When we are passionate our energy level is at its highest. We’re excited.  Our energy level can also me at an intense level when we are expressing anger. When we are expressing anger, we are usually reacting to a particular event or circumstance.  Our expression of anger is the conduct that we have adopted, consciously or unconsciously, to express our frustration.

We only express our anger when we are no longer connected to our center. When we are not connected to our center, we are no longer connected to our personal power. It’s like turning on the light  switch when the power is turned off—nothing happens.

We won’t get the desired result that we would like and our sense of frustration gets greater. To “Get on the Positive Side of Change,”  we need to stand back and observe and diagnose the problem. There is usually a solution, but when we have lost our center and sense of perspective,  we aren’t able to see it. Once we regain our sense of perspective we can take positive action in a calm and positive way.  In the process we are responsive, rather than reactive.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

What limits what is possible in our lives are our expectations. These expectations are usually based upon our past experiences and what other people tell us is possible. Quite often what they tell us is based upon their past experiences and what other people tell them is possible. In their minds they are being reasonable.

What has occurred so far in our lives has got us to this place in our lives and can also limit us as we go forward.  If we truly want to have breakthroughs in our  life and to get on the positive side of change,  then we need to think out of the box.  And that means getting our of our comfort zones. 

The father of the human potential movement, Abraham Maslow once said:  ”One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”

So that’s our work; to keep moving forward. Sure there will be people telling us that we’re unrealistic. But if we listen to them, then we will live a life of mediocrity and stay stuck.  If we have a vision of the life that we want to lead, we are ahead of the game. It takes commitment. It takes courage and determination. It begins with taking the next step that is directly in front of you, one step at a time.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

What if you knew that you were amazing? And that no matter what might happen in your life, you will still be amazing. So what am I getting at? How you feel about yourself is about you. It’s a decision that you make. Each day you get to choose. What if, when you awoke in the morning, you said to yourself, “I’m amazing.” Do you think that would change how you think of yourself? There is only one way to find out.

The truth is that you can choose to feel a certain way. What you think about to a great extent determines  how you feel. Researchers have discovered that the average person has over 60.000 thoughts in a day.  By  choosing empowering thoughts, you will be more optimistic and healthier. You’ll laugh more and be excited about what’s possible in your life.

If our thoughts to a great extent determine how we feel, then our focus needs to be on how we can change what we think about. There are two practices that I have discussed previously. By focusing on what you are grateful for, your focus shifts from what isn’t working in your life, to what is working.  Expressing gratitude  helps empower you. You can express gratitude for your resourcefulness. You can express gratitude for your resilience. You can express gratitude for being the amazing person that you are.

Try a little experiment. For the next thirty days, express gratitude for that amazing person that you are.

See what happens.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

At some point in our lives we ask ourselves if we are living the life we really want. Very few of us can honestly say, “Yes” to that question. Most of us, if not all of us, settle for what we have. We make up a story with many variations that explains why our life is the way it is.

But there comes a time when we must courageously face the discontent and disappointment of our life “not being” what we want it to be. At that moment you have begun shifting to the Positive Side of Change. Let go of the need for anything to be different. Your life, even with its disappointment at times, has gotten you to this point. You have learned from all that has occurred  up to now.

You’ve created it.  Accept where you are. Be grateful for all of the gifts in your life and your creation.

From where you are standing now, have a vision of the life that you want to move toward. Move forward toward that goal and vision, but honor yourself for getting to the place where you are standing now. You have already developed the resources to get you there. Those same resources will help move you in the direction that you want to go. From now on stay focused on where you want to go rather than on your disappointments.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

In a life coaching session yesterday with one of my clients we discussed negative thinking. What exactly is negative thinking and what can we do about it.  The simple answer is that negative thinking is and has been a life-long habit.

So what can you do to change this habit?  Start your day differently. Notice what you do in the morning. How you start your day sets the tone for the day!  Choose to start it differently. What’s on your phone or online can wait until later in the day.

Here’s what I suggest. Sit for a few minutes in silence and then slowly focus on what you are grateful for. What that does is shift your focus from what isn’t working and what you don’t like about your life, to what is working and what you do like about your life. This practice goes a long way toward breaking the habit of negative thinking. If you don’t break the habit it can become hypnotic. And you know how it works. Before you know it you begin imagining the worse case scenario. There’s one more thing you can do to break this habit.

After you have focused on what you are grateful for, wonder about the highlight of your day. Many of my life coaching clients have reported to me that over time there expectations have changed and that they expect good things to occur. As your day progresses you’re wondering what the best possible outcome can be. This thinking can become an empowering habit, one that empowers you.

Consistent positive thinking, not only changes your outlook on life, but it also empowers you to see opportunities that previously you would not have looked at.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

You have been introduced to meditation and the power of gratitude. After I have meditated in the morning and focused on what I am grateful for, I wonder about what the highlight of my day might be.  This simple practice helps me cultivate curiosity into my life.

Being curious is such a power thought process. Here’s what you do. Briefly scan your day to remind yourself what’s on your agenda.  After you have done that, as your day progresses, be open to seeing the good in every encountner that you have.  The highlight might be something unexpected and it might be a little thing. We tend to overlook what at first glance might seem insignificant  This practice will open you up to a whole new universe.  It might be a smile while you are waiting in line at the bank or the grocery store.  It might be a thank-you from someone.  It might be a greeting from a pet.  Hopefully, by the end of the day, you won’t be able to make up your mind as to what the highlight was because you’ll have two or three great choices. What at one time seemed like a mundane task, becomes something that you look forward to.

For the next week integrate curiosity into your morning as you begin the day and see what you notice. The important thing to take away from this is that there is always a highlight. It just might be different than what you think. Be open to that new possibility.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

I’ve found from my years as an executive-life coach, worry is one of the biggest challenges that most of us face. In previous blogs you were introduced to the benefits of a daily gratitude practice.  I’ve found that expressing gratitude on a daily basis helps me to overome my tendeny to worry.  I know this tendency places me in good company.  When I feel myself worrying excessively there are three questions I ask myself.

The first is, “What is the worst that can happen?” Remember  worry is an irrational emotion.  There is an acronym that reminds mo of this truth : F.E. A. R.: False Evidence Apppearing Real.

I then ask myself, ” How likely is it that what I’m worrying about will happen?” This question gets me out of the irrational mode.  When you are in the irrational mode you usually imagine the worst-case scenario.  This inquiry forces me to detach from what I’m feeling, even if just for a few seconds.  Once I’m feeling calmer, I’m ready to explore the likelihood of the particular thing I’m worrying about actually occurring.  Usually I come to the conclusion that there is little likelihood of it happening.

The next inquiry I have found quite powerful.  Ask yourself what the result would be if everything went your way. Very few of us consider this possibility.  When you allow yourself to fully explore and imagine the possibilities of everything working out in your favor, with the same intensity of emotion that you have when you worry, before you know it, your’re out of your funk and excited again. More often than not I am pleasantly surprised.

We have no way of knowing what is going to happen in the future, yet for some reason when we worry we think we do.  In the process of training our minds to think more positively about the possibilities in our life, life beomes less of a struggle and more of an exciting journey of discovery.  Since we know what it’s like to dance on the river, we welcome what’s next.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s 

You were introduced to the concept of cultivating your inner GPS. In previous blogs we discussed two of the principles, Meditation and Gratitude. As we discussed by focusing on what we are grateful for, we begin to shift our focus on what is working in our life. Over time, we notice that we are generally happy and appreciative of all of the blessings in our life.

But there is one trap that we have to learn to recognize so that we can avoid it. That trap is our tendency to compare ourselves to others. If you have read this blog before you know that I was a trial lawyer for many years. I was in a profession that ranked you by your wins and losses, how much money you made and who your clients were. The problem was that no matter how well your were doing in your career, there was always someone who was doing better.  Comparing yourself to others, which many of us do, makes you miserable.  And there’s no ways of knowing what’s really going on with the person with whom you are making the comparison. For all you know, he or she might be wishing they were in your shoes.

I got over it.  I created my own diefinition of success.   Here’s what I came up with: It’s more than making money.  It’s more than being recognized by your peers in a career. It’s about liking who you are.  It’s about being happy. It’s about having loving relationships. If you are successful in a career and don’t have time to share your success with loved ones, you are missing out on one of the joys of life. As I continued to focus on the iiner work, my expanded view of success and what’s possible became integrated into my belief system.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s 

The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

William James

We look to relationships to satisfy this craving. It’s our natural state to be loving. Unfortunately with the busyness of our lives we forget what that natural state is. There is nothing better than a great relationship. You feel that you belong. You feel empowered. You feel an incredible aliveness. But ultimately we have to learn to have a great relationship with ourselves. When we do, it enriches everyone with whom we meet.

We live in a relational world. At a fundamental level what we all want is to deeply connect with others, but we’re not sure how to do that.  Successful relationships transform our families, schools, institutions, governments and the world we live in.

When you connect with your heart, body and soul, connection occurs in an instant.  Connection begins with you, by your awakening to your true nature as a spiritual being having a physical experience. It’s “a knowing” that you are connected to a power greater than you.  Connection is a path and like most paths, there will be challenges along the way.

The good news is that connection can be cultivated. Before I embarked upon my coaching path I was a decent connector when I wanted to be, but I didn’t consider it one of my strengths. This has changed over the years.

My first coach gave me a new way to look at connection, which has been instrumental in my cultivating the awareness that I have now. From that moment on, I became increasingly aware of how much I liked to connect with others.

The ability to connect with others opens up a whole new world. Connection transcends stereotypes and judgments,creating fertile ground for a new dialogue, a dialogue not constrained by history, but open to common ground for a consciousness of possibility. By connecting, you make the ultimate gift to yourself and to others. It is when we give of ourselves that we receive the ultimate joy.

Our bigger challenge is to receive from others. Many of us find it difficult to be supported and to let others do thingsfor us. This might seem like somewhat of a paradox, but whenwe give to others we remain in control. It’s only in the act ofreceiving that we give up control and allow ourselves to bevulnerable. It is in that moment when we feel the most connected to others. By receiving the gift from another, we are making the ultimate gift to them. Until we allow ourselves to receive this gift, we won’t be able to experience the depth and intimacy that we are seeking.

Let me share with you a few strategies that I have found effective in cultivating more connection in my life. After meditation, I express gratitude for the gift of connection that I have with others. Perhaps in the beginning of this practice I didn’t feel or believe it totally. But over time I’ve noticed that my ability to connect has become a strength. I’m certainly more aware of the connections that I do have.

Being curious is invaluable. In some ways, I’ve transformed being curious into a fun game. Whenever I go to a gathering, I’m curious with whom I’ll connect. With so many of us asking the same questions, I’m curious about what I might learn when I connect with them. In the last few years I’ve expanded upon this practice. Before I left for a recent trip for Kauai, I wondered about with whom I would have the best connection. This set the tone and kept me curious during the whole trip. The synchronicity was amazing.  We reach a time in our life, when those remarkable meetings seem to occur more often.  Synchronicity then becomes the norm, rather than the infrequent occurrence.

Each time that I experience one of those chance encounters that provides a missing piece to the puzzle, there is a thought that deeply resonates within me. It makes greater sense to me now than it ever did.  As we continue to evolve, we attract to us our tribe of kindred souls.

We are the source of the connection that we crave, which is fueled by our ability to come from the deep place of love within. Unfortunately too many of us are looking to find love outside of ourselves—it’s an inside job that has its own language.

The language of love is the most powerful language on the planet. In the English language, some of our deepest feelings can’tbe expressed in words. We can look to the Greeks for wisdom.

Two friends touch each other’s souls but are not lovers.The Greeks refer to this love between friends as Philos.

The special love that we share for our family is differentthan any other love we experience. The Greeks refer to this love of family as Storge.

Spiritual love, or the love that is God is referred to as Agape.

The physical love, when lovers embrace, is referred to as Eros.

The language of love is an acknowledgment of a person’sessence and their inner beauty. If we are not comfortable withthe more accepted language of love, it is important to createour own language; a language that acknowledges others, theirgreatness, their gifts and their blessings. By becoming morecomfortable with this language, we open the doors to deeperintimacy.  We begin the process of fulfilling the deepest craving that James refers to. Perhaps you have your own language and way ofexpressing it.  Perhaps it’s with your eyes or your smile.  Let’s be open to finding new ways in which to do that.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

Let’s talk more about living from the center, one of the keys to shifting to the Positive Side of Change.  When we’re in our center, we are in balance and in touch with our power. We have a perspective that we didn’t have before.

As we discussed in the last blog, when we are in our center, we experience a smooth ride. Let’s discuss some of the techniques and practices that you can do so that you can live from your center more often.

What i discovered  years ago was the practice of meditation. Prior to the beginning of my practice my life was chaotic and full of drama. I didn’t know any other way.  My career as a young trial lawyer was extremely stressful and my relationships were unstable. I reached a crisis point. That’s when I made the decision to begin meditating.

From that point on my life went in a different direction; one in which continues to unfold.  Even though I could be in the middle of a trial, I still found time to begin my day with meditation. It gave me a calmness that I experienced for most of the day. As the day progressed it became  apparent that how I started my day set the tone for the entire day. I found that life doesn’t seem to bother me as much and I’m better able to take things in stride. So here’s what I suggest. Make a commitment to meditation. Read about it and perhaps go to classes. It will change your life.

As an executive-life coach for many individuals throughout the years, I am frequently told that they did not have time in the morning to meditate. I had a busy schedule with many responsibilities as a father and trial lawyer. I made it a priority. In my book, Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes, I refer to the decision to begin meditation as one of the defining moments of my life.

More about it next time.

Enjoy the journey

Mark

Mark Susnow, is an executive & life coach and thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River…Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.