It’s a New Year. Several thoughts keep floating in my mind. Should I write about goals or intentions? What about New Years resolutions? They’re in our consciousness this time of year. And what about those 10-20 pounds we were resolved to lose last year? I know that some of us plan to go to the gym three or four times a week. And some of us are resolved to make positive changes in our careers.

Let’s start this year with a different exploration. Rather than having a goal or intention let’s look at the big picture. This is the year of reaching out and connecting with our spiritual tribe of kindred souls; those that have the same yearnings and concerns that we do. In the process we experience a synchronicity that becomes a way of life rather than the unusual circumstance. On our journey we discover that there is no such thing as coincidence, but rather the discovery of a deeper purpose that unites us. It can become an exciting adventure if we allow it to be.

At certain times we reflect upon where we are now and where we are going. We also reflect upon how satisfied we are with our lives and what we are committed to changing. There is no better time than now to make this exploration.

In the process of spreading the word about my book Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes I have been asked on many radio shows what I think are the biggest challenges that we face.

This process has helped me crystallize many of the ideas and beliefs that I have been working on for years. Having clarity is just the first step. A bigger challenge is integrating these insights into our essential core so that they become a way of being. It’s powerful when we share our deepest truths with others. In the process we are affirming how we want to lead and live our lives.

But the integration does not happen all at once. It’s an ongoing process that keeps unfolding because we are essentially changing our approach to life and the way we think about ourselves. One of the benefits of doing the work that I do is that over time the same themes keep repeating themselves. Too many of us have forgotten how to play. We are too serious in our approach to life. I remember when I was a kid, I would casually walk over to a neighbor’s house. “Can Johnny come out and play?” I would ask Johnny’s mom. Too many of us feel that we don’t have enough time to get together with a friend.

This attitude contributes to the feeling that life is a struggle. With that mindset every challenge becomes another reason why we think we can’t be happy. We mistakenly believe that when the current crisis is resolved we can be happy again; perhaps not happy, but at least not as stressed. Our mantra becomes “only if my life were different.”

There is a more empowering mantra which is “happiness is a choice.” Most of you know that in my previous incarnation I was a trial lawyer; a profession with a great deal of uncertainty and loose ends. And that’s the way life is. There is and always will be uncertainty. Our challenge is to become happy even though we have those loose ends—to be happy even though there are things in our lives that we wish were different.

A few days ago I was reminded by a former client of something that I had said to him that made a difference in his life, especially in light of all of the uncertainty that he was currently experiencing.
“Learn to make friends with the unknown,” is what he reminded me that I had said to him.

We are affected by events and circumstances that we have no control over. Although I’m curious about the future and sometimes wish I knew how it’s all going to turn out, most of the time I’m enjoying each step on the journey. I’ve embraced the “great mystery.”

I’m frequently asked what I mean by Dancing on the River. Here’s what I say. “It’s a consciousness that is a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy in the moment that you make over and over again. That choice does not depend on the circumstances of your life.” Instead of waiting to be happy until what is bothering you is resolved choose to be happy now. You can honestly say that you’re happy and you still have a few loose ends. You might even wonder what your life would be like if what concerns you now turns out better than expected.

In many ways we are in the midst of a global renaissance. Every day there are more us reaching out touching souls all over the world. With the emergence of the internet we have the capability of becoming one global family. Please feel free to share this message with those in your circle.

JOURNEY ON AND CHOOSE HAPPINESS

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

It’s been quite a holiday season. Let’s take a few minutes to reflect on this year and see what we can learn that can help us move forward in 2011.

What were your wins and gains? Any breakthroughs? For me it was publishing Dancing on the River. And I liked how my coaching practice. was developing. But I want you to come up with some for yourself. Take some time for this.

What about disappointments or breakdowns. Looking back on this year what insights and lessons have you learned from them? What have you learned about yourself?

How can what you learned this year, help you achieve your goals for 2011. Take some time to think about your goals. Think about your relationships, your career, your finances and who you want to become. How committed are you to making these goals a reality?

According to the research having goals allows you to move forward in your life much quicker than if you didn’t have them. And when you write them down, the likelihood of achieving them is doubled. Take some time to write down your goals and see what you come up with. Put these goals in a safe place so that a year from now you can see how close you’ve come to achieving them. And in some cases even surpassed them.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

The year is coming to a close. With most of my life coaching clients we are reflecting upon the year in the following way:

Think about your year. How do you want to acknowledge yourself. In what ways did you rise to the occasion. What if you said to yourself, “Mark (your name) I’m really proud of you. You handled that really well. You accomplished that well. You have a lot to build on in this next year going forward.”

Now your job is to fill in the blanks. I think the number one challenge that most of us face is how we handle adversity in our lives. And that adversity quite often is the meaning we give to an event in our life. How about you?

And of course some of us faced significant challenges that have had a direct impact on the quality of our lives. How were you challenged this year? How has that challenge made you a better person? What have you learned about yourself?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

Last night at a holiday gathering, I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen in many years. As we were catching up, it was obvious that for her life seemed somewhat of a struggle. And there wasn’t going to be anything that I could say that was going to change her mind. She almost convinced me that I should change my perspective. When speaking about my book I’m frequently asked what advice do I have for those who are going through hard times.

We can’t ignore the fact that these are challenging times. There are many who are affected by the economy. Their problems are immediate. Others are affected by the every day imperfections of life; their careers, their relationships, their health and what isn’t working that captures their attention.

The bigger question is what enables some to keep smiling in the face of this adversity, while others are sapped of their joy and serenity.

The mind is fickle. There is always going to be something that captures our mind’s attention whether we want it to or not. It could be a headline, a story about someone we know or about what happened to us during our day. Quite often we don’t know what it is before it happens. To say it another way: Our mind has a mind of its own.

There is that thing—that circumstance in our life, which we believe prevents us from being happy. You know that thing. It more than bothers us—quite often we’re obsessed with it. We’ll wait it out we think to ourselves and things will get better. Eventually there will be a resolution to the problem or we’ll figure out a solution. Or maybe even the other person will change. And then we’ll be happy again—well maybe not happy, but at least we won’t be as stressed. It is this pattern that I see repeated over and over again.

Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. Although we might have a temporary reprieve from the recurring stress, it’s only a matter of time until the next thing occurs that bothers us. Let’s explore these tendencies by traveling back in time and discover what our history tells us.

Take a moment to reflect upon what you consider to be your biggest concern. Prior to this concern, what were you most concerned about. If you keep exploring this train of thought, you’ll notice that you can go on for quite a while. It works in the other direction also. When you travel into the future with the same frame of mind, you’ll only see a wall of worry.

So what am I getting at? Even though life is and always has been changing, the nature and source of our concerns doesn’t change much. There has been and always will be something that obsesses us. That’s the way life is. And on the path of awakening, we discover that we’re human, not machines that are suppose to be infallible. While finding solutions is important, the exploration needs to shift from trying to avoid these problems to seeing them as opportunities. We discover that even in the middle of the storm, we can experience that moment of stillness and clarity. We learn how to be and know what we have to do.

Not only are there external shifts in our thinking, there are internal shifts in our perception of reality. These shifts occur simultaneously. There is the external shift of how we see ourselves in the world. Most of us identity with what we do in the world and or from the circumstances of our life. Think about how you sign your name or what you say to describe yourself. Are there initials after your name? Is there a description of what you do or who you do it for? It takes a while to come to the realization that we are much more than the labels we use to describe ourselves and that we are much more than the circumstances we let define our lives.

If you have been a reader of my work for a while you know I was a trial lawyer for many years. My awareness of my true essence began when I started to meditate which was when I was in my twenties. I began to experience moments of peace and tranquility in the least likely of places. It could be in a courtroom. It could be in the midst of a stadium at a sporting event full of thousands of people.

As you cultivate a spiritual practice, you‘ll be able to shift your focus from the concerns of your daily life to the present moment, where you experience what I call “moments of grace.” These “moments of grace” are just the beginning. With consistent discipline, they become a sanctuary from the concerns of the world.

How you get to and discover this sanctuary is a unique experience for each of us that keeps evolving. Since I have written about this in other articles, I’ll only say a few things here. A word that I like to use this feeling is transcendence. We transcend our concept of ordinary reality. Our mind takes a holiday. Athletes experience it as being in the zone. Dancers and musicians become one with the rhythm. Runners feel it when the endorphins kick in. For many, including myself, writing has become a great way of tapping into this stillness. We can’t always get there. But when we do, it is a “moment of grace.”

I hope that I have planted a seed that you continue to cultivate. Hopefully by now you know that you will always have concerns. That’s life. But you can choose happiness. You can smile. You can laugh in the midst of it all.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

For many years I have been a spiritual seeker. It’s a passion, a vocation and way of life. It helps me feel inspired. I’m one of those people who is looking for the meaning of life. And after many years things are coming together. My book Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes was recently published. As part of my journey I have talked to many, read hundreds of books on the subject of personal development and have also been blessed to coach thousands as their life coach. You probably want to know what I’ve discovered. More on that later.

In the middle of all of this is my love of sports; particularly football and basketball especially when my teams are winning. So it’s a fun time of year for me. I love going to the games at my alma mater, Berkeley which has brought back fond memories of being on the campus. And I love to see the leaves change color. It reminds me of my youth when I played these sports myself.

Sports reminds me of what’s possible in life, especially when you have focus and commitment. It’s also an escape from the problems of the world and the concerns of my life. In some ways it simplifies life. If it doesn’t work out this year there is always the hope of next year. We can’t always win but in the process we learn something.

So what is it that I’ve learned? I’ve learned to let go of trying to figure it out. I’ve learned to become more comfortable with “not knowing.” I’ve learned that life is a great mystery. And that’s ok. It’s actually more than ok. It’s great. I’ve learned to dance on the river, rather than struggle in it. And you can too.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

There are those days. You’re wondering if you are making any progress. The circumstances in your life that have bothered you, still bother you. What concerns you, still concerns you.

You question. You read books. You read blogs. You listen to podcasts and still there is that voice…you know it…yes that voice.

It never seems to stop. In fact at times it casts a hypnotic spell over you. You are a prisoner. You can’t break out. And then you do.

During the last few months I have been a guest on many radio shows promoting my new book Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes. Their seems to be a voice out there that things are tough; more so than at other times. And while it’s true that many of us are hurting and many can’t find work, there has always been challenging times. That’s the way life is. There will always be challenges, some more difficult than others. We can’t avoid them. We can try, but sooner or later we’ll have to come face to face with them.

Our work is to develop the life skills necessary to navigate these challenges. They won’t go away. But we can experience those moments of grace; those moments when are minds stop churning and we’re able to experience a stillness when we a deep-rooted experience peace of mind. You’ve heard me talk and write about these moments many times. How do we get there? Is there a road map?

There is–and it starts with taking the first step, which is sitting still in the morning before you do anything else. Focus on your breath for at least five or ten minutes before you concern yourself with the concerns of the world. It’s one step at a time.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

The holidays are right around the corner. Next week is Thanksgiving. For some the holidays are stressful with all of the gatherings, extra responsibilities and socializing.

They also are an opportunity, to reach out and reconnect with some old friends. It was great hearing from my old friend Don who has been living in Vienna. We go way back. It was only when I ran into Sharon, a mutual friend, at an event that his name came up. I hadn’t thought of him until that night. I immediately asked her for his email, and contacted him. It went something like this. “I knew you when. Who are you now? Things are sure different. I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m more mature and confident. I’ve evolved. Many of the things that were important to me have been integrated into my life. Now I have new questions. I’m curious about what’s next. I’m curious as to who I’ll connect with.

That’s the way it is for all of us. We keep evolving and those in our life have also evolved. Why do we reconnect with some and not others? While there is no exact answer, fate and destiny play a role here, I have a theory.

On our path to wholeness, not only are we reconnecting with ourselves, we are in the process of gathering our tribes—those “kindred souls” that at one time in our lives we weren’t able to recognize or weren’t ready for them.

Now here we are. We can connect in a way that was not possible before. But it’s up to each of us to reach out as I did with Don and begin the process of gathering our tribe. They’re waiting for us to show up. It’s our time.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

I’m a reader. Most likely I read at least 20 books in a year. When I was a lawyer I didn’t have as much time to read books that I wanted to read. But since I’ve been a life coach, I read many self-help books and recommend them to clients. I even have a reading list on my website. But there’s nothing like a good novel.

Of course with my background as a trial lawyer my natural bent is to read novels with a legal and or political twist. I have my favorite authors. But there’s nothing like getting turned on to someone new. You read one book and then you read another until some of the authors themes and ideas repeat themselves. Then you are in between. You’re in the mood to read a good book, but don’t have one.

So that’s where I was a few days ago when I went into Barnes and Noble to talk to the store manager about promoting my book, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes. While I waited for the manager, I browsed and my eyes gravitated toward the title, Djibouti, Elmore Leonard’s latest book. I picked it up, read the inside jacket and bought the book.

I’ve been reading it the last few evenings. Although he’s written several novels over the years I’ve never got into him until now. I’m excited and intrigued. There’s a whole new universe of adventure I can explore if I’m so inclined.

I’m not suggesting that you run out and buy his book or any book. My purpose is to remind you that there is a whole universe out there that can keep you fully engaged if you’re so inclined to explore it. It could be related to your relationships, your career, a hobby or almost anything. But you have to be curious and take that first step.

That first step might be just calling a friend. Or as in my case, signing up for a course. It was 11 years ago that I called a life coaching school and signed up for their program. One thing leads to the next.

What might that first step be for you?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

Recently on a radio show, I was asked what I think is the biggest challenge that people have. As a life coach for the last nine years I have noticed certain tendencies. I don’t know if I can boil it down to just one thing, but I’ll give it a try.

Many of us have the mistaken belief that when what bothers us goes away that we’ll be happy. Or at least less stressed. While that may be true temporarily, it doesn’t last very long. It’s not the circumstance that is causing the problem, but the patterns we have had our entire lives that determine how we react emotionally. Something that we perceive as negative affects our entire moods. We overreact to normal situations and find ourselves upset more often than we would like. When we’ve had a chance to reflect we can’t believe that we acted the way we did.

For example, business is tight right now. You think that when business picks up that you can relax. That’s not the case. And you don’t know if business will pick up in the current business you are in. And if it does you might not have as much time as you did before to enjoy yourself. And this could also apply to your relationships. Don’t wait to enjoy yourself. You might not get another chance. And if in our example business does pick up, you might have other problems such as relationship or health challenges. You will never get another chance to live this moment. Forget about this idea that “only if” something was different you could be happy. It not the circumstances but your beliefs about what the circumstances mean that determines your happiness. Happiness is a choice. Choose happiness.

Well I think that about covers it. I’ll explore it some more in a future blog.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

Wherever you are in life’s evolutionary cycle, you’ll eventually come to the same realization. The outward journey of seeking success and what you might call “happiness” is only temporarily fulfilling. Finding joy and meaning is an inner journey.

On this journey, you’ll discover a new state of being. You’ll know what it means to be Dancing on the River, which is a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy and to enjoy life in this moment. You’ll discover that your enjoyment and appreciation of life is not dependent on what might happen in the future. It might take a while to come to this realization, but once you do, you’ll have the potential to awaken to a rich inner life that is more fulfilling than you can imagine. I say potential because it doesn’t happen overnight.

It is my hope that by integrating the following six insights and practices into your life this new consciousness will become your natural way of being.

1.How you start your day sets the tone for the day. If you start the day in a hurry it will be extremely difficult to slow down. Most of us rush out of the house in the morning trying to make an appointment or deadline. Underneath the concern that we won’t be able to get it all done is an underlying anxiety that won’t go away. You sometimes wish you had a magic wand that could make things better. Although there is no magic wand, there is a morning practice that can minimize much of that anxiety. After you wake up and before you do anything else, take 10-15 minutes for reflection. Perhaps you already have a meditation practice. If you don’t, just sit still in a quiet place and pay attention to your breath. I have also found that journaling is a great way to center yourself before you rush out into the day.

After meditation begin to focus on what you are grateful for. Perhaps there are only a few things that you can think of in the beginning, but once you make this a daily practice, you realize how blessed you are. By focusing on what you are grateful for, your focus shifts to what’s right in your life, rather than on what’s wrong. It’s an amazing practice, which has the power to transform your life.

2. Develop the practice of Curiosity. I didn’t realize how powerful of a concept this could be until I integrated it into my life. In fact if I write another book it will probably will be about the power of curiosity. Here’s what I suggest to get you going. In the morning, after expressing gratitude, reflect upon your day wondering about what the highlight of your day might be. By being curious as to what that is, you’ll create a positive expectation as the day progresses. No matter what is happening in your life, rather than worrying about the outcome, be curious as to how it is all going to unfold. By being curious, you’re also open to those pleasant surprises—those moments of grace that uplift your spirit. Remember that this is a practice and like most things, the more you practice the better you get at it.

3. Learn how to recognize and know your VOJ. The VOJ is that voice of judgment that drives you nuts. You know it. We all do. You would give anything to silence it even if just for a few minutes. The sooner that you can recognize your VOJ, which in coaching we call your gremlin, the sooner you can become free of its hypnotic spell that can last a lifetime if you don’t do anything about it. But the doing is a different type of doing. It’s just noticing. I have found that giving this voice a name has been effective in breaking the spell that it has over me. I call my VOJ, Ralph. This is a lifelong challenge so don’t be discouraged if you don’t notice anything immediately. The journey is never-ending.

4. Self-Acceptance is the next practice. Let’s be honest with ourselves. There are certain things we can’t change. We can’t change who are parents are. We can’t change our country of origin. We can’t change all of the injustices in the world, although we might try. But we do have the potential to change how we think about ourselves and how we think about the circumstances of our lives. Even though we are our own worst critics at times, our work is to accept those things that we don’t like about ourselves—that dark side often referred to as our “shadow.” You know what I’m talking about so I won’t go into detail. Once you accept those things about yourself that you don’t like or are embarrassed by, you feel lighter and freer. And isn’t that what it’s all about–becoming lighter.

5. Introduce positive self-talk into the conversation. Now that you are more familiar with those voices and patterns that have been running your life, it’s time to listen to a new voice that needs to be nurtured and cultivated. It’s a voice if honored and cultivated can change how you think about yourself. I call this voice your VIP. It’s the voice of Inspiration and Praise that we don’t listen to, or hear enough. That voice has become my inner champion. When I think that I shouldn’t have felt the way I did about something that happened, or that I shouldn’t have acted in a certain way, my VIP sends me a few words of encouragement by saying to me, “You’re doing great. You handled that well.” It takes conscious effort and resolve to cultivate your VIP. As you learn to trust and listen to it, how you feel about your life will begin to shift.

6. Make time for the jollies. So here we are again with another new phrase. No I haven’t lost my mind. All of us have faced challenges that at times seem overwhelming. Even in the midst of these challenges, there are many things that can give us joy. They might be little things that we have forgotten about. Don’t overlook them.

The Jollies is taking the time to do what gives you joy. So when I say make time for the jollies–I mean make time for what gives you joy, even if you still have loose ends in your life and your “to do” list is full. It took me a while to come the realization that there will always be “loose ends” and uncertainty. If you always wait for the perfect time to begin something new, you will never begin. The only perfect time is now.

So there you have it. As my good friend Lois said to me, “The journey might be challenging, but the scenery can be spectacular.” There’s only one thing left to do. Enjoy the journey.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.