I did something different last night. My wife, Annie, scored some great seats for Sarah Silverman. I watched the warmup act and then Sarah came on. In her matter of fact way, Sarah joked about sex and various ethnic groups. As Sarah said on numerous occasions that comedians will put it way out there to get a laugh. Anything goes.

I thought about her act and the act of other comedians that I have watched throughout the years. What is it that most comedians have in common? It’s about laughing. Most of them look for the humor in their life situation. If they’re are single, they joke about being single. If it’s being from a particular ethnic group they make fun of that group.

Their always that line between something being offensive or being funny. And that’s the way our lives are. If we’re feeling uptight, we’re more apt to be offended. Letting go is the key. If we’re feeling good, things don’t seem to bother us. If someone makes a remark that we might otherwise react to, we might joke back to them.

Of course it’s less offensive when they joke about their own situation which Sarah did about being Jewish.

Of course we go to hear comedy to be entertained; to laugh. And what the comedians do is by making fun of themselves is to model for us to see the humor in our life situation.

I’m always looking for the humor in every situation. It’s not always easy to find it. Comedians help us remember to laugh. Laughing at ourselves is a start and a place to come back to.

I’m very familiar with the idea that no matter what happens there is something to be learned. And I look for it. What if we looked for the humor in every situation. No matter what is going on, even in the midst of pain, we are able to laugh. What if we made humor a value that we began to cultivate just as success or happiness.

It’s time to laugh.

Journey On

Mark

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In our life coaching session yesterday, Fred was ambivalent about beginning a new phase in his relationship. He was planning to live with his partner of four years.

Fred loved his partner and believed that the relationship was right for him. Yet he had those old tapes about his past failed relationships. Not only did they not work out but according to Fred he gave away his power. He was concerned that he would again give away his power.

I gave Fred a different perspective. I reminded him that he is a much different person than the person that I met a few years ago. Although he recognized this too, he had a difficult time accepting that he was a much more evolved person. But deep down he knows that he is a totally different person.

How Fred shows up in the world and the impact he makes are also different. He is a much more dynamic and powerful person than the one I met a while back. Hearing the feedback from me helps his accept this new place in his life. In fact with almost everyone that I work with, their perception of how people perceive them, is different than how people actually do perceive them. Most, if not all, do not see themselves as magnificent as others do.

I have also discussed with Fred a different paradigm. All the work that he has done on himself has prepared him for this moment. He is about to enter into an empowering partnership that will get better and better. He won’t give away his power nor will his partner let him give it away.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibiity.com

As an executive and life coach we see the same issues over and over again. No matter what we are doing we have feelings and desires. We also strive to be more successful in the world.

Yesterday I wrote about Suzanne and her desire to change her partner. Her situation is very similar to what others experience. I think that what we forget is that we choose a particular partner for a reason. Ask yourself why you chose this particular partner.

For example I have always felt that I was on the family track. Yet many years ago I chose a partner who wasn’t and spent three years of my life with her. I had to look at that. What was really going on with me. If I really wanted a family at that time I would not have chosen her as my relationship partner. She didn’t try to hide that from me. However she had other gifts that she offered me, one of which was an inspiration to explore my creativity which was important to me at that time in my life. I had a band and she danced with the band.

The relationship lasted as long as it did until our needs changed. I wanted more. I wanted to go deeper. Then we moved on. It was extremely painful at the time. And when I moved on I was clear what I wanted. I got it right the next time, although you could say that it’s all perfect. Each relationship prepares us for the next.

A suggestion. The next time you are dissatisfied in your relationship ask yourself a few questions. What is it exactly that you are getting out of the relationship? Are you wiling to let that go? As I said in Suzanne’s situation for now her situation was perfect the way it was.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibiity.com

This month I thought I would blog about what most people are working on in our life coaching and executive coaching sessions.

We’re always working on ourselves and the relationships that we are in. Let’s just call her Suzanne. Her partner of three years is much different than she is. He is worldly, successful in business and a workaholic. She is a mother, seeker of the truth and says she wants more intimacy than she is experiencing.

She has been wanting her partner to be more available both physically and emotionally and working on changing him for these last three years.

In our coaching sessions, we have discussed why this hasn’t worked. We have looked at whether Suzanne really wants the intimacy that she says that she does. After all her previous relationship was very emotional and suffocating. This one is the opposite.

We know from our work with the Law of Attraction that we attract to us what our dominant beliefs and desires our. We’re like an energy transmitter. If we think of this as a perfect universe, then it is not surprising that Suzanne chose this relationship at this time in her life. It gives her the freedom she didn’t have in the last relationship since in this relationship her partner isn’t very demanding. If she wants more intimacy then when the time is right she’ll choose it.

The next time you notice that you are trying to change your partner take a second to notice what you are doing. Why do we have this tendency? Quite often it’s because we don’t want to look at our own stuff. More on this next time.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

So here it is. It’s the middle of August. I’m back in Marin but only for a few days before heading off to a wedding in Minnesota. What a change of pace.

Back in Marin I notice the growth of the new plants that I planted earlier in the summer. The garden hadn’t been tended to in years. We weeded, prepared the soil, researched which plants would do well in our climate and planted. While away I thought about the garden and wondered how the plants would do. While most of the plants seemed to like their new home, some didn’t make it through the summer. It didn’t seem like there was a pattern. One fern thrives while the other only a few feet away, struggles. Isn’t that the way life is? In some areas of our life we thrive while in others we struggle.

We have natural inclinations…natural strengths. Music has always been one of my natural inclinations while fixing things has been a challenge. And yet on those rare occasions when I do fix something I get excited.

Relationships are like that. I look at the people in my life. There are those who I am connected with that put a smile on my face. And then there are those who are a lot of work.
It’s a matter of how we want to spend our time. I think back to my garden. In one area of the garden there are very few weeds and in another area, I am constantly weeding.

Until I get rid of the weeds, what I can see and appreciate is limited. In our lives, the weeds which are in the form of limiting beliefs, prevent us from seeing what is possible.

Weed your garden. Take the time to get rid of what isn’t working.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

Sometimes telling a story is the best way to say it. There was that moment. My heart was wide open. I felt inspired. Take a second and imagine that this story is about you.

“You’re on the way to the airport. You get on the plane with a book that you’ve been planning to read for quite some time. As you open your book, you glance at the person next to you. A few minutes later you are asked a question and you reluctantly answer. You lower your book a bit to be polite and after a few minutes you find yourself putting your book down and engaging in a conversation, although with a lack of enthusiasm. And then the person next to you, let’s call him John, makes an observation about you that’s quite perceptive and sensitive. You start to become curious about who John is and in the course of the conversation, he tells you of an experience he has only shared with a few people. You let John know that you have had a similar experience. By now you’re totally engaged and listening to every word he says. You notice every nuance in the inflection of his voice and the way he moves. Time seems to stand still and the next thing you know the plane lands. You say goodbye to the kindred soul you have just met.”

You now know what’s possible. We all would love to have these experiences more often. You feel heard and everything seems possible. It is communication at its highest level and is a lost art. When you integrate four fundamental truths of communication into your life, you can have these experiences more often.
The first truth is to know that what we all want on a deeper level is the ability to connect with another, to touch each other’s soul. Unfortunately, too many of our conversations are just an exchange of ideas and information and we very rarely penetrate the surface. Most of our focus is on how we are going to respond to what is being said instead of listening. When we know that what the other person really wants is connection, there is common ground to build upon. With this foundation, we can build relationships that deepen and empower those involved.
The second truth is to know that listening involves much more than just listening to the words. It is tuning into the energy beyond the words. It is understanding the needs and feelings of the other person. It is about being totally engaged and at the same time being in the rhythm of life. Yes, it takes a lot of energy but you will be energized by what you get back. Imagine living in a world where you are truly listening and fully engaged.
The third truth is to know that you must take responsibility for the quality of your communication. Because we all have long standing attitudes and beliefs we sometimes find ourselves trying to convince the other person of our viewpoints. Being right then becomes the goal of the interaction rather than communication and the next thing you know you are in a full-fledged argument. Just think of what happens when you discuss politics or religion. Is being right more important than experiencing one of those magical moments?
The fourth truth is that communication is a process and an art. Being a masterful communicator doesn’t happen over night but it starts with the intention to experience more connection in your busy life. Just like other art forms, i.e. dancing or music, there is a natural ebb and flow in the learning cycle. As your commitment deepens to this process you notice that you are experiencing frequent glimpses of the magic that is possible in your life. The ultimate communication occurs when you are able to touch each other’s soul and share who you are. This new found magic then becomes the gateway to a more fulfilling life.
At our core, we all have the same human needs and desires. We want to know that we matter and that our life has meaning and purpose. We have the need to love and to be loved. When we accept that we all have the same human needs and desires, we know that we are part of one human family. By working together as one, what is possible in our lives, communities, and the world expands. That’s when we know that we are all kindred souls.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

The birthday boy. That’s what I feel like. It was my birthday yesterday and today we’re having a celebration.

Getting together with old friends…food….music…and new friends.

So who do you want to be with on your birthday? What is it about them that makes you want to share this time with them?

Think about this person…what would it be like if you spent more time with them on a regular basis?

From time to time I reassess my relationships. Why am I in a particular relationship? That’s what we need to think about. Who are we spending our time with? How do we feel afterwards? When you feel empowered afterwards is a pretty good indication of whether you’re in a healthy relationship.

I am always open to making new friends and deepening the relationships that have been going on for a while. And also willing to recognize that it’s time to move on.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

For the last eight years I have had the luxury to think about the human process. As a life coach that’s what I do. I get to listen to others share their challenges and to share in their triumphs. We’re all on this journey together. From this work together I have had the opportunity to become clear on some of the bigger challenges that we all face. It seems that no matter what we do or what we think about, there is doubt to some degree. We can’t wait for that perfect time when there seems to be nothing in the way. If we did we wouldn’t do anything. Living with doubt is a concept that can be empowering because it keeps us on our toes. Too often we let doubt stop us and prevent us from taking that next step in our life.

Doubt can drive you nuts at times and cause you much anxiety, but over time it doesn’t throw you off course as much. Perhaps you’ll get to that place in your life when the doubt is minimized or barely perceptible. But to eliminate all doubt before taking the next step will result in a life that is unexplored and unfulfilled.

Think about your life and how you let doubt stop you in the past. What would have been different if you went for it? What’s preventing you from going for it now? Having doubt also indicates that you are thoughtful and insightful. It prepares you for the unexpected and unpredictable. In the long run it is what makes you more successful and fulfilled.

Be thankful for your doubt but don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

One thing that happens as a life coach is that you become curious about people. You become curious about their challenges as usually what they are up against is similar to your challenges.

This morning we met a couple at the coffee shop who felt that their time on Kauai, after seven years, was over. The reason they felt this way was that they weren’t meeting people who matched their ability to connect. In their mind the conversations seemed to be somewhat superficial.

I told them that I used to feel that way but over time I was able to get to that deeper level of connection. I find more and more people that I can connect with So what’s happened? Did I change or did the people change?

There is no question that I have become a connector. I have worked on it. I take the time to make the connection. Actually it doesn’t take much longer to make the connection. It’s perhaps slowing down a bit.

We have the ability to transcend what’s on the surface and find common ground with almost anyone. It takes commitment but is rewarding.

What most of us want is the ability to connect with others. That’s the good news. And sometimes they just don’t know how to do it. They are so excited about what they are into that they either want to share it with you or convert you. Either way they are not listening. Active listening is the key to connection. If someone feels a certain way, be curious as to what its like to feel that way. Put yourself in their shoes.

For the next week focus on being a better connector.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

The other night I was reminded of why I love Kauai. We were having dinner with our good friends, Anthony and Heather enjoying every minute of our meal together. We were on the deck with the mountains in the background taking it all in. And then we saw it; an incredible rainbow with vibrant colors. And then we saw the second part of the rainbow. There it was a double rainbow that we saw right from our house.

I thought about the magic that exists that we are unaware of, or not open to. Thats our challenge. To stay open; not let circumstances get us down so we aren’t able to see the beauty that surrounds us. To stay open so that we can enjoy what we are doing at this moment.

Look for the magic. I always ask myself, ” I wonder what the highlight of my day will be?”
Why not do that with wondering about the magic? What was the most magical moment that I felt yesterday? Asking these types of questions, definitely changes your vibration.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com