The Language of Love
We live in a relational world. Successful relationships transform our families, schools, institutions, governments and the world we live in. In the process we’re able to experience more
joy and happiness in our lives. Most of us would agree that there is ample opportunity for us to express more love in our lives. But we don’t always do it—perhaps it’s because we don’t know how.
Love has it’s own language. The language of love is the most powerful language on the
planet. When I was single, I used the words I love you sparingly because I didn’t want to mislead my partner into thinking that I felt differently than I did. What I didn’t realize at the time was that those words would always be difficult for me to express. Even when I tell my wife, Annie, that I love her, those words still seem charged, as they do when I say those words to my children.
So what I do, like many of you, is use variations of those words. When signing a letter it is natural for me to sign it with love as opposed to I love you. I’ve noticed that some friends use the phrase love ya, while others, occasionally end the conversation with I love you. When they do, I usually pause and
reply, I love you, too. When referring to a movie or a book, I might say, I loved it.
In the English language, some of our deepest feelings can’t be expressed in words. We can look to the Greeks for wisdom in this regard.
Two friends touch each other’s souls but are not lovers. The Greeks refer to this love between friends as Philos.
The special love that we share for our family is different
than any other love we experience. The Greeks refer to this
love of family as Storge.
Spiritual love, or the love that is God is referred to as Agape.
The physical love, when lovers embrace, is referred to as Eros.
The language of love is an acknowledgment of a person’s essence and their inner beauty. If we are not comfortable with the more accepted language of love, it is important to create our own language; a language that acknowledges others, their greatness, their gifts and their blessings. By becoming more
comfortable with this language, we open the doors to deeper intimacy. Perhaps you have your own language and way of expressing it. Perhaps it’s with your eyes or your smile.
This discussion of love was excerpted from my book Dancing on the River. Take the time to reflect upon the following:
1. To whom and in what ways can you express your love?
2. What has not expressing your love cost you?
3. What would you really like to tell your partner?
4. What can you change in your relationship?
5. Who would you have to become to have a great relationship?
6. How difficult is it for you to say, “I’m sorry”?
7. How can you nurture yourself more? With this one, there is nothing to write. Just look in the mirror,
smile and say, “I love you.”
JOURNEY ON
MARK
Mark Susnow, is an executive and life coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former trial attorney for 30 years, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He is the author of, Dancing on the River:Navigating Life’s Changes.