SPEAK YOUR TRUTH
We teach what we need to learn, so it is said. That’s what I get to do whether it’s in a life coaching or executive coaching session. Teach and learn….what’s been up for some of my clients is how to handle a difficult person…someone who we might refer to as toxic.
Regardless of how many times we have been there, from time to time we find ourselves in situations we would rather not be in. So thats what my client, let’s call him Fred was faced with.
Fred a professional was faced with an extremely unhappy client. Not necessarily because of Fred’s performance but because he saw life as somewhat futile. He didn’t see much hope for the future. Everything seemed bleak.
What to do? Reasoning with these type of people is futile. No matter how reasonable you are they are not going to change their perspective at that moment. You can bend over backwards and it still won’t make a difference.
Here’s what I suggest. Don’t take it personally and don’t try to be a savior. Realize that in the moment they can’t think clearly. Fred did all he could not to get plugged in. I suggested to him that he write a letter when he saw things from a different perspective….when he was calm and not threatened. I have tremendous success with this approach. Then the other person can read it in his own private moment when he doesn’t feel pressured. Make sure that in the letter you let him know that you totally understand his position.
Make sure you have solid boundaries and know what’s true for you. For example when I was an attorney, a client who had hired me wanted me to evaluate his case in a different way. His way of doing this was to challenge me by saying that I didn’t seem confident. I told him my truth. I was extremely confident as a person, but not confident as to his case.
So take the time to send a letter the next time one of these situations comes up. It’s also important because it helps you clarify exactly what was said and what happened.
Journey On
Mark
JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow,JD, is an Executive and Life Coach, who inspires others to believe in themselves. A former successful trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. He also publishes, Letters on Life, an inspirational ezine. Signup! http://www.inspirepossibility.com