It could be totally different than what we think.

When these circumstances are resolved there will be a new set of circumstances to replace them. That’s the way it alway is. Here’s why I say that.

Carl’s concern is not really about his current set of circumstances but about how he relates to the future which is unknown. It’s always going to be that way. And the future never arrives because it’s always out in the distance.

Carl like many of us needs to change how he relates to the unknown…to uncertainty. I always say make the unknown your friend.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

KEEP YOUR WORD: Today I MADE myself go to the gym…What good is a gym if you don’t go? It felt good. I didn’t give into my saying to myself, “That’s good enough, I went there a few days ago.” Lately that self talk has been limiting and preventing me from taking the next step. Now I am motivated to change my workout frequency. I do mountain bike and I do get exercise that way….but I know I need to do that ab work. The ab work that most of us hate. And we hate noticing that’s what we need to do. And the abs are the only thing.

I have always said that one’s personal power is directly related to their ability to keep their agreements to themselves. As you become impeccable with your word to yourself your ability to achieve a level of mastery over your thoughts is achieved.

The theory being that you will become capable of shifting your thoughts from dwelling on the negative to the positive. Yes the preparation for this starts with saying, “Yes” to the gym” and doing that abwork. It starts with following through which becomes a positive pattern when you consistently keep your word. The hope is that with time and commitment you develop the ability to keep transcending what is possible in your life.

When is saying “no” stopping you? What is it preventing you from experiencing and accomplishing?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach, inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

It works. It’s easy to find an hour to do anything. What this means is that you can complete major projects without altering your schedule. Just knowing this gets rid of a lot of stress. First estimate how long you think the particular project will take. Let’s say five hours. Then schedule it into your appointment book. Then it’s a matter of honoring what’s in your appointment book. It seems that when we write something down it has more significance…It makes it more real.

Here’s another way to look at it. Think about all the things you are “good at” or perhaps were “good at”. All of them required practice and commitment. Big projects are nothing more than a bunch of little ones. A movie is really hundreds of stills moving at an accelerated pace.

Part of living in this day and age is to slow down the pace. So the movie of your life is nothing more than just a series of moments. And as you become more focused on these moments rather than the future you’ll be less stressed out. You’ll enjoy what you’re doing more and less concerned what will happen down the road.

So slow it down and enjoy the moment. The one hour formula is a good start. As you are consistent with this practice your life will be dramatically different.

Mark Susnow’s life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016

Right now I am thinking of all that I have to do. Sometimes the thinking about it prevents me from actually doing it. Sound familiar? For example until I sat down and started writing this blog I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. I wasn’t sure where I was going. Now that I am actually doing it I see a direction. I have been doing this for a while, so I have learned to trust the process.

And that’s the way with many things in life. Until you actually begin the journey you won’t know where the path that leads you to the magic garden will be. Don’t wait for the whole path to be revealed to you, it never is. As you become more present to what’s in front of you and all around you, you will be better able to recognize the opportunities that are presented to you.

Sometimes it’s a matter of creating your own path. Be the innovator and be willing to think out of the box. Being a master thinker and creator is a great asset. But you also have to take action. So here’s your part.

Perhaps there’s something you really want to happen in your life, a life dream, and you are not sure how to make it happen. After you have identified what that is, what are three things you can take to help you realize your dream?

When will you take them? Who is going to hold you accountable for going forward?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow’s life has been an unfolding journey of discovery. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. Whether coaching one-on-one, speaking to groups, or leading a retreat, he shares his message that regardless of our life’s circumstances, we can find more joy and meaning in our life. He is a sought after speaker and coauthor along with Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy and other experts in the book 101 Great Ways to Improve your Life. Mark’s new book, Dancing on the River…Finding Joy and Meaning in the Midst of Change will be released in early 2010. mark@inspirepossibility.com 415.453.5016