We Choose What We Focus On
I had an interesting call in a life coaching session this morning with let’s just call him Carl. Carl was telling me about his feeling of not belonging especially in social situations. At the gym he would observe others talking with each other. At the coffee shop he would notice others engaged in conversation.
Carl came to the conclusion that he wasn’t that interesting nor a very good communicator which was different than my perception of him. In fact in my opinion, Carl, was one of the more accessible and engaging clients that I had worked with.
When I asked Carl to list the qualities he liked about himself, he included being friendly. Yet he focused on those few social settings when he didn’t see himself that way.
In truth Carl saw both sides of himself…yet he focused on the negative aspects of his communication skills. As we know from our work together, it is a metaphysical principle that what we focus on expands. If we focus on the negative, our thoughts will be predominantly negative. So in Carl’s case, his focus was on not being a good communicator. And that is a tendency that many of us have. We focus on what’ wrong, rather than what’s right.
So how can you change that? Change the question. Rather than judging what you don’t like and thinking that there is something wrong, change the inquiry. I suggested to Carl the following: Isn’t in interesting, Mark sees me as a great communicator and many others also see me that way and yet at times I don’t see myself that way.
I also asked Carl the following question: Is it true that you are not a good communicator and Carl acknowledged that he did not believe that. In truth Carl liked going to the coffee shop and drinking his coffee while reading the paper. It was a ritual that he enjoyed. He liked going to the office to get away from the rigors of the office. He wasn’t interested in socializing. Each moment we choose what we focus on. He chose this moment of sanctuary. Each moment you can choose happiness.
JOURNEY ON
MARK
JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational way. http://www.inspirepossibility.com