For the last eight years I have had the luxury to think about the human process as an executive and life coach. In this time frame I have had the opportunity to become clear on some of the bigger challenges that we all face. Living with doubt is a concept that can be empowering. Too often we let doubt stop us and prevent us from taking that next step in our life.

No matter what you do, you are going to have some doubt to some extent. Hopefully you get to that place in your life where the doubt is minimized or barely perceptible. But to eliminate all doubt before taking the next step will result in a life that is unexplored and unfulfilled.

Having doubt also indicates that you are thoughtful and insightful. It prepares you for the unexpected and unpredictable. In the long run it is what makes you more successful and fulfilled.

Be thankful for your doubt but don’t let it stop you.

I don’t know if this is encouraging but let me share with you what I have learned from doing the work that I do. In the beginning I ask people to assess how they see their lives. What surprises me is most people’s sense of confidence is lower than how they show up in the world.

This is what I mean. When Richard began coaching, I saw him as a winner and incredibly self-confident. That’s how he shows up in the world. And by all external standards he is. But he doesn’t see himself that way. It has been my experience that most all of us are like Richard.

So don’t be so hard on yourself. And if you have a little doubt who cares. Do it anyway.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

You notice someone in a room and they seem totally confident..totally together. Whether I call it executive coaching or life coaching what is always the same is that these folks who you think might have it together struggle with their internal process. They struggle with how they are being perceived. As I get to know them and their vulnerabilities through coaching, I realize how much courage they exhibit in putting themselves out there.

Now imagine you meet someone for the first time let’s say at a party. What goes through your mind? What don’t you want them to know about you? So we go through life with our little secret…the same one that most people experience. We wonder if we are good enough? If we can do the job? Whether they’ll like us?

What’s good to know is that we’re not alone so it’s important not to let that uneasy feeling prevent us from full engaging with life. 99% of the time the only one who knows that we might feel uncomfortable is ourselves.

Don’t let it stop you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

I wanted to share this writing on love and friendships which I did not write myself. I don’t know where it came from but it’s great. Think about each one for a few seconds.

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. This is true but not the ideal situation.

3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

4. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

5. Don’t waste your time on a man/woman, who isn’t willing to waste their time on you.

6. We learn from the relationships that don’t work out so when we meet the right one we’ll know it.

7. This is a good one. Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

8. From time to time you’ll get hurt. But don’t let that stop you from getting involved and loving again.

9. Sometimes you just have to let it go and it boomerangs back to you.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

We seem to get a lot smarter as we get older. That’s what my kids tell me. We’ve made our share of mistakes and hopefully we’ve learned from them. We wouldn’t be who we are today without them. That includes the disappointments, heartbreaks, and the good times that we’ve enjoyed. They’re all part of the human experience.

When we find that our present circumstances are not as we would like them to be, it’s usually because our beliefs about the possibilities in our life seem limited by these past experiences. Our identification with these limiting beliefs, are the filters through which we see the world. If you want to see life differently you need to change your filter.

That’s the challenge. What made the biggest difference for me was meditation. Through regular practice I was able to separate who I was in the world of form from who I was as a spiritual being. Inner peace didn’t depend on what was going on in my life.

Meditation isn’t the only practice that enables you to transcend thought and reach these deeper levels of being. What all of these practices have in common is that through them you are able to experience a stillness in the gap between thoughts.

This is easier said than done. What makes this particularly challenging is that it’s difficult to still the mind. We’re always thinking about the past or the future. Time becomes an obsession and an illusion. There are two myths that need to be dispelled. The first is that we don’t have enough time and the second is that something or someone in the future will make our experience of life better. With this mindset you’ll never to be able to enjoy the present moment.

Let’s talk about the myth of not having enough time. How you begin your day sets the tone for the rest of the day. If you race out of the house in a hurry you’ll be playing catch up. You’ll feel that you don’t have enough time to get it all done. Think about some of the conversations that you have. “I don’t have time to get together with you. “I’ve been overwhelmed at work–I’m too tired.” Do any of these seem familiar? You think this will change sometime in the future, but it doesn’t unless you change this pattern, which is not so easy.

Imagine what your life would be like if you couldn’t use as an excuse, “I don’t have enough time?” You would have to become clear as to what your priorities are. You would then have to take responsibility whether you really want to do something. It might be uncomfortable at first. It would involve saying “No” which most people feel uncomfortable saying. You might be saying “No” to a relationship you really don’t want or a “dead-end career.” It would involve leaving the familiar to enter the world of the unknown. It is in this world of the unknown where real opportunity and adventure is found.

Lets talk about the second myth. “When this happens real life will begin.” You know that one. It’s an illusion that our minds have created. My son, Josh, is graduating from college this month. I am reminded of how anxious I was to get out of high school, get away from home and begin college.

I believed college would be the answer to my problems. For a brief period of time it was but soon my focus soon shifted to the future, which was getting into law school. And of course once in law school my new focus was graduating and passing the bar so “real life” could begin. And what I called “real life” began. I was out of school, making my own money and involved in an intense love affair.
But after a while financial realities set in and I began to struggle. I believed that when business picked up and I met “the one,” I could enjoy life again. I was repeating the familiar pattern of making an unknown future better than the present moment. For many of us this is a never ending pattern.
It was for me until I had an experience which changed that.
I’ve always been a firm believer in synchronicity–those chance encounters that change your life–those remarkable meetings. When I was a young lawyer a
friend told me of a magical swimming hole along a river in Humboldt County. Off I went with my guitar, my dog and sleeping bag and drove North arriving at the river just as the sun was setting. In the morning I awoke at the crack of dawn in search of the swimming hole. I knew that if I hiked upstream I would get there. I continued on my way until a camper offered me some food and coffee. Although I found myself getting hungry and a little bit tired, I said, “No thanks” to the kind invitation— “I want to get to the swimming hole.” After another twenty yards I turned around and said, “That coffee sounds good.” It was what the camper said in the next few moments that has perhaps made the greatest impact in my life.
“Hey, the journey you take is probably more important than your destination. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the journey.” I enjoyed my breakfast, enjoyed the rest of the hike and of course the swimming hole was fabulous.
Since that meeting I have taken his advice to heart. It has affected every aspect of my life. Imagine your life from this new perspective. Instead of waiting for that ideal relationship to happen you enjoy life exactly as it is. Instead of feeling despair about finding meaning and purpose you’re enjoying the inquiry. Instead of waiting for that big opportunity you are enjoying exactly what you’re doing. Instead of waiting for something to change you are enjoying what is.
Life will be what you say it is. When you say to yourself that life is an adventure, it becomes an adventure. You focus on the possibility rather than the struggle. This is the way it is when you’re living an inspired life.
Keep the circle expanding by forwarding Letters on Life to those in your circle. I love to hear from you and enjoy receiving your many responses and feedback.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

In a life coaching session this morning, my client….let’s call him George was concerned with what he felt were misplaced cultural values in our society. In fact he focused on what was wrong. Even though he didn’t watch TV, he was still barraged with negative information. He noticed it in his business and in government.

George was not doing enough to get inspired. In a day we have close to a 100,000 thoughts. The positive ones need to be reinforced. If they’re not, the negative ones will run our lives and keep us down. But how can you do that? Here are a few ideas.

1. Be around positive people. Create a positive support system. Ask yourself…Do you feel better after being in that person’s presence?

2. Read inspirational type books. I would suggest you begin a daily reading program that can support you in thinking more positively. Thinking negatively is just a habit. A reading program can help you change that habit. I have a reading list on my website and there are many great books being published daily.

3. Minimize your contact with the media. Newspapers use headlines that sell. Sensationalism is in that category. As to TV…do you notice the number of commercials for antidepressants?

4. Notice when you begin to think negatively. The sooner you notice the sooner you can change it. Noticing is the first step.

Stay on the journey.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

We teach what we need to learn, so it is said. That’s what I get to do whether it’s in a life coaching or executive coaching session. Teach and learn….what’s been up for some of my clients is how to handle a difficult person…someone who we might refer to as toxic.

Regardless of how many times we have been there, from time to time we find ourselves in situations we would rather not be in. So thats what my client, let’s call him Fred was faced with.

Fred a professional was faced with an extremely unhappy client. Not necessarily because of Fred’s performance but because he saw life as somewhat futile. He didn’t see much hope for the future. Everything seemed bleak.

What to do? Reasoning with these type of people is futile. No matter how reasonable you are they are not going to change their perspective at that moment. You can bend over backwards and it still won’t make a difference.

Here’s what I suggest. Don’t take it personally and don’t try to be a savior. Realize that in the moment they can’t think clearly. Fred did all he could not to get plugged in. I suggested to him that he write a letter when he saw things from a different perspective….when he was calm and not threatened. I have tremendous success with this approach. Then the other person can read it in his own private moment when he doesn’t feel pressured. Make sure that in the letter you let him know that you totally understand his position.

Make sure you have solid boundaries and know what’s true for you. For example when I was an attorney, a client who had hired me wanted me to evaluate his case in a different way. His way of doing this was to challenge me by saying that I didn’t seem confident. I told him my truth. I was extremely confident as a person, but not confident as to his case.

So take the time to send a letter the next time one of these situations comes up. It’s also important because it helps you clarify exactly what was said and what happened.

Journey On

Mark

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

My journey of the last eight years has led to many conversations some of which have been inspiring and others a little disconcerting. There is a voice of concern and resignation that I have been repeatedly hearing that seems to be louder than the voice of hope. Many are concerned about the global and planetary challenges that we all face. At the heart of these challenges is an uncertain future. During an election year these concerns are exacerbated.
The huge media juggernaut bombards us with information most of which is negative. Within seconds we become aware of events and tragedies that have occurred somewhere in the world. It’s difficult to tune it out. This negativity, which is constantly reinforced, colors how we perceive our personal reality and the challenges that we experience in day-to-day living. We wonder how we can find fulfillment on a personal level when there is so much suffering and uncertainty in the world.
Lately I have been hearing the voice of those who are in the camp of the pessimists. They’ll rattle off the war, the economy, the environment and our dwindling resources as justifications for their feeling the way they do. When one tends to focus on what’s wrong and what isn’t working they will always find a litany of reasons to justify their perspective.
I am in the camp of the optimists. No matter what is happening in my life or in the world I believe that there will be a better day. In fact I don’t think we have a choice but to be optimistic. This is so even when there is so much suffering in the world.

I think back to the sixties. Not only did our country seem stuck in a senseless war, Vietnam, our country was hopelessly polarized. There seemed to be little hope. What made matters worse was that we were on a collision course in the bigger cold war with the Soviet Union. Numerous pundits and leading edge periodicals predicted a nuclear holocaust with the Soviet Union.

I remained optimistic. This is what I wrote in a poem back then.

“Should there be a day when the visionaries of peace stop loving, then the prophets of doom will have their day of gloom.”

I have come to the conclusion that feeling bad or hopeless doesn’t help things. Remaining optimistic does. When you are optimistic you have hope and are able to see possibilities that you couldn’t see before.

It’s been estimated by researchers that we have over sixty thousand thoughts in a day, some of which are positive and some negative. The question is which one you focus on. There’s a Native American Story, which I’ve told before, that reminds me of this point.

A grandfather is discussing with his grandson a tragedy that just occurred.
The grandfather says, “ I feel like I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One is an angry vengeful one and the other is a peaceful loving one.”
The grandson then asks,” Which one is going to win?”
The grandfather replies, “The one I feed.”

I recently viewed Al Gore’s latest talk on climate change which he presented at the TED Conference. I found another voice of optimism. While he layed out the disturbing environmental challenges before us and the crisis in democracy that we faced, he suggested that we reframe the challenge by seeing the challenge as one that motivates us to action. He urged one to reach inside of themselves to tap into a greatness that they never knew was possible. He went on to ask, “How many generations before us have had the opportunity to rise to a challenge that is worthy of our best efforts-a challenge that can pull from us more than we thought we could do?”

Imagine approaching your whole life in this way. What will the challenges be in the future that are worthy of your best efforts? Think of the challenges along the way that have helped you get to this point in your life; the challenges that have inspired you to surpass what you thought was possible.

I am sure you have experienced those moments when you have felt as if things weren’t happening fast enough-those moments when you doubted whether you were making a difference.

You might have even felt that things were hopeless or that you weren’t good enough. There’s that voice again. There’s always that voice-that voice of doubt- that limits what you think is possible in your life.

I know that voice well. Even when you are optimistic that voice creeps in and before you know it starts to take over. It’s powerful and has been reinforced by a lifetime of negative conditioning. Here’s what I do to try to become free of it. As soon as I notice that I am thinking negatively I catch myself by talking to that voice. In coaching we refer to that voice as our “gremlin.” I have even given my gremlin the name of Ralph. By talking to my gremlin I am able to break the seductive pattern that it has over me.

The sooner I am able to recognize Ralph, the sooner I can break the hypnotic spell that he has over me. I remind myself that this voice has nothing to do with what’s so. Once I break the spell I allow myself to think of other perspectives that empower me. In this way I reframe what I initially considered a problem into an opportunity.

I don’t think we can get enough inspiration in our life. We have to make a conscious effort to make this an integral part of our lives. When you are living an inspired life, its much easier to remain optimistic and to see the possibilities that surround you. You might even pick up the phone and call an old friend and engage in an inspiring conversation. Perhaps you’ll make time to read an inspiring book. And then there is that smile that goes a long way. Slow down, embrace the moment and take time to “smell the roses.”

Thank you for sharing Letters on Life with those in your circle. I love to hear from you. Let me know what’s going with you.

Journey On

Mark

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

So what’s going on? What do you want to accomplish? What would you really like to happen? What changes would you have to make? When are you going to start to make these changes? I know I’ve asked a lot of questions. Here’s why. Questions are powerful and are probably the most effective way to shift your focus. That is shifting your focus from what isn’t working to what you want.

In some manner we are always asking questions, although we might not be aware of what they are. For example. If you are thinking about lack and limitation, ask yourself what questions you are asking yourself. Usually you aren’t aware of what they are. If you have had a few disappointments in business you might be asking yourself how can things get worse….or what is the next thing that can go wrong. When you are in a downward spiral create empowering questions to change the spiral. For example again using the few disappointments scenario an empowering question might be: I wonder who my next client will be or what my next project will be? How does it get better than this?

Empowering questions can also create a positive expectation. If I’m going to an event, I’ll think about who I’m going to meet and how interesting they will be.

How you think about your life determines your life because it is a fundamental law of the universe that what you focus on expands. CHANGE YOUR THINKING CHANGE YOUR LIFE.THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold.

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

As an executive and life coach it’s not unusual to hear about the same concerns from several different people.

Usually these concerns are about the future. Will I have a job next year is a common concern. So is will my business continue to grow? What happens frequently is that this concern affects how one lives today in two different ways.

The first is that people tend to conserve more and live closer to the vest. This is not necessarily a bad thing but it can be if you shut down and use it as an excuse not to live today fully.

The other is that their concern about the future tempers their experience of today. Instead of enjoying today they think about tomorrow. This gets in the way of their experience of the “now.”

For most people the future represents the unknown. We want certainty in an ever-changing world. Impossible! What has to happen is that we need to change our relationship to the unknown.

Think of the unknown as your friend. Instead of being anxious, be curious. When you do that you allow more room for possibilities. You might want to think about the many ways in which your business can grow. You might also wonder about how great your next relationship is going to be and what you’ll learn from that person. Instead of thinking that a particular relationship won’t develop think about the many ways it will develop. Your imagination is useful in creating the picture of the life you want. After all don’t we use our imagination when we worry. So here we use in a more constructive way.

The other thing you can do is to learn to be more in the moment. Be fully present. Eckart Tolle’s book “Power of Now,” is a great work that guides you in this endeavor. Meditation and practicing non-judgment are two things you can do to help you embrace this state of mind.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com

When I’m on Kauai I usually go to a yoga class 4-5 times per week and I feel great. Upon returning to Marin I’m not as committed…my excuse being that there’s not a morning class that is at the right time.

I no longer have that excuse. There is an early morning class, M-W-F, that i have been going to. I’m feeling good. It’s certainly enough to keep my body out of pain and stiffness.

And there are others who don’t have a yoga practice, but go to the gym. They go just enough to get in the minimum amount of cardio and perhaps some stretching and or lifting.

We do the minimum to maintain. We justify it by reflecting upon articles by the American Heart Association that state that the minimal amount of exercise required for health is the same amount that we exercise.

When we have a health concern we give our body more attention. And then we go back to our maintenance program doing enough to get by.

Last night I didn’t feel like sleeping and my body felt like it wanted to be stretched. I gently eased into a few different yoga postures.

I had a thought. It feels good when we find our edge and go beyond. Learning about our body and its possibilities is a great to discover what our edge is. It’s the same edge that we experience in the rest of our lives. Where do we stop? What stops us?

Hopefully we experience a state that is beyond doing enough. That state is experienced when we want to practice yoga and go to the gym, not because we want to be out of pain, but because it feels good. Our body rather than being a source of stiffness and discomfort becomes a source of pleasure.

We want to get in good shape because it’s when we feel our best, rather than exercising to maintain our tone and keep the stiffness away.

What are you waiting for?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN NOW. There will always be something that holds you back; an excuse to put your life on hold. JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com