You look into the mirror and what do you see. Do you like what you see? Then you smile and you like what you see better. Then you sit down to meditate or take time for reflection before starting your day. You’re somewhat calmer. So that’s what I’ve done so far this morning. And now I’m sitting down at my computer, listening to some peaceful music as I’m writing.The world I see today will be a reflection of this inner calmness. And I know it will be easier to have that smile as I approach the world.

Now let’s take another scenario. You wake up in a hurry, somewhat tired, and pour down that coffee to get you going as you rush out of the house. You’re in a hurry all day long.

The way you experience your day all day long is going to be affected. You won’t take time to be fully present. Sure you’ll most likely get things done, but your life will become one big “to do” list. You’ll become a bottom line person. You won’t let people in and you’ll find yourself making snap judgments about them. And it goes on.

If you don’t take time to really be with yourself and to get to know who you are, you’ll never get to really know other people. If you don’t know get to know your weaknesses and insecurities and to accept them, you won’t be able to accept them in other people. Instead you’ll be judging them all day long. It’s a great strategy to avoid looking at yourself.

When we look at ourselves we also see that inside of us is much love and joy waiting to be expressed. If we don’t take the time to get to know what puts a smile on our face, we won’t be able to see that smile in other people.

If we don’t ask ourselves what’s possible in our life, we won’t be able to see what’s possible with other people. If we aren’t able to see the beauty in our life, it will be difficult to see it in other people. The world that we see is a reflection of our inner state.

So yes if you want to improve the world which I know you are committed to doing, then start with yourself. You’re heard the expression, change the world one person at a time. Well start with yourself. You are that first person.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

If only we can have the perspective of hindsight? Some of you may already know this about me, but my goal in college was to become a dentist. Yes, I know that’s hard to believe. My father and uncle were both dentists and it was ordained that I would follow in their footsteps. All through college I took courses with one objective in mind——get into dental school. Well, I did get in and actually went for a year and a half before flunking out. Wow was I disappointed and my confidence was at an all time low. What I had worked for my entire life up to that point wasn’t going to happen. My entire college education seemed like a waste. Now I had no direction. That was my reality. In many ways I felt like a failure. But there was a part of me that felt liberated. I could begin “my life.”

It was also the beginning of the path that I am on now. I had always wanted to be a trial lawyer and then went to law school and embarked upon a long law career that was quite fulfilling for many years. And when I no longer felt a purpose for the work I was doing, I was motivated to ask myself, What’s Next.

And so it is that I have been on this journey for the last eleven years. It’s been quite a ride.
What seemed initially like a disappointment, flunking out of dental school, actually was a turning point in my life. It was a new beginning. I felt liberated to embark upon my life’s journey, not someone else’s.

The next time you feel disappointed, wonder about the opportunity you are being presented with. Look around. What do you see? When one door closes, walk through the one that’s open.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

Perhaps you’ve heard the expression,”they have no skin in the game.” Maybe you’ve even said it yourself. That’s been our good friend Carl’s, one of my life coaching clients, challenge for many years. He holds back and eventually walks away. He rationalizes to himself that it doesn’t matter and that he doesn’t care. It’s safe that way. He won’t be disappointed. Because this is his mindset, it’s not surprising that the easiest excuses knock him off course. Carl has never really committed himself to anything.

Think about your life. What are the reasons you keep telling yourself that are preventing you from having the life you’ve secretly desired? If those excuses and reasons are running your life it’s a good sign that you don’t have much “skin in the game.” For whatever reason, you’re not committed.

It’s also a sign that you are an observer of life rather than a participant. Another way of saying it is that you are sitting on the river’s edge watching the river of life flow by without you.

Accept the challenge to look at the source of your resistance. Accept that you have resistance and do it anyway. Jump in the river of life, you’re going to get wet anyway. That’s the nature of rivers. Declare yourself. Let people know what your secret desire is. Put it out there.

It matters. It matters because you’ll be more determined than you ever have before. You’ll be inspired You’ll inspire others to live more fully. It’s time to be fully committed to life. You make a difference by you being the authentic you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

As I awoke this morning I thought about blogging first thing before I got into the day. With that intention I knew it would get done and you feel so good when you finish.

When I was working on my book, Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes, after my morning meditation, I would write before I did anything else. It was amazing how much I accomplished. I had so
much clarity, purpose and determination. The rest of my day could wait——it would always be there. For that matter so would the rest of the world. If we don’t have that determination we won’t get as much done. And whatever we do get done takes a lot longer to complete.

On this day, in this moment, whatever you choose to do, do it with new determination so that you can make meaningful progress on your journey.

Yes it takes time and effort but when you are determined, you won’t even notice it. Sometimes you’ll feel like you are on a mission and before you know it, you are well on your way to creating something of lasting value way beyond the effort that went into it. It says something about you; about your commitment to moving forward in your life. That’s the way it felt with my book. It took a lot of effort but it felt so good to have completed the project——something that I’ll always be proud of.

And yes I plan to write another one, yet I don’t know what the exact subject of it will be. I’m just about ready for the challenge, the frustration and the breakthrough. Ah that frustration, and there always is and will be, can stop you every time if you let it.

With new determination I take the next step forward. It won’t be perfect at first but it’s a necessary step in moving forward on the path. So often we hesitate because we are looking for the perfect thing to do. But that perfection we are looking forward is based upon what we know up to now. Because of that we’ll come up with excuses why it won’t work. I still manage to always find a few things, but I persist and take the next step toward creating my new paradigm. It’s been an exciting adventure.

A few years from now when you look back you’ll be so thankful that you took that step forward toward creating the new determined “you.”

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

In a life coaching session recently our friend Carl reported that he was feeling kind of down. When I asked him what was going on he reported that everywhere he turned there was bad news. “The world’s a
mess” he said. “I don’ see a way out.”

Carl is not alone and is right in one way. There is a lot of negativity out there, some of which is worthy of our attention. But most of it is not, especially if it leads us away from what is possible in our life and gives us joy.

Keep reminding yourself as to what you want to create in your life. Keep reminding yourself of that person you want to be. Think about having a passion for living and being excited about your life.

I’m not suggesting ignoring the negative factors but don’t dwell on them.
On a daily basis, shift your focus to the positive by focusing on what you are grateful for. You can always find something wrong; it takes more effort to focus on what’s right and what’s working. Eventually thinking about what is possible becomes a habit.

Thinking in this way is triggered by what at first seems like a problem. Now you’re able to flip it so that you see opportunities and possibilities that at one time in your life didn’t exist.

Keep growing. Keep evolving and choose happiness.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

Someone just emailed me that they saw this sign in a chiropractor’s office: “Five dangerous words: Maybe it will go away.” How often do we think that? Obviously in the chiropractic’s office the reference was to the physical pain that we suffer with or are bothered by.

But in our everyday life, it’s usually the mental and emotional pain that we suffer with. We are hoping that it will go away. That we’ll wake up and feel better. And some times it does go away for a brief period of time. But it comes back unless we look at what are avoiding looking at.

Until we are truly honest with ourselves and honor our deepest truth, we will always live in some form of emotional pain. We need to keep asking that question: Is what’s going on in my life, consistent with my deepest truth? If it isn’t, then we need to ask ourself what changes we need to make to honor that truth. There is no honor without truth.

In some ways it’s simple, but perhaps the most difficult thing we ever have to do. Keep exploring. Keep questioning.

And along the way you can choose happiness.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and speaker who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes.

For the last nine years I have been writing a monthly newsletter. This letter is a milestone in that it’s #100. In a roundabout way, this newsletter is also about attitude. The phrase, Dancing on the River, which is also the title of my book, is an attitude and philosophy about how you approach life. It’s a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy in the moment that you make over and over again. This choice is not dependent on the circumstances or conditions of your life.

I had been a trial attorney for 30 years. I made a choice to embark upon a new journey to become a life coach. “What’s a life coach,” a few people asked, adding to my uncertainty. I didn’t know how to really answer them. It was 2001. Oh how things change.

A year went by. I thought seriously about beginning a newsletter. But the doubts kept surfacing. What would I say and who would read it? So I kept putting off starting, thinking that there would be a perfect time to begin. You know how it goes. We think that there will be a time in our life when all of the loose ends and uncertainties are resolved. But as we know we might be waiting for the rest of our lives. The only perfect time is now. Perhaps you are familiar with the old adage, “The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step.”

I took that first step in a roundabout way. That summer, while on Kauai, I noticed, in the window of Dr Art Brownstein’s medical office, several inspirational quotes. One of them was on attitude.

I read this quote to a networking group that I was part of. One of the members asked me if I could send him that quote “digitally.” To show you how far I’ve come, I wasn’t even sure what he meant.

After realizing that it was much simpler than I was making it, I sent that quote in a group email to twenty people. I included a beginning and closing paragraph. That was my first newsletter. Nine years have gone by.

I still wonder what I’m going to write about. I had no way of knowing when I was thirteen that the insights and lessons learned on the Green River, when I almost drowned, would become the foundation for my book many years later.

I am sure there have been those moments in your life when you weren’t sure where the river was taking you or what was next on your journey. You were swimming in the deeper waters and swifter currents of life. To guide you on the river I have included excerpts from the end of my book that hopefully will provide you with the tools and support essential to making your life an exciting journey of discovery.

Your Guide to Dancing on the River
`
1. Things happen for a reason. You might be disappointed
at times. Some things just aren’t meant to be.

2. In the darkest moments, there always is a ray of light.
When you are connected to your center, you’ll see it.
When your heart is open, you’ll feel it.

3. On many levels, our lives are constantly changing.
That’s the nature of rivers. You can react to these
changes or embrace them.

4. The one thing that you have to do to stay afloat when
swimming in the deeper waters and swifter currents, is
to stay calm and be patient until the currents change.
They eventually do, for nothing stays the same.

5. You embrace these changes by shifting your attitude.
Your attitude determines what you believe and how
you feel.

6. Dancing on the river is an attitude about how you approach
life. It’s a belief system that you can cultivate.

7. You have access to spiritual practices and mental disciplines that
will support you in integrating more empowering beliefs and attitudes into your way of thinking.

8. Meditation, which connects you with your center, is
one of these practices, as are expressing gratitude and
wondering about the highlight of the day. There always is a highlight. It
might be a little thing. It’s the little things that make the biggest difference in your life.

9. Knowing what to do is just part of the big picture. Actually doing it is a bigger part.

10. There are no guarantees in life. If you always knew
what was next, much of the adventure and excitement
of life would be missing.

11. You can’t avoid pain in this life. No one gets a free pass.

12. No matter how careful you are, you’re going to make
mistakes in this lifetime. You can’t avoid them. They’re
part of the journey.

13. So go for what your heart desires. If you aren’t sure what that is, think about what makes you feel most alive.

14. Goals give you a focus so that in the process you become more than who you are now. Goals are not an end-all but a beginning.

15. You don’t have to do it alone. There will always be
someone or something to guide you. Be open to the
signs or signals that are calling you. They might look
different than what you expected.

16. What we all want is to feel connected.

17. There is an invisible web beyond time and space that
connects more than you realize. When you look back
at your life, you’ll see that events that at one time
seemed random, are all interconnected.

18. Your enjoyment and appreciation of life is not dependent
on what might happen in the future. It’s a reflection of a life decision that you make to be happy and to enjoy life in this moment.

19. Cultivating curiosity expands your sense of wonder.
Be curious about the unknown and embrace the great mystery.

20. Enjoy the journey. It’s your choice.

So there you have it. Take the next step.

Journey On

Mark

It’s that time of year. Every year in February we celebrate a day that glorifies the spirit of love. Unfortunately, the way we celebrate it has taken us away from the real essence of its spirit. Too much focus is on making the appropriate gesture and reinforces the fact that some of us might not be in a relationship. Instead of a celebration, it becomes a source of stress.

Collectively we are and have been in many different phases of the relationship cycle. Regardless of what phase we are in, we all have wounds that are preventing us from experiencing deeper levels of intimacy in our lives. Relationships demand trust and risk.

But what holds us back is the fear of again experiencing the pain that we have felt in past relationships. It hurts and we don’t want to experience it again.

So we adopt a strategy that protects us. Most likely we are not even aware of what we are doing. Let me share with you what I did for many years to avoid the possibility of experiencing that pain again.

My favorite approach was to select a partner who was emotionally unavailable. They were hopelessly self-centered, already in a relationship or afraid of intimacy because of the same wounds that I had experienced. Another approach was to select partners who I knew did not fit my picture of the person I wanted to be with. This allowed me to be in control of the relationship. By focusing on their flaws and imperfections I could keep them at a distance.

I kept trying to make these relationships work and played out the drama longer than I should have because I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was alone. Now I realize that feeling alone has nothing to do with whether you are in a relationship. There have been plenty of times when I have felt alone while in a relationship.

There is no doubt that relationships stretch us. We experience a myriad of emotions that we would not have experienced without the relationship, ranging from fear, anger and avoidance to fulfillment, confidence, and passion. We are forced to explore uncharted territory discovering new ways of saying and looking at things. We’re never totally prepared for what needs to be done or said, so quite often we avoid saying what’s on our mind.

Sooner or later what we have been withholding from our partner is reflected in our attitudes and conduct, often leading to feelings of separation and alienation, which defeats the purpose of being in relationship.

Sharing our most intimate feelings is not the easiest thing to do. For various reasons we have not had much practice. So we create a system, albeit not perfect, that works for us. We carefully measure how much we are willing to share about what’s really going on with us. Perhaps we experience more isolation and loneliness than we would like, but we keep our innermost feelings a secret.

So we go on to that next relationship thinking that there is a relationship out there that will eventually fulfill us and make us whole. This time it will be different we think to ourselves.

When I was in my early thirties, I had an enlightening conversation with my good friend Stephen Sawyer, “Stephen, do you think that each relationship gets better and that there is an ultimate relationship?

“Yes, and it’s with yourself,” he responded.

As we know not all relationships work out the way we would like them to. But we know more about ourselves for having been in the relationship.

With each relationship I discovered something new about myself. I was able to bring these new insights into my next relationship. Each relationship brought me closer to where I wanted to be. I experienced a new level of intimacy that affected every relationship that I had. Most importantly I experienced a greater knowing and love of myself. I enjoyed just being in my own presence. The ultimate relationship occurs when you learn to know and love yourself. Until this happens you won’t be able to love another person deeply.

As you keep evolving you become aware of a fundamental truth. You can’t change another person. You can only change yourself.

This version of the Serenity Prayer says it best:
God give me the serenity to accept the people I can’t change,
The courage to change the one I can
And the wisdom to know that it’s me.

So now we have shared some valuable time together. We know where to look and sometimes we don’t like what we see because we are own worse critics.

Sometimes there’s a quote or a poem that resonates with us and makes the biggest difference in our life. It puts everything in perspective. For me, more than anything it was this quote by Anais Nin that inspired me in my quest.
“And the day came when the risk to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk to blossom.”

As I expanded my capacity to risk I also increased my ability to trust. I embraced my fears, overcame my barriers to intimacy and became the love I was seeking.

Let’s celebrate this Valentine’s Day in a different way. Let’s celebrate this day as a day of inspiration; an inspiration to open ourselves more to love and loving, love of others and of course ourselves.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

On Saturday Jan 15th I was a guest on the Dr Anne Marie Evers show. We had a lively discussion about how to attract money. She is a big proponent of using affirmations to help create the life you want to live. In fact her book Affirmations: Your Passport to Happiness has been quite successful over the years. I am currently reading it.

I have used affirmations throughout the years first in working on finding my soulmate and then on attracting money. They have worked for me, but not everybody has reported the same success. Sometimes we give up too soon. We affirm the reality we want to attract into our lives and if we don’t notice a difference we move on. What I have found is that the reality that you are trying to create with the use of affirmations seems to have a mind of its own. It will happen, but not necessarily in your timeframe.

When using affirmations it is suggested that we make what we want to create as real as possible allowing ourselves to experience all of the emotions. As a side note I think about the emotion that is attached to worry. If we can take that same emotional intensity and attach it to what we want to create, we’ll be unstoppable.

As Napoleon Hill wrote in Think and Grow Rich, experience that emotion as if your life depended on it. Here’s something else for you to think about. When you allow yourself to fully experience emotionally what it is you are wanting to create, (acting as if) you notice that your emotional state changes. You feel more upbeat, happier and optimistic. Even if it doesn’t come about exactly the way you want it, at least you are going to feel better emotionally. If you get a chance, take a look at Dr Evers book. If you are not integrating affirmations into your life, don’t wait any longer to begin.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.

So how are you doing? Are you still exercising and eating well? Whatever it is that you are working on, there comes that time when you face the moment of truth and falter much like in previous years.

Our momentum wanes and we lose our enthusiasm. We encounter resistance. Yes you know about that. We experience it to some degree in almost everything that we do. Usually the resistance stops us but it doesn’t have to once we make peace with it.

We still do what we set out to do and at the same time notice are resistance to it, especially our thought process around the particular activity. After all of the years that I have been meditating, I still have resistance from time to time to sit down and meditate. The resistance has many disguises. For example the the latest winter disguise is the sound of the heater. I have this ongoing chatter that the sound from the heater is in the way of my going deeper. And I know that at a different time of the year the tape will change and I’ll come up with something new.

So i’m suggesting a different approach. Think of the big picture in the form of an underlying theme. For example in the process of working with one of my life coaching clients, we discussed that for him his burning desire was to experience more personal freedom. His theme for this year is the “year of liberation.” For another life coaching client, it is the “year of transition.” What is it for you? When you think of a theme, you are really thinking about the kind of person you want to become.
So I guess what I’m really asking you, is what is your theme for this year? For me it’s the year of love and joy.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.