Archive for July, 2013

Don’t Forget to Give Yourself a Mental High-5

Monday, July 8th, 2013

When I talked with Sally in our life coaching session we continued to focus on personal and professional development. Sally took over a professional practice over three years ago. She had concerns whether she could pay all of her bills and expenses. She has done more than that. She now has a successful practice and continues to get new clients.

Yet she doesn’t think of herself as a successful professional because she still has doubts and insecurities. I let Sally know that I have coached some professionals who were at the top of their game and they also had doubts and insecurities.

In a metaphorical sense, Sally graduated. With any profession, there are increased duties and responsibilities. With that comes rights and priviliges. I suggested to Sally that it was her time to accept the new found abundance in her life and to be grateful for her success.

As a spiritual practice and discipline I suggested that she express gratitude for the success in her life. I am encouraged by her willingness to take this on. I know that will give her a new sense of grace and dignity. It will also give her a confidence that whatever comes up she will be able to navigate life’s changes.

Like many of us, Sally is the first to criticize herself. We wouldn’t talk to a friend the way we talk to ourselves. We’re so hard on ourselves. I encouraged her to talk to herself in a more positive way. She asked me, “Do you mean a mental HIGH-5? I said exactly. So give yourself a mental high-5. Tell yourself how proud you are of what you are doing in your life and how you are handling things.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Please join me for the Journey On radio show. I am cohosting the show with my good friend Ralph Marston who publishes the Daily Motivator.  Http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeyon

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

What are the 3 biggest Lessons you have Learned so far in this Lifetime?

Sunday, July 7th, 2013

In a life coaching session with, let’s call him Carl, we discussed what were the 3 biggest lessons that he has learned in his lifetime. Carl didn’t just come up with the answers in a heartbeat. It was a process that got him thinking about who he was at this time in his life and what is important to him.

1. Find your own path. That was a struggle for me. We are so influenced by our families and the latest trends or schemes to make money, we lose sight of what is important to us…it takes a life time of inner reflection to discover what our core values are….the late sage,.Joseph Campbell has this perspective in Dark Forest:

You enter the forest
At the darkest point;
Where there is no path.

Where there is a way or path,
It is someone else’s path.

If you follow someone else’s way,
You are not going to realize your full potential.

2. Don’t be so hard on yourself: we are so self-critical….we berate ourselves and talk to ourselves in a more critical way than we would talk to a friend. Along with this one, developing a sense of humor goes a long way. Laugh at yourself..tell a few jokes once in a while…don’t try to always be perfect.

3. Become a better listener than talker. This is also a tough one because it’s our tendency to always want to get in our two-cents worth. So often a conversation is like mental ping-pong. You respond to what the other person says; they respond to what you said and then it becomes a battle to see who gets in the last word. Sure you’ve exchanged a lot of information, but you never got to who each other is.

Journey ON

Mark

Please join me for the Journey On radio show. I am cohosting the show with my good friend Ralph Marston who publishes the Daily Motivator.  Http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeyon

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.

The Many Faces of Charisma

Saturday, July 6th, 2013

I was 27. I had just passed the bar and was excited about making my first court appearance. It was a whole new world. I was sitting and observing, waiting for my case to be called. I was watching the “pros.” Molly Pinkston was one of them. She walked to the podium with the help of a cane.  She was in her sixties, with red hair and a blue hat that accentuated her look. I don’t remember exactly what she said but it was the way she said it, with her unique phrasing and cadence, that had an effect on me even to this day.

It was in those days that the seeds were planted. There are some people that have it— that ineffable quality often referred to as charisma.

Not all of us have that mysterious quality, but charisma can be cultivated and the literature supports this belief.  Psychology Today and other literature breaks down many of the qualities that make someone charismatic: confidence, exuberance, and optimism, as well as a ready smile, expressive body language, and a friendly and passionate voice.

In many ways that is what Molly personified. She had a unique style and self confidence —probably had it most of her life. Her dress and manner of speaking definitely accentuated her presence.

We all know others who naturally exude this quality. They walk into a room and you notice them. They begin to speak and you listen. Others exude that confidence and energy in the way they move. But in Molly’s case, even though she was not able to move gracefully, she had “the it” factor.   Actors, some better than others, have been trained to create this every time they take the stage. Their costumes and dress add to their mystique. In our own lives, at times we play roles with the appurtenant customs and costumes.

Creating Charisma

When you have a purpose for doing something, there is an inner flame that won’t burn out. It’s contagious. There is an exuberance and passion that can’t be reproduced in any other way. When I was a young lawyer it was natural for me to be passionate about the cause that I was an advocate for. With that passion it’s much easier to arouse strong emotions and feelings in others and move them into action.

Charisma is a form of energy, in some cases magnetism. There are some people that are just plain charismatic no matter what they do. But let’s talk about what we can do to create it in our lives. When that energy and magnetism occurs naturally, it shows up as presence.  From my own journey of discovery this is what I know so far.

Increase your energy by exercising and breathing fully. Very few of us exercise enough or take the time to breath fully. When you breath deeply, it slows you down. Throughout the years, I have developed a practice that whenever I feel stressful, I come back to focusing on my breath.

Have a discipline like meditation, yoga or Tai Chi, that creates prana or chi which is another name for life force.
 These practices, and there are many others, cultivate internal energy which essentially is our life force. Running, cycling and dancing also have the effect of elevating our energy levels.

Diet is huge. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables. They contain a lot of water which is what our body needs.  
And yes plenty of good water keeps us hydrated and energized.

Find something that you are passionate about, which will transfer to other areas of your life.
 It is a blessing to have a passion. But there are times in our lives when we won’t have a focus to get excited about. What’s encouraging is that as we cultivate more presence, we become passionate about life and bring that enthusiasm and passion to whatever we do. We might not even be aware of it ourselves, but others do.

Develop a connection with a higher power. As that connection deepens,  you feel guided and you can say good-bye to loneliness. You can look forward to the land of the unknown with confidence that it is full of opportunity and adventure. You are ready to embrace the great mystery of life’s unfoldment.

But it takes commitment and determination and so often we easily get side tracked.  We stop short and don’t get to experience the essence of what we really want which is deeper connection with a higher power and with others.

We resist being in the moment. Our mind finds a way to distract us from whatever we are doing. Overcoming resistance is one of the biggest challenges that we all face.  It’s that duality that we all experience. We are physically present at a particular place—doing something—yet at the same time, our mind is some other place, thinking about something else. And with all of the latest technology, there are even more distractions that get in the way of our being fully present.

That’s what I’m working on—being totally present— that’s what charisma is all about. People who we perceive as charismatic have that innate ability to be fully present in their process. It’s a challenge worthy of our best effort.

ENJOY THE JOURNEY

MARK

Please join me for the Journey On radio show. I am cohosting the show with my good friend Ralph Marston who publishes the Daily Motivator.  Http://www.blogtalkradio.com/journeyon

Mark Susnow, is an executive-life coach and recognized thought leader who inspires others to believe in themselves. He is passionate about life being an exciting journey of discovery. His enthusiastic and inspiring keynotes on change, leadership and connection thoroughly convey this message to his audiences. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes and Discover the Leader Within.


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