This is the third blog in a series on communication. The second truth is to know that listening involves much more than just listening to the words. It is tuning into the energy beyond the words. It is understanding the needs and feelings of the other person. It is about being totally engaged and at the same time being in the rhythm of life. Yes, it takes a lot of energy but you will be energized by what you get back. Imagine living in a world where you are truly listening and fully engaged.

Listening is a challenge for most of us. While the other person is talking instead of being full present with what they are saying, we are thinking how we can respond. We are in our head often thinking about experiences we have had at other times in our life. Instead of listening to the other person we think about ourselves. That’s the usual conversation.

Often in my workshops I have the participants partner up. One person, let’s call them A begins and shares an experience. The other person, let’s call them B just listens and gives A feedback as to what they heard. The key is to put yourself in A’s shoes and to feel what it is like for A. The feedback should include how A felt.

Participants for the first time usually have an experience of what it is to be fully heard and feel connected.

In essence your focus needs to be on the other person not yourself. What’s you develop this aspect of yourself all of your relationships dramatically deepen.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational and motivational way.http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

The next few blogs will build on the Heart of Communication. I had mentioned that there were four fundamental truths to becoming a master of communication.

The first truth is to know that what we all want on a deeper level is the ability to connect with another, to touch each other’s soul. Unfortunately, too many of our conversations are just an exchange of ideas and information and we very rarely penetrate the surface. Most of our focus is on how we are going to respond to what is being said instead of listening. When we know that what the other person really wants is connection, there is common ground to build upon. With this foundation, we can build relationships that can deepen and empower those involved.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational and motivational way.http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

I have been working on my communication skills for quite some time. There’s always more to learn and master. I have written articles on the subject and have been invited to speak about how to be a more effective communicator. Yet I am constantly challenged. So I thought in the next series of blogs that I would share my insights with you and see where it goes. This experience that I write about was inspired by a trip that I took a few years ago.

You’re on the way to the airport. You get on the plane with a book that you’ve been planning to read for quite some time. As you open your book, you glance at the person next to you. A few minutes later you are asked a question and you reluctantly answer. You lower your book a bit to be polite and after a few minutes you find yourself putting your book down and engaging in a conversation, although with a lack of enthusiasm.

And then the person next to you, let’s call him John, makes an observation about you that’s quite perceptive and sensitive. You start to become curious about who John is and in the course of the conversation, he tells you of an experience he has only shared with a few people. You let John know that you have had the same experience.

By now you’re totally engaged and listening to every word he says. You notice every nuance in the inflection of his voice and the way he moves. Time seems to stand still and the next thing you know the plane lands. You say goodbye to the kindred soul you have just met.

Wouldn’t you love to have these experiences more often? You feel heard and everything seems possible. It is communication at its highest level and it’s a lost art. You can have these experiences more often if you embrace the four fundamental truths of communication. That what the next few blogs will be about.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational and motivational way.http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

I had a discussion today with someone who saw my work space and made some suggestions as to what I could do to make it more energetically inviting. I agreed with most of her suggestions but was not willing to make all of the suggestions that she recommended. She took this personally….as a sign of disrespect. A feeling of tension ensued.

For a moment it looked like the relationship was over. Relationships need room to breathe. Disagreements often are hurtful, but also an opportunity to get to know the other person on a deeper level. But if you take disagreement personally as a sign of disrespect, then you are shutting off the opportunity for intimacy.

It’s a great feeling when you can go beyond conflict to the other side. When you don’t it’s limiting.

Learning to not take things personally is an opportunity for you have deeper connection in your life. Take a quick scan of your life…are there situations in your life where you notice where you are blocked? You take something personally and the connection is lost.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational and motivational way.http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

The caller said I realize it’s a self esteem issue. And I postulated whether there was a relationship between that and one’s confidence.

Your self esteem issues began in childhood and still run your life. But the good news is that you are not alone. Everyone including myself has these issues. The only question is to what degree do we have them. The self esteem stuff really shows up in relationships…who you choose as a partner…and how you want to be treated. It also shows up in the workplace…how do you value what you do…are you selling yourself short?

How do we turn this around? With some clients I suggest a few simple exercises…one is in the morning as you are in the bathroom…look in the mirror and smile and then say…”I really love you.” I look forward to doing this almost every day….sometimes I have a good laugh.

The other is to acknowlege yourself everyday. What I suggest is to come up with five different things….it gets you thinking in the right direction….they don’t have to be big things…learn to appreciate the little things that often seem very subtle.

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational and motivational way.http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

In the last few weeks, I have contacted at least 10 people from the past. Some of them I haven’t spoken with in over five years. Perhaps it’s about “way back when” but whatever it is I have felt compelled to connect with the past. It’s felt good. I worked with some of these folks for over 10 years in my other life and yet it has been so long. We have all gone in different directions but it felt good to connect. We all are in relatively good places and it’s interesting to reflect upon where we are in our lives currently.

Upon reflection, I realize that I did not appreciate their challenges. Perhaps we had different perspectives but it’s all in the past. It’s nice to clean up some of the yuck. It’s amazing what good communication can do. It starts with good listening….listening involves caring…being interested…It goes a long way.

As the fall begins reaching out to the past seems like a ritual that I want to build upon. Another ritual that I am looking forward too once the rains begin is watching the salmon spawn. It reminds me of how we are all interconnected. We are all one species.

I see ritual as a way to create more connection in our life with all that has gone before us and with all that will be in the future. Ritual is the common thread. Rituals can be simple but have much deeper meaning. What are some rituals you can create in your life? What would be the significance of that ritual?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational and motivational way.http://www.inspirepossibility.com.

Radio Broadcast Interview: Mark Susnow, J.D., Life Coach, and author of “Dancing on the River: Navigating Life’s Changes” in conversation with Raz Ingrasci, President and CEO of the Hoffman Institute.

 Mark Susnow Interview with Raz Ingrazi [29:56] Play NowPlay in Popup | Download

My last blog, “Way back then” gives us perspective. Unless we have perspective we magnify the significance of a particular event in our life. For example when I take a look at what has occured so far this year I feel blessed. I have a lot to be thanful for. I am not thinking about the last few weeks but the year in its entirety. I am thinking of where I began the year and where I am now. I think about my family and kids, my health, my relationships and my coaching practice. There’s been a lot of growth. Of course there’s been a lot of ups and downs. Sometimes I get too caught up in them…that’s why looking at the big picture gives me a different perspective.

It’s time to celebrate all our blessings and say to ourselves” Nice job!” It’s only when we look back, perhaps reflecting upon “Way back then” that we can do this. So where do we go from here? Can we do better? We can and we will and we will still have those ups and downs. Especially when we play a bigger game.

What do you want to be saying about your life at this time next year? Think about your health, your relationships finances and those things that are most important to you. I am sure there are some things you have put on the back burner, what about them?

JOURNEY ON

MARK

JOURNEY ON is a blog dedicated to personal and professional development. Mark Susnow, an executive and life coach inspires others to experience more fulfillment and success in their life. A former trial attorney for 30 years and musician, he integrates what it takes to be successful in the world with the inner wisdom unfolded to him through years of yoga and meditation. His articles reflect this journey in an inspirational and motivational way.http://www.inspirepossibility.com