So it didn’t work out you think to yourself. “Why didn’t I pay attention to what was happening,” you wonder. “If I looked closer it was obvious that it wasn’t going to work out.” “Where do I go from here,” you wonder.

A better inquiry is to ask yourself what you learned from the experience and how you can use it for your betterment. Rather than think that you made a mistake, adopt the perspective that it wasn’t the right time. Regroup and plan to make what you did better. Be patient for the time is near.

You are richer and deeper for the experience. Perhaps you have a few scars leftover but you are wiser and more determined that ever. There is a knowing that life is unfolding as it should.

You are doing what you should be doing at this time in your evolution. And you are meeting the right people at the right time. You are being guided. You are in the flow. You are Dancing on the River.

Let go of your judgments and opinions why it went wrong. You were being served. What happened or what went wrong was a gift. It’s part of the big picture. You are being prepared for your role in making a difference. It’s time to step up.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

My friend and colleague Mary O’Neill is today’s guest blogger. I know you’ll enjoy her perspective on worry.

“Some of my biggest disappointments never happened.”
~ Mark Twain

“I’m a recovering worrier. I am. I don’t always like to admit it, yet it’s true. I’m not sure if I was born a worrier or if I acquired a special talent for it along the way!

I’ve recently come to really recognize the futility of my worrying. It gets me nowhere, it’s not useful and in fact it restricts my ability to relax and drop into myself, which is usually where the answer to what’s troubling me can be found.

Recently I found myself worrying about the future, which is what most of us worry about – an event that has yet to take place, some worrisome thing that has not even happened – and may never. I was even defending my worry! I was using phrases like “yeah, but what if that plan doesn’t work?!”, or “suppose x, y or z ( I can fill in almost anything here!) happens?”, or “what if this person does that?!” My friend Cin, who was very patiently listening to me, said, “How about playing the ‘what if’ game in your favor?”

“The ‘what if’ game in my favor?”, I asked. “Yes!”, she said. “How about asking, ‘what if I won the lottery?!’, or ‘what if I met the love of my life?!’ or ‘what if everything worked out even better than I’d ever imagined?! I laughed out loud! It felt so much better to imagine great possibilities rather than dreadful ones.

It’s a choice. I saw that so clearly in that moment!

So now when I start to worry, well, first of all I commit to naming my habit. “Look at that!” I say,” I’m worrying again! Isn’t that amusing!” That creates a much needed distance between me and my worry. I’ve even given my worry a name. I call my it “Stella”. I don’t know why I chose that name, yet it works. “Come on in, Stella”, I say. “Have a seat. Let’s talk”. Now I treat worry like an old friend. My friend Mark says he calls his worry “Ralph”. They’re very good friends, too!

The point is, like Mark Twain said, “Most of my biggest disappointments never happened.”

So why worry? It’s certainly not helpful and its definitely not fun. Instead, when you find yourself in a worry pattern again, see if you can lighten up around it. Give it a name, invite it in, make friends with it.

With practice, I believe you’ll discover that your worry lessens. It likely will show up again, yet you can choose to have a brand new relationship with it!

This month’s practice:

Notice any tendency to worry that you may have. We all do it, yet we’re not always aware that we’re on auto-pilot with it. Next time you find yourself worrying, just observe it. Name it. “Oh, look at that! There I go again! I’m worrying!” Don’t judge yourself for worrying – that only makes it worse.

See if you can observe yourself from a neutral place and then watch what happens. Does that help you lighten up? Relax a little more? Create some distance? Any one of those positive outcomes – and even more –are possible. And relating to your worry like that is far more likely to help you access your inner wisdom – the place where your best solution undoubtedly lies.

ABOUT MARY

Mary O’Neill is known for her unique ability to open the minds and touch the hearts of her audiences. Her dynamic, upbeat and content-rich programs, have helped thousands of participants pave the way for more successful, productive, and high functioning relationships.

Mary’s two decades as a licensed psychotherapist, enable her to provide great insight into the understanding of how people and teams function and how they can co-exist more harmoniously and successfully.

Mary is masterful at helping people easily grasp and resolve the often challenging communication and interpersonal issues that arise among work groups everywhere.

CONTACT MARY: mary@maryoneill.com

Some of us are complainers. For those of us who are, we’ll always find plenty to complain about. It’s the same with worriers. They will always find plenty to worry about. It’s their ground of being from which they see life. For them life is a struggle. The complaining or worrying reinforces in their consciousness what they are concerned about or what they don’t like. The likelihood of the situation escalating or continuing is high. Complaining about it won’t make the situation better. Quite the contrary.

We know from our work together that what we focus on expands. So if we want to change the circumstances of our life and how we feel about them, then we need to focus on the life we want. And rather than complain, develop a plan and take action.

Ask yourself what you would really like to change. If you aren’t sure what that is you don’t need to look any further than what you are complaining about. Rather than complain, imagine what it is that you would like to be different. See it in your mind. Make it real in your consciousness. Think about it in the morning. Think about it as you fall asleep. And then let it go. And along the way,

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

The end of the year and the beginning of the new is a time of transition. We think about what we’ve accomplished and all that has occurred in the year just ending. We think about our relationships, our careers and our health. We look forward to the year ahead wondering what’s in store for us. We know from our work together that the future involves venturing into the land of the unknown with all of its uncertainties. For many of us, this uncertainty is not only anxiety provoking but at times stifling.

We might set goals for our careers, our relationships and or our wellbeing to help us move forward. In the beginning of the year we have good intentions, but at some point on our journey into the future, we get disconnected from what our intentions were in the beginning of the year.

It’s not unusual that at some point we experience more than our share of obstacles. We’re not always prepared for what life throws at us. We notice that lifes currents seem swifter, and the waters deeper. There are those moments when we feel that we’re in over our head and that our life is spinning out of control. You might be wondering how you can stay afloat in the midst of this uncertainty.

The simplest answer is to adopt a more enlightened perspective about what the future might bring.
“The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them changes both the maker and the destination.”
John Schaar

What if, in the future we are creating together, our focus is on creating wellbeing? What if we’re able to smile in the midst of the tears and the uncertainty? There is a model we can follow. In the tiny Himalayan country of Bhutan, “Gross National Happiness” is more valued than gross national product.

You might think that this is impractical in the rapidly changing and complex world that we live in. Even so, we can choose to be happy. Let’s look at what we can do that will support us in making this choice.

1. Start the day by taking time for quiet reflection. It sets the tone for the day. If you want to experience peace and wellbeing, then take time in the morning for quiet reflection before you do anything else. Just taking 10-15 minutes for reflection acts as a shock absorber to buffer you from life’s concerns. When your shocks are not functioning properly every bump in the road is intensified.

After meditation begin to focus on what you are grateful for. It’s an amazing practice which has the power to transform your life. By focusing on what you are grateful for, your focus shifts to what is good in your life, rather than on what is wrong. It also shifts your focus from what might be or what might have been, to what is (the now.)

2. Learn how to recognize and know your VOJ. The VOJ is that voice of judgment that drives you nuts. You know it. We all do. You would give anything to silence it even if just for a few minutes. The sooner that you can recognize your VOJ, the sooner you can become free of the hypnotic spell that can last a lifetime if you don’t do anything about it. But the doing is a different type of doing. It’s just noticing.

3. Self-Acceptance is the next practice. Let’s be honest with ourselves. There are certain things we can’t change. We can’t change who are parents are. We can’t change our country of origin. We can’t change all of the injustices in the world, although we might try. But we do have the potential to change how we think about ourselves and how we think about the circumstances of our life. Once you do you will feel lighter and freer. And isn’t that what it’s all about–becoming lighter

4. Introduce positive self-talk into the conversation. Now that you are more familiar with those voices and patterns that have been running your life it’s time to listen to a new voice which, if honored and respected, can change how you think about yourself. It’s the voice of Inspiration and Praise (VIP) that we don’t listen to enough. When I think that I shouldn’t have felt the way I did about something that happened, or that I shouldn’t have acted in a certain way, my VIP sends me a few words of encouragement, by saying to me, “You’re doing great. You handled that well.” As you learn to trust and listen to this voice, how you feel about your life shifts.

5. Make time for the Jollies. We all have faced our share of challenges that at times seems overwhelming. Even so, there are many things that have given us joy at one time or the other. They might be little things that we have forgotten about.

The Jollies is taking the time to do what gives you joy even if you still have loose ends in your life. It took me a while to get this, but there will always be “loose ends” and uncertainty. If you always wait for the perfect time to begin something new or to be happy, you’ll never begin. The only perfect time is now.

So there you have it–There’s only one thing left to do. Enjoy the journey and make it an exciting adventure of discovery.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

I am excited to introduce you to one of my good friends and colleagues Jeannie Campanelli. She is our guest blogger today.

“The days fly by, sometimes so quickly that we forget to breathe consciously. To stop and be still. To be fully in the moment. We forget to do the rich practices that can deeply alter our quality of life.

One of the deepest practices is to simply rest in the heart and notice what is present. In the heart, you may discover a vibration that is actually painful to feel.

The invitation is to fully be with this vibration, without attaching a story to it. This becomes part of a larger practice to get comfortable with the discomfort of pain in your heart. It’s natural to do our best at ignoring this pain, but if you give it your steadfast attention, a doorway into the deep will open.

If you mostly live in the realm of the mind, you know what it’s like to ‘try’ to control what you’re thinking and, consequently, feeling. You’re familiar with the severe voice of your inner critic. You know how to pretend that all is well when it honestly isn’t.

What habits have you developed to help you pretend? Do you grab something to eat even when you’re not hungry? Talk a lot? Focus ‘out there’ on everybody else but ignore your own needs and desires? Do you move through your “to-do” list with ruthless efficiency? Watch television instead of interacting with your partner?

What do you do to protect your heart from feeling the pain – and also the joy – of truth?

When you work hard to feel good, you are submerged in an addiction. And like any addiction, it can take away your vitality along with your ability to get to know ALL of you.

Inner confidence is about accepting whatever feeling arises, without any ‘shoulds’ or ‘shouldn’ts’. In the heart, there are no stories.

Practice welcoming every vibration you discover in your heart, and you will experience freedom. Thoughts fall away, and all feelings that are present actually lead you home to yourself. You remember who you are. This is the doorway into the love and peace that this season celebrates.

Practice:
Today, find a creative way to remember to stop. Breathe. Rest in your heart. Notice what’s there and fully welcome it – even if it doesn’t feel good. Be tender, kind and gentle. In this place, beyond the surface, beyond circumstances, relish your aliveness.

In the spirit of being complete and not finished,

With love,
_________________

Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is deeply committed to sparking the hearts of women and men to experience an inner confidence – that sense of wholeness, aliveness, and serenity that comes from deeply knowing yourself, fully accepting the lightness and darkness of being human, and living freely by standing in your own truth.

In her coaching practice, Jeannie leads groups and works one-on-one with an international clientele.To find out more about Jeannie, please visit her websites, www.innerconfidencecoaching.com and www.coachingcircles.ca

Take action by setting up a complimentary consultation today.

How do you handle setbacks? Do you reassess what just happened and then change your expectations. Most of us do and change our expectations by lowering them.

We can’t change what has already occurred, but we can learn from it. What if we take this new information and use it to surpass what our previous expectations were? You might think that this is not only unreasonable but also impractical. Here’s why I think that this is not only reasonable but also very practical.

We have more information to work with and ways to use this new information to make us more effective. We have more experiences under our belt and more successes and setbacks.

Isn’t that the way of all of life? When we think of life’s seasons, we are reminded of the cyclical nature of life—— We prepare ourselves for the changes and look forward to each season. It provides a variation and new opportunity. If you love to ski, you can’t ski in the middle of the summer. And if you love go to the beach the winter is not very appealing.

When we let our past circumstances be our guide as to what to expect in the future we limit ourselves to what we know and what is possible. Think about what your life would be like if what concerns you turns out better than expected.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

You are determined this time——you really mean it. It might be losing weight, training for a big sporting event, or having a breakthrough year in your business. But…there is that but again…the time isn’t right. There are a few things that need to be done before you reach out. Or perhaps your website isn’t the way you want it to be. I’m sure you have your own version of what is in the way of your beginning. Most of us are waiting for the ideal time to start.

Recently I was being interviewed on a radio show. The host had difficulty pronouncing my name correctly, which is not uncommon, especially the last three letters…N-O–W. Finally I just said it, “Now, not later…the only time is now.”

Whenever I go mountain biking, before climbing a hill, I assess the steepness of the incline. Regardless of how steep it is, I still have to do the same thing which is to take the step that is in front of me. Even when you look around for that ideal place to begin, it still comes down to putting one foot in front of the other.

Each step you take opens you to new opportunities that weren’t available previously. But you couldn’t get to where you are now without taking the steps before.

When I look back on the journey that I am on now, I see how each step paved the way for the next. I remember when I began a newsletter. Within a few years I began this blog. The book was next. And so it goes. I remember when I got my first coaching client. That was 11 years ago.

Take the step that is front of you. That’s the only one there is.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

You’re waiting. You’ve asked all of the questions that you have been storing up and still you are not sure about it. There are still the doubts. But deep inside you know that you have to take that step forward.

You’re not sure where the road will take you, but you know that it’s time to embark upon a different type of journey. Where you are now has already been explored——you’re curious about what’s next because you’re an adventurer. You know that something great is waiting for you. You are determined to find out what that is.

You take that next step knowing you will have your share of adversity——that goes with the territory. What is more important is how you handle the adversity. When a difficult challenge is thrown at you, you are able to maintain your center and see possibilities that at one time you didn’t know existed. You couldn’t see them because you were looking for reasons not to move forward.

You were waiting for the perfect time. What you now know is that the only perfect time is now.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

We have many thoughts and ideas, but not all of them are acted upon. These thoughts are endless. Brain researchers estimate that we have over 60,000 thoughts in a day. Very few of these thoughts become reality.

But some of these thoughts do get acted upon and become our reality. As we know from doing this work together what we focus on expands. If we focus on the negative then we will attract more of the negative to us. If we worry we will always find things to worry about.

Of course we don’t want that. We have to have a clear sense of what are values and priorities are. We keep going in the direction of making these priorities are reality. Of course along the way there will be many pitfalls and obstacles. But because we have intention and determination, we keep going.

Your life today is a reflection of the choices you have made in the past. That includes your thoughts, your actions and your commitments. If you wonder what’s important to you, look around at your life; where do you live, who are your friends and what are you doing with your life.

To get to where you are now, something deep inside you kept you going. I am sure that you had many reasons to quit along the way, but you kept going. You knew what you wanted. As the year is winding down, it’s a great time to think about all of the blessings in your life. It’s a great reminder of what your values are.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know that it is my belief that we are constantly making choices as to what we focus on. And it is those choices that determine our happiness rather than the current circumstances of our life.

Perhaps the most important choice that we can make is how we start the day. Here’s a glimpse of the morning program that I start my day with.

After taking time for quiet reflection, focus on what you are grateful for. Then be curious and start to wonder about what the highlight of your day might be. You are curious as to what that might be. As the day progresses you are open to receiving that good.

Love is like that. Love comes from within. It is our true nature to be loving. It affects all of our relationships and opens us to a richness that is infinite.

As our heart opens we’re able to see the beauty that is all around us. We’re able to see the world in a different way.

What we used to be afraid of, we welcome. When we see another person, rather than focusing on our differences, we know that they too have experienced all that life has to offer———the joys and the sorrows. That is what is to be alive and human.

We feel it all, but we have a choice to focus on what gives us joy and to rejoice in the moment.

CHOOSE HAPPINESS

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes. Give yourself the gift of coaching and make an investment in your future.